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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 367
Beat Reporter
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OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 367 |
Any feedback here, please!
- Alisha
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 470
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 470 |
I usually don't like episode rewrites, but I make an exception for good variations on TOGOM. Your story had a promising beginning and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with Lucy's knowledge. There's a chance for some dramatic tension between the two sisters, with Lois agonizing over Clark's "death," and Lucy's calm acceptance of the situation because she knows he really isn't dead. Other than that, I don't have a clue where this is going, unless it just follows the storyline of the episode, which would be a disappointment. I look forward to being pleasantly surprised.
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
This is a clever twist, Alisha. The new element is that Lucy is the only person who knows both that Clark is still alive and exactly how torn up Lois is about it. She needs to have a heart to heart with either Clark or Lois ASAP. Preferably Clark. She's painted herself into a corner and it's time to come clean. To leave Lois and Clark where they are would be plain cruel. I'm rather surprised that she hasn't already spilled the beans.
Perhaps she's been yelling for Superman but he hasn't heard her since he's in Smallville. Still, how hard could it be for her to figure out to call his folks? Get going, Lucy!
This *is* my happily ever after.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,070 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,070 Likes: 31 |
Fun! Clark rolled his eyes, “Well, it obviously is and I’m not dating Lucy. She--”
“No!” Lois hastily interrupted him. “If you’re not *dating* her, then I certainly don’t want to know what you’ve been doing. I know what Lucy’s like. I mean, I thought you weren’t like that, but then you are a man, aren’t you?”
“It’s not what you think.”
Lois glared at him. “Please! Give me some credit. Lucy spent a whole evening, alone with you, in your apartment, and you’re telling me it’s not what I think?” 
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
I think Lucy is growing up just a little. She's actually thinking more of Lois than she is of herself. And she's concerned that Clark won't be able to reconnect with Lois because he "got shot" in public.
The thing that concerns me the most is that address. What is Lois going to do? Is she going to go after Hamilton to get him to clone Clark? Is she going to blow them all up and herself with them to avenge Clark? Or is it something in between? Whatever it is, Superman had better make contrails back to Metropolis to stop her.
So when's the next post?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 367
Beat Reporter
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OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 367 |
Hey guys! Haven't got long, just enough time to say thanks for the comments and the next bit should be up at the weekend.
- Alisha
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 38 |
Hi Alisha, This is getting interesting. I'm glad you're writing from Lucy's point of view.  Lote
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