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And that would be yet another shoe dropping....
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Great, great, great  The absolutes didn’t disappear quite as easily as his invulnerability. Great insight by Dr. Friskin. And Lois *has* to know about Commander Talon. Of course she doesn't realize Kal-El was totally impervious to her. Sterling progress this chapter! More soon.  Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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WOW!!  Great chapter.
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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The other shoe - exactly.
Clark feels that he betrayed everything that was good and right about himself on New Krypton. And yet, the people who spoke to Lois about what Clark had done on New Krypton were in awe of Clark's goodness and sacrifices.
Clark was never unfaithful to Lois on New Krypton. But after Lois has seen Talan, her stunning beauty and her obvious love for Clark, a horrible seed of doubt has been sown in Lois's heart.
The other shoe, indeed.
Ann
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I knew it! The commander who’d saved Clark’s life? Who had captured Nor and dragged him to justice? Lois had expected Brunhilda the Warrior Woman, with burly arms and a Viking helmet. Or the female version of Patton, wizened and grim, and chomping on a cigar.
Not Heidi Klum meets Wonder Woman. I knew that once Lois saw Talan she wouldn't think of her as just another NK soldier. It took a while, but this couldn't have come at a worse time for their relationship or at a better time for the dramatic narrative. Lois can't help but think that this is what Clark meant when he said he'd done things he wasn't proud of. And now, even when Clark insists that nothing of the sort went on between him and Talan or between him and anyone else, Lois will have a very difficult time believing it, simply because she's going to come up short in her own mind when compared to Talan. No, it's not fair. No, it's not reasonable. But people in love do unreasonable things and assume unreasonable attitudes when their security is challenged. Clark has been holding back from Lois because he killed Nor, but Lois - because she's his wife - will believe that the ultimate betrayal would be to love someone else, not take a life. Killing in self-defense she could accept and incorporate into her Clark-view. Another woman - not so much. Please don't wait too long to show us the repercussions of this little unintentional love note. I'm certain Talan didn't anticipate Lois's reaction, if she ever considered that Lois would see the message. Even if she had, she might not have realized that her love shone through. And Lois has recognized it, and when she calls Clark on it, he's not going to understand, and here we go again! Soon, please! Pretty please?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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So Lois needs to understand that Clark is holding back from her because he feels that he has betrayed her by betraying himself, by taking a man's life. But Clark needs to understand that Lois thinks he is holding back from her because he has betrayed her by betraying her, by loving another woman.
They need to be honest and upfront to each other about this, so that Lois can believe Clark when he tells her that he was never unfaithful to her with Talan, and that Talan never even came close to replacing Lois in Clark's heart.
Ann
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This is one agonizing other shoe to drop... especially since we just *know* that it's going to take several conversations where Lois and Clark *think* they're talking about the same thing when they're not, before the truth finally comes out.
If and when they do eventually get back to baseline, though, I think this is also going to make it easier for Lois to accept this 'new' Clark, because to her, no betrayal could be worse than for him to have given his heart away to another woman.
That doesn't mean that it's going to become easier for Clark to accept the man he has become, of course. But, it's a start.
I am looking forward to their joined therapy sessions.
You can gaze at the stars, but please don't forget about the flowers at your feet.
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*yay* Found the bit in Roads Apart where Clark contemplated all that which Lois is thinking after she saw the Talan-vid  The memories of the one night he'd spent with her weren't
enough. They couldn't banish the darkness in him. They couldn't
pull him out of the depths of his despair anymore. He needed
more. He needed to feel her skin against his, to hear her heart
beat, to let her help him forget his pain and his doubts and his
fears. Instead, he spent night after night alone, being torn to
ribbons by his nightmares. He hadn't had a single decent night's
sleep in months. He was fraying and coming apart at the seams.
He needed to bury his pain and his loneliness. He needed to let
the poison out of his soul before it welled up and spilled over.
If he couldn't go numb, if he couldn't just shut off the pain,
why couldn't he at least blot it out for a little while? Why
couldn't he just forget, even if only for a moment, how much
this hurt? Why couldn't he know a few moments of peace and
contentment? Why couldn't someone help him forget?
What exactly was he asking himself? Was he honestly thinking
about seeking solace in another woman's arms? Could he actually
be thinking that? Then again, how hard could it be to break his
wedding vows? He was a powerful man, wasn't he? And reasonably
good looking; women had been drawn to Superman. But then,
Superman had never been reduced to a pathetic shell. Still, he
was surrounded by attractive women who seemed to like him well
enough. If he stopped to think about it, his loyal general
commander, for one, was a breathtakingly beautiful woman. He
wouldn't have survived without her; he relied on her friendship
and her support, why not this as well? Why not push things
beyond, into the realm of the completely inappropriate? She was
the one who kept him from going numb, after all. She'd claimed
that she wouldn't be responsible for making him less human. Why
it was that she'd taken the responsibility for protecting his
humanity wasn't clear to him. But he realized that she probably
saw him with nothing but pity. He wondered derisively if she
pitied him enough.
He rubbed his throbbing temples. He wasn't looking for comfort
or solace or even a warm body to break the freefall. He was
contemplating emotional suicide. He was looking to kill the last
decent thing inside himself, hoping that if it were gone, he'd
be able to resign himself to his fate. He'd be able to give up
without regrets or remorse. In a sense, he'd already given up.
He'd prayed for death. He'd prayed to be able to leave his wife,
alone on another world, a trillion miles away. The man he'd once
been would have endured anything just to keep fighting to make
it back home. The man he'd become had forgotten the most
important promise he'd ever made. Now, if he could bring himself
to commit the last betrayal, if he could convince his body to
become as much a traitor as his soul had, he'd be free. There
was no doubt in his mind that if he did it, he'd die on New
Krypton.
