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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great part.  In a secluded place she can scream at him.  More soon, please. MAF 
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Hey!!! This part is cool... but too short  Jose 
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Oh, Sara, that was beautiful! OK, I know everyone says it's too short, but I think you left off at a perfect place. Definitely makes us want to see what happens next! Can I make a suggestion? Just so it sounds more like Clark (or should I say, more like an American), I would suggest changing "metres" to "yards", and also changing "Puss" to "kitty" (or "kitten"). Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing - that was just perfect!! - Vicki 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Great, Sara. Bravo! You are a really talented writer. One little comment: I catch up with her a few hundred metres from the ground How tall was the building? Considering every floor at 2 and a half metres... with a few hundred metres, say, 300... at least 120 floors. I don't think Lois would choose such a tall building to jump from. Anyway, I love it and I'm looking forward to seeing more. See ya, AnnaBtG.
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Aug 2003
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w00t, Sara! Good story so far, but your parts... are a little small  . I thoroughly enjoyed the introspection, great beginning, and wonderful characterization. I was a little taken aback, initially, as I didn't believe Lois would jump  , but considering her grief, it makes sense. Waiting for more  -Jo 
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Well I am glad he caught her. But he has to tell her now. She tried killing herself over Clark, she has to tell him to. More soon. Laura
PS Sorry I accidently posted at the end of the story.
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
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Just read parts one and two back to back - brava! Definitely a darker piece, even for TOGOM, and I look forward to seeing where you go with this. I would say this takes the award for most angsty Lois I've ever read in the "post-death" period.
Elle Roberts
She's a dancer who doesn't dance. He's a painter who doesn't paint. It's like a bohemian version of the Island of Misfit Toys. – “Igby Goes Down”
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Sara WOW! I love this. Please post it soon. Tricia 
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Another superb part, Sara!  Kind of figured it would. Who could resist peeking at such wonderful prose, beautiful poignant introspection and great angst? Not this reader, that's for sure! Going to be an interesting talk. More! Soon! Please? LabRat  PS - I corrected an error in the italics code in the segment, which was making the whole thing in italics.
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
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Sara,
nicely done
great part
ditto others
where's part 3
merry
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Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
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Hey everybody! And wow!! Thank you all for all of this! Just a few responses. Can I make a suggestion? Just so it sounds more like Clark (or should I say, more like an American), I would suggest changing "metres" to "yards", and also changing "Puss" to "kitty" (or "kitten"). Of course you can make a suggestion! Thanks very much for catching this. I try to keep my British phrases to a minimum, though I dont bother about spelling :shrug: How tall was the building? Considering every floor at 2 and a half metres... with a few hundred metres, say, 300... at least 120 floors. I don't think Lois would choose such a tall building to jump from. Okay, Anna, good point. However, I have to admit that when I was writing this, I wasnt really focusing on the building, and so didnt think about how high it was. I think it would have to be pretty tall - Superman does spot her on around eye-level, and she has to be able to free-fall for a couple of minutes. PS - I corrected an error in the italics code in the segment, which was making the whole thing in italics. Thanks Rat I knew it was happening, but couldnt figure out how to fix it...  Thanks so much everyone who read this <bg>. I'm just a little stuck at the moment, but hopefully I should have the next part out within a couple of days Sara.
Death: Easy, Bill. You'll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.
Meet Joe Black
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Sara,
In retrospect, a few hundred metres *is* a bit high. So, I modify my suggestion. Instead of saying a few hundred yards, how about a few hundred feet? That would still be about 20 or 30 stories up, when he catches her - the building itself would be quite a bit taller (I assume she falls for a few seconds before he catches her). Sounds reasonable for a skyscraper in Metropolis.
- Vicki
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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This is absolutely *terrific*...STUNNING!! I particularly liked how you described that life was a dance, and how you needed a partner do able to do it, or else you'd just...stand still. Dead inside. Unable to move forward. And I was so
Such a little thing really, a kiss...most people don't give it a moment's consideration. They kiss on meeting, they kiss on parting, that simple touching of flesh is taken entirely for granted as a basic human right.
Susan Kay
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
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MORE! PLEASE! SOON! 
I've converted to lurk-ism... hopefully only temporary.
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