Argh! I had this chapter all ready to go and somehow hit something that erased it all! /sigh/ And I'd made a couple edits in this window that I haven't made in my chapter file which means I need to reread all of it again and MIL is on her way over... /sigh/
Anyway - thanks to Alisha, Beth and Nancy.
Last time:
Lois
He laid down in a huff. "I no yike, Mommy."
My heart broke anew and tears I didn't think I still had streaked down my cheeks. "I love you, Christopher. I always have and I always will."
He turned away from me and pulled his covers over his head. Part of me knew he didn't really mean it, but the rest of me was heartbroken.
Nate was already asleep so I just brushed his hair back off his face, pressing a kiss to the tips of my fingers and then onto his head. "I love you, Nate."
I went back to Christopher's bed and sat back down by it. "Will you talk to me for a minute?"
There was no response.
"I love you, bud. More than you'll ever know."
I pulled the top of his blanket down far enough that I could kiss the top of his dark head.
Tears continued to fall as I made my way back to my room and crawled under the covers of my bed, hugging Clarkie Bear to me and cried myself to sleep.
Alone.
*~*136*~*
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I left the farmhouse as confused as I'd ever been.
I loved Christopher and Nate, and I loved Lois, but what did that mean now that Navance was gone?
I needed the boys, but did I need Lois the way my parents were talking about?
I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. To be honest, I couldn’t really imagine life without being married to her. I thought that was, in part, because imagining life not married to her meant imagining life with custody arrangements and almost-three-year-olds asking why I didn't live with them anymore – or why Mommy didn't live with us anymore. I didn't want to think about those things – or imagine what it was like dropping the boys off or picking them up and all of the things that went along with sharing custody when a marriage dissolved.
Did that mean I wanted to stay married to Lois?
Did I want to avoid the heartache that would come with a divorce? Of course. Was that enough of a reason to stay married?
That I didn't know.
I flew aimlessly in the night side of the world, out of the light where I might attract more attention.
"Something's on your mind."
The voice next to me startled me. It wasn't often that someone flew along side me. Okay, it had never happened before.
I pulled up and rotated onto my back, floating in place and staring at the stars, fingers interlaced behind my head.
"Yeah," I finally said. "Something's on my mind."
"Christopher's okay?"
My head jerked around to look at him.
He shrugged. "I can do online research as well as your wife. And, besides, it was all over the news already."
I sighed. News crews parked outside the house hadn't really occurred to me in hours.
"They've been replaying the footage from your grandfather's funeral a couple years ago when your names were first released to the press."
I sighed again. "Of course they have been. I guess that's why Sam pays for security. They won't get anywhere near him."
"Sam is your father-in-law?"
I nodded. "Lois' dad. And what do you mean about her being able to research?"
"She came to see me the other day. I didn't answer the door, but she had some interesting things to say."
I snorted. "Lois always has interesting things to say."
"So what's on your mind?" he asked quietly.
"It's been an... interesting week. My son was almost kidnapped and then rescued by my ex-girlfriend who has always hated my wife. I leave my wife alone with the kidnapper without realizing it and she singlehandedly lands a huge front page story her first day on the job. The next day, I find out that my long dead brother – who exploded with my home planet – isn't really dead. My wife gets hurt in an explosion. My brother disappears and won't talk to me – and even though I understand why, it's still driving me crazy. Then I find out that he's a young – apparently hot – usually personable, already world renowned scientist. And then he *really* disappears and no one sees him for a couple of days. Now the guy who's been after my son since before he was born is dead which means that Christopher is safe but my marriage is over and I don't know how I feel about that except that I hate that the boys are going to get hurt in the process and so is Lois but she also deserves to be with someone who truly loves her the way she deserves to be."
I covered my face with my hands and let out a muffled primal scream. "It's been a hell of a week."
"Sounds like it."
We floated along for a while.
"Why is your marriage over?" he finally asked.
