Thanks as always to the fantastic Nancy and Carol for BRing this and picking up all the times I wrote the wrong name. Also, thanks to the IRC gang for nagging me to get this done. The extra motivation helped.
Previously...
“I’m not sure what it is,” Kal continued. “Maybe we’re dating or maybe it’s more. But I do think it is… something.” He twisted his fingers around her hand, and glanced up at her. “Am I right?”
She couldn’t breathe under the pressure of those eyes. She had noticed before how deep and intense they were, but never had they been directed towards her in the total, complete, focused way they were right now.
“Yes,” she whispered, hypnotized by those eyes. “You’re right. There is something between us.”
Kal burst out a brilliant smile that was almost beautiful enough to distract her from his eyes.
“I thought so,” he spoke.
In tandem, as if they were reading each other’s minds, they leaned forward across the table, and met with their lips in the middle.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Lois couldn’t stop staring at the smiling man standing in her kitchen. How had she never noticed how attractive he was when he smiled?
Maybe it was because his other smiles were always tainted somehow. Even when he was happy, there was always a little bit of him that seemed sad.
But now there was no trace of that. Lois had to fight to keep her concentration as she watched him stir the spaghetti, casually leaning against the counter.
“Careful, Lois. The sauce is bubbling over.” He reached over and pulled the spoon from her slack hand and took over stirring.
“Oops,” she blushed.
Kal turned the burner down and smiled over at her. Her jaw dropped lower.
“You didn’t lie when you told me you weren’t very good at this,” Kal grinned.
“Well, I figured I should let you know as soon as possible,” Lois told him. “That way you wouldn’t try to get me to help.” There was no need to tell him that he was being more distracting than usual.
“I should have taken your word for it.” Kal shrugged.
“Well, now you know better.”
“So is this how it usually is for us?” he asked. “Me cooking, you watching?”
“Something like this,” Lois shrugged. He was actually pretty close in his guess, but somehow it never seemed this intimate before.
“I think I could get used to that.” He leaned closer to her and she let his kiss fall onto her lips.
But she didn’t let it go any further. When she said that there was something between them, Kal seemed to assume that that meant that they had some sort of relationship. Not that she had corrected him so far…
“Taste this,” Kal commanded her, lifting a spoonful of sauce to her lips.
The spoon slid in and out of her mouth, and she licked her lips slowly as she savored the taste.
“Mmm…” she acknowledged. Somehow, Kal still remembered how to make Martha’s signature sauce.
She opened her eyes to see Kal gaping at her. As soon as their eyes met, Kal dropped his, fumbling with the spoon still in his hand.
“Does it need more oregano? Or how about pepper? I thought maybe-”
Lois placed her hand on his, silencing him.
“It’s perfect, Clark,” she spoke. “Just perfect the way it is.”
He smiled, and Lois felt a warm glow wash over her. It was so different to see Kal flustered and obviously attracted to her, and she was enjoying every minute of it.
Kal reached his hand towards her and cupped her face, brushing his thumb along her cheekbone. She sighed in contentment at the physical contact. They didn’t touch enough ordinarily.
But when he leaned forward to kiss her again, she stiffened. No matter how much she was enjoying this, it was essentially lying to Kal if she let this continue without explaining at least some of their complex history.
Kal caught her reaction and saved her the trouble of asking him to stop by pulling back and dropping his hand. “Lois? Can you answer a question for me?”
“Of course, Clark.”
“What is our relationship exactly? You never said.”
“Um, yeah. I know.” This had been exactly what she needed to talk to him about, yet she still wasn’t looking forward to it. “Look, Ka-Clark. We’ve been taking things a little further here than we had before you lost your memory. We’re not dating or anything.”
“Oh.” He frowned and Lois winced at the confusion written on his face.
“I mean, we do have a relationship. It’s just… complicated.” She wasn’t sure how to even bring up his farewell kiss he had surprised her with before he left to take care of Nightfall. It was probably safer for this conversation to just think like it hadn’t happened.
“How so?”
“Well, we both… like each other,” Lois stammered. “It’s just… You…”
“Me? I’m the one who was holding us back?” Kal seemed so surprised at that.
“Yeah,” Lois spoke quietly.
“I can’t believe I would do that, Lois. I must be a real idiot with my memory intact.”
