Thanks - as always - to Alisha, Beth and Nancy.
And Queenie /mutter/. CH. 107 is all her fault btw. Just so you know. I had a 107 all written then she made a suggestion for 106 and now the 107 I had written is 108... /sigh/
I really hope I don't have to slow down posting, but I'm down to about 5 days buffer at the moment and it's the end of the semester... I think I can get most of my grading done at times when I wouldn't be writing anyway but... And the chapter total keeps growing on me. Sam caught me COMPLETELY off guard last night and that will probably add another chapter to the total - I think it's good, but... /more sighs/
Last time:
Clark
Nana and Pop Pop had always said love wasn't who you could live with; it was who you couldn't live without.
That was what both of us wanted.
After last night, I had the impression that – for now at least – Lois wanted that kind of relationship with me.
I'd always wanted that with Lana and even though I was coming to the realization that it might not happen with her, I wanted it with someone.
I didn't know who that someone might be, if not Lana, but wouldn't I know by now if it was Lois? We'd been together for two years now. Wouldn't there be some signals, some feelings or whatever, if she was the one I wanted that with?
We made it through dinner – we were both pretty quiet and the people sitting with us left us pretty well alone.
Surprisingly, Lois only picked at her dessert. And since it was chocolate, that was a sure sign that something was very wrong.
"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.
She nodded. "Just tired."
I wasn't sure I bought that.
She seemed ready to head back to the cabin.
"Um, listen, before we go..." I hesitated.
"What?" she asked expectantly.
"Would you like to dance?"
*~*102*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
Did I want to dance?
Of course I wanted to dance.
But did I want to dance with a post-revelation Clark? The one who'd been acting a bit odd all day? Of course, I knew I'd been acting a bit odd, too but...
"Please?" he asked quietly. "I'd like to dance with you."
I nodded. "I'd like that."
I'd let him dictate how close we danced, how intimately.
Was that the right word? I pondered that as we headed towards the dance floor, Clark's hand resting lightly on the – bare – small of my back.
I loved dancing with Clark when he held me close to him and...
No.
I wasn't going to go there.
At least he wanted to dance with me.
We walked onto the dance floor just as one song ended and another began.
It took a few seconds before I realized what song it was. The lyrics reverberated in my head.
/Wise men say/Only fools rush in/But I can't help falling in love with you.../
He held me as close to him as he had a couple of nights earlier; his chin next to my temple as we moved slowly around the dance floor. His breath played with the loose hair near my face.
/Like a river flows/Surely to the sea/Darling so it goes/Some things are meant to be.../
"Perry loves this song," Clark said quietly.
I smiled. Over the last few weeks, we'd come to know that our new boss was crazy about Elvis – which explained why he was ordained by the Church of Blue Suede Deliverance.
"I know."
The chorus or verse or whatever it was repeated in my head.
/Take my hand/Take my whole life, too/For I can't help falling in love with you.../
I couldn’t help falling in love with Clark – it had happened despite my best intentions. It was only too bad that it wasn't happening the other way around.
The song ended and another started. He didn't move away and I wasn't about to.
Of course.
Unchained Melody.
Which could be Clark and Lana's theme song.
I sighed.
"What?"
"Nothing," I said quietly. "Just dancing, that's all. Enjoying the music."
"I know you said you didn't want anything to change – is this okay?"
I nodded. "It's nice."
"Let me know when your feet start bothering you."
I smirked. "It's been a song and a half, I think I'm okay."
"And if you overdo it, I'll give you a foot and calf rub."
"Thank you. They always help a lot."
"That's why I'm here."
I didn't want the night to end, but apparently the band leader thought that it was a night for romance.
Unforgettable.
Wonderful Tonight.
You Are So Beautiful.
Have I Told You Lately That I Love You.
And on.
And on.
And on.
Any other night, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but this night...
I wasn't about to stop dancing with Clark until he was ready to stop dancing with me or until the band decided to pack it in for the night.
"Your feet are going to be killing you before long," he said in the middle of You Are So Beautiful.
They already were but I wasn't about to tell him that.
"I haven't told you that you do look beautiful tonight."
"Thank you. You look pretty great yourself." Was that the kind of thing I wasn't supposed to say anymore?
"I've been thinking a lot about what you said last night and I wanted you to know something."
"What's that?"
I wasn't sure I'd believe some sort of declaration of undying love at this point.
"I *do* love you, Lois. I may not be *in* love with you, but I do love you. You're one of my best friends, my *best* friend really, and I can't stand the idea of hurting you."
