Thanks to Nancy, Alisha and Beth who had seen variations on this 18xs but read it again anyway
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Thanks also to Queenie who made me rewrite large chunks of the last Clark section when I didn't want to but it made it better.
144 down, 1 to go
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[Edits in bold]
Last time:
Clark
"Tell me about a couple more of the rose colors?" she asked softly.
"What color do you want to know about?"
"The turquoise."
She would have to pick that one. "Turquoise is fertility – not that I'm hoping to get you pregnant again or anything like that, but it seemed to fit here at the cabin – and abundance and calm and self-respect."
"Ah. What about the gold ones?"
"The promise of a new beginning."
"Peach?"
"Sincerity."
"Orange?"
I was sure my voice dropped an octave or two. "Fascination. Passion. Desire."
"I'm guessing the orange and blue ones together don't stand for the Gators."
I chuckled lightly. "No. Blue is fantasy. Mystery. Mysterious beginnings of new things. So together I guess they'd be passion and mystery. Fantasy and desire."
"Oh." She barely breathed the word as she looked up at me.
I ran my hands lightly up and down her back before deciding I didn't have anything to lose.
I brought my hands up to frame her face, my fingers tangling in her hair.
And I kissed her.
*~*144*~*
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
He was kissing me.
Me.
And I was kissing him.
His thumbs stroked my cheeks and I moaned as my arms found their way around his neck.
He took my breath away as his hands left my face and wrapped around me, pulling me closer to him.
And if I wasn't careful I was going to be completely overtaken by...
I sighed and let myself lean more fully against him, trusting him to support me.
His hand slid under the edge of my shirt until his warm fingers brushed lightly across my back just above the waistband of my shorts.
His lips left mine and trailed down my jaw line to my ear then my neck and as much of my shoulder as he could get to before he was stopped by my shirt. He worked his way back up to my face kissing each of my closed eyes before kissing the tip of my nose and then my lips again.
A small moan escaped from one of us as he found his way to the other side of my neck. I thought it came from me.
"I love that sound," he whispered before kissing the same spot again.
His hands were restless on my back, first rubbing up and down outside my shirt, before slipping back underneath again. One arm held me close to him while the fingers of the other hand drew small circles that gradually increased in size until they covered the entire small of my back. He reached the back of my bra and seemed to hesitate for a second before his fingers trailed down my spine.
This was going too fast.
I was going to say something but my lips were suddenly occupied again. He was so solid, I realized as I was pressed against his chest and my fingers trailed along his back, albeit outside his shirt, but his lips... His lips were soft on mine. This kiss wasn't demanding but insistent nonetheless and I was powerless to keep from kissing him back.
Before I realized what had happened, I was stretched out on the bed with him stretched out next to me, taking his shirt off. Or I was taking it off of him. Or some combination of the two. My shirt had already been lost somewhere in the process. He kissed me again, rolling on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress before he moved back.
"I love you," he whispered, one hand reaching up to brush a tendril of hair back from my face before he moved in for another kiss.
It was the intermission that I needed. Just enough for a single moment of clarity that this was moving way too fast.
I stopped him with a hand on his now-bare chest. "This isn't just physical, Clark. We've done physical and it was great, but this has to be more than that."
"I know." He shifted so he was lying next to me, running his hand up and down my bare arm, moving to kiss my shoulder, trailing little tiny kisses along my collar bone and up my neck. It wasn't fair. I couldn't think when he did that. "And it's not. I love you. More than anything. I love your spunk, your fire, the way you love our sons, the way you've protected Christopher, the way you've loved me when I was too dense to realize how much you meant to me." He continued kissing along my shoulder and neck as he spoke.
I sighed. "I do love you. I've loved you for a long time, but my head is afraid to let my heart believe you."
"I don't blame you. I haven't done much to earn your trust in matters of the heart over the years."
He kissed his way back up my neck to my jaw line and then back to my lips.
I couldn't let this continue. Not now. I had to stay coherent.
I put both hands on his chest and pushed him back. "Please, Clark. Stop."
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
How could I have not been doing this for the last three and a half years? We'd kissed the one night and made love together, but it was the aberration in our relationship to that point.
This...
This was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.
But then...
I closed my eyes. I had her in my arms again and she was telling me to stop. I flopped onto my back, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "I’m sorry," I told her. "I shouldn't have done that."
"You shouldn’t have kissed your wife?" She said with a trace of bitterness.
"No."
She sat up and started looking for her shirt. When she couldn’t find it, she grabbed mine and pulled it over her head, standing and moving to stare out the window. It hung loosely on her, hanging well below the shorts she'd been wearing so it was like she didn't even have them on. I was certain she had no idea how irresistibly sexy she looked.
I knew she didn't understand what I meant. I sighed and moved to stand behind her, resting my hands on her shoulders and tugging gently until her back rested against me. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that because it's not something we normally do. It's something I want to do, very much, but it's not something you've given me permission to do, except once. Twice, if you count the cabin."
