Story TOC HUGE thanks to Brenda for her insight and suggestions on this part. She asked all the right questions and she made a world of difference.
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Previously (1995):"Lois? Will you marry me?"
Lois stared at him. Clark's eyes were as hopeful as the first time he had asked her this question, his expression just as nervous.
Before she could answer him, he went spoke again. "You said it yourself, that you might not go back. Would you marry me again?"
She reached out and touched his cheek. "Of course I would marry you. I
am married to you. But--.." How different would her life be if she had been married to Clark all along? Her mind swam with the possibilities that would offer.
"But?" he prompted, quietly anxious.
"Yes."
For a second or two, he didn't react. And then his heart felt like it would burst with happiness. "Yes? Really?"
"Yes," she confirmed again. "Yes, definitely."
"When?" he asked breathlessly. "You're the one who's done this before. How long do you think we need to plan it?"
Lois sighed. "Personally, I'm all for running down to city hall tomorrow morning and tying the knot. But my mother might disown me if we did it that way. We'll give her two weeks notice."
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Previously (1998):"So what happens now? Lois goes back and--." Clark waved his hand in frustration. "That's it? What happens to me? And my Lois?"
"Mr. Kent, she has always been your Lois." Mr. Wells cleared his throat nervously. "It's true, we could leave things just as they are now, but eventually - and most likely quite soon - a ripple will be created that could destroy everything."
"And if Lois goes back?"
"Then this future ceases to exist."
A chill went through Clark. Ceases to exist? Just like that? But that wasn't entirely true, was it? It was only this
version of the future that ceased to exist - not him or Lois.
"Please consider what will be gained," Wells said gently. "Is that not worth what might be lost? Are you willing to give up this future for the chance of a different future?"
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Ricochet 10/10
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1998
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"A different future."The words seemed to echo in Clark's head. A different future. A future with the possibility of children. A future that didn't include Luthor kidnapping Lois on their wedding day. A future that might bypass many of the unpleasant events that had marred their early happiness.
But what else would change? Hadn't all those tough times strengthened their relationship? Would an easier future cause them to take their happiness for granted? Or would new problems arise in their stead, problems that were potentially more devastating than the adversity they had triumphed over the first time around?
Was having children worth that risk? Clark certainly thought so when the younger Lois appeared without warning. Hadn't he believed that Lois was there so that she wouldn't marry him; so that she could have children with someone else? He had been prepared, in fact, to sacrifice his future with her to give her that chance.
Clark gestured at the kitchen ceiling. "Shouldn't I wake up Lois so you can explain all of this to her?"
"No, please…" Wells nervously toyed with the brim of his hat. "Giving Ms. Lane a glimpse of her future is as much as I dare to interfere. I cannot compel her to marry you."
"What if she goes back and doesn't marry me, wouldn't that destroy Utopia?"
Wells tilted his head in curiosity. "Do you believe she'd make that choice?"
Clark glanced over at the couch, remembering the heated embrace he and Lois had shared there only a few hours earlier. What if, all those years ago, he had proposed to the Lois currently asleep upstairs? A Lois who knew not just his secret, but also understood the balancing act that went with that secret? Would her initial answer still have been 'no'?
"I--, I don't know." Clark took a deep breath and made another attempt to understand what Wells was trying to accomplish. "So Lois goes back and tomorrow morning I wake up to find my wife has returned and we have children?"
Wells' expression softened. "I'm sorry, Mr. Kent, but that can't possibly happen. Time is a linear thing and now that the past has been changed this future can no longer exist, except in her memory."
Clark reeled at the thought that the past had already changed and his present life was irrevocably gone. There was nothing he could do; nothing that could alter what had already been set in motion. A cold feeling of helpless dread filled him, similar to when he had dreamed over and over again of Tempus ripping Lois away from him. For a moment or two he imagined that he could actually sense the time ripple undulating inevitably closer, like a tidal surge that would wash away everything he knew.
Then Clark's hearing picked up the familiar sound of Lois' heartbeat. Since he had met her the simple rhythm of her heart had been the center of his world - comforting him, exciting him, always reassuring. She was his constant and it wouldn't matter what day or year it was so long as she was there.
"Will Lois remember everything that has happened to her here?" Clark asked quietly.
Wells nodded. "That, Mr. Kent, was the entire point in bringing her here."
"When will it happen?"
Wells gave him a sympathetic smile. "Soon. Very soon."
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Lois was jolted from sleep; her eyes flew open and darted around the darkened room as her heart beat frantically. Something was different, but her brain felt too foggy to work out what it could be. She squinted, trying to make out whether that was a person or merely a shadow near the door.
"Clark?" She reached over to turn on the lamp.
