Thanks - as forever and always - to Nancy, Beth, Alisha and Queenie.
I did manage to edit about 22% of OTOH [that's about 272 pages, Comic Sans, 11pt] and write about 150 words of something new [Queenie *loves* it! Not really, but Nancy and Beth did
] but I'm still getting NOWHERE on the one I want to work on :p . /sigh/ Sick kids will do that to you...
Headache is better. Amish Friendship Bread is in the oven. Kids are all asleep... Things aren't bad...
Last time:
She opened the center drawer to look for a piece of paper and a pen, but instead found something else.
The leather bound journal she'd given him for his birthday. On top of it, held in place with a rubber band, was a slip of paper with her name on it.
She lost the new battle with the tears as she pulled it out of the drawer. She pulled the slip of paper out and opened it.
'Lois, love, if you find this or my parents give it to you, then something happened to me. Know that my love is forever. I've known since I met you that you were the only one for me and I can't imagine my life without you. Yesterday, this morning, they were the best moments of my life – being with you was more than I could have ever imagined. You're my best friend, my one true love, my wife, my heart. To marry you and leave you in such a short time breaks my heart. As much as it hurts me to say, I hope you can find someone to share the rest of your life with – maybe not anytime soon, but eventually. You deserve to be loved.'
Tears streamed down her cheeks. 'I know I hurt you deeply the night you gave this to me and I hope you understand now why I wasn’t ready to share that yet. It wasn't because I didn't love you or trust you or anything like that. This has turned into a journal of sorts, starting that night. I want you to have it. I want you to have anything of mine that you want – as my wife, the money in my bank account should be yours, the truck, and anything else you want... I don't have much, but what I have is yours.
'I love you, Lois, more than you'll ever know. I've loved you since the beginning, sweetheart, and I will love you until the end and beyond. Forever your husband, Clark'
She ran her hand over the front cover, trying to bring herself to open it but she couldn't. She reached over and clicked the light switch off, picking up both the book and the bear her mom had packed before heading towards Clark's bed.
She slid under the covers and, holding both of them to her, cried herself to sleep.
Chapter 11"How're you holding up?" Martha sat with Lois on the porch swing on Sunday afternoon.
Lois shrugged. "I'm okay. Clark's the one having a hard time."
"It's got to be hard on you, too. He's not treating you the same way he usually would. Has he hugged you at all? Kissed you? It’s not the same, sure, but this has to be hard for you, too."
Lois sighed. Martha had no way of knowing how hard. "He put his arm around me Friday night while we sat out here for a few minutes, but I had to tell him that's what he'd normally do."
"And you two have always been a fairly physically demonstrative couple so that's a huge change in your relationship. Can you deal with that if it takes a while for him to remember?"
"I don't have a choice," she said quietly. "I love him. If he never remembers, I'll still love him and I hope that he'll love me, too, in this new way."
"I don't see how he can help but love you, honey."
"I hope so." She sighed. "It's weird though. I was looking for a pen and paper in his desk and found that journal I gave him with a note from him saying if I found it, it meant that something had happened to him and that he wanted me to have it. I haven't been able to read it yet, though. In some ways it's like he's gone, but he's not."
For a moment, Lois longed to pour out everything to Martha, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Not yet. They hadn't talked about this before Clark left. They'd decided either she'd tell their parents if something happened to him or they'd tell them all together after he got back. At no point had they discussed what to do if he didn't remember anything.
"How do you think he's taking it all?" Lois asked, changing the subject. Jonathan and Clark had gone for a long walk while Jonathan told him everything they knew about being Kryptonian.
Martha sighed. "I don't know. It is what it is though. When Clark told you, you always had the option of walking away. Clark doesn't have that option."
"I have to go home soon. Mom said word's getting around town about Clark's memory and I've got school tomorrow, whether he decides to go or not. I know he was planning on it before this talk with Jonathan but..."
"Do you want me to go ahead and take you or do you want to wait for Clark or Jonathan?"
Lois stood up. "Would you mind?"
"Not at all, sweetie. Go get your things and I'll leave the boys a note."
*****
Lois closed her locker as Pete walked up. She hadn't slept well – again – and was at school much earlier than she'd planned.
"How is he?" Pete asked, walking with her towards their first class.
She shrugged. "He's okay. He doesn’t remember anything... personal, I guess, for lack of a better term. He knows how to drive, how to get to school, who Marie Antoinette was, but me? Not a clue. He recognized your picture in the sense that he knows he should know you, but that's it."
Pete stopped and put his arm around her. Lois rested her forehead on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lo. It's going to be hard that he doesn't know me, but you? I can't imagine if Abby forgot who I was."
