The Return of Ultra Woman
Chapter 4
“Darlin, are you all right?”
It’s Perry’s voice. Where am I? Somehow, I seem to be lying on the ground. As the world comes into focus, I see Perry and Jimmy, their heads close together, looking down at me.
“What happened?” I ask.
It’s Perry that responds. “Lois, I don’t know. What do you remember?”
I think for a second. “I saw the bridge collapse. I saw people…” Then I remember. I was watching the television and saw the debris falling when the bridge began to collapse. Then my vision blinked and I was seeing the collapse from another angle. Then it hits me, I was looking through Clark’s eyes. I remember a series of images. There was debris… an old man… a little girl. Then I felt a wave of despair such as I’ve never felt before, and then everything went black. My God! I was linked in to Clark’s mind! I remember what Jonathan and Martha said that they felt when Clark thought I was dead. Clark and I already shared a bond and now with this Kryptonian… crap… in my system, I got his shock of seeing those people die with both barrels.
I realize that Perry is waiting for me to continue. “Perry, I don’t know. I saw the collapse. There was stuff falling and… Were there people?” Perry’s response is a solemn nod. “That’s the last thing I remember. How long was I out?”
“Less than a minute. Are you okay? Are you sure you didn't hurt yourself when you fell? You collapsed like an old accordion.”
“Perry, I'm fine.” How do I explain that I could fall off the building and not be hurt?
Then he gets a very fatherly look on his face. “Lois, are you pregnant again?”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “I had a complete physical check up after the car bombing the other day. I’m not pregnant.” I need to compose myself. “It’s just… Perry, there were people that fell from the bridge.”
Perry reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder. “I know. I’m just a bit surprised that you reacted like that. You’ve seen tragic news before. Do you need to go home?”
“No. I should be here. What’s the situation?”
Perry looks over to the television for just an instant before responding. “Superman is still supporting the bridge. It looks like the rest of the people will get off safely now. I have a team on the way for general reaction.” He pauses and looks at me very intently. “I need someone to get Superman’s reaction. After what just happened, I think this is too personal for Samuelson. Are you up interviewing Superman for this and writing the story?”
Normally he wouldn’t even ask. My fainting must have him unusually flustered. I gather myself and respond with as strong a tone as I can muster. “Superman won’t be talking to any press right away. He’ll be torn up at what happened and I’m sure he’ll leave the scene as soon as the emergency is past. When he’s ready to talk, I’m sure Clark and I will be able to get an exclusive. But Perry, I think we need to tread carefully on this. I know he’s always sensitive when he can’t save everyone. I could tell from the camera angle, he was watching that part of the bridge when it came down. He’s going to be very upset about this”
“Darlin’ I know that. I also know that despite the efforts to maintain a public distance, you’re close to him. Use your best judgment when you write the story. We don’t need to sensationalize this. He tried his best. But the public will want to know his perspective on what happened.”
Clark and I are lucky to be working for Perry. “I can get that story later. For now, I want to pull all the information that we have on that bridge. As we discussed before I fainted, that was part of the cost cutting scandal that I worked on last year. I always suspected that there might be a problem with that bridge, but couldn’t find enough evidence. I want to pull the notes on that investigation and see if there’s enough to develop a sidebar on the main collapse story.”
I start to stand and Jimmy moves in quickly to help me up.
***~~~***
It’s more than two hours later when I trudge up the stairs in front of our home. On most days this scene plays out with the three of us together. Lately it has been either Clark or me helping Lara navigate the stairs, but today I’m alone. While I was researching the bridge, I called Mom and asked if she could take Lara for a few hours. I hope I’m making the right call on this. Clark loves seeing his daughter but I think this will go better if it’s just the two of us. He’s going to be devastated. It might help to have Lara’s energy, but it may be the last thing he needs right now. I’m guessing that this will go better if he can feel free to let go of some of the pain. If I've guessed wrong, we can just go over and pick her up. Besides, I have some issues of my own that will be better handled if it’s just me and Clark.
I haven’t heard from my husband, but I just know he’s here. It would be neat to claim it’s more of that telepathy, but this is simple logic. Clark will be devastated and I’m sure he won’t want to be around anyone where he has to hide his feelings.
As soon as I’m in the doorway, I can hear his heart beating. Over the past few days, I’ve learned that I can tune the hearing and listen for many things. However, Clark’s heartbeat is different. Like what happened the day I started the fire, when it’s his heartbeat, I just hear it. I don’t have to try, it just happens. Most of the time, I notice it when he’s coming down the stairwell after a Superman outing. Sometimes I pick it up when the elevator door opens. Whatever the reason, it’s a nice experience. It’s just a way of knowing that all is right with my world.
He’s sitting in the middle of the room. The shades are drawn and it’s dark. That really doesn’t make much difference to us with our ability to see in the dark, but there’s a feeling of darkness just the same. I move over to him without saying a word. As I sit down next to him, I make sure to sit so closely that our hips are touching. He’s a very tactile person and right now he needs me in his personal space.
After a few seconds I open with a simple, “Hi.”
He leans into me. I can feel the anguish. “I tried so hard,” he says. It’s almost a sob.
“Clark, you did your best.”
“It wasn’t enough.”
