Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic The Long Road Home Part 20 - comments

Thoughts?

This was another fantastic chapter.

It was absolutely shocking when Clark fell from the sky because the sound of a little boy crying for help triggered the memory of his most horrifying, harrowing and unspeakable experience from New Krypton. The emotional punch of that was literally like a blow to the solar plexus. The whole thing with Clark falling from the sky was as shocking and incredible as it was believable and in character for this Clark, who has been so horribly scarred by his traumatic experiences on New Krypton.

I also absolutely loved how Lois flew up in the sky to look at a star located near New Krypton, so that she could look at that star and thank Talan for keeping Clark safe when she herself couldn't. I absolutely loved it. I hope Lois feels that she has made peace with Talan and overcome the more crippling aspects of her jealousy.

I'm very glad, too, that Lois is going to keep being Ultrawoman. It frankly wouldn't be right if Lois gave up her powers just so that Clark would feel better (which he wouldn't, since he would be afraid of hurting her, but you know what I mean).

Before the horrible things happened to Clark, he would have been proud of Lois for being Ultrawoman. I believe that Clark is still able to be proud of her and to accept her powers. It is his own weakness he resents, after all, not her strength.

Ann

Lois's acceptance of Talan was heartwrenchingly beautiful. Portraying her as the "other woman" absolutely was diminishing to both of them, and to Clark as well. I wish Lois knew just how much respect Talan had for her. I wish Talan had left a message for Lois on the globe. I feel like the universe could be just a little bit better place if these two ardent, epic women could speak.

Lois's message to Commander Talan was so moving - she has clearly learned so much about trust and the hard work of a relationship.

Every breakthrough Clark makes, or that they make in their communication, serves to emphasize the amount of work they have left to do.

I look forward to each new post - I love this story.

Amber

Lois's message to Talon shows how much respect she has for a woman who faced tragic life circumstances and yet was heroic. Perhaps in that sense the two women are similar. The sisterhood as they say.

And yet Clark was emotionally involved with Talon. During that period away he was pulled towards Talan although it was his loyalty to Lois that kept him physically celibate. So at that point Lois no longer had her husband's full heart just as Talan would never have his physical love. Yet, neither woman was diminished - how could they be? - It is not Clark who made them the individuals they are. But the emotional relationship Lois now has with Clark is less than what it was before he left.

In her speech, Lois shows her recognition of Talan's honour and bravery, and especially her desire , I think, to comfort the other woman. Lois shows her truly generous soul here, something we rarely see in fanfic . Lois has been through so much, seen so much horror herself in what she has done as Ultrawoman. I wonder if Clark has yet got to the point where he understands that, at least with the same depth of feeling that Lois understands what he experienced?

Lois's speech is in one sense sad - it is her accepatnce, I think, that she knows that while she still has a relationship with Clark, it can never be again that wonderful, shining thing that it once was. With this speech Lois does 2 things - pays tribute to Talan who very much deserves it, and yet also accepts her own more limted emotional role as Clark's wife. It's both moving and yet sad.

complex stuff

c.

This was a great part, Rac. I felt thrown around and thoroughly spun the whole time through.

I wonder how you're going to solve the powers issue. The natural course would be to just leave them where they are. And yet, at the same time, there so many issues associated with them. And call me crazy, but aside from taking care of Jon, I suddenly feel like Lois' ability to help others as Ultra Woman is the most stable part of her life. The one constant that's not going to change no matter what.

Was that the first time Clark got to read to his son?

Michael

wow.... love that last scene with lois coming to peace with talan... the symbolism of the ring...

hmm don't know how i feel abt. ultrawoman and the dilemma of clark acting out in his dreams...

in a way, it almost seems selfish, like he's issuing an ultimatum, so lois doesn't REALLY have a choice abt. whether or not to keep being ultrawoman... (either keep the super powers, or lose your husband basically) i can see it playing out either way.... interested to see how this develops...

clark acting out in his dreams reminds me of grey's anatomy, between christina yang and owen hunt, when he chokes her in his sleep...