"The only reason we got married was because of the threat from Navance. We'd always said we'd divorce after his fifth birthday when Navance's claim expired. Or he died. Whichever came first. And now he's dead. That means one of us will be calling a divorce lawyer on Monday. We'll probably fight over the kids but not the way a lot of divorcing couples do. She'll probably insist that they should stay with me because they need me more and I'll probably do the same. But either way, everyone's going to get hurt. One of the messages from Jor-El said Kryptonians mate for life, but I don't know what that means or if it matters what that means. Does it mean that I've... turned her in to my soul mate or whatever by marrying her or by sleeping with her or having babies with her? Or does it just mean that there's no such thing as divorce on Krypton?"
He sighed. "That's a loaded question. With more than one answer. There is provision for dissolution of union under a few, very specific conditions – things like abandonment or failing to adequately provide or abuse, things like that. It's rare. Most people on Krypton do mate for life, but the concept of marrying for love like here is mostly foreign. However, most Kryptonians know when they meet their... what you called soul mate. That doesn't mean that they always married that person. Sometimes social strata was in the way – it was a very stratified society. Sometimes they would meet their soul mate as children but one would die. Sometimes the arranged marriage of nobles was to someone else. There was no infidelity – as far as I know anyway – because the penalties were so strict."
He rolled onto his side, propping his head up on one elbow. "There is a connection created between Kryptonians when the physical relationship is consummated. The bond is greater with soul mates than with non-soul mates but it does exist. Part of it is because Kryptonians are telepathic and... empathetic isn't quite the right word, but can sense things from those they are closest to. It's possible, consciously or unconsciously, to block those, of course, but especially those with the soul mate bond that has been consummated, it usually is very strong. Did you turn Lois into your soul mate by consummating the relationship with her? No. Did you create a connection that you can't really break? Yes. What does that mean?"
He shrugged. "I don't know what that means for you. That's something that you'll have to figure out for yourself. Is it possible that Lois is your soul mate? Maybe. Is there a way to know if your soul mate died on Krypton? No, not really."
"What about yours?" I asked suddenly.
"I don't know. I had not met her when I left the planet. I was betrothed to a member of the House of Ra – Zara. She I had met, a number of times, but I never felt that bond that our parents spoke of often. They said they... just knew when they met. I never knew."
"What about your girlfriend?"
"Ashley?" he sighed. "I love her. I know that. Is she my soul mate?" He thought for a long time as we floated. "Sometimes I think I've buried the Kryptonian part of me so deep that even if she is, I wouldn’t realize it, you know?"
I nodded. "You were betrothed?" I asked suddenly. "An arranged marriage?"
"Yes." He hesitated slightly before going on. "I would have been First Lord of Krypton someday. Or you would have been. It is possible that I would have passed on the opportunity because of my desire to be a scientist and your very existence meant that there was someone else. Jor-El... He was First Lord, but the Council of Elders would not listen when he told them the core had become unstable and the planet had limited time left. Scientists were well-respected, but the First Lord was not expected to be one. The First Lady most certainly was not. That was part of the reason why you – why you were the one who was sent to Earth. You are the son of the First Lord of Krypton. He had access to materials and equipment that others would not have. But it all had to be done in secret. He and Lara worked on your ship non-stop."
"That must have been hard for you," I said quietly. "Knowing they – and you – were building a ship to save me, but you were going to die with the planet."
"We knew it was unlikely we would be able to get my ship finished in time. Bigger pieces of material were harder to come by and there was only one – experimental – hyperlight drive. My ship was too big for it to work properly. The slower drive meant I arrived about ten or twelve years after you did – something like that. None of that helps you with your current dilemma though."
"No, it doesn't."
We floated for a bit longer.
"What about Van-El?" I finally asked. "Is Van-El the hero coming back?"
He sighed. "I don't know. Ashley – and Lois – both told me that whatever I can do is enough, but..."
"I know. I've thought about it a lot you know. Secret identity and all that, but... I'd said it wouldn't happen until after the whole Navance thing was over."