Lois moved away from him and started back towards their classroom, stopping in her tracks as she saw Clark standing there. For once, she couldn’t read what was on his face. "Hey," she said surprised. "I wasn't sure you'd be here."
He shrugged. "I didn't have anywhere else to be."
"This is Pete. He's one of your best friends. We go out with him and his girlfriend, Abby, all the time."
Clark nodded. "I remember the yearbook pictures. I'm sorry I don't remember you."
"It's okay. I'm just glad you're okay overall."
"Me, too," Lois said quietly. "That's the most important thing."
Clark looked at Lois. "Can you show me where my locker is and all that?"
She nodded and headed away. "I'll talk to you later, Pete."
"Bye, Lois. Bye, Clark." Pete headed the other way.
They walked in silence for a moment. "We're serious, aren't we?" Clark asked suddenly.
She looked up at him, slightly shocked. "Yeah. Why?"
"So what was that with Pete? Was I interrupting something?"
"What? Clark! He was giving me a hug because I told him you wouldn't remember him anymore than you remembered me. He said he didn't know what he'd do if Abby didn't remember him. That's it."
Clark nodded. "Okay."
Lois showed him his locker and told him the combination. She helped him get his books and such for the first part of the day.
"We have all of our classes together, right?" he asked.
"Yeah, we do. You can just stick with me if you want to. All our teachers know what happened so I wouldn't expect them to call on you or anything like that."
"I think I'm okay with content. I looked through a bunch of stuff last night." He looked around to make sure they were nearly alone. "Super fast. I remember all that stuff. It's just people and events and stuff like that."
"Right."
He stopped suddenly. "Is there something else you're not telling me?"
"Like what?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I just get the impression that you're keeping something back from me."
Lois sighed. "There's a lot of things I haven't told you. Telling you every detail of our eighteen month relationship and more than decade long friendship will take eons. The important thing for you to know is that I love you and I hope that you can figure out some way to still love me."
He reached out and touched her cheek with his fingertips. "There's something about you that feels good, that feels right."
She smiled slightly. "I'm glad, but now we have to get to class."
*****
Clark sat down near the back of the auditorium and sighed. The morning hadn't been *hard*, but it was tiring at the same time.
Lois had been right – the teachers hadn't called on him and had gone out of their way to accommodate him – offering late turn in dates for assignments due that week and things of that nature.
Lois had quietly told him who the people were, telling him what his relationship – if any – with each person was.
That didn't mean he remembered any of them.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, not moving as someone – he assumed Lois – sat next to him.
"Hey."
He didn't recognize the voice so he opened his eyes and looked at the girl sitting next to him. "Hi," he said.
"I'm Lana."
He nodded. "Right. I knew that."
"You remember me?" she asked hopefully. Clark couldn't put his finger on what else was in her voice.
He shook his head. "No. Sorry. I remember your picture and Lois told me who you were but..."
"Oh." She sounded disappointed.
They sat in silence for a moment.
"I'm glad you're not hurt," she finally said.
"Thanks." They sat for another minute. "So are we... friends? Lois didn't really say."
Lana sighed. "Part of me wants to tell you that you and I... That we have something special, something that you don't want Lois to know about."
Clark didn't know what to say to that.
She looked at her hands. "I've had a huge crush on you since we were little. I had this idea that I could tell you that we had a thing on the side because you didn't want to break Lois' heart but... I can't do that. You love her. You have since she and I were in kindergarten and you were in first grade."
"Thank you for your honesty," Clark said after a minute. "I appreciate it." He rested a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure there's someone out there for you."
Lana turned and smiled at him. "Thanks."
*****
Lois walked into the auditorium and headed straight to the front where they always sat. She put her backpack the seat in the row behind Pete and Abby.
"Have you guys seen Clark?" she asked them.
They both shook their heads. "Nope. Sorry," Pete said. "He wasn't here when we got here."
Lois stood next to them and looked around, her eyes landing on Lana.
Sitting next to Clark.
Who had his hand on her shoulder and was smiling at her.
She sighed and brushed past her friends to flop in the seat next to Abby. "Figures," she muttered.
"What?" Abby asked.
Lois jerked her head slightly towards the back of the auditorium. "I should have expected that Lana would try to move in on Clark while he doesn't remember anything."
Abby put her arm around Lois' shoulders. "It's okay. He knows you two are a thing and unless he really believes he'd cheat on you there's no way he'd think something was going on with the two of them."
Lois rested her head against Abby. "I know, but what if he decides he wants to see if there's something with her. How does he know I'm the one for him?" Tears filled her eyes.
