Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: The Morning After a Door Slams

As always, feedback welcome.

I hope it's not too "sugary" to be enjoyable. As with "Door Slams" I wrote this without a beta reader other than my wife and I suspect she may be a bit biased in my favor.

I want to stress that I am very open to feedback, even if it’s of the more critical variety. If anyone has comment and or suggestions relating to what I may be doing wrong, I would like to hear it (at least I think I do )

If anyone has a comment that they don't feel comfortable posting, please PM me. If I don't know what I'm doing wrong I can't learn.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE positive feedback. I just wanted to say that I am also open to well-intended critical comments.

Bob

I loved it! Now... if Lucky Leon goes to form though...

Very lovely.. with just the right amount of angst.. Loved both this story and its prequel

So how quickly can we read the night after the door slams?

I love this idea. Not to much A plot to muck up the story. Excellent

Loved the whole Lois gets confused thing. And Clark didn't even realize how much he showed her when he met her as Superman


And now for the conclusion

Michael

More general notes:

This is a story that was originally never going to happen. I was happy with the end of “Door Slams” (DS) and, for my part, only slightly interested in what was going to happen next. There were some open issues at the end of that story. To me, the two interesting questions were:

1. What is Lois thinking and how will she feel in the morning?
2. What will it take for Lois to say the “I love you” declaration to Clark?

One of the original endings of DS has her whisper that when Clark left the second time. However, I just didn’t see her getting there that fast so the parting phrase became “he loves…” instead of “I love…” I did think she was very close. She just needed to see that she still felt that way in the morning.

Just those questions alone would not have been enough to move me to take this (admittedly very lightweight) story any further. The reason that I went forward with this story is, in the simplest terms, because there was interest. I hereby admit that I am a sucker for anyone saying they like my work and asking for more.

So, I had those questions as a starting point. I also have it in my mind that Clark will not share the ‘S’ secret until get gets some sort of personal commitment from Lois. (Those 3 big words!) I visualized doing this in three parts but was having a lot of trouble finding enough story to justify a part 2. (With part 3 being a S-revelation.) I was close to bailing on a part 2 when I got to wondering what might happen if there was a chance meeting between Lois and Superman before she had the chance to talk with Clark. From there, well, you can see what happened.

As I was trying to visualize the Lois/Clark scene in the office, I was amused to realize that the scene that appears in the LL episode could have been dropped in verbatim and would have worked.


Lieta: Thank you. We’ll see about the LL plot.

AnKS: You made my morning with your assessment of the angst factor. I know these are very syrupy stories and I am struggling to learn how to bring in something other than sugar.

Cp33: I’m glad you enjoyed it. This is certainly a B-plot series. I actually considered a complete LL rewrite with an A-plot but for this time around I really wanted to keep tightly focused on the L/C relationship. I actually have another treatment of LL in mind. Before I started DS I basically flipped a coin to see which one I would do first. The other treatment is going to have to wait its turn. As for part 3, I certainly expect it to be ready before Christmas. It’s very dependent on life, work, travel, inspiration and all those other trivialities.

Michael: I had the idea that if they met first thing in the morning, Clark would be so excited to see her that he would drop his guard without realizing it. Then, I figured that it would be reasonable for Lois to be hyper-sensitive to her soul mate this morning and react appropriately even though she doesn’t realize why. And of course, I believe there is ample exiting basis for Clark being clueless while its happening.

So, thanks everyone.
Bob

Wonderful, wonderful!!

I can't wait to read the next installment.

Oh yay! I loved this little story and I hope you finish it. Loved it! Laura

Bob dear, you aren't doing anything wrong at all. In fact it is all right!
My first response was -
Awesome! I can't wait for part 3. Oh, forget Lucky Leon and just let them have that dinner!

Artemis

One comment that noone else has made is that I love it when a series sums up the last part before proceeding. I have a terrible short term memory and it helps ever so much to know where we just came from so I can understand completely where we're going next.


Elisabeth

melray1228: Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Laura: Thank you. I certainly will finish it. I just hope to get it done before the end of the year.

Artemis: Thanks for the extra feedback. All of the feedback so far is so nice that sometimes I just wonder. (Okay, maybe I’m paranoid.) I guess I was more sensitive for this story because while I was developing this part it felt more “forced” that other work that I have posted. I have high hopes for part 3.

Elisabeth: Pardon my confusion but I want to be sure of what you mean. Did you mean that you liked the opening because it reviewed the previous part or were you saying that you would have preferred that there be a mini-recap section at the beginning, separate from this story? I hope that you mean the first, but if you would prefer a separate recap section, I want to make sure I understand.

As for the opening, I actually had two purposes for opening the way I did. One was to help the reader remember the preceding events but the other, and to be honest, my primary reason for doing it this way, was to present Lois’s perspective on the evening before. “Door Slams” was purely from Clark’s POV and it seemed to me that it would be nice to revisit the evening from the other side. And besides, after an evening as momentous as that had been, I believe that it would be the first thing on Lois's mind when she woke up in the morning.


Again, thank you all. The wee-bit of angst that got into this story was fun. I hope to achieve something in part 3 that makes the journey special, or at least worthwhile. (Yes, paranoid. )

Bob

I meant that I liked the opening since it included a natural recap.

The other stuff was nice, too, and didn't feel forced at all but sometimes I feel silly just ditto-ing everyone else.


Elisabeth

Thanks for the clarification Elisabeth. That's what I figured. I guess I really am overly paranoid this weekend.

With regard to the story feeling forced. When I re-read the story today it doesn't feel forced. But it sure did when I was writing.

Bob

Yes, I agree with Elizabeth. The change from Clark's perspective to Lois' was very natural and did a nice recap. Maybe in part 3 there will be both, but whatever is good for you. We're giving positive feedback because we are enjoying the story and your prose. Your stories have been very well written. Many of us are "good English" fanatics. You'll get less paranoid as you write more. You have natural early writer syndrome.
Regards
Artemis

Bob- This story is great! Really. It was enjoyable from start to finish.

I loved seeing Lois' thoughts throughout and Clark's screw up as Superman was utterly believable (as was the fact that he was clueless he had done it).

I can't wait to see part 3!

Your DW is a lucky woman to have such a romantic for a hubby.

Can't wait for part three.

James, who suggests the title for the next one to be Dinner After the Door Slams (DADS)

Thanks Artemis for the kind words and the encouragement. I get nervous because when I read my own work I’m so close to it that I often can’t tell if it’s good or not. I expect (hope?) that gets better with time.

anonpip: Thank you very much. A certain level on innocent cluelessness seems to be a natural fit for Clark. For me, Clark is easy. But Lois, I’m always struggling on what she’s going to be thinking. Throughout this piece I was continuously asking the fabulous Beverly if one thing or another seemed reasonable for her thoughts and reactions.

James: I showed TFB (The Fabulous Beverly) your note. I think I owe you for this one. This whole series was an experiment to see what would happen if I just let the “hopeless romantic” guide the way. I did post just such a warning at the top of part one.

I hadn't thought before about the title of part to as being MADS. Your DADS is interesting and now I find such things as BADS, FADS and other silly acronyms filling my head.

Bob

Maybe this will help on Lois' thoughts. She tends to overthink too much and examine every nuance to death. This is typical of many single women new to relationships. The Fabulous Beverly (cute nickname) may be a bit more laid back. So far you've cranked up Lois' anxiety to about the right level.
Keep it coming!
Artemis

Bob, this is wonderful stuff! I loved to see the Superman Clark forget all about the rest when he looked at Lois! I guess his identity could be in danger...
Can't wait till the next part!
-xxx-
Lizzy