Last time:
Lois
"You look like you're enjoying yourself," he said quietly, pulling me into his arms.
"I am," I responded as another song started. I recognized it. Garth Brooks. 'Unanswered Prayers'.
I tried not to dwell on the lyrics and how I wished that someday Clark would think something like that – how glad he was that his prayers hadn't been answered, that he was so grateful that his prayers to marry Lana hadn't been answered, that he and I were still together and in love and...
Tears threatened again and I willed them back into the depths of my eyes.
I needed to live in the here and now.
Here.
In the arms of my husband.
Dancing the night away.
Pregnant with his baby.
Happy.
In love.
For now it had to be enough.
*~*95*~*
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I enjoyed dancing with Lois. Really. I did.
Why did she have to spoil a nice night by wondering if she'd ever get remarried?
Maybe because she assumed that I'd marry Lana the day after the divorce was final?
We hadn’t really talked about what would happen after the five years was up – at least, not outside of random comments like those. I thought it was probably better that way – and I thought she probably felt the same.
I stifled a sigh of my own as 'Unanswered Prayers' started playing. I tried to ignore the lyrics. I fully acknowledged that the dream of me and Lana together was getting farther and farther away. And not just because of some arbitrary deadline set by a dictator.
The conversation I had with her a week earlier was still fairly fresh in my mind. She wasn't the person I used to know anymore – and I didn't think I was the same person either.
No, I knew I wasn’t the same person I had been growing up – the same person I had been when I'd married Lois.
I was a father.
I was a husband – a better one on some days than I was on others.
I knew what it was like to make love to a beautiful woman.
All of those things combined to make me a different person than I had been two years ago as I tried to plan the perfect proposal for Lana.
So, I was different and Lana was different. Could we be different together? Could we work that way?
It wasn't like we'd been together and grown and changed to the point where we were different, but still together. Where the early foundation of our relationship was enough when we didn't have as much in common anymore.
Would what we'd had be enough for her to be willing to try again? To see if we could get back what we'd had – or something even better?
What if we couldn't?
Would that mean I wanted to try for a life with Lois?
That one day we'd be in Smallville and I'd see Lana and thank God that I'd ended up with Lois instead?
I wasn't sure I could see that happening, but...
I sighed as the song ended and Lois moved away from me.
"I think I'm ready to go home," she said, turning and heading towards our table to get her purse.
I followed her, my hand automatically finding its way to the small of her back and the skin exposed there, gently guiding her even though she didn't need me to in the slightest.
If she noticed the contact, she gave no indication. I thought about listening to her heart rate, but she'd been dancing – even if it was slow dancing – so her heartbeat would be slightly elevated anyway and that meant there was no real way to know and I didn't listen in.
Before long, I was driving us back to the house, the trip passing mostly in silence. "How're your feet feeling?" I finally asked as we pulled up the drive.
She shrugged. "Same as they always do when I've been wearing heels all night."
I nodded as I pulled up towards the house. "Do you want to walk through the house or...?"
She shrugged again. "I don't care."
I pulled up near the entrance to our side of the house, zipping to her side of the car. There was a little bit of ice on the ground still and I wanted to make sure she didn't slip.
"I'm a grown woman, Clark," she said, more than a bit frustrated as she half-yanked her arm away from me.
The movement caused her to slip and only quick movement on my part saved her from falling all together. I left my arm around her for support as we headed inside.
As soon as we were indoors, she pulled away from me. "I really don’t need your help walking. I wouldn't have slipped out there if you hadn't been trying to *help* me."
"I just didn’t want you to fall," I told her pragmatically.
"I wouldn’t have." She punched her code in the outer door before yanking it open then heading into our room. She went straight to the bathroom. "I’m taking a bath. Do you want in first?"
"No, I'm good," I told her as I took my overcoat off and threw it over the back of the couch. I heard the water start to fill the tub and sighed. Part of me thought about taking off and going to talk to my folks, but I wasn’t sure that was a good idea.
They wouldn’t understand the struggle I was having; the struggle whether to let the idea of a future with Lana go – like they'd told me to a long time ago without knowing all the details about my future with Lois – or to hang on to the dream I'd had since childhood, really.
Who could I go to?
The answer was no one – maybe Daniel or Jack, but that was about it, and it wasn’t like either one of them were a real option.
Jimmy was out.
So was Sam.
If only my brother had lived...
I sighed again.
And if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I sunk under the bubbles and let silent tears fall. I knew I shouldn't get the water too hot so the bath would be short. And the jets were out. My first appointment with Kristi wasn't for a couple more weeks, but I remembered those things from the last time.
If Clark offered me a foot rub, I wouldn’t turn it down.
It wasn't long before the water was too cold to be comfortable.
A few minutes later, I was dressed in a nightgown and headed back into the bedroom. It was the first night I'd worn a nice gown since... that night and I wondered what – if any – reaction Clark would have.
The fire was roaring and the room was comfortably warm. That was nice as it had been a touch on the chilly side when we got in.
"Thank you," I said, noticing that he was still wearing most of his tux.
Clark was sitting on the couch, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, leaning forward with his forearms resting on his knees.
"I don't like where we've been the last few weeks," he said without preamble, still staring into the fireplace.
"Your point?" I said, unable to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
He sat back and sighed. "I mean it, Lois. We still have three and a half years before Navance isn't a threat anymore and even if you weren't pregnant again, we're tied together for life through Christopher – whether we knew he was my son or not. I don't like not getting along with you. Christopher will pick up on it now, too, now that he's older – he already has been and, besides that, you're pregnant. That means things could get rough for you anyway, and tension between us won't help any."
