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Joined: Jul 2003
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Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,047 |
Jaxie,
Can you stand some advice from someone who is as new at this as you are?
I'm thinking if you posted your story in fatter posts, thereby having fewer of them, it might not seem intimidating to readers, who seeing 10 parts all at once, might think it's an epic they don't have the time to invest in.
That said, once I got started, I couldn't stop until I was finished. I love your story telling. I love that it has a comic book element to it, super-powered villian and a lot of Superman.
I especially enjoyed Superman and Supergirl fighting in front of the Kents. I could picture it. And you have Clark's overprotective bit down cold.
I took it as a challenge to find your bit that 'sucked like a straw', and I gotta say, for me, it just wasn't in there.
Loved the action, loved the conflict, and enjoyed the story very much.
CC-
You mean we're supposed to have lives?
Oh crap!
~Tank
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 90
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 90 |
I'm thinking if you posted your story in fatter posts, thereby having fewer of them, it might not seem intimidating to readers, who seeing 10 parts all at once, might think it's an epic they don't have the time to invest in. Yeah, I've gotten a few suggestions to space my posts out a little more.  That said, once I got started, I couldn't stop until I was finished. I love your story telling. I love that it has a comic book element to it, super-powered villian and a lot of Superman. Well, I do love the comics, and I try to see if I can incorporate those elements into L&C, while still keeping the essence of the show! Keep an eye out for more of the comics styling mixed in with L&C in the future!  I especially enjoyed Superman and Supergirl fighting in front of the Kents. I could picture it. And you have Clark's overprotective bit down cold. Two adults in tights and capes fighting like children . . . ah, the visual image of that still cracks me up!  I took it as a challenge to find your bit that 'sucked like a straw', and I gotta say, for me, it just wasn't in there.
Loved the action, loved the conflict, and enjoyed the story very much. They say a writer is his own worst critic, and I've been told that is the truth about me. I just felt rushed with the story in some parts, so maybe that's it. I tried to go back and do a little rewriting in some areas, but I haven't been able to think of anything, so I'm just going to leave it alone. Thanks again for the feedback, CC!! Jaxie
I'm too young and boyish to go to jail. - "Top Copy"
Who's your buddy, huh, who's your pal? - "Tempus Fugitive"
Chief, instead of always standing around watching Lois and Clark, wondering what they're doing, what if we got lives of our own that were a little more interesting? - "And the Answer Is . . ."
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Yeah, I've gotten a few suggestions to space my posts out a little more. That would probably help you get more comments Give people the idea that you won't post more until you have enough feedback on the last part, so if they want more, they'd better say nice things about it... Also, I'd suggest you consolidate your posts; instead of ten sections you might only need four or five -- I'm an old-timer so I'm conditioned to think that one section = ~20k in ASCII txt format; others say they post anywhere from 5-7 pages at once, and some people post longer than that. I haven't read this one of yours yet, partly because I didn't want to deal with 10 parts  but I will catch up with it soon, I hope. I'm distracted because of the hurricane coming through here, tomorrow... PJ
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Joined: Jun 2003
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
Hi Jaxie, I just started reading your story, and I am enjoying it very much. So far, I've read up to Part 3. I concer with what CC said, especially this: I love your story telling. I love that it has a comic book element to it, super-powered villian and a lot of Superman. I second that! This story is a lot of fun to read. Thanks for posting it, as I did not see it on the other boards. I'll come back later, after I've read some more. Just wanted to tell you that so far:  - Vicki 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Yes, I found tackling 10 posts at once rather daunting, considering how busy I am at the moment. Course, until this folder, it hadn't occurred to me to check just how long each segment was. :rolleyes: I'll be checking back later tomorrow, hopefully to settle down and have a wallow in these. If the segments are short it shouldn't be as hard to fit as I first thought! LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
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As for the ending, it may not have been as action-packed as the rest, but it was a sweet, well-written wrap-up. Like dessert after a spicy meal.
Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you, like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says, "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly.
- Under the Tuscan Sun
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Joined: Jun 2003
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
Hi Jaxie, I'm back, having just read parts 4 - 10. And, no, the ending most definitely did NOT "suck like a straw"! I *liked* the ending. It wrapped everything up, and was full of hope for a new beginning. I thought it was an excellent ending, and I wouldn't change a thing. In fact, the whole story was excellent. I see you've posted the beginning of a new story, so I'm off to read that now. See ya later! - Vicki
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Still catching up and having an enjoyable afternoon doing it too.  Um...Superman wasn't standing too close when that lightning hit, was he? <fret> Eeep! Yes, this was definitely a tense opening segment, Jaxie - nicely setting up the conflict and action to come. Unfortunately, I don't have time to comment on each individual segment,  but I enjoyed this story very much. Another thing you have a good ear for is dialogue - it's all very natural and flows well. Loved the argument between Linda and Superman. LOL. And Martha and Jonathan were just perfect there. I also love the little attention to detail you've worked in: The living room was, in one word, tacky. The furniture was black and red zebra-striped leather, consisting of a couch, loveseat, and reclining chair. A glass coffee table with copies of magazines was in front of the couch, and the loveseat and chair were on either sides. Tall, black, wrought-iron, halogen floor lamps were on either side of the couch, along with two black, ceramic Great Danes. The walls were black, with framed, blown-up photos of Traci from various magazine covers, some by herself, some with other celebrities. A desk was pushed against the wall near the window, a laptop and other papers on it. A black filing cabinet was beside it. Beautifully sharp. And, hel-lo... Sparks between Linda and Jimmy, huh? I thought the ending was cute and didn't suck at all. Okay, on to story no. three. The title of which is already rather intriguing. <g>  Brava, Jaxie! Thanks for sharing such a fun story. LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 90
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 90 |
And, hel-lo... Sparks between Linda and Jimmy, huh? I thought the ending was cute and didn't suck at all. No, it's not sparks, it's SUPER sparks!  Okay, on to story no. three. The title of which is already rather intriguing. <g> Brava, Jaxie! Thanks for sharing such a fun story. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Thank you! *bows, falls over, gets up quickly, rubbing forehead and grinning sheepishly* Jaxie
I'm too young and boyish to go to jail. - "Top Copy"
Who's your buddy, huh, who's your pal? - "Tempus Fugitive"
Chief, instead of always standing around watching Lois and Clark, wondering what they're doing, what if we got lives of our own that were a little more interesting? - "And the Answer Is . . ."
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