Table of Contents From Part 1Claude laughed and didn't answer her query. "I'd better get going," he said instead. "It was nice to see you again, Lois."
"Wait!"
He stopped and turned around, much to her dismay. She didn't know why she had asked him not to go. She should be relieved that the interview was over, that he was about to step out of her life once and for all, but what he had said was intriguing enough to query. It irked her that he dropped hints and left before she could find out more - it was typical of him, of course, but she didn't seem to be able to put it past her.
She noticed that her hand was resting on his arm, and she quickly withdrew it, feeling as if she had been burned by an electric charge. It was too late, though; Claude had noticed her hasty retreat, and he was smirking at her discomfort.
"Lois, if looks could kill, I imagine I would be dead right now."
She didn't answer, unsure whether it was a good thing that her hatred for him was so obvious. By hating him, she was showing him that she had cared, that she still cared, and that the hurt he had inflicted her wasn't forgotten. She was giving him a power over her that he didn't deserve, but she was unable nonetheless to conceal the feeling of disgust that invaded her at his sight and at his touch.
This time when he made for the door, she didn't hold him back.
*********
Part 2Clark had been keeping a close watch on the conference room for the ten minutes Lois and Claude stayed in there. He had successfully fought the urge to tune into the conversation, resolute to respect Lois's privacy, but now that Claude was heading out of the newsroom he wanted to be with his partner. He knew that she probably didn't want his comfort; maybe she didn't even need it.
He wanted to wait for her to join him at his desk, but she stayed in the conference room long minutes after Claude's departure. Unable to contain his concern any longer, Clark walked into the conference room and shut the door behind him.
She was sitting at the table and staring into space. She didn't acknowledge his presence, nor did she seem surprised when he laid a hand on her shoulder. "Please, don't say a word."
"Do you want me to leave?"
"No!" She looked up at him, her eyes bright with tears, and he felt his heart break at the sight. "No," she said more calmly. "Stay. Please."
He nodded and pulled her to her feet to wrap his arms around her. She leaned onto his chest, fisting her hands into his jacket and burying her head against the collar of his shirt. She didn't cry. She clung to him, her body stiff with tension, giving no reaction to the brush of his hands on her back.
All he could see was the dark mass of silky hair pressed to his neck. All he could hear was the loud beating of her heart against his chest. All he could feel was the warmth of her body pressed against his.
He sighed against her, and his arms tightened around her. "It's gonna be all right, Lois," he whispered into her hair and was rewarded by a tiny movement of her head.
He needed to stay calm and reassure her. He needed to show her that Claude couldn't hurt her any more. Deep inside, though, he was boiling with pent-up fury, and it took all his willpower not to run after the man and tear him from limb to limb. Sitting at his desk while Lois was locked in the conference room with Claude had been pure torture; watching her distress as she collapsed in his arms was almost worse.
He had known that she had been putting on a brave face in front of her ex-lover. He hadn't been fooled by her aggressive act or the anger animating her face as she spoke. But her voice had been unsteady, her gestures brusque; Claude had managed to destabilise her.
He should feel guilty about listening in to their conversation. He had tried several times to tune out and occupy himself with something, *anything* to take his mind off what was going on a few feet away. But when he had caught Lois sneaking a glance towards him, as if looking for reassurance, he had felt unable to resist the urge to be there with her, if not physically, then at least in one way rendered possible by his powers.
And so he had heard everything. And when Claude had reached for Lois's arm, holding her back before she got out of the no doubt unbearable atmosphere of the room, he had barely noticed the shards of wood showering his desk when the pencil he had been holding splintered in his hand.
No, there was no remorse about listening in to a private and very confidential conversation. There was only remorse about not getting up from his chair and dragging Claude out of the building by the seat of his pants.
Lois straightened in his arms, and he loosened his embrace to look at her face. She was hiding behind the curtain of her hair, and she ducked out of his hold to stand a few feet away, her back on him.
"Clark..." she breathed after a while. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't - "
He pre-empted her concern. "I won't tell anyone. You don't have to worry about that."
She turned around and gave him a grateful smile.
"But remember this, Lois. He's doesn't deserve to have had someone as terrific as you in his life."
She lowered her eyes and sighed wearily. "I know. He's not worth crying over. I've been telling myself that for five years."
"And bottling it up isn't doing any good either," Clark pointed out. He knew that was what Lois had been doing. She wasn't the kind to publicly wallow in self-pity, and she pushed whatever had hurt her to the far back of her mind until it caught up with her. Like it had today. "There are some things that you need to get out of your system."
She looked at him curiously and opened her mouth as if to say something, but apparently changed her mind. She remained silent.
"You have never talked about this with anyone, have you? Not even Lucy?"
She gave a bitter laugh. "God, Lucy would have a field day, telling me again how I always make the wrong choice where men are concerned. She's just as bad as I am - it's a family thing - but she can't see that of course. And to her, if I'm jumping right in with a guy and it's a disaster, it's because I didn't know him well enough. But if I stand by and wait, she complains that I'm not trying hard enough."