I wanted to tell him that he should just fall in love with me, but I knew that wasn't really the answer. He couldn't *make* himself fall in love with me any more than I could help falling in love with him.
The band announced that they'd play one more song and that was it for the night.
Everything I Do.
Of course.
We danced until the last strains died out and then headed back to our cabin.
I changed into a pair of shorts pajamas and lay down on the bed. Clark had already changed and was leaning against the balcony railing.
"Ready for that foot rub?" he asked, walking back in.
I nodded and rolled onto my stomach. "Thanks."
"It's what I'm here for," he told me again.
He found my lotion again and began to work his magic on my feet and legs.
Before I knew it, I was nearly asleep.
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I was glad when she'd said she wanted to dance. I enjoyed dancing with her.
Something felt different, though. Maybe it was just that I was more aware of her or that I thought she was more aware of me or something.
I tried to act the same as I had a couple of nights earlier; I held her close to me, my hand on her back, my chin at her temple.
It was romance night or something because every song was on someone's top 100 most romantic songs list somewhere.
Perry's favorite, I Can't Help Falling In Love With You – or whatever the official title was.
Unchained Melody.
She sighed in my arms.
"What?" I asked her quietly.
There was a pause. "Nothing," she finally said. "Just dancing, that's all. Enjoying the music."
I stifled as sigh of my own. I didn't believe her, but I didn't know whether I should push her or not. "I know you said you didn't want anything to change – is this okay?" I wanted to make sure that I wasn't making her uncomfortable. But everything just felt awkward – not dancing with her, but just being together.
She nodded. "It's nice."
I told her I'd give her a foot rub if she needed one later.
More love songs.
She showed no signs of wanting to stop dancing.
So we kept on dancing.
Neither of us said much as we danced.
Finally, I warned her again about her feet bothering her and she didn't respond. I'd bet that they were already bothering her, but she didn't want to say anything.
They were playing You Are So Beautiful and I realized I hadn't told her how nice she looked.
"I haven't told you that you do look beautiful tonight," I finally said. I hoped that was okay.
"Thank you. You look pretty great yourself."
I smiled slightly. That was always nice to hear. There was something else I'd been thinking about all day. I hesitated before I spoke again. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said last night and I wanted you to know something."
"What's that?"
"I *do* love you, Lois. I may not be *in* love with you, but I do love you. You're one of my best friends, my *best* friend really, and I can't stand the idea of hurting you." That was the truth. The thought of hurting her, hurt me.
But that didn't mean I was in love with her and I couldn't make myself fall in love with her, but I didn't want to hurt her either.
It was time for the last song.
Everything I Do.
At this point, that described my relationship with Lois – more or less. Almost everything I did was, in some way, for Lois. That we were married at all was to protect her and Christopher and the rest of my life stemmed from that – everything else I did.
I kept an arm around her for support as we walked back to our cabin. I was sure her feet were hurting way more than she would ever let on.
She didn't mean for me to, but I saw her wince slightly as she stepped out of her shoes.
She went to the bathroom and I quick changed into a pair of shorts. I stood on the balcony while she changed, waiting to hear her lay down on the bed.
I turned and headed back inside. "Ready for that foot rub?"
She rolled over on to her stomach. "Thanks."
"That's what I'm here for," I reminded her, finding her favorite lotion on the vanity. I sat on the bed next to her and squirted some of the lotion into my palm. I warmed it lightly by rubbing my hands together before picking up one foot.
My mind wandered a bit as I gently massaged first her foot and then her calf. I hesitated slightly before moving on to massage the lower part of her thigh. Her deep sigh of relaxation told me it was the right move. I only worked the muscles that weren't covered by her shorts. When I was finished, with one leg, I started on the other.
When I finally set that leg back down on the bed she was almost asleep.
"Thank you," she murmured.
"You're welcome." Another thought had occurred to me. With all the walking we'd been doing... "How's your back? Sore?"
She nodded slightly, eyes still closed. "It's okay."
I moved until I was floating slightly above her and slid my hands under her shirt, gently working the muscles there.
I didn't think she was fully awake because she leaned up on her arms and pulled her shirt over her head.
"Would you rub my shoulders too please?" she practically sighed.
I gulped at the sight of her completely bare back as she settled down onto the bed, arms tucked under her pillow. She shifted slightly, lifting up to move her pillow and rest her head directly on the mattress, her upper arms straight out from her shoulders and one arm hanging over the side of the bed, bent at the elbow.
