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Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1 |
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Joined: Dec 2005
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Framework4
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Joined: Jun 2004
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
I agree that Clark owes Lois some hard truths, but I also think that Lois owes Clark the same thing. If she's upset that he's lied to her (never mind that until recently telling her would have been counter-productive for both of them), then she needs to make sure she doesn't lie to him.
And I'm ready to read how they get past this. It's a huge deal, and it's important to Lois, so it has to be important to Clark. He can't just ask her to forget her feelings of betrayal. He has to come clean with her.
And she has to understand why he didn't tell her everything sooner, even if she doesn't agree with his reasoning. She has her reasons, he has his reasons, and they both need to understand and accept the other's thinking on this subject, not try to justify their attitudes.
Next chapter soon?
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
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See, I told you Clark didn't do so bad. He came clean, and then proved his sincerity and his love by making himself completely vulnerable. He probably shouldn't have left when he did, but, hey, that's Clark for you. At least he made it clear he wants to continue the conversation as soon as Lois is ready. Lucy seems to have helped Lois clear her head and realize what's important. Now, we just need Lois and Clark to get together and be completely honest with each other. One point: I don't think Martha would (or should) have openly said over the phone that Clark was Superman. I think she'd have said he decide to become "you-know-who" or "that other guy" or something like that. When do we get Part 5? 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
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Joined: Apr 2008
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Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1 |
I was doing a quick "drive-by" and saw this: One point: I don't think Martha would (or should) have openly said over the phone that Clark was Superman. I think she'd have said he decide to become "you-know-who" or "that other guy" or something like that. To which my response was roughly:  I'll be back for real later today. As for part 5. Late today at the earliest. There are still a few rough spots to consider. Bob
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 470
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 470 |
This is how it should have happened. (In canon, but then we'd have missed out on so much angst.)
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
“I’m sorry, but I need to talk with you. Is that all right?” I suspect I sound desperate.
“Sure, sis. This is unexpected. Which is it, Mom or Dad?”
“Neither. Why do you ask that?”
“Think about it. Since I left Metropolis, how many times have you called me?”
“Um, a few.”
“Okay, how many times have you called where you weren’t complaining about either Mom or Dad?”
“Lucy!”
“Lois!”  “Have you managed to fall for another crime lord?”
“Lucy!” “I’m sorry, sis.” She sounds genuinely concerned now. “He seemed like such a nice guy. How did you find out about his secret?”
“He told me.”
“What!” The jerk!  “I think you have your answer. But Sis, make him grovel first.”
I wish Lucy could see my smile. Hopefully she can hear it. “Don’t worry, I will.”
“And chocolate. Make sure he brings you lots of the good dark kind!” “May I speak to Clark?”
A long silence. “I don’t understand,” Martha stutters. You know, I almost expected Lois to just tell Martha that she should send her son over. Looking forward to seeing Clark feeling really embarrassed. Michael
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,837 |
Great story. Waiting for the finish! Another for the TOGOM Archives!  Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1
Top Banana
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OP
Top Banana
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,371 Likes: 1 |
Framework4: Thank you. For a while I wasn’t sure I’d get the story going in the direction I wanted. Terry: As for your comments, I think I’ll invite you to look at the final part. Vicki: Yes. Clark did do okay. But only because he got out of the way and let the women talk. Thanks again for spotting the phone slip. C-Mom I would have liked to see something like this. But, oh well. I’m glad you like it so far. Michael: Wow. Big FDK! I’m glad some of the humor worked. The only time I seem to be able to achieve funny is when I bring in Lucy. Now I don't know which is sadder, Lucy's situation or Lois'. I think Lucy is exaggerating a bit to make a point to her big sister. (At least, I hope so.) Artemis: Thanks. This was far more challenging than I thought it would be. I was right to be afraid of taking the TOGOM challenge. Thank you all for the feedback. I hope you like Part 5. Bob
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,181 Likes: 29
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,181 Likes: 29 |
“Have you managed to fall for another crime lord?”  This was such a wonderful part - lots of humour and hope. Have to go - I want to read the next bit!
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