I mentioned this at the end of the last fdk thread but the last two chapters were written a long time ago when the confrontation/discussion about whether or not Clark could be Christopher's father wasn't supposed to take place until later. I stared and stared at it and couldn't put my finger on what needed changing so I finally just posted - I should have said something yesterday. So at least a bit of the frustration is my fault, not Clark's.
Thanks, as always, go to Alisha, Nancy and Beth.
Last time:
Clark
"What makes you say that?" I finally asked.
He shrugged. "You weren't her lover at Thanksgiving. Things were rocky between you two and now she's pregnant. My guess is that you turned to each other in grief and relief and all the other emotions that were running high that night."
I sighed. "You're right. That's pretty much how it happened."
"So are things better between you two now or was it some variation on a one night stand?"
"Does it matter? If it's anything like last time she's going to be really sick in a couple more weeks."
"Yes, it matters," Dad said forcefully. He started to say something else, but thought better of it.
We stared at the night sky for a long few minutes.
"I better go," I said. "I need to get back before I'm missed by anyone but Lois. She knows I'm here."
He nodded and gave me a big hug. "Congratulations, son."
"Thanks, Dad."
I headed down the stairs and rocketed into the sky.
*~*94*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I finished my ice cream and headed back inside. Part of me was looking forward to spending a nice Christmas with Daddy. It had been a couple years since it had been just the two of us. I would miss spending it with Christopher, but we'd have a Christmas together, even if wasn't on Christmas Day. I'd get to see him open presents and all that. It wasn't quite the same, but it would be close enough.
Until Pop Pop died, I'd looked forward to spending Christmas with Clark, too.
Now I wasn't sure how I felt about not spending Christmas with him.
Why couldn't my life be easy?
Simple?
Meet a great guy – maybe even a guy like Clark – fall in love, get married, have a couple kids.
Instead I was married to a great guy, just like Clark, and completely in love with him, no matter how hard I tried to kid myself that I wasn't; no matter how hard I tried to pretend I wasn't, to protect my heart.
I debated another bowl of ice cream, but decided against it.
"Mom and Dad said congratulations," Clark said without preamble as he walked back into the kitchen. "Mom said she'll call you later, unless you call her first."
I nodded. "I'll call her in a bit."
"They want you to come for Christmas, but understand if you want to stay here with your dad."
I nodded again. "I want to come but..."
"Right."
Was it horrible that I wanted to have Clark hold me? To be close to him? To kiss him again? To make love with him again?
To have him want those things with me?
Tears filled my eyes and I turned to head for the stairs.
"What is it?" Clark called after me.
"What is what?" I called back, not stopping.
"What's wrong?"
I stopped, one hand on the banister. "What makes you think something's wrong?"
"Because something is," he said, right behind me this time. His hand rested on my shoulder.
"Nothing I want to talk about," I told him honestly.
He sighed. "I thought we were past that."
"We were," I reminded him. "We're not anymore."
"What's that mean?"
"It means that since Pop Pop died, things changed again and I don't want to talk about it." I started up the stairs.
"Lois, wait."
I didn't stop until I ran into a solid shape in front of me. "That's not fair," I told him.
"Please talk to me," he said softly.
"Fine. You want to talk?" I looked up at him, tears in my eyes.
He nodded. "Yeah, I do."
"This isn't how I saw having a family. Is that what you want to hear? The other night was good, that’s not what I mean, but I never thought I'd have two kids, married to a man who likes me but doesn't love me and I'm still only twenty with my second baby on the way." And I never thought I'd be completely in love with my husband when he didn't love me back. But I didn't say that. "And I'm quite certain this isn’t how you planned on having a family, and I'm certainly not who you planned on being the mother of two of your children."
I brushed past him and headed towards our room.
I heard him sigh behind me, but he didn't follow.
I lay on the bed and tried not to relive our night – nights – together. Instead, I cried myself to sleep. Quietly. And hoped he wouldn't hear.
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I sighed as she headed towards our part of the house.
She was right.
This wasn't how either of us had always imagined having a family.
How had life gotten so far out of hand?
"Is something wrong with Lois?" Sam asked as he headed towards me.
I shrugged. "She's been emotional since she got pregnant again. Hormones, I guess. Worried about being pregnant while interning and all of that." I didn't know that those things were on her mind, but it wouldn’t surprise me if they were.
Sam nodded. "Well, whatever I can do..."