PTST... definitely a relevant topic given all the soldiers returning from war/ all the physical/psychological trauma they experienced.

can't wait for the next ch!

Fantastic part, Rac. I got all mushy when Clark read to his son. At least in this respect, I feel like Clark is his old self when he's with Jon. It's nice to see him again.

Lok Sim, Enza and Thia. I really enjoyed them in the last story and was happy to see them return in their message to Clark. It's so frustrating to see Clark focused on all of the (perceived) mistakes he made. Every Kryptonian that he knew - and most of the people that he never even met - felt that his sacrifices, leadership and help were heroic. I wish that Clark could step outside of his own suffering for a minute so he could see that.

Clark's experience blacking-out was frightening. He's so fixated on helping with his powers and it's tearing him up not to do so. I am glad that he realizes that he's not ready to become Superman again, but I wish that his realization could extend to giving himself a break about it, too. It is probably one of the hardest things that he could do, to give himself permission to heal from his injuries (mental and emotional), but I just don't see Superman ever returning to Earth if he doesn't.

I found Lois' conversation with Talon very moving. Lois is definitely a bigger person that I am -- I don't know if I could have verbalized (or even felt) that way had it happened to me. She really is a magnificent person.

Looking forward to the next part.
BJ

This is such a deep fic that I'm having trouble giving feedback, because (as George Carlin says), deep down, I'm shallow.

I'll just join with the other posters in saying that this is an extremely well-written, hard-charging, take-no-prisoners fic that boldly presents a Clark (and a Superman) in agony (and Lois too!) and will hopefully show us their slow but complete healing.

Well done, Rac!

(now go and post another part)

Carol wrote:
That's ridiculous. The only relationship Clark (or Kal-El) had with Commander Talan was as friends and co-defenders of the innocent on Krypton. He DID NOT BETRAY Lois in any way, shape, sort, or fashion. The thought of being intimate with Talan did enter his mind, but he very quickly pushed it away and didn't let it return.

I agree that Lois did accept Talan as an important person in Clark's life during the time Lois couldn't be with him to hold him up. I also agree that she feels both jealousy and guilt (both unreasoned) for not being there for her husband while Talan was. But to reduce her step forward, her healing, to her acceptance of a limited role in Clark's life is absurd.

Because that's not at all what she's doing. She's coming to terms with the truth: that she wasn't with the man she loves when he needed her the most. And she's releasing herself from the responsibility for not being there. She's not guilty of anything in this question of Talan and Clark, yet she feels guilty. It's just one more illustration that our feelings, while quite real and quite valid, don't always reflect reality.

Now Clark has to take the step to forgive Lois for not being there for him. Yes, I just stated that there was no way for her to be there for him and that she's not guilty in any way. But Clark feels that way. He shouldn't. There was no possible way for Lois to be there for him and to protect him from both Nor's torture and the stresses of military and political leadership. Yet those feelings are there, and they come out in his muted resentment of her super-heroine role and activities. They come out when he refuses to tell her what happened to him on New Krypton except to punish her with the information. And they come out when he feels guilty for not yet being able to be Superman again.

This is indeed a complex story, full of pain and anguish and trials and rebuilding of relationships. It's good that Jon wanted Daddy to read to him. It's good that Daddy did so with a smile. It's good that Mommy was happy to see it. But there are still many steps to be taken before Clark is ready to be himself again. But when he finally gets there, the relationship between Lois and Clark will be so very much stronger and deeper for having persevered through all those trials.

Eagerly awaiting the next injection of pain, Rac. May it be soon!

LOL, Terry. I'm guessing you disagree with my interpretation of what went on between Talan and Clark?

Still, Clark was emotionally intimate with Talan while he was on New Krypton. He sought her out for both companionship and comfort, and as you say he did think about being physically intimate .Their relationship even made Zara wonder at one point if the two were having an affair.

