A huge thank you to Carol for her help with suggestions and improvements to this!
From Chapter 24
She shrugged. “I don't know what I want. I can't turn my feelings off just like that.”
“He stole your story, Lois!”
“He gave me a byline,” she pointed out.
“As someone who made some contributions to his story. That's not really the same thing as "Lois did all the legwork and investigating. She wrote every word. I contributed by handing it to the layout editor.'”
Lois giggled slightly. “I know, but…”
“If you don't say something now, he'll just keep stealing your work,” I pointed out.
“But I'll be getting published,” she said.
“You won't be able to submit those stories with your application to the Planet,” I reminded her. “They'll all have Paul's name on them.”
Lois sighed. “I know. I don't know what to do though.”
“Would it be easier to talk to Professor Matthews?” I asked her.
“No!” she said immediately. “I need to figure this out on my own, Clark.”
“Okay,” I said. What I wanted was to go punch Paul in the face, but she was right. This was her problem, and I should let her deal with it. I just hoped she did.
Chapter 25
I mulled over my words to Lois as I lay in bed the next night. I had told her to be herself. Was Mom right and I should be following the same advice?
On the one hand, I had to admit my mom generally had pretty good advice. She had never steered me wrong before. On the other hand, even her advice was not to go around openly helping people and telling them who I was. She was just saying I should be more open to the idea that someone might accept me for all of who I was.
So, taking her advice and trying to mesh it with what I told Lois wasn't exactly the same as me being myself with Lois. It was more possibly being myself with Maddie. I tightened my grip on her just slightly not wanting to wake her. The truth was that the thought filled me with dread. If it was really right, shouldn't it have made me feel good? The fact that I was too scared to even start to think about it was probably a sign that it was a bad idea, right?
I buried my head in Maddie's hair and inhaled the sweet smell of her shampoo – something fruity. I wished this was an easier decision. I didn't want to have to lie to her, I didn't want to lose her, but I also didn't want to have to tell her.
The truth was that as painful as the idea of losing her was, it was much easier to lose her because she realized I wasn't being as honest with her as she would like than because she realized I was a freak. No, it was definitely better not to tell her.
************************
The strangest coincidence happened the following day. Or maybe it wasn't really that strange. I saw Paul when I was coming out of the library. It probably wasn't that strange since it wasn't the first time, but it also wasn't like I saw him everyday.
I knew Lois told me to leave it alone and let her deal with this herself, but just seeing him made my anger boil again.
“Hey,” I called out to him as I approached. As I walked over, I tried to convince myself to pretend I had been calling to someone behind him, let Lois deal with it on her own, but I just couldn't do it. He was sitting with a group of guys, looking all cocky and like he belonged on the cover of a course catalog or something. I just felt the need to wipe that look off his face.
“Hi, Clark,” he said smiling, and for a moment I stopped. I hadn't expected him to remember my name. When we'd seen each other before, we'd just nodded at each other.
“Hi,” I said as I approached, and was surprised to hear that I didn't sound as angry as I wanted to.
“How're you doing?” Paul asked, then turning to the guys he was hanging out with, he added, “This is Clark's first semester here. He submitted a really strong article to the Titan and he'll almost certainly be joining our ranks next year.”
“You're the one who got the article published in the Daily Planet?” one of the guys asked me.
I nodded, feeling pleased that they knew of me.
“That's so cool!” one of the other guys said. “Why doesn't he have a spot on the Titan now?” he asked Paul.
“You know our policy on freshmen,” Paul said.
“What about Linda and Lois?” a third guy asked.
“They're hot!” one of them responded and the guys all laughed.
“Is that why they're on the paper?” I asked, suddenly remembering why I was there.
“Of course not,” Paul said, flushing. “Linda had a really great entry and Professor Matthews showed me something Lois had started that was equally good.”
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked Paul. The guy was good – I had to admit that. He was a charmer and even trying to, I couldn't seem to feel the same level of righteous indignation now as I had felt earlier.