“If you weren’t there, many more people would have died today.”
“Lois, I watched the bridge collapse.”
“You had no choice. The bridge is over a half-mile long. That section of the bridge was already collapsing. Had you left for even a second, many more people that were on the section that you were supporting would have died.”
He takes a deep breath. “I could see the people in the debris.”
Now isn’t the time to tell him that I know exactly what he saw and felt. It’s one thing to hear about a tragedy after the fact, but to watch helplessly… Clark isn’t used to that.
After a brief pause he continues. “There was a family on the section that fell. Lois, there were children!”
For the next ten minutes or so, we just hold each other. Finally, he asks, “Where’s Lara?”
“She’s at my mom’s. I thought you might need a few minutes of quiet time.”
He takes my chin in his hand and gently turns my face to his. “You are so thoughtful. But thanks to you, I’m better now. Why don’t we go get our daughter?”
His smile always lights up my world. However, now it’s time for me to unload a bit of my burden. “Clark, before we pick up Lara, we need to talk about something else. The tragedy today wasn’t you fault.”
“I know that. It just that…”
I cut him off. “No. You don’t understand. It was *my* fault!” Now I’m the one shedding tears.
“Lois, honey. What are you talking about?”
Through a growing torrent of tears I reply, “Those people… It’s my fault that they died.” I lean heavily into him as the surge of emotion feels like it’s about to overwhelm me. The emotional flow in the room has now changed. When I first sat next to Clark, there was a sense of my giving support and energy to him. Now we seem to have done an about-face. I can tell by the feel of his arms around me that now he’s more worried about me. He knows me well enough not to ask any more just yet. Right now, I need to let go and accept his support.
After a minute or so, the burst of emotion has run its course and the tears are subsiding. I’m ready to talk but I don’t want to leave his embrace, so his shoulder will hear my confession. “Remember that city maintenance corruption piece we did last year?”
He tries to reply. “Yes, but…”
“Clark! Let me finish! While you were still at the bridge, I went back to our notes from that investigation. I thought that in light of the collapse we might be able to use some of that data, even if there wasn’t any conclusive evidence of wrongdoing. Well, when I went over the information of the bridge again, I found it. I was able to close the gap in the money trail. I traced the documents where funds were allocated for work and material. There was another document where the materials were purchased and the work was performed. The materials were way below spec for that job. I’m the one that reviewed those documents for our initial investigation. It was me that missed the link!” The last sentence was almost a scream. “If I would have done my job properly in the first place, that bridge could have been repaired.” I pull him to me more tightly and just hold on for a moment.
Finally, I hear his voice. “Honey, you can’t take all this blame. You weren’t the one that did the shoddy work. And you also know that sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we still miss things.”
“I know! But, Clark, the people that died today…”
“Sometimes those things happen. How many times have you told me that I can’t do everything? Even I can’t be two places at once.”
There is a long moment of silence. Finally I spit out what’s really bothering me the most. “Clark, this time you could have been. Ultra Woman could have held up the other end of that bridge.”
Clark is trying his best to help me through this. “Honey, be fair to yourself. It all happened very quickly. I know you well enough to be sure that you didn’t watch the events unfold and make some kind of decision to stay out of it.”
“No. When the report came in, my first thought was to cover it as a reporter. When Perry sent Samuelson, I relaxed and became a… spectator.” How best to address this? After a second I ask, “When you see something like this unfold, what’s your first reaction?”
Clark looks uncomfortable with this question. “Lois, I…”
“We both know the answer so please just humor me and say it.”
He takes a deep breath before responding quietly. “I think about what I can do to help.”
“Of course. But today I never had that thought until after it was over. I didn’t make a conscious decision to not help, but this time I never thought about helping either. All I did was watch! I don’t know if I would have been able to act in time to help but I never even thought to try. I can’t let this happen again!” The last line is barely a whisper.
Clark is quiet for a long time. Finally, he seems to decide on what to say. “We’ve been through this. Even if you recreate Ultra Woman, we can’t save everyone. Doing this won’t bring those people back!”
He means well but that was the wrong thing to say and my reply carries an angry edge. “Don’t you think I know that! But, I can’t do this again. Even between the two of us, I know that we won’t be able to do everything. I have to be ready the next time something like this happens.” Then I go on is a much softer tone. “I need to be ready.”
Clark’s reply is in careful tones. “If you’re sure, you know I’ll do everything I can to make this work. What about our talk the other day? What about Lara?”
I’m glad I didn’t have to argue about this. He knows he would have lost. “This will have to be a very part-time job for me. Everything we said the other day still applies. Ultra Woman will have to be off-duty most of the time. I’m not about to try to step up to your level of hero work. I just can’t face the prospect again where I know that I could have made a real difference, but wasn’t ready to act.”
My husband is looking at me with an intensity that, back in the old days I would have only associated with Superman. “Honey, please think about this some more before committing to a decision. If Ultra Woman starts making appearances, even if they are rare, there are going to be questions.”
He’s right. However I feel today, this can’t be a spur-of-the-moment decision. “I promise I’ll think about it some more and we will talk again before I make a final decision.”
“That’s all I can ask. So, are we ready to get Lara?”
I manage a small smile as I stand up. “Let’s go.”
TBC
Bob
