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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Yay, you posted! First, a few things I appreciated from part 4 -- I loved Lois's apparent suprise that a normal person wouldn't think of renting the hotel room below her own and then climbing down a rope to the balcony. I mean, really, doesn't everybody do that at one point or another?  Obviously the goon watching her lacks imagination... It was a great moment when Clark said he believed her because she was Lois Lane. His opinion of her is so high, and her opinion of herself is so low... yeah, I think he'll be good for her. (Not that I ever doubted it! but this is a perfect encapsulation) Okay, part 5... I guess Lois is confident that no one's going to be listening in on this visit.  It's so Lois-y to decide to break in, and so Clark-ish to leave the key under the mat  No, it's not that he couldn't hear you from in the bathroom, Lois  but I'm glad that she thinks so, so that complication can be skated over for now. It's hard to say, but the image of Clark fresh out of the shower wearing faded blue jeans might be even better than the towel... He's got to get better at this double-life stuff, though, and start x-raying his place before he gets there! It was fun, though, seeing his actions & apartment choice through Lois's eyes. Great view of a brick wall! You did a terrific job of that in the last part, too. "Don't you want to know this stuff?" "Yeah, I do." I went back and checked, every question she asked was about stuff he really doesn't know. I love double-meanings. Anyway, some solid investigating going on here. When Lois focuses, she's very focused. When she chooses *not* to think about something, she's pretty good at that, too, at least until some brave soul like Clark starts asking her questions and making her think about it. At least she had a shoulder to cry on. And there were a few A-plot clues scattered in there, I think, but I'll have to wait and see, won't I? Great story. PJ
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
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Awww! Pam beat me to getting to start the thread. I spent my lunch hour devouring your story and letting my leftovers go cold. I am so completely hooked, I almost cried when I realized that there were no more parts.  I'm out of free-time now, but I promise I'll come back later tonight and comment at length. I just wanted to let you know that I'm in and I'm waiting impatiently for the next dose. More! Oh, please, more now!
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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/sniffle/ I know Lois is married and so it's wrong on all those levels but... I loved the two of them together and I loved the play on the 'nine/naked' line. So how long before Lois puts empty apartment and vacuum cleaner sounds together and comes up with Superman? More soon please! [which reminds me Sue - where's Ricochet?!?! ] Carol
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Poor Lois, finally coming to realize exactly how she'd been manipulated and how evil Lex really is.
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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wow! another powerful part. Lois' realization of how she was manipulated was very moving and powerful. I am completely hooked. I love how they already 'know' each other. All I want more of is... more
robinson
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: May 2006
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Haven't read the whole part yet but Ihad to say this: ‘Wow.’ I pinch my lips together and barely refrain from saying it out loud. Or drooling. “I said sex … um, I mean six.”
Oh, jeez. Did that really come out of my mouth? OMG 
Kathryn
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Wow, I came here to comment on part 4 and part 5 is up! Great scenes in Clark's apartment. Keep it coming!  Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Mar 2006
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Rats! I was sorta hoping that part 6 might have materialized by the time I got home. No such luck.  I love this story. I love the first person narrative, which is horribly hard to do well, but you make it look/read so effortless. I love that you're giving us an entirely new and fresh version of the characters and yet they are completely in-character. I love your sense of humor, the little nuggets of self-deprecation and snark that you've sprinkled through the story. It makes it that much easier to believe I'm actually inhabiting Lois' mind while I'm reading. I'm also enjoying your take on Clark and the dynamic between the two of them. I love unresolved sexual tension in a story and I'm very hopeful about the direction this one is headed. So keep it up. If you need plates of brownies or your laundry folded or someone to walk the dog so you can continue writing, let me know. Now get back to work!
Lois: You know, I have a funny feeling that you didn't tell me your biggest secret.
Clark: Well, just to put your little mind at ease, Lois, you're right.
Ides of Metropolis
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Very powerful. I am really enjoying watching Lois work to rediscover herself and come to grips with the reality behind her marriage to Lex. This is really, really wonderful and very well done.  Bob
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Liking it immensely. Glad that Lois is seeing the light. And, having done so, she's not dithering around. She's taking action. Yes, she respects and is properly cautious of Lex's power and ruthlessness, but now she's putting up her own strengths against Lex's advantages. And the fun parts: Not a minute later I hear a click and a thump from the bedroom and then a strange whirring sound, like the sound of a soft vacuum cleaner, followed closely by the sound of a door closing and the shower starting. I could have sworn that Clark wasn’t home before. How could I have missed him? Well, he’s in the shower now, so I sit back to wait.
I don’t have to wait long. He either takes the fastest shower known to man or decided not to shower after all. Tee-hee! We know the truth about the fast showers! “I said sex … um, I mean six.”