"And 'I do' wasn't permission enough?"
I shook my head, even though I knew she couldn’t see me reflected in the window, not with the setting sun in her eyes. "No, it wasn't," I said softly. "And you know that. You'd be the first one to say that."
"Yeah, I would." She did lean back against me, allowing me to loop my arms loosely around her.
Her stomach chose that moment to growl.
I smiled and kissed her head. "I bet you're about ready for dinner."
She nodded. "Almost dying makes you hungry and I haven't had much besides that ice cream." She sighed. "And I'm sorry for almost letting us get carried away."
I held her tighter for a minute before whispering, "That's okay; not your fault. Do I want to make love to you again? Yeah, I do, but if you're not ready, not convinced that this is forever for me, that's okay. I'll do whatever I have to do until I convince you."
We stood there for a minute longer before I released her. "Dinner actually is almost ready. Give me about five minutes?"
She nodded.
I headed back out into the now-darkened living room, first cooling the room down slightly with my breath and then lighting dozens of candles as I went.
I pulled dinner out of the fridge and heated it with my eyes. I set the table, complete with stemware and a bottle of wine.
I served up two plates and poured some water. I zipped into Sam's room where I changed into the tuxedo I'd left there earlier. I knew Lois would be still wearing shorts and either her shirt or mine, but I had left her dress in the bathroom with a note attached to the hanger that if she wanted to dress up she could, but that she looked fabulous in whatever she wore.
I looked around the living room again, lighting a candle I'd missed the first time and starting a fire in the fireplace.
Satisfied it was as perfect – and romantic – as I could make it, I started the playlist I set up on my iPod – the one she'd given me before our first trip to Smallville. I'd hooked it up to the built-in stereo system earlier and now soft jazz music filled the air.
I went up the stairs and knocked on the still slightly open door.
"Just a minute," she called.
I frowned slightly. I'd have to make sure she didn't overdo it. Her voice still sounded a little raspy.
It was closer to three minutes before the door opened all the way and my breath caught in my throat.
"You look gorgeous," I whispered.
She'd put on the dress and done something I couldn't figure out to her hair. She was without make-up, it looked like, but I thought she'd never looked more beautiful.
"Your tie's crooked," she told me with a smile, reaching out to fix it. "There."
"See? I need you."
I offered her my arm and escorted her across the living room, holding her chair for her as she sat down.
"Thank you." She looked at the table and around the room. "Everything looks wonderful."
"I try," I said giving her one of my best smiles. "Would you like some wine?"
"Just a little bit," she said, holding her thumb and forefinger close together. "I don't want anything to cloud this night – to cloud my judgment. If this is really going to happen with us, I want to be clear headed."
I nodded before pouring just a bit of wine into her glass.
We ate in near silence – but companionable silence, not strained.
"Do you want dessert?" I asked as she finished.
She shook her head. "Maybe later. Right now, I'm pretty full."
I stood up and held out a hand. "May I have this dance?"
She regarded me contemplatively before nodding and grasping my hand lightly. I led her to an open space near the fireplace and moved to my iPod, starting another playlist.
I turned back to her and rested one hand lightly on her waist, using the other to take her hand in mine.
But something was off.
We didn't fit right.
I frowned as it hit me. "You're too short."
~~~~~
Lois
~~~~~
I stopped moving and looked up at him. "Excuse me?"
"Usually my chin is at your temple when we dance," he said with a frown.
I smirked at him. "You didn't bring me any shoes to wear with the dress. I'm in socks."
He looked down to see me wiggling my toes in my bright pink fuzzy socks.
"Oops." He had the good grace to look chagrinned.
"It's okay." I moved closer to him, resting my head on his shoulder, his chin on the top of my head as we moved slowly through the living room.
I smiled slightly as I recognized many of the songs from the last time we had really danced – on board the cruise ship. We'd danced a few times since then, but only a song or two here and there at the Adoption Option Fundraiser or things of that nature.
I loved this and I loved him. I'd stay like this forever if I could.
I didn't know how long we danced, but I never wanted it to end.
"Are you ready for some dessert yet?" he asked, his voice deeper than I'd ever heard it.
My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at him, raw need and desire emanating from his eyes. I managed to nod. "That sounds good," I whispered.
He didn't let go of my hand until we were back at the table and he held my chair for me. He sure was going all out.
In a flash, there was a plate of chocolate decadence on the table.
One plate.
One fork.
Right in the middle.
He sat across from me and picked the fork up. "Here." He held a bite out for me. I hesitated then opened my mouth to allow him to feed me the cake.
~~~~~
Clark
~~~~~
I was sure she had no idea how she looked as I slid the fork back out of her mouth.
I swallowed hard. Maybe this part wasn't such a good idea after all.
I continued to alternate between us until the cake was gone.
"Thank you, Clark. That was delicious." She moved like she was going to stand up.
"Wait. Please."
She sat back down.