He was her *husband* and he was sitting with Lana and she didn't feel like she could go tell Lana to beat it like she would have the week before; not when Clark didn't remember her.
Mrs. Sanderson called the class to order. She called to Clark and Lana and told them to move towards the front.
A minute later, Clark sat next to Lois as class started.
After school was over, they walked outside.
"Now what?" Clark asked.
Lois shrugged. "Up to you."
"What would we normally do?"
She sighed. If Clark had his memory, they'd probably go find somewhere to be alone and make love again. She'd dreamed about being together with him every night and she longed to drag him off somewhere – even the back of his truck – and be with him again.
"You okay?"
Lois sighed again. "I'm fine. Normally, you'd come over and study and help my sister with her homework and hang out. You might stay for dinner, you might not. Depends on what we're having and your mom is making and how much homework we have or if you have to help your dad on the farm."
"And today?" he asked quietly.
"It's up to you. If you want to come over, you're welcome to, but if not..." She shrugged. "I'd understand."
"Do I give you a ride home?"
Lois pointed across the street. "I just live right across the street."
He nodded. "Do you mind if I head home? It's been a long day."
"That's fine. I understand." She wanted to spend more time with him but at the same time, it *was* more stressful than she would have expected to treat him differently than normal.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
Lois shrugged. "It's not your fault."
They stood awkwardly for a long moment.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Lois finally said, turning to walk away.
"Wait."
She stopped and turned to face him.
"I'm sorry this is hard for you," he said quietly. "I wish I remembered."
"I know."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Right. Tomorrow." Lois turned and practically fled home.
*****
Lois sat on the porch swing at her house, staring into space but not really seeing anything.
It had been nearly two months and Clark still didn't remember anything.
And she hated the 'new normal'.
It wasn't *horrible*, but it wasn't *normal*.
Most afternoons he went home instead of coming over. They'd gone out on dates once or twice on the weekends, usually with Abby and Pete. She'd gone out to the farm every Saturday or Sunday or both. They'd looked through photo albums and she'd told him about their relationship.
Most of it.
She hadn't told him that they were married.
But still nothing.
And now they were graduating.
Class rankings had come out and they were both in the top five. They'd both been asked to give speeches at graduation. She'd worked with Clark on his and had hers written but that wasn't what occupied her thoughts.
She looked up as the door opened. Sam came to sit beside her.
"I'm proud of you, Princess."
"Thanks, Daddy."
"How's Clark? We miss having him around here."
Lois shrugged against him. "He's fine. I miss having him around, too."
"Mom and I are both looking forward to going out to the farm tomorrow. Your grandparents are, too."
They'd decided to have a joint graduation... dinner before Clark had gone to destroy Nightfall. It was more of a potluck with Clark's grandparents and any family in the area that wanted to drop by. Lois' family and both sets of grandparents were coming as well.
"Me, too," Lois said quietly. "I don't suppose that dropping Clark out of the barn again would bring his memory back?"
He chuckled lightly. "That's not how it works."
"I didn't think so."
"Are you feeling okay? You haven't eaten much lately and you seem pale a lot of the time."
"Just stress, I guess," she said. "I don't have much of an appetite these days."
"If it gets much worse, I want you to come in and make sure there's not something else going on."
She nodded. "I'll let you know if I think it's too much."
He kissed the side of her head. "Go get some sleep, Baby Girl. You've got a big day tomorrow."
She nodded. "Love you, Dad."
"Love you, too."
She headed up to her room, closing the door and locking it behind her. She went to her dresser and dug through the bottom drawer until she found what she was looking for. She left it in the drawer, under one of Clark's sweatshirts she'd borrowed not long after they'd started dating, but she knew for sure where it was.
After closing the drawer, she moved to the top drawer where she pulled out their wedding rings, beginning her nightly ritual. She moved her promise ring and slipped the engagement and wedding rings onto her finger and Clark's wedding band onto her middle finger. It was too big, but wasn't comfortable with it on her thumb, so she'd wrapped yarn around it to make it a bit smaller.
She thought again about reading the journal she'd brought home, but, again, couldn't bring herself to.
Instead, she pulled out her own journal and began to write.
*****
Lois sat on the chair in the Kent's living room, balancing her plate on her knees.
Graduation had gone smoothly with only a slight hitch in Clark's speech as he stumbled over something he didn't really remember.
They'd taken pictures and headed towards the farm and now there were probably thirty family members in the house.
She picked at the barbecue beef in her sandwich but didn't eat much of it.
"You okay?" Martha asked quietly as she set her plate on the counter a while later.