"Sorry," he answered softly, his eyes squinting against the sudden brightness. "I didn't mean to wake you."
He didn't move from the doorway. He simply looked at her, his expression unreadable. Lois propped herself up on her elbows and asked, "Is something wrong?"
After a few seconds hesitation, Clark came over and sat on the edge of the bed. "I couldn't sleep," he confessed.
Lois glanced at the bedside clock radio - it was nearly three o'clock in the morning. "Have you slept at all tonight?" she asked.
He made a sound that was half-laugh, half-sigh. "No," he admitted.
"Aren't you tired?"
Clark's head bowed forward and his shoulders slumped. "Yes."
Her heart ached to see him so tired and vulnerable. Had it been a terrible rescue? Lois sat up and put her arms around him. "What can I do for you?" she asked.
"I… I wanted to be close to you," he answered, leaning into her embrace but making no move to put his arms around her.
Lois stroked his back and felt his body relax slightly. What had happened after he left? What could she do to help him? She wondered at the irony of feeling so protective of the strongest man in the world. Only he wasn't always strong and he actually needed her. A rush of love for him filled her, surprising her with its depth and ferocity. Lois felt ashamed that her actions earlier had caused him to leave so abruptly.
"I'm so sorry, about earlier. I shouldn't have taken things that far and I…."
She was stopped by his lips on hers. "Shh, no," he murmured against the corner of her mouth. "Don't ever apologize for kissing me. Lois, I love you." He kissed her again, and this time his arms closed tightly around her. The kiss grew deeper, feeling to her more like desperation than passion.
Lois pulled away slightly and took his face between her hands, wanting to look into his eyes. "Clark, what's wrong?"
His expression was stricken, deepening her worry for him. When he answered, his voice was a hoarse whisper. "You're going to go back soon."
Lois froze, hoping she had heard him wrong. "What? How do you know?"
He sighed and tipped his head to indicate the bedroom door. "Wells was here earlier."
"Wh-- When is it going to happen?" To Lois her words seemed to be coming from very, very far away.
"He only said it would be 'soon'."
Soon. How much time did she have left with him? What if he flew them away, right now, somewhere that Wells couldn't find them? Was that possible? In the same instant it struck her that he should be happier about this - he'd be getting his wife back.
"So, I guess the future me will be returning then, right?" she asked, trying to sound upbeat and failing.
"No. It doesn't work that way. She, you, changed things back in 1995 and that changed our future."
Lois stared at him, trying to work out what he was telling her. "Changed it how?" she asked. "We don't get married?"
Clark pulled her onto his lap, needing to be close to her for as long as he might have left. He cradled her in his arms and kissed her forehead as he whispered, "Our future is whatever we make it. Wells said he wanted you to have a glimpse of what our future can be."
"A glimpse?" Lois repeated in astonishment. "A glimpse is a few seconds - maybe even a minute or two - but not weeks." She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him. It was so unfair that she was going back just as she was getting used to the idea of being married to him. "I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose you."
"You won't. Lois, you can't lose me. I'm yours. I have been since practically the moment that we met."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." He kissed her cheek. "Three years ago I was absolutely, totally, completely in love with you and I wanted to have a life with you. That will never change, no matter what year it is."
Lois took his face between her hands so she could get a good look at him, wanting to memorize how it felt to have Clark look at her with love in his eyes. Was it really possible that she could have this kind of closeness with him for the asking?
"And will you believe me? If I corner you and tell you that I know your secret and I want to spend the rest of my life with you because I was sort of married to you in the future, you're going to believe that?"
Clark laughed. The sadness and tension that had been building slipped away as he imagined what his reaction three years earlier would have been to a Lois determined to have him. "I'll believe anything you tell me."
"Liar." Lois shook her head ruefully and then gave him a watery smile. "Okay, I'll do it. But if you reject me, I swear I'll make the rest of your life miserable."
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The jangle of music startled Lois into wakefulness. She was about to raise her head when Clark shifted beneath her cheek to reach over and silence the clock radio. Lois let out a contented sigh and snuggled closer against him. She could hear rain tapping on the window which made the thought of staying in the warm bed with Clark even more appealing.
"I'm still here," she whispered in disbelieving wonder. "Clark, I'm still here."
His hand stroked her shoulder. "I was certain you'd disappear in the night."
"Me, too." She wiggled her toes against his ankle, scarcely believing her good luck.
"You know what that means, don't you?" he said. "You're going to have to marry me."
It felt like her brain had stuttered. Had she heard him right? She poked his ribs affectionately. "Marry you?" she said in mock confusion. "Why would I want to do that?"
He kissed the top of her head. "Because I'm crazy about you."
"That's it? Crazy about me? Last night you said you loved me," she teased.
"And it worked, didn't it? It got you into bed with me."