We headed down the stairs. "Is it all right with you if Christopher and I head to Smallville for Christmas as planned?"
"Of course," he said, puzzled. "But what about Lois?"
"She's planning on staying here with you. She doesn't want you to be alone on Christmas."
"Hmmm."
I wasn’t sure what to make of that noise.
We went into the kitchen, me sitting at the counter staring at my hands.
"I take it this wasn't something you two planned?" Sam said as he pulled a pan of baked spaghetti out of the freezer and stuck it in the oven.
"No, it wasn't. It caught us completely off-guard." *That* was the understatement of the year. "We had put off any decisions about more kids or whatever until at least after college." That was true enough, but we'd never talked about more kids together. Ever.
"Well, I'll do what I can to make things easier for her, but I'd imagine that's going to fall mostly to you," he said, setting the oven timer.
"Probably. You didn't see her when she was bad last time. It wasn’t pretty."
"Well, hopefully, we can at least keep her out of the ER this time."
"Yeah," I said quietly, "that would be good."
Would I treat her differently this time around? How? I'd brought her what foods she could eat and all that last time. She wouldn’t have wanted me holding her hair while she puked or anything like that and I couldn't imagine that she'd want me to this time either.
If her back bothered her like it did last time... That I might be able to help with. If she'd let me close enough to touch her.
I heard Christopher start to stir. I checked on Lois. She was sleeping soundly. "I'm going to go check on Christopher," I said suddenly, heading upstairs. "Hey, big man," I said softly as I walked into his room. He squealed happily and held his arms up towards me. I picked him up and he immediately snuggled into my arms, his head on my shoulder.
"Mama?" he asked.
"Mama's sleepin'," I told him, checking his diaper.
"Mama sleepin'?"
"Yep." I changed him quickly. "Wanna go find Grandpa?"
"'anpa!" The little guy bounced up and down in my arms as we headed downstairs.
Sam was in the living room flipping through the channels. "I know I'm supposed to take it easy, but this is going to drive me crazy."
I set Christopher down on the floor and he immediately toddled over to the drawer where his toys were kept. He pulled out a couple of dump trucks and smaller cars to put in them and... well, dump.
"Lois is sleeping," I told Sam. "I hate to wake her up. I don't think she's been sleeping well." In fact, I was pretty sure she wasn't sleeping well. I didn't tell him about the tear stained cheeks I'd noticed when I checked on her.
He nodded. "Well dinner won't be ready for another hour. Are you taking Christopher with you to the wedding this weekend?"
Billy and Serena's wedding was finally upon us – and them. They were more than ready, I knew that much.
"I don't think so," I told him. "It's a pretty fancy shindig and I'm not sure a one-year-old and fancy shindigs mix – unless they're held directly below his room," I finished with a grin.
Sam laughed. "He does look pretty cute in that tux, doesn’t he? But you're right. He and I can hang out here Saturday night."
"Sounds good to me."
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
Black was appropriate for a fancy wedding, wasn’t it?
I sure hoped so, because that's what I had that fit. I was already noticing that some of my regular clothes didn’t fit as well as they had a few weeks earlier.
"Lo-is," Clark called.
"What?" I called back as I put on the necklace Clark had bought for me for Christmas the year before.
"I can't get this tie straight."
I sighed. He never could. "Just a minute." I smoothed the dress over my not-quite-flat stomach and sighed. It would have to do.
I padded out into our room and slipped into the heels I had waiting for me there before moving in front of an impatient Clark.
Two seconds later, his tie was straight.
"There," I said. "All set."
"Thanks," he said looking in the mirror. "I can never remember. Am I supposed to button this thing?" He buttoned and then unbuttoned his coat.
"Only if you want to," I told him, picking up the purse I'd left lying on the bed. "Double breasted is buttoned when you're standing up and not when you're sitting down. Single breasted usually isn't, but if you're more comfortable that way..."
He left it unbuttoned. "Ready?"
"Let's go."
His hand on the small of my back as we walked through the house sent a tingle through me. Was he aware of me like I was aware of him since we'd been together? Somehow, I doubted it.
"You look great, by the way," he said as we headed down the stairs.
"Thanks," I said, unable to keep the surprise out of my voice.
"What?"
"What what?" I asked, unsure what he meant.
"You sound surprised."
I shrugged. "You don't usually say stuff like that, that's all."
He stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "You're a beautiful woman, Lois. You always are, no matter what you're wearing. I know I've told you that before."
I didn't really look directly at him as he spoke and I shrugged again. "Well, yeah, you've said that before, but not often. It just caught me a bit off-guard, that's all."
He didn't say anything else and we headed towards the playroom where Christopher was playing with Daddy.
We said our good-byes and a few minutes later we were in the Jeep heading towards the country club where the wedding was being held. The valet took the keys from Clark and a minute later, my hand was slipped through the crook of his elbow.
Once inside, we mingled quietly with those we knew from the Planet or elsewhere. I noted that I wasn't the only one wearing black. Before long, we took our seats and the wedding began.
We watched as Perry performed the ceremony – we'd been as shocked as anyone when we realized that he was officiating; it turned out that the minister they'd finally hired got a job as a comedian on a cruise ship or something – and though it probably wasn't quite as conventional as Serena's mom would have liked – not many conventional weddings are sprinkled with Elvis tales after all – it was beautiful and before we knew it, they were kissing.
We waited until it was our turn to head through the receiving line, both of us giving Serena big, if careful so as not to mess up her dress or veil, hugs. I gave Billy a big hug and he and Clark did some guy handshake, shoulder slap, half hug thing.
Clark offered me his arm again as we headed towards another part of the club for the reception. We were seated with Jimmy and his date – a girl named Angela – and Perry and his wife, Alice, and Rehalia and her husband.
It wasn’t too long before dinner was served and then we all watched as Serena and Billy shared their first dance.
"What song was your first dance to?" Rehalia asked me.
I glanced at Clark. "I don't remember, do you?"
He laughed. "Our *first* dance was 'Boot Scootin' Boogie' during the line dancing contest in Bremerton. We took first place." Everyone laughed. Even me. "But our first dance after we got married..." He thought for a minute. What was the first song we'd danced to? "I'm not sure what it was. I guess our first real dance after we got married was at the Kerths last year, wasn't it? I don't know what song it was, though."
I thought, then nodded. "That sounds right."
"No dancing at the reception, huh?" Perry asked, his eyes twinkling.
Jimmy was studiously looking anywhere else to avoid being dragged into the conversation.
"No reception," I said suddenly. "We... eloped." Or something like that. "Very spur of the moment."
The band leader announced that it was now time for anyone who wanted to to join the happy couple on the dance floor.
"I think that's our cue," Clark said with a grin, moving back from the table. "Would you like to dance?"
I nodded. "Of course."
And when I was in Clark's arms, I could pretend it was real. Maybe that it was our wedding and before long we'd head out to the limo or upstairs to the Honeymoon Suite or... I sighed as I moved into his arms, wishing I'd get the chance to take his tux off again, but very differently than I had the last time.
I sighed one more time, trying to ignore Clark's cheek against my temple, his breath playing with my hair.
"What's wrong?" he asked quietly.
"Nothing," I said. "Not really. Just wondering where – or if – I'll get to have a real wedding."
"Why wouldn't you get to have a real wedding?"
"You really think I'll find someone who wants a divorcee with two kids?" I tried not to sound bitter. Tears sprang to my eyes. Dancing slowly with him like this only served to remind me what might have been if my life had been just a bit different.
"Don't ruin tonight," he said quietly. "Just enjoy right now and don't worry about the future."
"You asked," I reminded him.
"I did, but only because I could tell something was bothering you. Don't let it. Not tonight."
I nodded. "Fine. Not tonight."
We danced for a while longer before trading partners. By the time I made it back to Clark, I'd danced with Jimmy, Perry, Billy, Rehalia's husband – whose name I never did catch – as well as a couple other guys from work.
Clark was laughing as he and Billy traded dance partners so we were together again.
"You look like you're enjoying yourself," he said quietly, pulling me into his arms.
"I am," I responded as another song started. I recognized it. Garth Brooks. 'Unanswered Prayers'.
I tried not to dwell on the lyrics and how I wished that someday Clark would think something like that – how glad he was that his prayers hadn't been answered, that he was so grateful that his prayers to marry Lana hadn't been answered, that he and I were still together and in love and...
Tears threatened again and I willed them back into the depths of my eyes.
I needed to live in the here and now.
Here.
In the arms of my husband.
Dancing the night away.
Pregnant with his baby.
Happy.
In love.
For now it had to be enough.
*****
TBC
