I was going to give a big shout out to Queenie for her help with writer's block but I've decided not to
. If she'd quit talking about that Italian... Who's not really Italian... Yeah - you guys won't understand that now, but I'll tell you when we get there. She was not helpful at all. Nope not at all.
Nancy, Beth and Alisha, on the other hand
, have been amazingly helpful.
Last time:
Lois
Our articles ran in the next Sunday paper. They were buried in the middle of the Sports section and had been edited down some, but they were there.
"I think I'm going to frame these," I said to no one in particular. Both of our names were on both articles.
"I need to go get a few more copies," Clark said, coming into the kitchen. "My folks'll want to see it."
I grabbed another handful of popcorn out of the bowl, munching on it before I replied. "They’ll be proud of you."
"They're proud of both of us," he corrected. "I told them it was coming." There was a long, though not entirely uncomfortable silence. "How're you feeling?"
I shrugged. "Fine. Still hungry." I grabbed another handful of popcorn.
"I see that," he said, a touch of amusement in his voice.
I glared at him.
We needed to talk. I knew that. Things were a bit better since the interviews with Perry, but we needed to figure some things out about our relationship.
Clark had been attentive when we were in front of others who knew I was pregnant and pretty normal in front of other people, but we still weren't really speaking much in private. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been before our last anniversary – or even between Pop Pop's funeral and Daddy's heart attack – but it still wasn't *good*.
I sighed and folded the paper carefully. I couldn't deal with another pregnancy like the last one. Physically, I wouldn't have much choice, but relationally...
That was a different story.
*~*92*~*
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
"Lana," I said, surprised to see her. "How are you?"
She shrugged. "Fine. How's the *wife*?" she asked sarcastically.
I hesitated slightly before saying, "Fine."
I had to tell her. But could I tell her how much I still missed her sometimes? How I still dreamed about her more than I should?
Should I?
"Are you going to Smallville for Christmas?" She didn't look at me as she spoke.
I shrugged. "We're not sure yet. We were supposed to but Sam had a heart attack a couple weeks ago. He was supposed to go with us but now... I think my parents may come here instead."
"Is he okay?"
I knew she didn't really care, but was just being polite. "He's going to be fine, but isn't going to be able to travel for a while."
"Ah."
I had to tell her. I knew Mom wouldn't blab the news all over Smallville until we told her it was okay to tell people, but I also knew that I couldn't let Lana hear through the grapevine and the grapevine on campus would probably start before too long.
"Well, I'll see you around." She turned to walk away.
"Lana, wait."
She turned back, expectant. I couldn’t look her in the face, but stared at the ground instead, my thumbs hooked through the straps of my backpack. I didn't speak for a long time, too long apparently.
"What is it, Clark?" she asked, getting irritated. "I have to meet someone."
"Are you happy, Lana?"
That wasn't what I meant to say, but it was eerily reminiscent of the last real conversation we'd had.
"I'm fine."
"I mean it. Are you happy?"
She moved closer to me, her voice lowered. "No, I'm not happy. The man I still love is married to another woman, and I haven't talked to him in months. I have no idea if he still loves me or not and whether or not there's still a chance that we'll be together again someday, even though he told me once that his marriage was temporary, a sham. We *should* have been married for a year and a half now, and instead, he's been married almost two years, has a baby with this other woman that he swears isn't his, but everybody thinks it is. I was supposed to have another man's baby when I sought comfort in the arms of a friend after he ran out on me, but no. I lost my baby and the one man who always said he'd always be there for me, who had always been there for me, was nowhere to be found."
"I'm sorry about that. My heart broke for you when I heard." That was the truth.
"You should have been there to help me through it," she hissed. "No, it shouldn't have happened in the first place because you should have been the only one to be with me like that. Ever. And I should have been the only one you'd ever be with. Even though you told me that you weren't going to have sex with her." She moved a bit closer still. "Do you still love me, Clark?"
I didn't say anything. I couldn't answer that. "I miss you," I said finally.