“Well… I may disagree with your reasons,” Lois began uncomfortably. “But you did have a good reason for keeping your distance from me.”
“Oh.” Kal’s brow furrowed. “I’m not married to someone else or anything, am I?”
“No, you’re not,” she hastily reassured him. “It’s just that you have some… personal trauma that you’re still working through.” She watched him anxiously to see how he would react to that. Maybe this would be the thing that would trigger all of his alien memories.
The frown deepened on his face. “I think I might have known that,” he told her quietly. “It’s like there’s this weight in the back of my head, even if I don’t really know why it’s there.”
“Maybe I should just tell you what it is,” she told him reluctantly. “It may trigger some memories or something. And then you can get back to… back to being yourself.” She was mourning already the passing of the man in front of her. The brooding alien would soon be back in his place.
“Well, you could…” Kal spoke slowly, obviously thinking hard. “But Lois, I don’t think I want that.”
“You don’t?”
“Whatever it was that was dragging me down is in the past. I *like* the way I feel with you, Lois. And I don’t want to have anything come between us.” He reached up to touch her cheek like he had before.
“Sooner or later you’re going to remember,” Lois pointed out, for her own benefit as well as his. “I know you will.”
“Maybe,” Kal shrugged. “But maybe by that time I’ll have enough positive experience with you to knock some sense into me.”
“Trust me, it’ll take a lot to knock some sense into you,” she teased. “You’ve got a very thick skull.”
“Well, then we’ll just take our time,” Kal told her. “There’s no rush for me to get my memories back.”
* * *
The man known as Clark Kent looked over at the beautiful woman sleeping in his arms. They had stayed up watching TV that night until Lois had fallen asleep.
She had been asleep for hours, but for some reason Clark did not seem to feel tired, and wasn’t anywhere near ready to go to bed. Instead he just watched the pictures flicker across the muted TV.
It was strange, but even though he should feel completely lost with no personal memories, he somehow felt so comfortable and safe just holding Lois. Whatever else he was missing out on didn’t seem to matter to him.
He supposed that any normal person put into this situation would be asking a million questions. Like how he apparently lived here even though they weren’t supposed to be in a relationship. And what his life was like aside from not dating Lois. He must work somewhere. And what about family? Lois had made a call to Jonathan and Martha Kent to explain his condition soon after they had gotten home. She had said that the Kents were distant relations, but he must have parents somewhere. What had happened to them? Maybe that was the personal stuff that had somehow kept him from Lois.
But he didn’t like dwelling on that thought. He could feel the presence of some darkness lurking in the back corner of his mind, but he subconsciously steered clear of that area. He didn’t want anything to come between his cozy position with Lois. Even by the look on Lois’ face, he could tell that it was painful, and he didn’t want that to ruin the wonderful thing that was happening right down. Whatever terrible thing lurking in his past could just stay there, along with everything else.
The freckled kid selling cereal on the screen suddenly cut away, replaced by a severe man sitting behind a news desk. Curious, Clark turned the volume back on. Lois stirred gently beside him.
“What’s going on?” she asked sleepily.
“That asteroid,” Clark told her. “It looks like we’re not out of the woods yet.”
She had gone stiff. “But it was smashed up,” she whispered.
“I guess that… What was his name again? Superman? He broke up the asteroid but left the chunks. And one of those is still heading for Earth.”
“No!” She threw her arms around him and squeezed him hard.
Seeing how upset she was, Clark held her close. He guessed it probably would be scary to hear that something like this hadn’t been taken care of, but somehow he felt a strange sense of disconnect towards the story. Maybe it was because he couldn’t remember the first news of the asteroid. All he had was a terse explanation Lois had given him over supper. She hadn’t seemed to want to talk about it for some reason.
“It’s okay,” he told her. “They’ve got the top experts in the country working on it. Superman might not be around, but I’m sure they can still deal with it.”
“That’s not-”
“Shh…” Clark quieted her. “Don’t worry about it now. Look, I’m turning the TV off now. No more thinking about that kind of thing tonight. We’ll just concentrate on being together.”
She paused, and then finally nodded silently. It didn’t take long for her to fall back asleep against him.
Clark stayed awake for a while longer yet. For some reason, he couldn’t take his own advice. The problem of Nightfall picked away at the back of his mind. He couldn’t seem to forget about it.