Lois is now aware of that relationship and has to deal with the fallout. But as I said in my earlier comment, I was impressed by her generosity in her speech.

Terry wrote:
Stong word there, Terry. "Absurd." Nope, I don't think my interpretation is absurd at all - it cuts to the core of what the relationship of Lois and Clark once was and once promised to be, and now can never quite be.

I was a bit taken aback by this, and I wonder if you really meant it? It makes Clark sound so petulant and self-centered, lacking any ability to assess his own role in deciding to go to NK and then his prolonged avoidance of going home when there was clearly so little need for him on NK.

c.

Why can't their relationship be what it "once promised to be?" Lois and Clark aren't trying to put together a relationship broken by unfaithfulness. Despite what Zara may have surmised, Clark did not know that Talan loved him. And despite what he mused about in the depths of his pain and depression, he was never unfaithful to Lois.

Remember also that when Nor was torturing him, Clark's lifeline to sanity wasn't Talan. It was Lois. He hung on to the memory of Lois' love to keep his mind grounded in reality. It was Lois who kept him going in the worst of times on New Krypton, not Talan.

Carol quoted me saying:

and then responded:

I meant it. But I was speaking to Clark's state of mind, not to the reality of the situation. Clark isn't petulant and self-centered. He's suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome. One of the characteristics of that disorder is that the sufferer often blames those he or she loves for not being rescued from that terrible situation, even if the sufferer knows that there was no possible way for anyone to effect a rescue.

He has to forgive Lois for not doing something she was completely incapable of doing, because the blame he's directing towards her is totally unreasonable and illogical and misplaced. Lois did nothing wrong, and intellectually Clark knows this, but he's not thinking with his mind right now. He's thinking with his wounded soul, a soul which has been twisted and bent and hammered out of shape. His forgiving Lois for not doing something she could not possibly have accomplished is a step forward for his recovery, and it's something he'll have to do alone.

I'm not sure if you meant this quite the way I'm reading it:

Had Kal-El not gone to New Krypton in this tale, Nor would probably have won the war, caused hundreds more casualties than were actually suffered, and would have submerged the entire society into a brutal totalitarian dictatorship which would have cost hundreds of more lives. No need for him to go? The man is a bona fide hero.

Rac, I'm still waiting for the next chapter.

Terry, it was really your labeling my interpretations as 'ridiculous' and later as 'absurd' that bothered me and caused me to post - that you disgree with my interpretation was not a problem. I enjoy exploring different interpretations and perceptions of stories. Both our interpretations can be supported, even though they are different, based on how we percieve what we have read, what parts weigh more significantly with us than others, and of course, our own personal filters.

c.

Thanks for your thoughtful and thought provoking comments, everyone.

Ann, thank you--as always--for your very kind words. I know a lot happened in this chapter and most of it was meant to be a kick in the gut, especially (unfortunately) for Clark. He's exhibited a lot of the symptoms of PTSD including night terrors, irritability, and hyper-vigilance. It seemed like only a matter of time until overwhelming flashbacks made their unwanted appearance. Of course, the irony of the fact that calls for help are what incapacitate him is lost on no one. (Yeah, I know, I'm a jerk). I agree that Clark compos mentis is and should be proud of what Lois has accomplished. As to whether he can sort those feelings out now, well, let's hope.

Thanks for your comments, Amy. I'm glad you liked the final scene. It's one of those scenes that had been in my head since halfway through the last story. I was really looking forward to writing it, even though it was already pretty much written out in my head. Sadly, these two women are going to remain firmly on their own planets, separated by light years and thus, any means of communication.

Amber, thanks for the feedback. I agree wholeheartedly that every positive step just leads to more complications and the daunting realization of how much is left to go (on a meta level, I certainly feel that way as the writer of this monstrosity). Glad you're enjoying the ride.