"Well, I'd take all the help I could get if you ever decide to," he said with a sigh. "But I'm not sure Van-El is coming back."
"Well, whatever you decide, I want to get to know you," I said quietly. "I want to know my brother."
He nodded. "I'd like that, too."
We talked for a while longer before he sighed again. "I told Ashley I would be home before now."
I nodded and we headed back towards Metropolis.
It was after dark by the time we parted ways over Hobs Bay.
I landed near the barn and headed towards the house. The lack of lights in our wing meant the boys were already in bed. I'd missed their bedtime.
The wing, unsurprisingly, was still locked down. I'd imagine that it would be for a while. Until we were sure.
I headed into our room and something immediately felt off, but it took me a minute to put my finger on it.
All of Lois' things were gone. I looked through the wall into the closet. Her clothes were gone. Into the bathroom. All of her cosmetics and medications, over the counter and prescription, were gone.
So where was she?
I listened for her heartbeat and found it in her old room.
She was asleep.
She'd moved out and now she was asleep.
Did I want to wake her up?
What would I say? Why did you move out now that we're getting a divorce?
I snorted as I flopped on to the bed.
What had she told the kids – if anything?
I sighed and finally fell asleep.
Alone.
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I woke up alone.
It took me a minute to realize where I was and why, but it was only a minute and it all came flooding back to me.
Navance's death.
Moving out of our room.
Falling asleep alone.
I had to work.
I looked at the clock and realized I had a bit of time. I hugged Clarkie Bear closer and pulled the covers and my John Deere shirt more tightly around my shoulders. I stayed in the perfectly warm cocoon as long as I could, trying to keep all the thoughts of the day before and of what my life was becoming out of my head.
I finally sighed and got up, making my bed – something I'd rarely done voluntarily the last time I'd lived in here.
I got up and showered and dressed quickly, taking extra time and care with my make-up; the evidence of the day before having not completely disappeared overnight. I took some more ibuprofen hoping to ward off the oncoming headache. I hoped I could sneak out of the house without running into anyone.
Did I want to get a cup of coffee before I left or did I want to stop on my way? I looked at my watch. I didn't have time to stop – not really. And the coffee here was better anyway.
All I needed was to grab a cup of coffee.
What could happen?
Or maybe I needed to put a coffee maker in my room, I thought as I realized Clark was already in the kitchen.
"Good morning," he said quietly without looking at me.
"Morning," I said back, pouring coffee into my favorite insulated mug.
"What did you tell the boys yesterday?"
"Nothing," I replied as I doctored it just the way I liked it.
"You didn't tell them you moved out?" he asked quietly.
"I didn’t tell them anything." I grabbed my briefcase. "I have to get to work. I'm looking at an apartment later this afternoon – over on Carter Avenue. Daddy said you and the boys can live here as long as you want. I'll call the lawyer tomorrow and get everything started."
"You don't have to do that."
"One of us does. I may as well."
"I mean custody."
"They'll do better with you."
"I'm not sure I believe that."
"I do and if I don't get going, I'm going to be late for work."
I didn’t wait for him to say anything else, but walked off.
The drive to the Planet lasted longer than I would have liked. After making it through the news crews outside the gate, traffic was slow and I barely made it to the bull pen in time.
"Lois," Perry hollered. "My office."
Great. Here was the lecture.
"Yeah, Chief?"
"We're going to talk about the whole Latislan thing later – and how you misdirected me when you interviewed."
"I'm not sorry," I told him honestly. "I couldn’t risk the attention."
He waved a hand. "I know. Right now, I need you to get down to EPRAD. After Clark left yesterday, they found the same problem on the transport as had been on Messenger. But, like Dr. Klein said, it was an easy fix. I need you down there to cover the launch."
"On it." I grabbed my things and headed towards the elevator.
"Bring me an exclusive!" he yelled after me.
"Have I ever brought you anything less?" I called back.
I could hear his chuckle until after the doors closed behind me.
Now I just had to figure out how.
*****
TBC