Oh, jeez. Did that really come out of my mouth? ROTFL! LOL! Was that a Freudian slip, Lois? “I’d tell you to make yourself at home, but I see that you already have.”
He points to the half-eaten chocolate bar in my hand and I feel my face burn at my presumption. And we know Clark just loves the way she made herself at home. It's the fascination she holds for him - starting right now, right here. “You were able to gather that much information in just a few hours?”
“I’m pretty fast and was very motivated." Another statement with double meanings undetected by Lois! "I'm pretty fast" - understatement of the year. "Motivated" - little does she know just who he is motivated by. “Sure. Don’t tell me you’ve never bent the rules to get a story. How in the world did you catch Domo?”
“I … uh, saw some suspicious activity and um… one of my sources overheard something incriminating down by the docks." Not a lie, but definitely misleading. Clark must be counting Superman as one of his sources, ha ha. “If you have time, we can divvy up the rest of these files after dinner.”
“You listened through all the tapes already?”
He pauses, chopsticks halfway to his mouth. The alarmed look on his face is quickly erased with a shrug. “I think I got the gist. If I need to, I can listen to them later or you could recap them for me?” He finishes off with a hopeful grin. Ooh, good recovery, Clark. First, he's almost busted. Then he realizes that he is giving himself away by the alarmed look. So he backs up - "I've got the gist." Then, he turns it into another opportunity to be with Lois - "You could recap them". Well done, Clark! And now the scary and/or heartbreaking bits: “Well, we still have your shadows to worry about. I came down Eighth Street and saw one of them talking on a phone. I snuck up close enough to hear him say that someone named 'Trask' from a 'Bureau 39' is coming. Does that mean anything to you?” At least Clark knows that they're onto him now. He can be alert. He's been warned. But - has Bureau 39 found the Kryptonite yet? “Oh my God,” I whisper. “He did it. Lex bought and then destroyed the Planet.” When I realize I’d spoken the thought out loud, I open my eyes. I feel ashamed and appalled. “He killed thirty-five people, including Perry, so that I would marry him?” And Lois is forced to relive those bad moments, now with a different perspective, that tells her what really happened. And you killed Perry! Aargh! That's harsh. (But I'll allow it if it's necessary to the story.)
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
My ire is immediately apparent in both my voice and body – back straight, arms crossed, eyes narrowed. If I’d had claws, they’d have unsheathed while I hissed and spat my indignation. In response, Clark’s hands rise to ward off the fury he can surely hear in my voice, his eyes wide.  Loved the matter-of-fact attitude of Lois as she made herself at home at Clark's place And Trask is there, too  Michael 
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,181 Likes: 29 |
I finally got the time to read all five parts and really enjoyed them.
The extent and totality of Lex's power is quite frightening. Typically Lois doesn't allow that to stop her chasing the story.
The interaction between Lois and Clark is great - almost like they slipped into an already-established friendship, but with a freshness which worked really well. It's interesting that before they met, they were both aware of the other, more than aware.
I'm looking forward to the next part.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Ooh, shiny new feedback. Thanks ya'll! Bob Glad to see you're still hanging with me and thanks for the comments. Although the realizations hit her hard, Lois is tough enough to take it. IolantheAlias I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. You're right, now that Lois knows about Lex, she's impatient to do something about it. she's putting up her own strengths against Lex's advantages. And Lex's disadvantages. Although he doesn't have many, he has sorely underestimated his wife's talents. We know the truth about the fast showers That's one of the best things about writing fanfiction - even though this is written from Lois' perspective, you understand Clark's actions. LOL! Was that a Freudian slip, Lois? Almost. Although, is it still a Freudian slip if it didn't come from her subconscious? Lois was definitely putting sex and Clark together in her *conscious* thoughts. Thank you for the comments about Clark's motivations and reactions to Lois. Now I know how hard it is to provide depth to another character when writing from a 1st person perspective. It's great to know that Clark is coming through. But - has Bureau 39 found the Kryptonite yet? Mwah ha ha ha ha. RAFO!  And you killed Perry! Aargh! That's harsh. Sorry. I didn't think it needed a WHAM warning since it comes out at the beginning of the story, but I'll update it if it's required. Michael Thanks for quoting Lois' hissy fit. Of course she makes herself at home at Clark's - it's not the first time she's been there and this time, she was invited. As for Trask... RAFO! Female Hawk Thanks for reading the story and for posting comments. It's always good to see that people are enjoying it. The interaction between Lois and Clark is great - almost like they slipped into an already-established friendship, but with a freshness which worked really well. It's interesting that before they met, they were both aware of the other, more than aware. Knowing *of* each other beforehand definitely will help facilitate them getting to know each other quicker. Brenda
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