"And that's all it got you," she answered tartly.
"I have an idea," he whispered and shifted so they were nose-to-nose. "Let's not go to work today."
"You don't think Perry would see through both of us calling in sick on the same day?" she answered with a giggle. Then his mouth covered hers and any residual thought of going to work that day left her mind.
Several slow, deep kisses later his attentions shifted, moving lower as he left an intricate line of kisses down her neck. Lois opened her eyes to find that the room seemed… different. The ceiling had timber beams. And the window wasn't the same. It was much larger and she knew in an instant that it had a not-so-picturesque view of a brick wall and a neon sign. This wasn't the guest room of the Hyperion Avenue brownstone. It was Clark's apartment.
"Oh my god," she wheezed as she rolled to the edge of the bed. "Oh my god!"
"What's wrong?" Clark sat up, confused by her abrupt mood change.
"Oh my god," she said again as she clambered off the side of the bed and looked in flustered disbelief at her partner. "I'm… here."
Clark's eyebrows rose as he saw that Lois was wearing only an oversized t-shirt that did little to conceal the long, bare lines of her legs. That wasn't what she had been wearing last night, was it? His forehead furrowed in confusion as he realized that Lois had an abrasion on her right temple and a bruise on her cheek. Then he read the t-shirt's bright blue logo:
'Daily Planet 5K Fun Run 1997'1997?
It only took a split second for him to comprehend who had really been in his arms. Clark scrambled off the opposite side of the bed and snatched up his glasses. Then he stared at her like he was seeing a ghost. For several long and agonizing seconds neither of them spoke, they simply watched each other warily over an expanse of tangled sheets.
"What day is it?" Lois asked, needing to break the silence.
"Tuesday," he said, then hastened to add, "March 7. Uh, 1995."
"So was I here? The me from three years from now?" Lois asked, feeling breathless. God, he was such a very, very good kisser. The fact that he was no longer, theoretically, her husband made the kisses they had just shared seem somehow illicit.
Clark gestured at her nightshirt. "You were there?"
Lois looked down and realized how short her nightshirt really was. Her cheeks colored slightly as she nodded. "Yeah, I was."
She looked beautiful, especially with her hair tousled from sleep and their kisses. The t-shirt was leaving miles of bare leg on view. Clark tore his gaze away, looking instead at the injuries on her face.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Nothing! Nothing happened!"
"To your face?" Clark motioned to his own cheek.
"Oh… that." Lois touched her fingers lightly to the bruise given her to her by Sal and Ice Pick. "I had a run-in with a couple of guys." She shrugged. "It looks worse than it feels."
Lois couldn't stop staring at Clark. A twinge of sadness shot through her as she took in the fact that he had put on his glasses. He felt like he had to hide from her - she was right back where she had started. Well, okay, not quite where she had started. The first time she had appeared exactly where her older self had been. It would appear that her older self had come back in time and… what? Gone straight to Clark's arms?
The words that he had spoken earlier came back to her and she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "Wait. What did you mean that I have to marry you?"
She could have sworn he turned pale as his mouth opened and closed without a single word coming out.
"And you kissed me!" Lois was getting warmed to her subject now. "I mean
really kissed me. You wanted to play hooky and do that all day."
His coloring changed again, this time to a deep red. "I'm sorry. I didn't know..."
Didn't know? Lois gaped at him, surprised at the dark streak of jealousy she felt. He had thought he was kissing
her, after all. A future her, to be sure, but not some other woman. And she had most definitely been willing to do far more than kiss his future self the night before. Embarrassed, she looked away.
"You gave me a list of people to keep an eye on." Clark gestured at a notepad that was lying on the night stand. "I wrote it all down."
She was dying to ask him more questions about what he and the future her had been up to, but a change of subject seemed easier. "I did, too. I took lots of notes, but they're all, well, in three years I guess we'll find them. Or not. Apparently the me that was here changed things."
Understatement, Lois thought. How much had she changed? How long had she and Clark been carrying on together? Had he made the first move -- or had she? Was she the kind of woman to go after him that brazenly? The answer to that question was so obvious that Lois found herself swaying a little on her feet as another wave of irritated envy for her future self washed over her. It wasn't quite fair that she'd been able to marry Clark and then come back in time and seduce him at a glance. Lois Lane-Kent had it all, but unfortunately that person was still a few years away.
Lois realized his attention had returned to her legs and she blushed as she tugged ineffectually on the hem of her nightshirt. Yes, she had worn it to get his attention, but she hadn't realized
when he'd see her in it.