Something deep inside him, though, reviled the thought of
touching another woman the way he'd touched Lois. Even if she'd
never know, even if she lived the rest of her life thinking he'd
died an honorable man, he would know. His love for her was the
last good and pure thing about him. He couldn't let go of that.
It was all he had left. That was a great part as usual. I sure hope that the safe isn't an omen of some sort. Michael, looking forward to seeing the fallout of the latest non-communication 
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Now that Michael brought that to our attention, I'd like to quote the last paragraph once again: Something deep inside him, though, reviled the thought of touching another woman the way he'd touched Lois. Even if she'd never know, even if she lived the rest of her life thinking he'd died an honorable man, he would know. His love for her was the last good and pure thing about him. He couldn't let go of that. It was all he had left. His love for Lois was the last pure and good thing about him. Or so Clark thought. He couldn't let go of that, so he didn't. And because he didn't, he has let go of the thoughts of the temptation he had. He may in fact have forgotten. He reacted innocently when Lois asked him about Talan, volunteering the information that Talan was the one who had saved his life, and Talan wasn't a man, she was a woman. Clark knows that he never crossed any sort of line with Talan, and that he didn't let his weakness taint his love for Lois. That is why it will be hard for him to accept that Lois can suspect him of infidelity. Because when she doubts his fidelity to her, she doubts the last good and pure thing about him. But Clark needs to understand that as long as he won't open up to Lois about what happened to him on New Krypton, the fact that Lois has now seen Talan means that she is going to think that Talan is the reason why he can't talk to her about his experiences there. And Clark needs to acknowledge that even if he never came close to being unfaithful to Lois, the thought of seeking comfort with Talan did occur to him. And Lois needs to understand that Clark's love for her is the very foundation of his being. She needs to understand that when she doesn't trust that aspect of him, she is doubting the very essence of his being. She needs to understand that Clark hasn't worried deeply about what went on between him and Talan on New Krypton, because he didn't betray either Los or himself in his dealings with her. Lois needs to know that Clark killed a man on New Krypton, and she needs to understand that he feels that he utterly betrayed his own ideals, and, by extension, his own self, when he did so. She needs to understand that Clark feels that he has irrevocably soiled himself when he committed murder on New Krypton, and that is the reason why he is holding back from her - because he doesn't feel worthy of her anymore. But he didn't destroy the last good thing about himself by being unfaithful to Lois, and if Lois can't believe that, she is doubting what Clark thinks of as the last good thing about himself. Then she is utterly rejecting him. Indeed, she should understand that if Clark had really been unfaithful to her, he probably wouldn't have been able to return to her at all. And he certainly wouldn't have been able to make love to her. Ann
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ooh... good one! i can't remember if clark had known of Talan's feelings....?
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Good one Michael now got to go back and read that part(s)
I will and always be a big fan of Lois and Clark forever and forever.
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Yay Michael. Good to have that to refresh our memories. Yes, that's what I thought. So we'll see how much they really do trust each other. Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Hi everyone, Thanks so much for your comments. I'm quite relieved to see that no one has hung me in effigy...yet. I realize that I've begged your indulgence for a number of radical twists and turns in this story. I've written a Clark who: gave up hope and prayed for death, who contemplated emotional suicide via infidelity, and who hit his wife once he returned. I've written a Lois who: believes Clark has been unfaithful and is willing to forgive him not just for that, but also for hitting her. All of these things strike me as radically out of character, when considered out of context. My hope is that in the context of this story, all of these developments have been believable. Artemis, thanks for your very kind comments. I agree that Dr. Friskin has pegged the really sticky issue for Clark. As much as Clark wants to be an ordinary guy and as much as he thinks he's an ordinary guy, he isn't. His morality is different from that of an ordinary guy because his powers require it. But how do you change the moral fabric of your being, the things that have developed as a part of you for decades? Glad you enjoyed this section, Cookiesmom. Ann, you've touched on a number of critical issues. Clark and Lois's failure to communicate has led to a lot of heartache, and what looks to be even more angst coming up. Lois sees the message and gets the wrong impression, because there's so much she doesn't know about what happened, except that it haunts her husband constantly. And yet, even though we know she isn't wrong about Talan's feelings and we know that Clark contemplated infidelity (however briefly), believing he actually went through with it is something else entirely. It attacks the very core of who Clark is. 'Aaaaah!' was pretty much my thought, too, Sarahg  I knew that you knew it, Terry I did, however, try not to comment on this eventuality before this part. It is, as you said, unreasonable for Lois to compare herself unfavorably to Talan or to jump to the conclusion she did, but like you said, it's also understandable. I tend to think that Lois is right here in believing she could forgive infidelity in these circumstances (but certainly not in others). It is a strange set of circumstances our heroes find themselves in. Hi Pedendang, thanks for your comments. As to whether killing someone or infidelity is worse, I think the circumstances determine the outcome of that unpleasant contest. I do believe Lois can accept what Clark had to do on New Krypton and I believe it's easier for her to do so than for him. He's always been extremely hard on himself and she's always seen the best in him. Michael, that is, indeed the a very low point for Clark. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. Flowerpot, Clark was not aware of Talan's feelings. He's apparently not as perceptive as his wife. Thanks for commenting, Lovesuper97. Thank you all for your very kind comments. Regards, Rac
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You made some excellent points, Ann. Now I wonder: will Clark be able to forgive Lois for forgiving him? (It's irrelevant at this point that there's nothing for her to forgive.)
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