* * *
Lois threw papers around her desk in frustration. Not because of anything that was happening at work, but because of the turmoil going on in her mind. Everyone else in the newsroom was busy getting all sorts of Nightfall related stories, but Lois couldn’t concentrate long enough to even make a phone call.
The world was scrambling for a solution to the latest Nightfall situation while Lois was keeping the best solution hidden away in her apartment. Just like with the original asteroid, Superman was the best candidate to take care of the job.
The best candidate for everyone else, that is. She had the evidence of the toll the job had taken on Kal and she just wasn’t ready to try to force him to remember so he could fly back into space and risk his life all over again. Who knew what would happen to him if he tried to wrestle with the asteroid again?
“Lois? Are you okay?”
Lois looked up in surprise to see Cat standing over her looking concerned. Oddly enough, dating a billionaire had actually softened her personality. They hadn’t fought in weeks. Even her outfits hadn’t looked as trashy lately.
“I’m fine, Cat,” Lois replied. “I’m just worried. Like everyone else is.”
“Yeah.” Cat nodded. “But hopefully that rocket will smash it up.”
“Hopefully,” Lois agreed.
“Look, I’m heading over to Arthur’s now. We figured that either way this goes… Well, it’ll be better to experience it together. I know that you don’t have any family in town, so you can come over if you want. No one should be alone today.” Surprisingly, the offer had actually seemed genuine.
“I’m fine, Cat,” she declined. “I’m going to try to get some work done in case we get out of the woods. Besides, you’ll want to be alone, I’m sure.”
“Well, we probably will want to be pretty close,” Cat smiled, winking richly.
“Even with a steady boyfriend, you don’t change much,” Lois shook her head.
“Some things are bound to stay the same,” Cat agreed. “Take care, Lois.”
“Bye, Cat.”
Although they had had their differences over the years, Lois felt hollow when she realized that this could be the last time they saw each other.
Mentally, she reminded herself to stop being melodramatic. If the ASGARD rocket failed, then Lois would try to make Kal remember. She really would. As much as it would hurt him, she knew it would hurt him more if he died along with everyone else on Earth.
But she still didn’t want to push him unless she absolutely had to.
The phone rang, and she grabbed it distractedly.
“Hello?”
“Lois? Thank God I finally got through to you. How’s Kal?”
“He’s fine, Martha,” Lois told her. “He’s back at my apartment right now.”
“And he still doesn’t remember anything?”
“Nothing,” Lois replied.
Martha sighed. “What sort have things have you tried to get his memory back?”
“Nothing,” Lois blinked. “I don’t want to pressure him.”
“Lois, he needs to remember,” Martha spoke sternly. “Nightfall is still coming to Earth and he’s got to remember if he’s going to help. I don’t know what he must be thinking knowing that he’s Superman and being unable to remember *how* to be Superman.”
“Uh…”
“Lois, you did tell him that he’s Superman, right?” Martha asked suspiciously.
“Martha, you haven’t seen him,” Lois rushed to explain. “Yes, he doesn’t have his memories, but he’s so much happier. He laughs and smiles now and he actually *eats*. Without all those memories of Krypton, he’s free of all that guilt.”
“Lois, you may think you’re doing him a favor, but he won’t appreciate it in the long run,” Martha told her gently. “He would want to know. And of course there’s that chunk of Nightfall to contend with.”
“The rocket might work,” Lois justified lamely.
“Lois…”
“But, yes, I know you’re right, Martha. I’ll tell him as soon as I get home,” she resolved.
“I wish I could help you, sweetie, but Jonathan and I couldn’t find a spare seat on any plane, and it really would be better coming from you than from two people over the phone who he doesn’t even remember.”
“Lois, get over here!” Jimmy called from across the room. “You need to watch this!”
“I have to go, Martha,” Lois explained in a rush. “But I promise I will tell Kal.”
“Bye, Lois. I love you, sweetie, and I know you’ll do the right thing.”
Lois hung up, sighing heavily. Martha was right. Although Kal seemed reluctant to learn about his life, she still should have told him the truth, especially when the news of Nightfall came last night. Stiffening her resolve, she walked over to where Jimmy was standing with the rest of the Planet staff by the TVs.
“What’s going on?” she asked, approaching the group.
