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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Welcome Bren! I'm glad your plot bunny landed here. Beautiful vignette! I'd like to think of it as an alternative scene rather than a missing one because I don't see how she can be as angry as she was in the show after all those lovely memories. Very nicely done. I especially liked how Superman kissed her forehead when he put her down. Her recovery from blurting out his name was inspired. And I loved his reponse at the end when she asked him to stay. Really, the whole thing is just terrific. A logistical suggestion: if you edit your post to change the icon to the blue arrow, folks will find your story more easily. It's the convention on this board to use the blue arrow for the story and the push-pin for the feedback. So someone skimming for new stories is probably skimming for blue arrows. And yours is such a lovely little gem, I'd hate for anyone to miss it.
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 156
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 156 |
Thanks, HappyGirl!
Missing scene, alternative scene... its all subjective, I suppose. She did have to work up to being angry in the show, and I was trying to lay some of the ground work for that with all those varied memories flooded her poor already-overloaded system, not all of them pleasant. And she did get angry, for a heartbeat or two, but, like in the show, she couldn't hold onto it for long. After all, I think any woman in her right mind would have a hard time staying angry with Clark Superman Kent!
Thanks for the great feedback! I know that this is but the first of many stories I'll be sharing with this little fandom. Fifteen-ish years worth of plot-bunnies are locked up in my secret compartment, and those little guys have been staging all sorts of mutinous escape attempts now that I've let them catch a glimpse of daylight. Thank goodness it's summer vacation and I actually have some time to write!
So, again, a sincere thank you! I'll be back....
Love and hot fudge, Bren Ren
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
I liked this. I often wondered what Lois thought about all the past conversations and how she felt once she knew the truth. I think you covered it very well. Good job! I wouldn't mind an epilogue to this.
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,597 |
Oh, hello, missing script pages ... where have you been hiding all this time? Well, no matter. It's just good to see that Bren found you and finally shared you with us. That's my way of saying I think this is exactly what happened in between the scenes we saw. I loved every bit of it, and have made it my own personal canon. (Especially the holding each other in bed, since ... well, because it's Lois and Clark and holding each other in bed. )
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 156
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 156 |
<<--- Me after reading these lovely words... OhmygoshI'mtooexcitedtotypeclearly! I couldn't possibly ask for a better response, FoLCs! I am truly honored! Many a night have I drifted off to sleep with this piece floating through my mind. This particular little story was something of a personal challenge for me, as I had to fight many an impulse to "fix" a myriad of itsy bitsy little details. I've also long struggled with writing from the first person POV, and especially in the present tense. Can't tell you how many times I re-read this and corrected the verbage. Thank you so very, very much. This humble little writer is truly flattered by your comments!
Love and hot fudge, Bren Ren
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1 |
Hi Bren Ren: Bob
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
“I need to see Clark,” I finally tell him.
I can see the indecision in his eyes. I can practically hear the gears grinding in his brain as he visibly weighs his options. I find myself chewing on the bottom corner of my lip as I wait for his response.
Finally, he nods his head. “I’ll make sure he’s here as soon as possible,” he says. As bobbart said, this is so in-character for Clark. He's not really lying, but he's certainly being misleading. And he wants to tell Lois, but he's afraid. Beautfully written, BrenRen. Let more of those plotbunnies out and let's see them multiply like rabbits in Australia!
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 156
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 156 |
I just gotta say, this Feedback ROCKS!!
Originally posted by bobbart: [b] Hi Bren Ren: Bob Again, thank you!
I, too, am a sucker for honest Clark, which makes writing his dialogue challenging sometimes. Especially in a moment like this, when you *know* he would not be able to bring himself to lie outright to Lois. But I was determined to stay true to canon, so Clark confessing all at that moment just wasn't an option. Not for this story...
Originally posted by IolantheAlias: As bobbart said, this is so in-character for Clark. He's not really lying, but he's certainly being misleading. And he wants to tell Lois, but he's afraid. Thank You!!!
That's it exactly! As I just said above, writing Clark's dialogue can be very challenging sometimes, especially when he's trying so hard to be honestly deceptive as Superman...
Beautfully written, BrenRen. Let more of those plotbunnies out and let's see them multiply like rabbits in Australia! Once more, I offer my humble thanks! I promise to let more of those plot bunnies see the light of day... Just as soon as I finish the last few chapters of my current WIP. Unless one starts screaming again, driving me to complete distraction until its needs have been satisfied... with these guys, you just never know! And some of them are kind of... scary!
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Love and hot fudge, Bren Ren
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761 |
Nice piece of work, Bren! Love how she called Clark's name, and then her train of thought through the memories - Yes, she had really! And the end was very sweet! ~AnnaBtG.
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,070 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,070 Likes: 31 |
“Clark!” The name pours from my lips without conscious thought. I watch him stop dead in his tracks. Slowly, he turns back around to face me.
There is confusion in his eyes, along with apprehension, even… fear? But what could he possibly be afraid of? Yeah, what could he be afraid of ? Very awwwwwww-ful ( ) vignette, Bren Michael
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Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 28 |
Oh, how sweet. Great job!
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