Here you go - on behalf of Nancy again. I have gotten a couple of very short emails from her that indicated that a. the hospital's wifi didn't work :p and b. things are going fine but she's not online much [obviously]. I'll let her share anything else at a later date
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Thanks!
Chapter 22
“Hey,” I said quietly, when I met Maddie in the library after class. We often met here and then went into the stacks to study. It was quiet there and since it was set up as a series of cubicles, it forced us to work alone. While not as fun as the studying we did together in the evenings, it was sometimes more productive.
“Hey,” she said back, looking at me warily.
“Can we talk?” I asked her. “Or do you really need to study right now?”
“We can talk,” Maddie said, and this time I perceived a slight challenge in her voice.
“Do you want to go back to my room to talk?” I asked.
She shrugged in response, and deciding that was as close to a yes as I was going to get, I led the way out.
The walk over to my dorm was quiet and tense. It felt different than normal, and I couldn’t shake the feeling the something was really wrong. Something I wouldn’t be able to fix.
I let Maddie precede me into my room, thankful that Steve was out.
“So…” I said uneasily once we had both taken our jackets off.
“Where’d you go last night?” Maddie asked me.
“What?”
“Last night. After Steve came in. You left,” she said accusingly.
I could feel my heartbeat speed up and was thankful that Maddie didn’t have my ‘special abilities’ or whatever. “I went to the bathroom,” I said, feeling myself flush. I really was a horrible liar.
“For several hours?” Maddie challenged me. “I lay there waiting for you to come back and finally fell asleep. And then, when I woke up again a couple of hours later, you were still gone.”
“I um…” I fumbled, unsure what to say. “I… are you sure it was a couple of hours later?” I finally deflected.
Maddie gave me a glare that made me wish I hadn’t questioned her. “Why don’t you tell me, Clark? What time did you get back? Could it have been a couple of hours later?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” I settled on, wishing I had thought of it earlier. It was even the truth, sort of.
“So where were you?” Maddie asked, her voice no less accusatory.
“I decided to go for a walk,” I mumbled. Or a fly. Or something. The details weren’t important, were they?
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” she asked.
“I didn’t want to wake you,” I said, knowing as I said it that I couldn’t have sounded more evasive if I tried.
Maddie shook her head. “You know, before you said that, that was exactly what I assumed happened. That or you decided to go study in the lounge or something. I really couldn’t imagine it was anything else. But now…”
“Maddie, I’m sorry,” I said.
She looked out my window. “I was mostly annoyed as I didn’t want to be here alone with Steve,” she said quietly. “But now I feel like you’re lying to me.” She turned to look at me. “What is it, Clark? What were you really doing?”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. What would she say if I answered, ‘I went to Florida to help the hurricane victims?’
“I don’t get it, Clark. Why are you keeping secrets from me?” she asked, and now I could see the beginning of tears in her eyes. “I thought… what could really be that bad?”
‘I’m not at all who you think I am,’ I thought. ‘I’m an alien… at best. Or a science experiment. Or something far worse.’
“Clark?” she prodded.
I wanted to say something to her so badly. I could tell my silence was hurting her. But what could I say? Wasn’t it better not to know than to find out in this case? Nothing she could be imagining could be as bad as the truth.
“Fine,” she said. Her tone was typically Maddie. She wasn’t yelling or screaming or anything like that. She was just terribly disappointed. It was almost harder to take. “I think I’m going to sleep in my own room tonight,” she said softly.
“But Dave…” I said, not able to finish the words. I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let her sleep there. What if he decided to come for a visit and… I knew it was unlikely, but the thought still haunted me.
“He’s not going to come by and… I can’t stay here like this,” she said quietly, gathering the few things she’d left in my room.
She was at the door, her hand on the doorknob even before I finally decided to tell her a little of the truth. “My parents… they aren’t my real parents,” I blurted out.
Maddie turned to look at me in confusion. “You’re adopted?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Something like that,” I said. Then I sighed. “No, not really something like that. Nothing that neat and ordinary.”
She was still standing by the door watching me warily.
“I was a foundling,” I said. “My parents found me in a field.”
Maddie shook her head. “Okay, not to be rude, but does this have anything to do with your being gone last night?”
I didn’t know what to say. Of course it had everything to do with that. But I couldn’t tell her the rest and even with what I told her, she wasn’t going to jump to the truth. A foundling just made me an unwanted baby. But she was still imagining a normal, human baby, I was sure.
“Sort of,” I finally said.
Maddie put her stuff down to sit beside me on the bed. “I don’t get it,” she said quietly.
“Me neither,” I replied. It was the truth. I mean, I knew the link between being a foundling and not being with her the previous night, but there was so much I didn’t understand.
Maddie put her hand in mine. “So, your parents found you in a field. And you never found out who… your birth parents are?”
I shook my head. “I’ve never really tried to find them,” I said. That was the truth, but it would be hard to explain to Maddie that even though I was found in a field in a small town, all evidence pointed to the fact that my ‘parents’ if I had any, were no where near by.
“Why not?” she asked quietly.
I shrugged. “They left me in a field,” I said quietly. “Clearly, they didn’t want me.”
“Oh, Clark,” Maddie said, moving closer. “You don’t know that. Maybe they did want you very much, but couldn’t afford to take care of you or something.”
“I was found in a field,” I reminded her. “Not a doorstep or something. In the middle of the field. I could have been out there for days before someone came across me. If they wanted to make sure I was all right, I was taken care of, they would have made sure to put me where I would be found.”