Lois shook her head, tears feeling in her eyes. "Can I talk to you? Privately?"
Martha set down her plate. "Of course, honey. Come on."
She led Lois upstairs, allowing Lois to enter the master bedroom in front of her.
Lois hesitated before sitting in the middle of the bed, taking the purse she'd grabbed with her.
Martha sat on the bed near her, quietly waiting for her to be ready.
"We didn't tell you everything," Lois blurted out.
Martha nodded. "Okay."
"That day..." Lois took a deep breath. "We didn't go see the world the day before Clark left. We went to Metropolis."
"Metropolis is a great city," Martha said carefully.
Lois nodded. "I've been there before, but mostly the suburbs. We went downtown."
"Daily Planet building?"
"Among other places. The first place we went..." Lois stopped, tears flowing down her cheeks. She took another deep breath. "We went to the court house."
The older woman looked slightly puzzled. "Uh huh?" she said warily.
Lois shook her head. The tears flowed faster down her cheeks. "In New Troy, you only have to be seventeen to get married," she whispered.
Martha's eyes widened. "And you two..."
Lois nodded. "We got married," she continued quietly. "Clark had, um, gotten us a room at the Lexor and, um..." She was sure she was bright red. "We were careful," she continued quickly. "I mean, Clark had stopped at a drugstore after he dropped me off the night before, but I'm allergic to latex. Clark waited in line at the court house while I went to another drugstore and got something else. We read the directions like eighteen times and we followed them, I swear we did, but..." Her voice trailed off.
"You're pregnant?" Martha asked quietly.
Lois nodded. "I've wondered for a couple weeks, but I finally took a test this morning. It came back positive pretty quickly, before the two minutes were up." She pulled her purse towards her and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it over to Martha before opening the small zipper pouch and pulling out the rings.
She set them on the bed.
Martha looked at the marriage certificate. "I believed you."
"I knew you would but..." Lois wiped the tears off her cheeks. "I've thought about it and we really did follow the instructions – we were careful about that – and the only thing I've come up with..." She hesitated.
Martha covered Lois' hand with her own. "It's okay, honey. I'm sure you were careful."
Lois nodded. "Well, the only thing I've come up with is that, um..." She stared at the comforter. "That Clark's, um, swimmers are invulnerable, too."
Martha nodded. "I suppose that makes sense."
"I don't know what to do," Lois whispered. "I love him, but things are so weird right now. He doesn't touch me. He hasn't really kissed me since he left. He doesn't remember me, but we're married and he's going to be a father. How do I tell him that? Do I tell him that?"
Martha tugged on her hand and Lois moved until she was sitting next to Martha. She rested her head on her mother-in-law's shoulder as she was enveloped in a warm embrace.
"You have to tell him," Martha said quietly.
"I know, but how?"
"That I don't know."
They sat there for a few more minutes before Martha spoke again. "What was your plan for after he got back?"
"We were hoping you'd let us live in Gramps' and Granny's house. Clark said he'd been fixing up the inside when you guys weren't home. He said he had enough money left after paying for our... 'honeymoon'..." She used finger quotes. "...to get us a few things to set up house, depending on whether you and my folks would let us have our furniture and all that – if you'd let us live there, of course. Otherwise, I don't know what we were going to do. We didn't really talk about it a whole lot. We just knew we wanted to get married before he left and not *just* because of the... honeymoon."
Martha sighed. "Well, we need to make a plan. You have to tell Clark and we'll have to talk to your parents and Jonathan, of course, and go from there."
"Will you help me?" Lois asked quietly. "I don't think I can do this by myself."
"Of course, but I think you need to tell Clark on your own."
She nodded. "Okay."
"Do you want to get this over with today?"
Lois nodded again. "Yeah. Daddy's noticing that I haven't been feeling well. It hasn't been too bad, but I'm queasy most of the time and if I don't eat by six or so, it's not going to happen."
Martha held her for another long moment. "I love you, sweetie. I couldn’t ask for anyone better for Clark."
"Thanks, Martha. I love you, too."
Martha hesitated for a moment. "If you want to call me 'Mom', you can. You've always been the daughter I never had."
Lois smiled through her tears. "Thanks, Mom."
Martha stood up. "Why don't you go splash some water on your face and I'll send Clark up, okay?"
Lois nodded. "Thanks."
Martha left and Lois did as she'd suggested, coming back out of the master bathroom just as there was a knock on the door.
Clark came in without waiting for an answer. "Hey," he said. "What's up?"
Lois sat back down on the bed and couldn't look at him. "We need to talk."
*****
TBC
