Last time:
Clark
"Are you really okay, Lois?"
She nodded without looking at me. "Yeah. I'm just tired and want to go to sleep."
I sighed and reached over to flip the light off.
I scooted under the covers and stared at the stars through the ceiling. I knew it would be a while before Lois would actually sleep and if she decided she wanted to talk, I wanted to be awake.
My mind wandered back to the whole 'Incredibles' thing.
I'd seen the previews and all that, even if I hadn't seen the movie yet. The basic premise was that there were superheroes with secret identies.
Could I do something like that someday?
I helped when I could without threatening my identity or anything like that. It wasn’t much. I stopped a mugging a few weeks earlier, but that was mostly just because I'd shown up, not because I'd done anything special.
It was definitely something to keep in the back of my mind and talk to Mom about sometime. I didn't think I'd do anything before I graduated from college. And there was the whole Lana thing to deal with, too.
About three thousand things had to happen before I was ready to even consider that, but I was on about twenty seven of that list.
I sighed as Lois' breathing slowed.
I rolled over and tried to sleep.
*~*87*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I sank wearily into the chair, my purse landing on the floor beside me.
Daddy was alive.
That was the most important thing. And he was going to be okay. He'd be in the hospital for a few days, but he was alive and shouldn't have any long term effects from the heart attack.
My head flopped back and I closed my eyes, silent tears snaking their way down my cheeks.
I could hear Clark in the nursery talking to Jessica.
I swiped at my cheeks. I didn't want him seeing me like this. I hurried to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. In minutes, I was in the large tub, the water and bubbles rising around me. I could hear Clark moving around in our room and it wasn't long before he knocked on the door.
"Lois?"
"What?" I said more irritably than I meant to.
"You okay?"
I sighed. I really didn't want to talk to him about this. "I'm fine. Just trying to relax a bit so I'll be able to sleep."
"Okay. Christopher's sleeping and Jess said she'd get up with him if he needs anything."
"Thanks." That was a relief. He didn't wake up every night – maybe once or twice a week – but I really didn't want to have to deal with it tonight. I loved my son very much, but tonight... Tonight, I wouldn't be able to give him what he needed.
I laid there until the water grew cold, but I wasn't ready to go back into our room and crawl into the bed I knew Clark was already in. Maybe if I knew that he'd hold me and let me cry and help me forget for a while but... Instead, I knew that, even after nearly two years of marriage, I'd curl up as far on my side as I could and he'd be way over on his side and most likely a pillow or something would end up between us marking 'no man's land' so we wouldn't accidently end up closer together and I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with that tonight.
Instead I took a hot shower, allowing the water to stream over me, relaxing the rest of the knots out of my muscles. Tears flowed, no matter how hard I tried to stop them.
Part of me was glad Mom wasn't here to see this. I couldn't imagine what seeing Daddy lying there on the hospital bed would have done to her. She was a strong woman, my mom, but she'd loved Daddy so much...
My thoughts wandered somewhere I hadn't wanted them to.
If something happened to me... If I was in a car accident or needed major surgery or something... What would Clark feel? Anything? Would he even be in the same ballpark as my mom would have been? That my dad had been when Mom and Lucy died?
I doubted it.
Upset? Maybe.
Distraught? Not a chance.
Inconsolable? I almost snorted at the thought.
I sighed and finally turned the water off. I was nearly dry before I realized that I hadn't brought any clothes in with me. Why didn't our bathroom have closet access again? Most of the other bedroom suites did – or at least you didn't have to walk all the way across the room to get to it.
I went to the little walk-in closet off the water closet and sighed. The only nightgown left in there was the floor length black satin one.
None of the pajamas I wore could be considered... risque in the slightest, but some were definitely... sexier, for lack of a better term. At the beginning of each week, I set out clothes for school, for work, for play and for sleep. Every week, I picked one or two nightgowns or other pajama outfits that came within shouting distance of the line between comfy and sexy. They never crossed that line, or even came close really, but I was still more than a little uncomfortable with it – even after all this time.
The decision we'd made about sleeping attire when we'd moved in had been a smart one. One or both of us had run into virtually every member of the household at one point or another while wearing something... more appropriate for a married couple.
I tried to put... those nights as far apart as possible. Sometimes Wednesdays and almost always Saturdays and then I set out new clothes on Sunday afternoon or evening. And this was Saturday night. I didn't feel like walking through the room, into the closet, and digging through my dresser for a pair of shorts and a T-shirt to wear.