So was it that he wanted things to be better for us? Or that he wanted things to be better so Christopher wouldn't notice and it wouldn’t adversely affect his second baby?
I sighed. "Fine. So what makes things better? Your family getting unmad at me for ruining your grandfather's funeral? Because that's when we started having problems again or whatever."
"I don't care what my family thinks," he said quietly. "I'm still annoyed with them for treating you the way they did. They shouldn't have and I'm sorry for that."
"It wasn't your fault," I said, slipping into one of the chairs and pulling a blanket over me before he could notice what I was wearing.
"Still..."
"So, what exactly is it that you want?" I asked before he could go any further.
"I want to be friends again or still or whatever. I hate being uncomfortable around you and you *are* having my baby. We should at least be friends, shouldn't we? Can't we?"
I made myself ask something I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to. "Would things have been different last time if you'd known I was pregnant with your baby instead of nameless, faceless frat party guy's?" I didn't look at him as I asked.
He sighed. "I don't know."
"Is this time going to be different?" I asked quietly.
"How do you want it to be?" he asked back. "Besides me actually being here more often, of course. I'm not planning on melting icebergs or exploring the Himalayas or anything this time."
"That's a start then, I guess."
"But even after we moved in here... I was home more, but we weren't good together at all."
"No," I answered slowly, "we weren't."
"I don't want to go back there."
"Me, either." That was the God's honest truth.
We both stared at the fire for long minutes.
"So what is it you want?" I asked again. "Besides not what we were before."
"I want to be friends," he said finally. "I want to be your friend and I want to help take care of you when you need it – foot rubs, back rubs, not sure about holding your hair while you puke or whatever, but whatever I can do to keep you out of the ER this time, middle of the night pickles and ice cream craving, make sure you don't slip on the ice, whatever."
"Because I'm having your baby?" I clarified. It wasn't that he wanted to take care of me; it was that he wanted to take care of the mother of his child. That was something at least.
Wasn't it?
He sighed. "I'd like to think things would have been different if I'd known – if I knew – Christopher was my son, but there's no way to know that, is there?"
I shook my head. "No, there's not."
"So, yeah, I guess part of it is that you’re the mother of my baby – I should take care of you – shouldn’t I?"
I shrugged. "I guess."
"And you're my friend," he continued softly. "That makes me want to help take care of you, too."
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I did want to help take care of her this time around.
I'd like to think it wasn't solely because I knew she was having my baby this time, but, unfortunately, I had to admit that it was a possibility.
Or at least that it was possible that it was a large part of why I wanted to take better care of her this time.
I sighed before I stood up and started doing something I'd rarely done in front of her as I headed towards the bed.
I undressed.
It wasn't like I was trying to turn her on or anything, but at the same time, I wasn't getting naked either.
I took off the suspenders and cummerbund, tossing them to the side before unbuttoning my shirt. It followed the same path as the accessories before I headed into the closet to get a pair of sleep shorts.
"But I need you to talk to me," I said as I came back into the room, having toed off my shoes and tossed my socks in the hamper while I was in the closet.
I wasn't actually watching her, huddled under the blanket in the chair closest to the fire, but I could see her watching me out of the corner of my eye – out of the corner of her eye – as I took my pants off, tossing them in the pile of things that needed to go to the dry cleaners.
I pulled my shorts on over my boxers.
"What do you want me to say?" she finally asked.
"Whatever you're thinking, whatever you're feeling. Whatever you need from me," I told her honestly.
I thought I heard words in her sigh, but even I couldn't make them out. I thought it was something about need and love but I wasn't sure what it was. I glanced over at her, but she showed no signs of repeating it.
"What can I do? Right now?" I asked, remembering our conversation on our anniversary.
She breathed something else, but I didn't hear it either. Then she shrugged.
"Come here," I said suddenly, knowing what I might be able to do to help some at the moment.
"What?"
"Just come here," I said heading towards her and holding out my hand when I got close enough.
She sighed and then took it, the blanket falling away from her as she stood up.
I should have known she'd been wearing a nightgown, but I was still caught slightly off-guard and averted my eyes almost instantly. It wasn't really all that revealing – and it wasn't the same one she'd worn a couple weeks earlier either.
I let go of her hand as she folded up the blanket and set it on the chair. My hand found its way – again – to the small of her back and this time, gentle pressure urged her towards the bed.
"Lay down," I told her. "On your stomach."
I couldn't quite read the look she threw my way, but I pulled the covers down and she complied. I went into the bathroom and got her favorite lotion, squirting some into my hand and rubbing my palms together and then warming it up slightly before I picked one foot up and massaged it gently. I knew they had to be bothering her, even if she wouldn’t admit it to me.
By the time I finished with both feet and her calves, I'd heard sighs of contentment and she was soon sound asleep.
I floated as I pulled the sheet, blanket and comforter up over her, all the way up to her shoulders. I floated over to my side of the bed and slid under the covers, hesitating slightly before moving closer to the middle of the bed.
Lois rolled onto her side, her nearly bare back towards me and she seemed to instinctively slide towards me, finding easily the spot where we fit nearly perfectly together.
I vacillated in my mind for a second before wrapping an arm around her, pulling her slightly closer to me before settling in to sleep with my wife curled up in the hollow my body created.
When I woke up the next morning, she was still there – or was it again? Had we separated during the night and somehow found our way back together? – and, I realized, I'd never had such a good night's sleep.
*****
TBC