Thanks for your very thought provoking comments, Carol. I agree that neither woman was diminished by their very different relationships with Clark. As you said, he doesn't define their worth, they do. I wanted to capture in that scene the fact that Lois's conflicted feelings are very real, and ought not be brushed aside simply because Talan did a good job of hiding her feelings from Clark. Talan was there for Clark when Lois couldn't be. Lois knows that that friendship saved Clark's life and she has to be grateful for it. But she must also feel a certain frustration at the fact that this other woman somewhere across the galaxy has all this insight into her husband's current thinking and state of mind, who endured with him the most trying events of his life and was the one he expected to stand shoulder to shoulder with him for four very long years - longer at this point, than Lois and Clark were together.

I don't think I agree that Clark was avoiding going home or that he was essentially unnecessary on New Krypton. I know things didn't advance smoothly or as expected much of the time there, but I don't know when he would have been able to leave earlier without destroying the fragile alliances in the government that prevented loss to Nor's rebellion. However, I understand how not everyone would necessarily agree that success for the good guys could not be guaranteed without Kal El.

Hi Michael, I totally agree that motherhood and Ultrawoman actually give Lois stability in her crazy life. More on this issue to come soon. Clark and Jon read together once before when Lois was off being the superhero and they wrote the dinosaur story together, so they're really starting to build up something here.

Flowerpot, thanks for your comments. As to Clark's ultimatum, whether he's verbalizing it in the most persuasive way, I don't think his position can be blamed on the short circuiting of his normal thinking. On this one, I think he's being the reasonable one and Lois has to come around to the wisdom of his position. He's absolutely right to not take that chance with her safety. As to the Gray's Anatomy issue...well, I'd like to humbly point out that I wrote and posted that rather awful scene where Clark hits Lois in his sleep about two years ago now (serves me right for being on hiatus for so very long).

Hi BJ, thanks for your comments. I agree that part of Clark's problem is a lack of perspective. It is a good thing that he knows he's not ready to be Superman yet, but even knowing that is causing him anguish. He's physically capable of doing things other people can't and yet he can't find a way to use those skills to help others. I think you're absolutely right that Lois has to be an awfully big person to come to terms with things the way she has. She's still definitely being Lois - she knows she doesn't have to like Talan and indulges that fact, but she recognizes the fact that she has to respect and be thankful for this other woman and she feels compelled to verbalize those things, difficult though it must be.

IolantheAlias, thanks for your comments. I'm working on the 'more' part. I should be able to post the next chapter relatively soon.

Hi Terry. Interesting theories on what Lois and Clark blame and don't blame on themselves and each other. I have my own interpretations of the text (how could I not), but I was more interested in posing questions than providing answers. In terms of Clark's relationship with Talan, I think he did his best and I think it was they both behaved admirably, given the totality of the circumstances. But in other circumstances, would their relationship have been within the bounds of propriety? Did he not depend on Talan more than he would have had Lois not been there? Was she not the person he trusted most and confided in the most while on New Krypton?

The obvious response is 'what choice did he have?' He relied on Talan precisely because Lois wasn't there. He didn't choose to develop this emotionally intense (albeit platonic) relationship with another woman over his wife. He needed the friendship and support of someone capable of understanding the stress he was under and the things he'd endured. Someone capable of handling the burden of being that friend.

But though there is no blame to be apportioned, the last four years of Clark's life profoundly changed him. Lois may not be able to ever really understand what he went through. Someone else has those insights into her husband. Someone else was there for him when she couldn't be. I can't imagine that such a thing is easy to accept, even if Lois has no logical choice.

But does Clark have to forgive Lois (at least in his head) for not being there for him? I don't know if I see it that way. Clark has never been used to needing to be rescued. In fact, I think to a large degree, he really resented having to be rescued by anyone on New Krypton. Much of his anger was focused on what he perceived as the 'weakness' in himself as a leader.

Anyway...lots of interesting thoughts and interpretations. Thanks for sharing all of your very thoughtful ideas and comments on the story. I really enjoy reading these comments.

Regards,

Rac