Unexpected time this morning - but not much so here goes:
Last time:
Clark
She sighed again. "It's not *just* for you; it's for us. It's more than a bit extravagant, but it's for both Christmas and our anniversary, which I know we hadn't talked about. I had no idea what to get you and Vicki suggested something like this. If you don't want it, that's fine, just tell me and I should be able to get a refund. I won't be hurt or offended or anything like that."
Somehow I doubted that. I couldn’t quite tell why but there was an undertone that said she'd be hurt if I didn't accept the gift – whatever it was.
"Go ahead."
I opened the envelope, unsure what to expect.
I slowly pulled the papers out of the envelope. Airline tickets. And cruise tickets.
"Wow." I didn't know what to say. "I don't know what to say."
"We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but Vicki mentioned that we'd never really gone on a vacation together and that now was the time to go if we wanted to – between semesters, before I get sick, before we have two kids. If you don't want to, that's fine. I can get most of the money refunded pretty easily – and maybe all of it. And I got a good deal anyway – Vinnie found it for me online, not through one of his regular channels, but on one of those online cruise discount sites. But I still couldn't afford a suite or whatever with a balcony so I didn’t know if you'd want to go or not because I know how you hate flying because you're cooped up and I didn't know if the same would apply to a cruise ship or not."
I didn't think she took a breath the whole time she was talking, but she seemed like she was waiting for me to say something.
"I'd love to go."
*~*98*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
"You don't have to say that," I told him. "It's really okay if you don't want to go."
"No, really, I do. A cruise'll be fun." He actually sounded convincing.
"And a cabin with no balcony or whatever doesn't bother you?"
He shrugged. "We'll find out. If I'm ever feeling claustrophobic or something, I can always go up to one of the decks or something."
"True."
"Thank you, Lois. Seriously. This is great." He flipped through the paperwork again. "When do we leave?"
"New Year's Day. I already talked to your boss about it and told him that we might be out of town that week. Perry, too."
"Cool. What about Christopher? Is he going with us?"
I shook my head. "No, he'll stay here. I mentioned it to Jess, but didn't want to tell Daddy until I knew for sure if we were going or not."
My cell phone buzzed and I rolled my eyes as I picked it up. "We're not that far away, Daddy."
He laughed. "I know but I thought I'd call. Are you going Day After Christmas shopping tomorrow with Vicki?"
"I'm not sure yet. It'll depend at least partly on how well I sleep tonight. I know I won't be going early."
"Okay. Well, if you do end up going, I've got a couple things I'd like you to look for for me."
"Hang on." I set the phone face down on the bed. "Are you sure, Clark?"
He looked up from where he'd been reading through the information. "Yeah. I'm sure."
"Daddy?"
"Yeah, Princess?"
"Um, I just gave Clark his Christmas present."
"Do I want to know?" I could almost see the look on his face.
"It's a cruise. We leave New Year's Eve if that’s okay with you. I mentioned it to Jess so she wouldn’t make any other plans, but I wanted to make sure Clark wanted to go before I mentioned it to you. You know how claustrophobic he can get on planes and I couldn't get a room with a balcony so... That's why I didn't give it to him in front of everyone else, too."
"That's fine. I'll still be home that week so between all of us we can take care of the little man."
"Thanks, Daddy."
"Good night. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas. Love you." We hung up and I looked back over at Clark. "All set."
"Good." He grinned at me. "So does that mean we're going to paint Florida red for New Year's Eve then?"
I rolled my eyes. "Were we planning on painting the town red when we were staying here?"
"Probably not," he conceded. "Did we even have plans?"
I shrugged again without really moving. "We hadn’t really talked about it. I don't think I know of any big parties or anything."
"Want to go to Smallville? Just for the evening? Leave from Florida and go hang out with my parents? Watch the fireworks from the farm then go back?"
That sounded nice. "I'd like that."
"Good. We've got plans then." He stood up and zipped around, ready for bed in a second. Before I knew it, he was lying next to me, propped up on one elbow, dressed in his sleep shorts and no shirt.
I looked at him and wondered what he'd do if I kissed him.
I decided I couldn't take the risk with my fragile self-image.
"Are you going to be able sleep?"
"I think so."
"Is your back bothering you?"
How did he know? I thought I'd covered it pretty well.
"I don't think anyone else noticed."