"I don't think anyone can claim they've always made the right choice where relationships are concerned." And it was true of him, too, Clark thought inwardly. His fling with Lana had created havoc with their friendship; they had managed to remain civil to each other afterwards, but it had taken a long time to rebuild the trust that had disappeared when he had found his girlfriend making out with Pete Ross. At least he had known before he got himself too involved with her. Unlike Lois.
"Oh yes, I'm sure everyone has a smudge in their track record. Even you. But I seem to collect smudges."
"Lois, everyone who is still single has a collection of failed relationships behind them. Claude is one of them. Does it mean you should regret your decisions at the time? I don't think so."
"You don't understand! I decided to throw caution to the wind because I was in love. I decided to sleep with him even though I barely knew him! I decided to ignore his reputation as a seducer because I believed it would be different for us!"
"Do you still love him?" She looked up sharply, and he winced. "I'm sorry; it's none of my business - "
"I don't know."
" - forget I asked... what?"
"I don't know if I still love him."
She sat at the table again, and he took his place beside her. He was tempted to reach for her hand, to initiate a physical contact that had become natural to him over the few weeks he had known her, but he didn't want his gesture to be misinterpreted. He held back.
"I thought it was over. I have thought about him maybe twice in the space of five years. And always as something I shouldn't have done. And I still believe I shouldn't have been with him at all. But when he reappeared today, part of me saw the man I first fell in love with. Part of me only wanted to remember the way he looked at me, the way he talked to me, the way he loved me that night. I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable with this."
Clark followed the direction of her gaze and noticed with embarrassment that his hands were tightly fisted. He forced himself to relax. "You're not. I'm just... well, I'll be frank. I'm furious."
This time her eyes flashed anger at him. "Well, I didn't ask you to judge me, Kent!"
"No! Lois, it's not you I'm furious with!" Without conscious thought, he covered her hand with his, needing to feel her physical presence for fear that she would run out on a misunderstanding. "I'm furious with *him*. It took everything for me not to barge in here and throw him out. Well, maybe what convinced me is that you'd probably have kicked me out after him if I had."
She gave him a small smile - the first he had seen since Claude had stepped into the newsroom. "Probably. Though I'd have been grateful to you for getting rid of him."
"And the way you feel about seeing him again is natural."
"Do you feel the same way about your ex-girlfriends?"
"No. But she's married to the man with whom she... well, she's married."
*********
There was something about Clark's words that made Lois push her sorrow to the back of her mind and concentrate on her partner. He had never told her much about his past, and somehow she had never thought about potential relationships he had had before he came to Metropolis. To her, Clark had always been single and available. It was one of the immutable truths of this world: just like the sun rose every morning, just like the night fell every evening, Clark Kent was and would always be a sexless friend... boy, had she truly taken him for a eunuch? she wondered in disbelief. She couldn't have failed to notice that her partner was incredibly handsome - certainly other women had noticed, too, and acted upon their appreciation of his fine physique.
But Clark didn't only have a great body, she amended quickly. He was first and foremost a caring and affectionate friend. He had become important to her without her noticing it. Until now. Until he had held her against him and showed her that he cared without judging her. She should feel uncomfortable that he had seen her weak and vulnerable, but she felt strangely at peace with herself. She knew that Clark wouldn't betray her.
And, by the sound of it, he had gone through some tough relationships in the past as well. He was right - pretty much everyone had an experience with failed love before they found the right person, assuming they ever found them.
"I'm not saying I went through the same experience as you did, or that what happened between you and Claude is frequent enough to be dismissed," he said suddenly, and she could feel his agitation. Was he treading on eggshells around her? Did she give him the impression that she could fly off the handle if he strayed one step out of the tight boundaries she imposed on their working relationship? "I can't imagine how I would have reacted if I'd realised too late that Lana wasn't serious about us."
"Lana? Was she your girlfriend?"
"Years ago. Back when I still lived in Kansas. I was young and fancied myself in love, but it could never have worked between us. I know that now." He shrugged. "I can't say I have regrets either. Sure, for a long time after we broke up I wished it had worked, but I now realise that it would have been a mistake."
"Ah." A high school sweetheart, no doubt. More than that, if she went by the way Clark talked about what he had shared with that woman.
And... was it an impression, or was he looking at her more intently than ever? His gaze was resting on her face, his eyes darker and more penetrating than she had ever noticed. She held his gaze, surprised at her own lack of need to squirm uncomfortably. Without conscious thought, she felt herself lean towards him.
/How long do you think you two can keep it a secret?/
She straightened abruptly and felt her cheeks burn. What had she been doing? What had she been about to do? Panic instantly flooded through her veins as she realised that if it hadn't been for Claude's insulting accusation, she would have kissed Clark. Talk about following one big mistake with an even bigger one! Hadn't the experience with Claude been enough of a lesson?
And yet... She forced herself to look up at him, and saw that he was smiling encouragingly at her. He didn't seem angry or frustrated that she hadn't kissed him, yet he must have been blind if he hadn't seen that it was what she had been about to do. But he was still holding her hand, his fingers tightly wrapped around hers and his thumb lightly stroking her palm.