“Sure,” Paul said as he got up and we walked a little way from their group. “What's up?” he asked.
“It's about Lois' article,” I said. “The one on the cover of this week's edition.”
“What about it?” Paul asked, seeming to be sincerely confused.
“It has your name on the byline,” I pointed out, feeling my anger coming back.
“Well, of course. Lois is just a freshman. She's a junior reporter. She knows the deal,” Paul said.
“The deal is she does all the work, and you get all the credit?” I asked, appalled that he could be so flippant about this.
Paul chuckled. “Did Lois tell you that? Clearly she didn't do all the work…” he started, but I cut him off.
“I saw the paper she turned into Professor Matthews!” I said, trying to keep myself from shouting. “It was identical to what you printed. You didn't even make the changes he suggested.”
Paul paled. “I think you must be mistaken, Clark,” he said, his voice quiet, but gaining in strength. “I'm not sure what you saw, but I made significant changes to the copy Professor Matthews gave me of Lois'. It was very good work for a freshman which is why Lois got a spot on the paper, but it was clearly written by a beginner.
“And if you are still planning on applying for a spot next year, I suggest you study the differences so you can get an idea of what type of writing we really expect. Your entry this year was strong, but clearly wasn't strong enough for a spot. I would think you would want to focus on how to improve to get on next year, rather than misunderstanding what happened with an article of which you had no part.”
I almost backed down. Almost. But then I remembered how wrong what he was saying was. “If this is how the Titan is run, Paul, I'm not interested in having a spot on the staff,” I told him before spinning around and walking off.
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“One more night. Just one more night,” I told myself while the sound of Steve's radio played in the background and Maddie snuggled closer to my side trying to block out the sound. Maddie wasn't completely sure when Dave was leaving town, but either last night or today. As a result, she was spending tonight in my room, but was happily going back to her room tomorrow. She had been very clear that she could not stand another night of Steve's coming in and waking us up.
In fact, she had asked her roommate, Stacy, if we could stay in her room, but Stacy had continued to say no. She was a nice girl, but her parents were really strict and she thought they may actually pull her out of college if they found out she had a boy sleeping in her room. I guess I was lucky. While my parents made it clear they thought I should limit how close I got to anyone in that way, they also trusted me to make my own decisions. I had never worried about telling them Maddie was staying with me. They trusted me to make the right decision as to what sharing a bed meant.
Still, I could understand Stacy's reticence to do something that would upset her parents so much. She had let me spend the night a few times before, but those were not planned and she felt like that made a difference.
Of course I was going to miss having Maddie with me while I slept. Even in the small dorm bed, I liked having her there. I guess I didn't really know what it would be like to share a bigger bed with her anyway, but I found I liked having her there more than I missed the ability to stretch out a bit. There was something nice about falling asleep talking to her and waking up to find her hair spread out across my pillow.
Despite that, I was having more trouble putting the Boy in Black activities aside than I would have expected. I wasn't sure if it was an exceptionally busy week for natural disasters or if I was just extremely sensitive to them right now. Regardless, nearly every night something came up that made me feel the need to go out and help and not doing so was becoming harder and harder.
“Just one more night,” I repeated again. It seemed worse than normal. It seemed like as soon as one person in the dorm changed the station off of the news, someone else would turn it on and I'd be faced with the news again. An oil tanker had spilled off the coast of Venezuela and apparently was not well contained. There was fear of the spill affecting the Caribbean Sea and endangering the Mesoamerican Barrier Reef. Honestly, I had never even heard of the Mesoamerican Barrier Reef before, but the news report someone was listening to upstairs claimed it was the second largest barrier reef in the world. I was guessing the largest was that one in Australia?
In any case, I wasn't even sure what exactly this could mean except that I knew coral reefs were rife with life and perhaps this could cause some sort of species to make the endangered list? Was there anything I could do anyway? I mean, without using my special abilities? I really had no idea.