I nodded. "Some. I don't remember it bothering me this early with Christopher."
"You may react differently with each pregnancy," he said pragmatically and I wondered suddenly if he was planning on having any other kids with me.
"Maybe."
"Would a back rub help?" he asked quietly without really looking at me.
I sighed. "It probably wouldn't hurt." But I wasn't sure I wanted to feel Clark's hands on me either.
"Hold still."
A second later, I was on my stomach, covers pulled up over my legs, Clark's warm hands on my back massaging out the tension.
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
As she'd done many times over the last year – whenever we'd flown – Lois held my hand through most of the flight to Florida.
I couldn't explain why, but it helped. And I was getting used to flying in general. It was easier than it used to be whether she was holding my hand or not. I guessed I was just getting used to it.
"What do you want to do for dinner?" I asked Lois after we checked into the hotel for the night.
She shrugged. "Where do you want to go?"
We finally settled on the Olive Garden across the street. Even though Lois' appetite wasn't as great as it had been that first week, she could still put many men to shame. I thought Olive Garden would regret their Never Ending Pasta Bowl.
I couldn't help but smirk as she finished off her third bowl.
"What?"
"Nothing," I said wisely.
"It's your fault," she mumbled, though I could tell she wasn't being... vindictive or whatever about it. "Kryptonian genetics and all."
I laughed. "Sorry. Nothing I can do about that."
She sighed. "I know." She poked at a noodle left in her bowl. "Thanks for not laughing at me or being repulsed when I gave this to you."
I'd been right. For some reason, it was very important to her that I accept this gift. "Why would I do either one of those?"
She shrugged. "Vacations isn't something we do; isn't something that's *necessary* to keep up appearances. I mean other than the occasional trip to Smallville or the cabin or something."
"Still, it's a great gift." I reached out and covered her hand with my own. "I like spending time with you and I've always thought cruises would be fun."
"Well, thank you anyway." She sighed. "Ready?"
I nodded and paid the bill.
~*~*~
January 2005
~*~*~
The next day, we boarded the ship. "This can't be right," Lois said as she looked around our room. "I know I didn't pay for a room with a balcony."
There was a fruit basket on the small table. I opened the card. "Happy Anniversary to my favorite daughter and son-in-law. Your tab and excursions are taken care of – as long as you don't go 'overboard'. Love, Dad." We both groaned. "Guess your dad upgraded us?"
She sighed.
"What?"
She nodded towards the bed. "He couldn't have upgraded us to something with a bigger bed?"
I looked at it and shrugged. "We've survived on smaller."
"True, but I know you like your space to sprawl when you sleep."
"I'll manage somehow, I promise."
Was she nervous about having to sleep that close to me? Was she afraid I was going to try something? Surely she knew me better than that. Didn't she?
Should I say something to reassure her? Or would that just make things worse?
I picked up some of the information they'd left us and looked through it. "Tomorrow night is the black tie dinner thing for us. I guess, everyone rotates through the dining rooms and tomorrow is our formal one."
"You can opt out of that one if you want to, when you make your reservations. They encourage you to opt out if you're going to have little kids with you. They have alternatives for the kids, though, rather than taking them with you to the dinner." She shrugged. "I thought we'd want to go."
I nodded. It was nice dancing with her when we were all dressed up – we'd never really danced when we weren't, except line dancing, of course.
We spent the rest of the day exploring our world for the next week. That night, we slept just fine and I woke up with Lois spooned in front of me, one arm holding her close to me.
We spent the day on board. Lois relaxed near one of the pools for a while, soaking in the sun. The sun always made me feel better – Jor-El had mentioned something about its rejuvenating power for me or something – so maybe it would help Lois, since she was pregnant with a half-Kryptonian baby.
Sure enough, she said she felt much better that evening. Getting ready together when the bathroom was the size of a postage stamp didn't help any.
Lois wore the same dress she'd worn to Billy and Serena's wedding. She looked great, as she always did when she dressed up.
I sighed as she straightened my tie for me – again. I could never get it right, but she always did after only a few seconds. "I wish I could figure out how to do that myself."
She smiled at me. "Well, I guess it gives you a reason to keep me around. At least for now."
I wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Another subtle reminder that this wasn’t permanent. I wasn't sure why she snuck those in every once in a while. I'd made a concerted effort not to, knowing that it wasn't something either of us enjoyed discussing.