To be honest, the floor length satin gown made me feel good. It wasn't immodest by any stretch and, though it did leave most of my back bare, no one saw that, unless Clark happened to roll over in the middle of the night and it covered plenty in the front, but could still be considered flattering if not outright sexy. It did sting a bit when there wasn't even the slightest spark of anything in my husband's eyes when he did see me, but I'd also noticed that on nights he thought were 'married pajama' nights, he was asleep before me or waited until I was in bed to come into our room. I wasn't sure what to think of that. Probably just didn't want to be any more uncomfortable than I did.
I slipped it over my head and found myself wishing that Clark would do something tonight to make me forget for a while. A night flight or a game night or something where it was out of my mind. A night flight was out. He'd only taken me twice and never had made good on his promise to take me to see Mt. Everest.
I took the matching robe with me but didn't put it on. I was just going to go straight to bed so there was no point, but I would toss it over the chair near my side of the bed in case I did need to get up in the middle of the night. I sighed as I headed towards the door and the bed where my husband apparently waited.
I didn't bother looking at him as I walked towards the bed, tossing the robe over the chair as I did.
"How are you?" he asked quietly as he clicked the television off.
I shrugged as I crawled in bed. "I'm okay."
I didn't look at him as I stretched out under the covers. There was no point in looking at him. No point in torturing myself with the knowledge that he felt nothing for me. Friendship at most and sometimes I doubted that.
Oh, he'd been there for me today while we waited anxiously for news about my dad. But he hadn't held me for more than a minute or two tops. He hadn't held my hand. He hadn't done any of the things I figured a husband would normally do for his wife.
I sighed as I pulled the covers up around me and snuggled down into them, positioning the body pillow just so as I did. I really shouldn't have expected more from him. And I didn't really. Most of the time, when we had been alone or nearly so, I spent stared out the window.
His voice startled me.
"Are you really okay, Lois?"
I nodded. "Yeah. I'm just tired and want to go to sleep."
I heard him sigh and then the light turned off.
I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep.
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I sighed again as I pushed thoughts of superheroes out of my head.
She wasn't okay, no matter what she said, but what was I supposed to do to make it better?
She hadn't wanted me anywhere near her all day, why would our bed be any different?
And to be honest, while I would hold her tonight if she needed me to, I wasn't sure I really *wanted* to.
The nightgown – and glimpse of her back – only served as a reminder that I wasn't married to Lana. After nearly two years and everything Lois and I had been through, she was still the one who filled my dreams more often than I would ever admit to anyone.
But Lois...
She *was* a beautiful woman and she *was* my wife, but that still didn't mean I felt right thinking about her like that; like a woman.
My heart still belonged to Lana.
Just like it always had.
And I still didn't plan on betraying her. Sure, I'd told Lois that there was a remote possibility that we'd... be together sometime during our five and a half year marriage, but I didn't really believe it would happen and I still couldn’t bring myself to call it 'making love', even to myself, choosing instead to use other euphemisms.
I rolled onto my side, my back to Lois as always these days, closed my eyes and sighed. Seeing Sam like that had shaken me, too, but Lois was much closer to her dad than I was and I knew it was just tearing her up.
Before long I finally drifted to sleep.
I didn't know how much later it was that a noise woke me up. It took me a minute to realize what it was, but it was Lois. She was crying and I could tell she was trying to be quiet, but I still heard her.
I rolled towards her, reaching out one hand and putting it on her arm.
She started as I touched her. "Sorry," I heard her whisper. "I didn't mean to wake you up." She shifted and sat up, reaching for the robe on the chair nearby. "I'll get up. I'm not sleeping anyway."
"Stay. You didn't bother me. Really," I heard myself saying. "Besides, I bet you could use a friend tonight."
She didn't move for a long minute, but finally moved to lie back down, still facing away from me.
I scooted across the bed until I was lying right behind her. I hesitated slightly before wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her back just a bit until she was next to me.
I suddenly realized that I'd missed this. It wasn't something we'd done every night but often enough.
Was it that I'd missed being this close Lois? Or that I'd just missed being close to *someone*?
I didn't let myself think about that.
I just held her for a long time. There were no more sobs, but I knew the tears still flowed. When they seemed to slow down, I spoke again. "What can I do? To make this easier."
She shrugged against me.
"There must be something. Anything."
She rolled over until she was on her back looking up at me. I moved my arm away from her as she did. "Anything?"
"Anything."