I took both her hands in mine before taking a deep breath and starting the speech I'd been practicing since I left the hospital the night before. "We've been through a lot since we first met, Lois. We were both dating other people – me more seriously than you, but still. Then we found ourselves here, in a life or death situation, and we managed to survive it. You saved my life." My voice cracked. "For that alone, I could never thank you enough. And we made a baby that night – we didn't know it but we did. I still don't *really* remember it, but what I do remember was amazing. A few weeks later, we found ourselves in another situation where there seemed like there was no way out, but we found a way. It wasn’t what either of us would have chosen at the time, but the decisions we made got us out of there. I couldn't let him hurt you or the baby, so we did what we had to do."
I took a deep calming breath. "You became the first and only person I've ever told about myself. I know my mom made me do it, but I'm so glad that I did. It was nice not to have to hide who I am and what I can do from someone and I'm glad it was you. Other people would have freaked out that they were married to an alien, but you didn't. You took it in stride and read me the riot act about wanting to be like my dads instead. And you were right to.
"And then, almost three years ago, you gave birth to our son."
She opened her mouth to say something, but I stopped her with a finger to her lips. "We've talked about this before. I believe that Christopher is my son. I know I don't have any proof of that, but that's what my gut says and until and unless a DNA test someday says otherwise, I'll continue to believe it. I love him regardless, you know that – I'd go to the ends of the Earth for him – but I do believe that he's my son, *our* son."
I rubbed the back of her hands lightly with my thumbs. "And then your dad had a heart attack and you asked me to help you forget, just for a little while. I wasn’t sure what you meant at first and you really caught me off-guard when you kissed me and asked me to make love to you. I wanted to say 'no', or I think I did because that wasn't something we did – something we'd said we never really planned on doing, something you told me never to do again unless I was serious about *you* - but from the moment you first kissed me until I woke up the next morning, there was no one – nothing – in my world but you. I beat myself up over that for a long time, but you know what I realized, even then?"
I didn't wait for her to answer as I stared at the hands I held in my own. "That night, for the first time, I felt complete; like I'd found the other half of myself, but I didn't want to admit it to anyone. Not to you. Not to myself. And then we found out you were pregnant again and I was happy that you were having my baby and this time we'd know he was my baby. You gave me a connection to Earth I hadn't fully realized I needed.
"I know how much you hated being on modified bed rest but you did what you had to because you already loved Nate so much. Then he was born and he wasn’t entirely healthy. You wouldn't let me blame myself, no matter how much I wanted to, because Nate's half-Kryptonian. And, in the great scheme of things, his health problems weren't all that serious, but they were happening to *our* baby and I held you in my arms as we cried together wondering if he was actually going to be okay."
I let go of one of her hands and wiped her tears away with my fingers. "I felt sucker punched when you said you would leave. When you said that leaving then would be better than staying. I thought it was just because I was caught off-guard by it, but it was more than that. And not just because you would have given me custody of Nate who ended up needing lots of care for a long time. Because you would have been gone. I didn't realize at the time how much that would have affected *me*. And not just because I can't get my own ties straight."
She smiled through her tears at that.
I paused for a minute, trying to keep my composure. "And then we found out that you were safe – you and Christopher were safe. I went to tell my parents and, somehow, the whole story tumbled out. Dad asked me if I could live without my boys and I told him no in an instant. Then he asked if I could live without you and I didn't have an answer for him. When I realized you moved out, I was dumbfounded. I should have expected something like that – either you gone or my things thrown on the yard or something – but I didn't. I couldn't sleep that night because you weren't there. I hadn't realized that I unconsciously listen to your heartbeat at night when I'm going to sleep. I used to listen to Christopher's, before he was born, when things were *so* tough, to remind me of why we were doing this. But yours... I'd never realized how comforting it is to hear your heart close to me. There were lots of other reasons I couldn't sleep that night, but that was one of them."
"When I saw you in that ship with a gun to your head, my heart stopped. When I heard the explosion and the gunshot and saw Van carry you out the door... I think I forgot to breathe. Heaven forbid, if something ever happened to the boys, it would absolutely tear me apart, but if I didn't have you with me, I couldn’t do it. There's no way.
"And you're an amazing reporter. Your writing makes mine better, you know that right? Who else could get a police inspector to try to get her fired the first week?" She smiled at that, too. "And besides all that – I think Pete said it best – you're *hot*."
I took another deep breath. "But more importantly... You've held me when I needed holding – like after Pop Pop died and this week when Christopher seemed to prefer Van to me. You've been there for me when I was depressed and moody. You've said the things I needed to hear when I needed to hear them – everything from 'I can't do this anymore' on our first anniversary to knock some sense into me to telling me that I'm Christopher's hero and Nate's hero and Mom's hero. And your hero. I can't imagine everything I've put you through over the last three and a half years makes me a hero, but it was good to hear anyway. And I hope that I can make up for it. That I can find a way to really be your hero."
I let go of her hand and slid onto my knee next to her, digging in my pocket for the box I'd put there earlier.
"Lois, will you marry me?"
*****
TBC