That should have made it much easier not to go, shouldn't it have? But it didn't. Instead I felt guilty as if once again I was blowing off a duty to be with my girlfriend. I knew it wasn't really like that – it wasn't like Maddie and I were having dinner or something. I was trying to sleep.
Still, I knew I would go if Maddie wasn't here. My main reason for not going was fear of upsetting her again. I couldn't even console myself with the thought that I was just being there for Maddie rather than the… sea horses or whatever could use my help in Central America. The truth was that whether or not Maddie needed me, and I wasn't sure she did anymore than she needed my bed, it wasn't the reason I wasn't already flying south.
It was fear. Fear of angering her. Fear of getting into another argument where I couldn't defend my actions. Fear of her getting fed up with me. Fear of her making the argument Mom made – that she had opened up to me while I remained closed off. Fear of never holding her in my arms like this again.
Mom was right – I was living my life in fear. I wasn't sure what to do about it, though. Could I really come clean with Maddie? How could I?
“You know how you told me that secret about your cousin, well I have one, too. I'm sorry to say I wasn't born in Kansas. No, I know I told you I'm a foundling and thus I don't really know where I was born and that's still true, but I can be pretty sure it wasn't Kansas. I mean, I don't know anyone else from Kansas that can see through things, cool things off with their breath, or fly, do you?
Really? You do? You love me more knowing this? For real? That's great.”
And of course, a complete fantasy. Truthfully, I couldn't really see Maddie running away screaming either. She wasn't that kind of girl – both as she was almost always calm, but also as she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. Still, she would see me differently.
What I foresaw were smaller changes. Things like flinching slightly when I went to hold her hand. Not pulling away as that might hurt my feelings, but having to force herself not to. Looking at me funny as she tried to figure out who I was. Although if she was actually able to do so, I'd probably appreciate that.
And I wouldn't be able to kiss her again. How could I? How could she possibly want my lips anywhere near her?
Then again, did that mean it was just as bad to keep it from her? Was I tricking her now into thinking I was some normal, small town boy rather than the offspring of little green men or something?
“Volunteers are needed on the coast of several Central American countries for clean up,” the sound came from upstairs. “Expectations are that more than two dozen species of birds may be impacted by the oil, not to mention the wildlife in the water that is more difficult to clean.”
I sighed. Steve had shut off the radio now and was snoring across the room. I could also hear Maddie's quiet, rhythmic breathing, indicating that she, too, was asleep. If I slipped out now, would she even notice? Generally she was a pretty sound sleeper and didn't seem to wake up. I suspected that the only reason she woke up the last time I left was because she wasn't sleeping well, knowing I was gone.
So maybe I could sneak out and help? Maybe?
I tested things by floating just a couple of inches over the bed. If Maddie woke up, I'd easily be able to fall back down before she noticed. I waited at least a minute, but she didn't move. I floated a little higher, holding the blankets so I could place them down myself. I threw a fast glance towards Steve, just to make sure he really was asleep. Dad was unlikely see the irony of Steve catching me floating while I tried to slip out on Maddie.
Steve was still snoring away and Maddie snuggled a little further under the blankets, but did not seem to waken.
I lowered myself to the floor, or almost. To make sure I was as quiet as possible, I stayed an inch or so above the ground. I glanced down at myself. The first few nights Maddie was here, I had slept in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I'm not sure why, but it felt weird not to sleep fully dressed with her. She had teased me about it a little, pointing out that she had certainly seen me less than fully clothed, and eventually I realized she was right. What I had worn to bed tonight, a pair of sleep shorts without a shirt, was probably not appropriate for a trip to Central America.
Taking another glance around the room to make sure Maddie and Steve were asleep, I spun out of my shorts and into my standard Boy in Black outfit before slipping out the door. I waited there for a few moments, just listening, but Steve's snores and Maddie's breaths continued on uninterrupted. Once I was sure they were not about to wake up and notice my absence, I ran out of the dorm and headed towards the math building to take off for Venezuela.