But *why* didn't we enjoy discussing it?
Because we were going to break up the only family Christopher – and this baby – would have known?
Because it was a reminder that there was still a psycho out there?
Because...
I wasn't sure what other reason there could be, but maybe there was one, because I could always see something in her eyes when she did; something not quite readable.
I offered her my arm as we headed down the hall towards dinner.
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I was in his arms and all I wanted to do was cry. I wasn't sure what the name of the song was, but I knew where I wanted to spend the rest of my life – right here, in Clark's arms, dancing cheek to cheek or whatever.
I sighed. I was glad that – even here away from prying eyes – he held me close to him while we danced.
"What's wrong?" he breathed in my ear.
"Nothing," I told him.
He backed away from me, taking my hand as he led me off the dance floor and out of the dining room. He kept hold of it until we reached a quiet spot on one of the decks.
He finally let go of my hand and leaned against the railing. "I thought we were past the not talking to each other thing."
"It's not that," I told him, leaning near him on the rail. Close, but not too close. Definitely not touching.
"Then what is it?"
I shrugged. "Nothing I want to talk about and it has nothing to do with not wanting to talk to *you* about it. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. It's nothing you can do anything about; nothing anyone can do anything about – so what's the point?" I had fallen hopelessly in love with him – with my husband – but there was no way I was going to tell him that. Having my heart handed back to me on a platter – chopped into little pieces – was not my idea of a good time.
"Is it Navance?"
I hesitated slightly before shaking my head. "No."
"Then what is it?"
"I *do not* want to talk to you about this, okay?" I glared at him and turned and walked off.
And walked right into him.
"No, it's not okay."
I crossed my arms in front of me. "That's too bad. You can't make me talk to you about this and I’m not going to. I was having a very nice time dancing with you, even if I did have something on my mind and you had to go ruin it by dragging me out here."
"Fine," he said with a sigh. "Let's go back in."
I shook my head. "I'm going to bed." I held out my hand. "Can I have my key?" I'd given it to him earlier since I certainly didn't have any pockets and that way I wouldn't have to take a handbag with me.
He sighed again. "Here." He handed it to me. "I'll be in in a while."
I nodded. "I'll be asleep."
I hoped I'd be asleep. It would be very nice if I was asleep when he came in. Then I wouldn't have to pretend to be asleep. I'd told him the truth when I said spending some time in the sun had helped to rejuvenate me, but I was still tired.
I lay in bed and stared at the stars out the clear balcony doors.
I had no idea how many times I'd wondered why my life couldn’t be simple, why I couldn't have just found a guy and fell in love and gotten married and made babies together, all the while setting up my career as an award winning investigative journalist.
I knew I had to deal with the hand I'd been dealt – and I wouldn’t trade Christopher for anything.
I wouldn't trade my night with Clark for anything.
Or the next night either.
And I certainly wouldn't trade this baby for anything either.
Unfortunately, I wasn't asleep when Clark came in, but I tried to pretend.
"You're not asleep, are you?"
I sighed and sat up against the headboard. "What?"
"I'm sorry for pushing you."
I saw him sitting in one of the chairs, his tie hanging from one side of his collar, jacket discarded, sleeves rolled up and forearms resting on his knees.
"Thank you," I told him quietly.
"I understand that there might be things you don't want to talk to me about and I shouldn't have pushed you."
"If there's anything relevant to anything, I'll tell you. And most things I want to talk to you about, but that doesn’t mean I want to share absolutely everything." I couldn't. I had to at least try to keep some sort of protection around my heart. It was too late - way too late – to keep from falling in love with him, but I didn't need him telling me he didn't feel the same way. "And I'm sure there's stuff you don't want to tell me about and that's fine with me. I don't need to know everything, just anything that's relevant and I trust you to decide what's relevant and what's not."
He didn’t say anything for a long minute. "Okay then."
He headed to the bathroom and I slid back under the covers, rolling onto my side, back to the bathroom. A minute later, Clark emerged and crawled into bed next to me, but instead of sliding in behind me with his arm around me like we'd woken up that morning, he rolled onto his side, his back to me.
That was how we fell asleep – or at least how I did, backs to each other like we had so many time before.
I tried not to think about how long it had been since we'd deliberately done that because I knew it would only end up depressing me.
I sighed as I realized that it was after midnight.
Happy anniversary to us.
*****
TBC
