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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 57 |
I am thoroughly enjoying this story! It's creative, without being completely out there, and it has a strong plot to follow for the next two parts. Two questions, though: 1)How did Dan Scardino come onto the scene in the first place? If Mayson didn't die, than Dan wouldn't be involved in her investigation of the "Resurrection" drug.  I'm interested to see if you'll deal with his initial appearance. 2)Is Mayson D.A. or A.D.A? I could've sworn in the show she was an assistant D.A., but you may have changed it in your story. I wasn't sure. Just a couple points to consider, if you haven't done so already. But, awww... poor Clark. I'd be feeling completely rejected if I was dumped for a guy with an ugly 90's mullet, too.  Now if only we could have some little bird fly around her and plant scandalous thoughts of Clark in her head...  Fantastic story, though, and I'm adding it to my WIP reading list. -Jo
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Really... ev... I mean interesting set up... Mayson could try to get from Clark what she wasn't able in The Eyes Have It :p the questions 1) I think Scardino was investigating the drug for the DEA... and working with Mayson although they didn't know personally 2)she's Assistant D.A.  more soon or 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Columnist
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Columnist
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I read your author's notes at the start of this and thought - I'm not going to like this. But then I read this section and was totally blown away. Good job! You've set things up well, and your writing style is fantastic. I'm looking forward to more. Irene
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Oh... my... goodness!  )
- I'm your partner. I'm your friend.
- Is that what we are?
- Oh, you know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it, so no, I got no clue what we are.
~ Rick Castle and Kate Beckett ~ Knockout ~
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Wonderful setup, Lynn - keen to see where we go from here.  This was stuff that the MPAA deemed inappropriate for kids under seventeen, so why should she have to watch it? Oh, Lois...if only you knew what fate has in store for you on this one.  I loved this introspection, Lynn, with it's little 'in-joke' for the reader in knowing just how Lois is going to change her mind on these opinions. Or, at least, have it changed for her. Plus, of course, it never does any harm to watch Lois refuse to smooch with Scardino. <g> “Can’t it wait until Monday?” Dan asked, like a child hoping that his parent would relent and give in on the extra hour before bedtime. <g> No, Lois! Don't relent! “Scardino,” Clark replied. Still at her back, Lois couldn’t see his face, but his voice held derision. As if a male lion entered the domain of a rival, the air filled with a sudden electric menace. Oooooooooh. Go, Clark! When she turned around to explain, Lois stepped back when she nearly crashed into Clark’s broad chest. She hadn’t realized he was so close. He reached a hand out to steady her, then quickly removed it when he was assured she wouldn’t land on the floor in an undignified puddle. The heat from his hand where he’d grasped her arm lingered, as if she’d been burned through the fabric of her black cashmere sweater. She resisted the urge to place her own hand over the spot as if she could trap that warmth and keep it from fading. I can feel the heat from here! /me fans herself. Was a bit surprised to see Dan invite Clark on the weekend, especially when the rivalry and tension between them had already been noted earlier in the segment...but then I became really intrigued by what that did to the plot <g>. I'm already anticipating lots of fun with Dan and Lois and Mayson And Clark <g>, so bring it on! LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Wow, Lynn, you are really really evil!  Though God knows L&C need *something* to knock them out of their respective ruts. I kinda like the new cranky Clark, though <g> Here's hoping he'll get to take out a lot of his anger on Dan this weekend or at least a little bit, before going off snogging with Lois... And hey, if Dan and Mayson end up together, that'd be kinda nice I'm perfectly willing for them to be happy as long as they keep their mitts off Our Heros! PJ
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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 Wow! This is great! From the very beginning, you had me devouring each and every word. I am *so* enjoying reading this. Dan persisted in trying to convince her that it made her appear more, well, human, to her fellow coworkers if she were seen engaging in, well, actual human behaviours.  PS - Technically, Jocelyn is right. Lois met Dan due to her investigation of Mayson's death. But this story is so good, that, frankly, I don't care! I'll just imagine they met up while investigating some other story.
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Fine set-up - I just don't believe that Clark would have gone to a cabin where he can actually hear Lois & Dan - no way! Moreover, he would have moved from Metropolis!