“Live feed of the rocket,” Jimmy replied, barely glancing back at her.
The newsroom watched in horrified silence as the rocket flew right past the asteroid, missing it entirely.
“That’s it,” Jimmy announced. “We’re doomed.”
“Don’t talk like that, son,” Perry spoke up. “You never know what could happen. Hope is never completely lost.”
No, it wasn’t, Lois decided, walking back to her desk. She would go home now and talk to Kal. Martha was right. She needed to talk to Kal and try as hard as she could to get him to remember. He was their best hope now.
She put on her jacket and threw items into her bag. She didn’t have a clue how she would approach the subject. And what would the knowledge do to the new step they had taken in their relationship?
She picked up her keys and was just about to head up the ramp when she saw Kal exit from the elevator. He scanned the newsroom until his eyes landed on her and he exhaled visibly in relief. As he jogged down the ramp, Lois glanced at his rumpled appearance. It looked like he had been tugging at his tie and running his hands through his hair.
“Clark! What are you doing here?” she asked in surprise as soon as he had gotten close enough.
“Can we talk somewhere in private?” he asked her urgently.
Lois turned her head towards the conference room but saw that it was already occupied.
“Come on, we’ll go to the stairwell,” she directed, pushing him across the room and through the door. As soon as the door closed behind them, she turned towards him. “What is it, Clark?”
“I’m not really sure,” he told her nervously. His eyes danced around the space and he seemed very uneasy. “It’s just ever since last night when we found out about the chunk of Nightfall, I’ve been feeling… Anxious, I guess.”
“Anxious?” She felt an anxious energy of her own begin to crawl around in her stomach.
“Yeah, as if there’s something that I could be doing. But that’s crazy, right? There’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just an ordinary guy,” he babbled. “And yet I have this feeling I just can’t get rid of! Just now when I found out that the rocket missed I got this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and it felt like it was more than just me being nervous about the asteroid. It felt like the rocket missing meant something for me in particular. Is any of this making sense?”
“Yeah, it is,” Lois nodded quietly. He had given her the perfect opening to tell him. “I should probably tell you but…” Now that it came to moment, she was losing her nerve.
“But what?” Kal pressed.
“Are you sure you want to know?” she whispered.
“Yes!”
“Even if it changes things?” She thought back to how close they had been last night, mourning it already. There was no way it would be the same after she told him the truth.
“Lois, you have to tell me!” Kal demanded.
“Okay,” Lois nodded, composing herself. She couldn’t get her thoughts together for some reason.
“Just blurt it out,” he pushed, not wanting any further delay. It was such a change from the purposely ignorant man from last night.
“I will, I’m just thinking of how to-”
“Lois, just do it!”
“Kal, just give me a second, okay?” she snapped.
He froze. “What did you call me?”
The truth was out.
“Kal,” Lois told him. “That’s your real name. Kal-El.”
Kal slumped against the wall, pressing his hand against his head as if he had a headache.
“Are you okay?” Lois asked him worriedly.
After a moment, Kal pulled himself up and met her eyes. He stood straighter than he had before.
“I remember,” he murmured.
“I can see that,” she whispered.
The pain was back in his eyes. Just as raw as it was before.
His eyes narrowed. “You’ve waited this long to tell me?”
“Well, I had reasons…” she stopped speaking under the power of his glare.
“Reasons,” he echoed, not looking like he believed what she said.
“Yes!” she spoke, crossing her arms defiantly. “And if you remember from last night, you didn’t want me to tell you anything.”
“Lois, I was barely myself,” he shook his head. “I would not have been a good judge of what was best for me. It was your job to look out for my best interests. I had trusted-” He cut off suddenly. “There isn’t time for this,” he decided abruptly. “I need to take care of the remaining piece of Nightfall.”
“Wait, Kal-”
“I’ll be fine, Lois,” Kal told her. “It’s a lot smaller. I bet I can just push it out of the way this time. No risk at all. And when I get back, we’ll talk about this.”
The next thing Lois felt was a gust of wind as Kal took off, leaving her alone in the stairwell. She sank down to sit on the steps.
He had gone to take care of Nightfall again. And although she had also heard from the news that the asteroid was much smaller than the original Nightfall, something else was causing her to worry even more than last time.
He hadn’t kissed her before he took off. He had just disappeared.