"That's not the same thing."
"I can't talk to you about that, Lana. I'm married. What I felt for you or still feel for you doesn't – can't – matter right now."
"Have you ever made love to her?" she asked quietly.
I still didn't look at her.
"You have, haven't you?" she said after a minute and I could hear the tears in her voice. "Was it a one-time thing because you were both drunk or something or did you decide I wasn't worth waiting for after all? Was it payback because I didn't wait for you?"
I still didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say; how much I could – or should – tell her without betraying Lois.
"Okay – you can't – or won't – say. I get that, but don't expect me to take you back with open arms and no discussion of your *marriage* whenever it is you're finally free of her. And don't expect me to play step-mommy to a son that isn't even yours."
"I told you I lied about that." I didn't look at her as I spoke.
"The more I thought about it, the more I didn't believe what you said in Illinois. And, God help me, I still want to have your children, but I won't do that." The tears were flowing freely.
"She's pregnant," I blurted out.
"What?" she whispered, her hands clutching her stomach as though I'd punched her there. "She's pregnant?"
I nodded.
"Was this a planned thing? Did you mean to get her pregnant? Or did she get pregnant on purpose to try to keep you with an actual child of your own?"
"It wasn't like that..." My voice trailed off. "It just sort of happened."
"I don't want to know." Her voice was flat.
"I'm not going to tell you any more than that," I told her honestly.
"I have to go," she said abruptly. "Tell Lois congratulations for me. She finally got what she always wanted."
"What're you talking about?"
She didn't say anything but turned to walk away and this time I didn't stop her.
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I was glad the overwhelming hunger had passed but the nausea hadn't started yet.
I was glad that Christopher was sleeping, Daddy was at a check-up and I'd told Jessica to take the rest of the afternoon off.
I was glad Vicki was nowhere to be seen.
I grabbed the Rocky Road ice cream out of the freezer then shoved it back in, pulling the chocolate out instead. I contemplated eating right out of the carton, but decided instead that I wanted a sundae. I scooped some into a dish, sliced some bananas onto it, slathered it in chocolate sauce, whipped cream and nuts before sticking a couple of cherries on top. I stuck the carton back in the freezer before grabbing a spoon and the baby monitor and heading to a chair near the big picture window in the living room.
I stared over the snow covered landscape. On nice days, I could see horses out in one of the pastures, but today was too cold for that.
So why was I eating ice cream?
Because I'd seen Clark and Lana together.
At least they weren't making out like the last time I'd seen them.
Would he tell me about it this time?
The door opened behind me, but I didn't turn around as I heard Clark walking through the entry.
"Hey," he said quietly as he sat in one of the chairs on the other side of the room.
I raised my spoon in salute.
"What's wrong?"
"I wanted ice cream."
"Still starving, huh?"
I shrugged. "Sometimes."
"Was this what it was like last time?" he asked quietly.
I shrugged again. "I don't really remember. I know I was the second week or so – at the cabin – but I don't really remember after that. I didn't know I was pregnant for another couple months," I reminded him. "Why would I have kept track of my eating habits?"
I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye. "Are you happy about this?" he asked as he sat back and propped his foot up on the small table in front of him.
"I'm not *un*happy about it," I said honestly. I'd be a lot happier if my husband loved me, I thought glumly. "You?"
"I've always wanted to be a dad," he said. "And I think of Christopher as my son in every way that matters, but..." He shrugged. "I never want him to think that I don't love him or I love this baby more or anything like that, but I think it'll be really cool to see a baby growing knowing that he or she is my son or daughter."
"You only have to be Christopher's dad for three and a half more years," I told him trying desperately to control the bitterness I was afraid would seep through. "And I'm sorry I've managed to complicate your life even more by not thinking about birth control that night." I thought about taking another bite of ice cream, but decided to just bite the bullet instead. "I'm sure Lana's going to be ecstatic to have a *real* step-kid running around." I took a big bite, purposefully giving myself a brain freeze so I could use that to write off my tears.