You gave your premise before the story started - but what does Lois and Clark think?
Gabriele
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Hey Guys! Thanks for the positive feedback. To answer some questions. 1 - About Mayson being an ADA instead of a DA - this is totally my bad. I couldn't remember which one she was and made the wrong call. So I'm going to go back and change that one little fact so the story is consistent.  2 - About how Dan arrives on the scene. I'll reveal a bit about that to answer the basic problem of story flow (i.e., Dan wouldn't have arrived if Mayson didn't get killed) but in the end, it's pretty much ancillary to the story's main plot. Some really good points and advice - I definitely see some things that I want to rethink and rework. Also, see some places I will need to fill in to help make Clark's presence on the romantic weekend a little more believable. Thanks again for the positive feedback! Lynn
You know that boy'd walk on water for you? Or he'd drown tryin'. -Perry White to Lois in Just Say Noah
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Yay! Another story from Lynn! I realised even before Clark what his inviting Mayson would mean, and I can't wait to see how he'll get out of that one. Can't really see him going so far as to make love to her when he doesn't love her, and even worse: when he's in love with another woman. Even if that other woman is only a few feet away, in bed with another man! Anyway, absolutely loving this so far! Post more, SOON!!!  Wendy
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Lynn, I just assumed that Dan invited Clark in order to (a) show off that he'd "won" in the battle for Lois and (b) maybe one-up Clark on the slopes. (Male competitiveness and all - why they think this impresses women, who knows?) I thought Clark accepted the plan because he thought by his presence he could come between the two. If he *doesn't* go, they'll probably end up sleeping together, but if he goes, maybe he can throw a wrench in the works. Anyway, based on these two assumptions, it seemed believable to me for Dan to invite Clark, and for Clark to accept. (For what it's worth.) But if you feel it's necessary to explain their actions further, that's OK, too. - Vicki
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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lynn,
I love your writing, and find myself hanging on every word. I don't see anything manufactured in your characters or their motivations that don't ring true.
I totally agree with Vicki that Clark would willingly put himself in the way, risking the torture, if he felt his presence might cool things with Dan and Lois. And, too, that Dan might just be clueless enough to honestly believe having another couple along would be less stressful. HA!
I love this set-up and can't wait for what comes next. You have such a nice way with words.
CC-
You mean we're supposed to have lives?
Oh crap!
~Tank
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Columnist
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Columnist
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Like everyone else, I've been enjoying this very much. The set-up is intriuging and the writing is filled with so much good humour that I have to read every word just in case I miss something.
Can't wait to read more,
gerry
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Lynn:  If you string all of those together and imagine me doing it... that was how much I loved this <g>. And now I'm going to use up the rest of my graemlins doing this: Postpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpostpost!!!!!!! ~Sara
Death: Easy, Bill. You'll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.
Meet Joe Black
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Wow this is GREAT! I loved it. Ditto to what everyone else said. I can't wait to read more. You are really good Lynn. I am glad you are continuing to write for us. Thanks. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Hey Lynn, I'm not sure I can add any more praise for this WONDERFUL story..but I will say that you had me smacking my head and ROTFLMAO!!!!!  WHEN do we get part 2??? ~Liz
Lois: Can I go?
Clark: No.
Lois: Oh come on, Clark, why do we go through this? We both know I’m going to go.
Clark: Then why do you ask?
Lois: I’m trying to be nice.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Kudos. I hope the next posting is ready to go, because I am ready to read. Not trying to brownnose you in rushing, but this is terrific! 
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Columnist
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Hi Lynn, Like Irene, I wasn't sure if I'd like the premise for this story, but I'm enjoying everything about it -- the set up, your writing style, but mostly the humour. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens in that ski cabin. Yours Jenni PS: Oops and sorry for posting this in the wrong place first.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Wonderful, Lynn! You are a truly talented writer. I enjoyed the first part very much. Love the banter between Dan, Lois and Clark. Very clever set up. Especially now that it ended up in a double date. I do hope you're going to post the next part very soon, Lynn! Can't wait to read it! Saskia
I tawt I taw a puddy cat!
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
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lynn
this is a great beginning
nicely done
can't wait for more
soon please
merry
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