"He was an idiot not to see how lucky he was to have you in his life, Lois. Don't let him make you doubt how attractive you are. You're beautiful, you're brilliant, and whoever you choose to share your life with will be the luckiest man on earth."
She felt more tears threaten to run down her cheeks and scolded herself firmly. She had to get a grip on her emotions; it was a wonder that Clark hadn't run away from her yet. But then, Clark wasn't like Claude. The day she told him she loved him, he wouldn't take it as his cue to dump her.
The day... the day she told him she loved him?! What was she thinking?
Was she truly considering the possibility that her feelings for Clark went beyond friendship? That she... was attracted to him? To her partner? The thought should have been ridiculous enough to send her into fits of laughter, but it didn't. Instead, warmth spread through her as she thought about Clark as a potential... well, as more than a friend, she corrected quickly before she let herself voice the scary word.
Images poured through her mind, each more frighteningly appealing than the previous one: cuddling with him on a couch, watching a video without paying much attention to anything but each other, walking hand in hand with him or feeling the protectiveness of his arm draped over her shoulder, sharing a soft kiss and exchanging whispered promises of love...
And, if she ever did get so far as making love with him - not that she was actually thinking of doing anything of the kind, she told herself immediately, but in a purely hypothetical situation... if she did go to bed with him, somehow she knew that Clark Kent would never leave before morning. He would never see sex as an opportunity to take advantage of her.
He would respect her.
This time, she didn't duck her head before touching her lips to his. The kiss wasn't like anything she had ever experienced. She had expected unrestrained passion, a whirlwind of emotions that made her feel heady and disoriented. She had expected a frightening fall into a bottomless pit where holding onto the edge of her sanity became impossible. She had expected to lose control of her dawning feelings and plunge headfirst, mindless of the consequences. She had expected a repeat performance of the first moments of her relationship with Claude.
Instead, warmth and sweetness wrapped themselves around her as he kissed her back, making her feel safe and content with the soft pressure of Clark's lips against hers. She gradually relaxed in the certainty that he would be different, that this time there would be no pressure, no rush into anything as long as she wasn't ready.
She reluctantly pulled away from him, unable to hold back a satisfied smile when he groaned in protest. She indulged herself with another short kiss, then leaned her forehead against his.
"Lois..."
No... please no. Don't let him ruin this moment with a declaration of undying love, she prayed fervently. She was unable to honestly return his feelings yet. She knew there was more than friendship between them - it would be tough to deny after that kiss - but she wasn't ready to acknowledge it yet. One step at a time. One tiny step at a time. She braced herself for the worst. "Yes, Clark?"
"Do you want me to tear him limb from limb?"
She straightened up in her chair, and her eyes widened in surprise. At least it wasn't what she had feared, but the mental image of Clark giving Claude what he deserved had its appeal. She caught the teasing gleam in her partner's eyes. "Would you do it if I said yes?"
"Would you visit me in my lonely jail if I did?"
"Would you kiss me again if I asked you to?"
The smile vanished from his face, and she felt her breath catch in her throat at the loving expression on his face. Clark Kent didn't need declarations of love to show her that he cared. She closed her eyes, her heart racing as she let her fears be swept away by his kiss.
Ending the kiss, she bit her lip as she gazed at him, the expression in his eyes making her both scared and cherished in equal parts. His hand on hers tightened. "Lois."
"Clark?" she said hesitantly, torn between flight and kissing him again.
"I know," he said softly, and squeezed her hand reassuringly.
"You know... what?"
"You're not ready. Are you?"
"Ready?" Stalling, she pretended not to understand. They were on the verge of something new here, and the ground beneath her feet where Clark was concerned, once so stable, was crumbling. She wasn't sure she could take the fall. Unless, of course, Clark was there to hold her.
"Ready to trust again. To... date... someone else you work with," he explained quietly.
Count on Clark to see right through her. Her gaze fixed on his, she shook her head dumbly.
"I know you're not. And... I'm willing to wait until you are. Until then - I'll be your friend. If you'll let me. Until you can trust me the way I trust you."
There was something about the way he said it that assured her that he wouldn't ignore the shift in their relationship either. She had half-expected him to take back what he had just given her and go on with their partnership as if nothing had happened. She had been sure that whatever he said, she would be stuck between discomfort and disappointment until even their friendship fell apart.
She shouldn't have been so unsure, she realised as he spoke. With Clark, it wasn't all or nothing. With Clark, there was no pressure for her to be completely committed to him or not at all. With Clark, she could take her time and get used to the new possibilities opening themselves to their relationship.
Their friendship wasn't going to be supplanted by the uncomfortable insecurities usually brought by love. Instead, it would be strengthened by this new and unexpected turn of events, this new dimension that she hadn't let herself consider before today. At least she could thank Claude for something: he'd opened her eyes at last.
With Claude, neither the time nor the man had been right. And she'd suffered for it; no matter how much she'd tried to pretend to her ex-boyfriend that she couldn't care less about him, he'd hurt her badly.
This time, the man was definitely right. It was just the time that wasn't... quite right.
But one day it would be.
And that day, Clark Kent would be there, waiting for her.
~ The End ~