He didn't say anything for a long time. "I saw her today," he finally said. "Ran into her after one of my classes."
"That's nice," I said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice. "How is she?"
He shrugged. "We didn't talk long. She said congratulations though."
He'd told her?! We hadn't told his parents yet! The only reason we'd told my dad was because he'd commented on how much I was eating.
"So when are you going to Smallville?"
"Why am I going to Smallville?"
"Wouldn't want your parents to hear about their new grandbaby from Laura Lang, now would we?"
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I groaned.
"Guess you didn't think about that before you told her, did you?" Her voice was soft, with a hint of accusation.
"No, I didn't," I replied honestly. "I just knew I didn't want her to hear about it through the grapevine."
She made a shooing motion with her spoon. "You better hurry then. You know how the Smallville grapevine works. There's no way the secret will keep until Christmas like originally planned."
"You're right." She was. How could I have messed this up?
"You better get going. No matter how fast you can fly, good gossip moves faster. And the love of Lana Lang's life getting his wife pregnant a year to the day after she lost her baby is pretty good gossip." She took another bite of her ice cream but still didn't look at me.
I didn't understand women.
That's all there was to it.
Or maybe she was having some kind of hormonal mood swing or something.
Something was definitely bothering her, but I hadn't a clue what it was. I'd told her I'd seen Lana. I didn't try to hide that from her like I had before. We were having a baby...
Was that it?
Did she just really not want to have my baby?
Didn't want to be pregnant again? This time with my child? When she didn't love me?
When she found out she was pregnant the first time, she'd said something about one day wanting to have a baby where it had been done 'right'. Met a guy, fell in love, married him, then had a lot of fun making a baby together.
And now, she was pregnant again. She'd met the guy, married him but... I had to admit that making this baby had been pretty incredible – at least for me and I thought for her – but I knew that wasn't what she'd had in mind when she said it.
And then what she said sunk in. "I didn't realize that was today," I said quietly.
"Well, it was."
I was silent for a minute before I sighed and stood up. "I'm going to go talk to my folks. I'll try to nail them down on the plans for Christmas, too. Is there any chance your dad will still want to go there or should we just plan on it here?"
Lois shrugged. "I don't think he can. You could always go home for Christmas without me and Dad."
"I could," I said slowly. "But I know my parents would want to see Christopher."
"So take him with you. Dad and I will spend a quiet Christmas here."
"You don't want to be with Christopher on Christmas?" I asked her, astounded.
"Of course I do," she shot back. "But I know your parents have the farm to deal with and may not be able to come – not without you flying them back and forth and raising all kinds of suspicions when they're only here for twelve hours or something – and so I was floating that as an *option*. We could do Christmas here on Christmas Eve with Christopher and you could fly him there for a few days Christmas Eve night."
"I'll keep that in mind if my parents can't come for some reason, but if Christopher and I are going, why can't you go with us then?"
"I don't want to leave Daddy alone and I'm not sure I'm up for the trip." She put another spoonful in her mouth.
"I'll talk to them and see what they say."
"And there's a legitimate reason for us to spend Christmas apart this year, with Dad and all, so it would give us a few days where we wouldn't have to pretend we're living the greatest love story since Ricky and Lucy. And we could always just say that we exchanged gifts in private and not have to worry about getting each other something everyone else will think is deep and meaningful or whatever like we did last year."
She had a point and being free of the pressures to pretend everything was normal for a few days might be nice. Things were much better this year than they had been the year before, but not nearly as good as they had been as recently as a couple of months earlier.
I sighed. We *did* have a legitimate reason this time. And Christopher and I already had tickets to Smallville that Sam had bought months ago.
"Would you be okay with me being there without you?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" she snapped.
Why was she snapping at me? "Because it's very possible I'll run into Lana while I'm there," I told her honestly.
"As long as you don't get her pregnant, too, I don't really care."
*****
TBC