There were tears in her eyes, but she didn't look right at my face as she spoke again. "Make me forget. Just for a little while."
I nodded. "Okay. What do you want to do? Play some games or something? Go see Everest? Except I don't know that we'd want to leave the house."
She shook her head, still refusing to look at me.
"What do you want to do then?"
Before I knew it, she was kissing me.
And even more surprising, I was kissing her back.
And enjoying it.
I pulled back after a minute. "What was that?"
She still didn't look at me. "I was kissing my husband and hoping, that just for a few minutes, he would help me forget that Daddy is lying in the hospital after a heart attack."
"Lois..." I started.
She put her fingers on my mouth. "I know you don't love me, Clark. I'm okay with that, but tonight... I don't even care if you pretend I'm Lana as long as you don't actually use her name. I just want you to..." She sighed. "I want more than just sex, but I don't know that 'making love' is really the right term either. Just kiss me and be with me tonight. Just this once." Tears flowed down her cheeks again. "Please," she whispered.
"Lois..." I started again, but my lips were suddenly otherwise occupied as she kissed me again.
I found my arm wrapping around her, pulling her closer to me.
One part of my mind protested that she wasn't Lana.
Another part reminded me that she was my wife – a beautiful, completely willing woman who was kissing me and making rational thought nearly impossible. It was *okay*, legal even, for us to do this. Heck, it was probably... unbiblical for us not to be or something like that.
Okay, so our marriage wasn't conventional in any sense, but that didn't mean that...
Rational thought became much more difficult as she shifted closer to me, her soft body pressing against me and I felt my hand caressing the bare skin of her back. It was so soft...
The part of me that kept saying Lois was my wife and beautiful and lying in bed kissing me and willing and warm and soft and all of those things took the other – much smaller, less insistent – part of me that kept proclaiming that she wasn't Lana and shoved it into a little box and locked it up tight.
Her hands were on my chest and she pushed against me until I rolled onto my back. Her lips left mine to trail down my chin and neck. My head fell back, my eyes closed. One of her hands ran down my chest and over to my side, her finger hooking into the waistband of my shorts near my hip as she kissed the scar on my chest.
At least I thought that was what she was doing.
Something in me snapped and with what could only be described as a growl, I pulled her to me and flipped over on top of her. I kissed her again, more deeply and I could hear the noises she was making in the back of her throat. Suddenly overcome with the desire to inspire more of those noises from her, I kissed my way down her neck, one hand running down her side and along the leg that was hooked around mine. The satin of her gown was soft to my touch, but suddenly it wasn't enough. I *needed* to feel her skin against mine.
My hand slipped further down her leg until it reached the hem of the fabric that was bunched up around her thigh. I hesitated slightly as I slipped my fingers underneath and slid them up the outside of her leg, over her hip where I felt the elastic of her underwear and my heart rate increased. I could hear her heartbeat accelerating as my lips moved to her chin and down her neck until I reached the scar from where she'd tripped when she went to throw a rock at a squirrel. I kissed along it gently and heard her moan as my thumb stopped just under her breast.
I sat up, kneeling with one knee on either side of her upper thighs as my other hand slipped under the other side of her gown, along her other thigh, over her other hip and the other side of her waist, until the satin was bunched around her ribs. I put my hands on the mattress, one on either side of her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her softly.
"Are you sure?"
She nodded before she kissed me again. "Make me forget," she whispered.
I wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her to me until we were both sitting up. My hands slid up her sides again as we kissed and this time they didn't stop until the gown was over her head and thrown to the side. I kissed her again as I pushed her gently onto her back and followed her onto the bed.
I rolled onto my side and ran my fingers over her stomach, pulling back from her slightly. Her eyes were closed and she was biting her lip as my eyes trailed over the rest of her body.
My breath caught in my throat as I got a good look at her.
She seemed nervous and I could imagine why. She'd nursed CJ for nearly a year and there were stretch marks all over her abdomen, but I barely noticed any of that. All I noticed was the whole package, but I was sure she was cataloging what she perceived as her flaws.
"You're beautiful," I whispered as I kiss her again lightly before I moved on to her chin, her neck, her earlobe, that scar, the mole on the swell of her breast and other... more interesting places and she kissed and nibbled whatever was closest to her – my face, my neck, my shoulder, my arm.
The last remaining rational thoughts fled at the feel of her skin under my lips, her lips on my skin, her body warm against mine. I didn't know how long it lasted, but for a long time, the only thing in my universe was the brunette whirlwind who was my wife.
*****
TBC