I sighed and continued to work on her back muscles and then her shoulders and upper arms.
She was sound asleep by the time I finished.
And she was on top of the covers.
I sighed. She was going to get cold if I didn't move her underneath and I didn't think she'd be comfortable if I just put a blanket on top of her. I floated down until I was practically touching her.
I slipped an arm under her stomach, holding her tightly to my chest as I pulled the covers back and moved her pillow back with the other hand. I floated her back down and quickly pulled the covers up over her as she rolled onto her side.
I breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled the covers up over her shoulders.
Now the only question remained...
Where was I going to sleep?
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
My shirt felt weird on my skin.
I started to open my eyes, then thought better of it, opting instead to snuggle farther down under the covers.
Then I realized why my shirt felt weird.
I wasn't wearing one.
I froze.
Why wasn't I wearing a shirt?
Was I wearing my shorts?
I breathed a sigh of relief.
I could hear Clark moving around the cabin. He was trying to be quiet, and I appreciated that, but...
"Clark?" I asked tentatively.
"Yeah?" He sounded nervous.
"Where's my shirt?"
Something landed on my head. "There you go."
"Do I want to know what happened to it?"
"You took it off while I was giving you a back rub."
I opened one eye to look at him.
He was looking anywhere but at me.
Great.
"Did I, um, flash you or anything? Because I don't really remember..." Did I? I remembered him starting to rub my foot and I thought I remembered him rubbing my back but...
He shook his head. "No, nothing like that." He sighed. "You just leaned up a bit and pulled it over your head."
That was good.
"Sorry," I whispered.
"It's okay."
He wasn't looking my direction and I quickly – and carefully – pulled it on over my head before sitting up.
"Where did you sleep?" I asked him, noticing that his side of the bed didn't look slept in.
"Ah, I slept on top of the bed."
Right.
On top of the bed.
Because he wouldn't sleep *in* the bed with me if I wasn't wearing a shirt.
Of course not.
And I probably didn't want him to, to be honest; not when he wasn't in love with me because of the places me being shirtless and close to him could lead us.
I sighed and swung my legs out of the bed. "What's on the agenda today?"
"It's a day at sea."
"Right. I'd thought about getting a massage but after last night, I don't need it. Thank you."
"You've said that about eighteen times," he told me with a smirk.
I sighed.
"What?"
I stared at my hands as I spoke. "Well, normally, I'd call you Phoebe or something and smirk while making some smart aleck remark about how you should be a professional masseur but then you'd have your hands all over naked women every day and I didn't think I'd like my husband doing that." I sighed again. "And I don't really mean anything by it except a smart aleck, half-flirty remark, but I'm afraid you're going to take it all wrong or something." I ran a hand through my flyaway hair. "I shouldn't have told you, should I?"
He just stared at the floor in front of him for a minute. "No, I'm glad you told me. And if you want to say something like that – which is exactly what I would expect you to say – say it. You told me not to worry that you'd get the wrong idea if I asked you to dance or we woke up next to each other or whatever and I won't get the wrong idea if you're your usual sassy self."
I smiled slightly. "That's good to know. I don't want to stop being myself. And I really don't want you to stop being yourself."
"Good because I don't want to have to be someone different."
A split second later, he was next to me, his arm around me, pulling me to him. He kissed my hair. "I do love you, you know."
"I know. And I really don't want us to be weird. I'll deal with it and by the time Christopher turns five, I'll be fine."
"I hope so," he said quietly. "I don't *want* to hurt you. Not ever again."
"You don't think calling the lawyer will hurt a little bit anyway? If for no other reason than it's closing a chapter in our lives? Like when you graduated from high school – you're excited and happy but a little sad at the same time?"
He nodded against me. "Yeah, probably. And it'll hurt that it's going to hurt the kids and we'll have to figure out the best way to make it as easy for them as we can."
I nodded back.
"You were right, you know," he said softly.
"About what?"
"That Dad and Chris never put an expiration date on being my dad *or* on their marriages to my mom. I have thought about that and I'm not sure what the solution or answer or whatever is, but you *were* right."
My heart wanted me to tell him to fall in love with me and stay with me and the kids and commit to a life together, but my head knew that wasn't a good idea.
We sat like that for another minute before the silence was interrupted by the rumbling of my stomach.
Clark chuckled. "Ready to go clean out the buffet?"
I nodded. "Let me get changed and then we can go."
He squeezed me lightly before kissing my head again. "Love you."
"Love you, too."
I stifled a sigh as I went to get ready.
*****
TBC