I could go on like this all day. I had had this conversation with Mom and Dad a thousand times, and I had thought of all the arguments. No matter what anyone said, it was clear that my birth parents hadn’t cared enough to make sure I was all right. You don’t send your child hurtling through space and just assume he’s going to be okay.
“But your parents…” Maddie said, clearly trying to say something soothing.
“Are great,” I said. “My real parents anyway. Mom and Dad. But who ever came before them…”
“Who cares who came before them?” Maddie asked softly. “I mean… I don’t really mean that in that I’m sure you do. But, Clark, they aren’t important. Even if you’re right, and I’m not sure you are… But even if you are, so some people were too stupid to realize what a great little baby boy they had and they were careless in leaving you somewhere where you might not get found. But then your parents did find you. And clearly they love you.” She paused and grasped my hand tighter.
“I’m not trying to minimize this,” she said softly, “but honestly, Clark. It could have been worse. You’ve had a good life so far.”
I nodded. She was right. It wasn’t that I didn’t know she was right. Still… it was hard to forget that I came from parents… or maybe not even parents, but people, who didn’t want me. Who rejected me for whatever reason.
Maddie rested her head on my shoulder. “I wish you’d talked to me last night rather than go walking on your own,” she said softly. “I want… I want to be there for you the way you’ve been there for me,” she said. “I want to help you.”
“You have,” I said just as quietly. It was true, too. To be fair, I had sort of deflected the argument, but the truth was talking to Maddie about this had made me feel better. It was almost as good as talking to Mom and Dad.
“Promise me that next time you’ll come tell me that this is bothering you. Or something else is. Don’t keep it from me,” she whispered.
I nodded, but felt awful as I did. It was a lie and I knew it. At some point, something else like the hurricane would come up, and I’d leave her again. Maybe next time she wouldn’t notice, but I just didn’t see…
I loved Maddie, I really did. But there was no way I was willing to risk that by telling her the truth. She loved me now. I knew she did, I could nearly feel it. But she wouldn’t feel that way if she knew…
No, clearly I was going to do this to her again. It was just a question of when.
************************
“Give me a call,” came the voice on the machine. “I just want to check on everything,” she said. “I… well, I saw Maddie later. I just want to make sure you guys are okay.”
I smiled at the small black box. When had Lois gotten to be so… caring? Something like that. I never would have imagined. How was it that she just kept surprising me?
I picked up the phone and dialed, the smile still on my face.
“Clark?”
“Hi, Star,” I said, laughing. Her comments on being somewhat psychic still struck me as pretty funny, but I had to admit, she had a good track record.
“Lois will be right back,” she said. “Oh, and I know you haven’t even opened the course catalog yet, but you should really take that class.”
“What?” I asked. While she had a good track record, sometimes talking to Star could be confusing.
“There’s a class you’re going to agonize over taking next semester. You should take it,” she said.
“Any idea what it is?” I asked her.
There was silence for a moment. “Nope. Sorry.”
“That’s okay,” I told her. “So how are you?”
“Good,” she said. “Trying to study hard for my economics final. I feel like I know the material, but I keep seeing myself failing,” she said.
“So why study?” I asked her, curious. If she felt like she could see the future and was sure she was going to fail anyway, why waste time on studying?
She sighed. “The future isn’t fully decided, Clark. We have some say in how things will go. I just need to work hard enough to change the predetermined path.”
I nodded impressed. I had to admit, I tended to think of Star as flaky, but she wasn’t really. A bit odd perhaps, but then, no more so than me.
“Lois is here,” she said.
“Thanks, Star. Good luck with econ.”
“Hey,” Lois said as she came on.
“Hi,” I replied. “I got your message.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked me. “Maddie seemed… quiet? I’m not sure.”
“We’re okay,” I told her. “Thanks for asking. We just… well, it’s nothing.”
“Good,” she said, although I had the impression she wasn’t sure she believed me.
“So how are things with you?” I asked her.
“Good,” she replied, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “I got my first assignment for the Titan.”
“What is it?”
“Oh, nothing big. Paul seems to be sticking to his freshman can’t write thing despite my article. So, I’m just interviewing some guy who’s starting up a recycling campaign. Still, it’ll get printed.”
“And you’re okay with this. Paul, the guy you think is so brilliant, isn’t letting you write any real stories even though you have the front page story in this week’s paper and this doesn’t change your opinion of him?”
Lois gave an audible sigh and I wished I hadn’t said anything. She didn’t really need me questioning her judgment on this. She was a smart girl. She’d see the error of her ways soon enough.
“No, it doesn’t, Clark,” she said, her annoyance coming through loud and clear. “His cautiousness is what makes him so brilliant. How does he know I’m not some one-trick pony?”
I laughed. “Has he met you?” I asked her. “Sorry, Lois, but you’re not calm enough to resemble a pony in any sense – one trick or not.”
“Very funny,” she said, but I could tell her annoyance with me had lessened.
“Well, good luck with your article,” I told her.
“Thanks. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah. I think we’re all meeting for dinner tonight, right?” I asked her.
“I think so. So, I’ll see you then,” Lois said before hanging up.
I stared at the phone after I put it down. I really did not understand her attraction to Paul. And she made so many excuses for him. I’d have to take a closer look at him next time I saw him. I hadn’t realized he was really that cute, but then again, Steve made it clear it was attitude as much as looks that mattered.
Shaking my head I decided to take out the course catalog and try to find the class Star was sure I was going to agonize over.
*****
TBC