Clark couldn't believe that she was still there. The Lois of a month ago would have been long gone by now, leaving nothing but invective in her wake. Scratch that, the Lois of a month ago would have fled the moment she woke up in his bed, let alone his arms. Instead she had kissed him - at least until she realized that she was in 1995. But she still hadn't left and she wasn't even rushing to change into something less revealing. He felt a faint flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, the closeness they had shared the past few weeks was still possible.
"What was it like?" he asked, hoping the question wouldn't spook her into leaving.
"What was what like?"
"The future." He hesitated and then softly added, "Us."
"We were… us. Just, uh, you know, closer."
Clark glanced at the bed and then back at her. Lois could feel the blush all the way to her toes.
"Not that close! It wasn't like
that. I never got that close to you in the future. I just, uh, okay, so I kissed you. A few times. But that's all! We didn't uh, you know..." She waved a hand at the bed and hoped he would reassure her that he hadn't got that close either.
He didn't say anything and that seemed worse. Lois glanced at the bed, imagining her future self and Clark locked in a passionate embrace there. And then it dawned on her that, if she hadn't opened her eyes, it could have been her and Clark rolling across those sheets at this very moment. Suddenly it was all much too real for Lois. Somehow it had been easier in the future, when their marriage was a foregone conclusion and the intimacy between them had boundaries that stopped short of the bedroom door. It had been so much easier to love Clark when there was no risk of being rejected or abandoned. Now, with their future unknown and wide open, she felt paralyzed.
"So…" she said, hoping he would say something - anything - to break the awkwardness. When he didn't, she found herself speaking compulsively. "How much did she, um, I, tell you about us? I'm guessing that you know that we, uh…" Her mouth seemed to have turned to cotton.
"Get married?" he prompted.
"Yeah," she whispered.
Their eyes met. Lois searched his face for a hint that Clark was as nervous as she was. His expressive eyes were watching her with the same tenderness as the night before. He had looked at her that way for the past three weeks. Actually, he had been looking at her with love in his eyes for the last two years; she had just been too hesitant and stubborn to acknowledge it.
She realized with a jolt that Clark had been given as tantalizing a glimpse of their future as she had. He had spent the past few weeks with someone who accepted him completely; someone who wouldn't freak out at the first hint of commitment even as she publically lusted after his alter ego. No wonder he was so subdued - look at what he thought he had lost.
Only he hadn't lost her - she was right there. Couldn't he see that? Didn't he realize that it was her and not the future Lois that he had been kissing only minutes earlier? In a rush of certainty she knew that she had not lost the future Clark; she had found him. He wasn't gone, hadn't disappeared in some future mist of time, he was there - only a few feet away from her. She simply had to find the courage to trust in him, to trust that he was the same man.
Lois took a shaky step toward him, then another. It seemed that all her senses were suddenly vibrantly alive. She could feel the coolness of the floor and the brush of the hem of her nightshirt on her skin as she came around the end of the bed to stand in front of him.
"Clark, I… I know," she whispered hoarsely. Her hand shook as she touched the center of his chest. Her fingers drew a shaky 'S'. "I know about you."
Clark blinked and took a deep breath. "Oh."
Lois could feel the rapid beat of his heart beneath her hand. She struggled to find the words to reassure him. "I know you. I know what it costs you to help others, know how you place total stranger's happiness above your own. I know that there is nothing I wouldn't do to help you."
He swallowed, but didn't say anything. Lois gave him a shy smile as she continued, "We had all these pictures, everywhere in the house, pictures of us, and we looked so happy and comfortable together. I want those pictures. I want a life with you. I thought I was going to lose that when I came back. I thought I was going to miss you, but you're right here. I love you, Clark, so much that it scares me just as much as it thrills me."
On impulse, Lois pulled him into a fierce hug, willing him to believe her. In an instant his arms closed tightly around her. Any fears that he would reject or abandon her melted away as she heard him whisper her name. Lois grinned into his shirt and inhaled the familiar smell of him. She wondered if her heart could burst from sheer happiness.
Clark cupped her face in his hands as he pulled back just enough to be able to see her face. He realized he was shaking almost as much as she was. "It's really you, isn't it?" he asked in wonder.
"Yes." Her smile widened. "Either you're not dreaming or we both are."
"I'm not dreaming." Clark leaned down and gave her a small, soft kiss. They lingered for a few seconds with their lips lightly touching.
"Definitely real," Lois murmured and went on tip-toe, increasing the intensity and pressure of their kiss.
Clark made a soft moan and his hand moved to the back her head as he deepened the kiss. Lois wound her arms around his neck and pressed closer against him. Their kiss was just like the one that had left her weak-kneed in their future hallway. It was the same as the kiss that had her made her dizzy with desire on the sofa the night before. His kisses and his feelings for her were the same now as they would be in three years. Wasting another year before making it official was far too long to wait.
"Marry me," she whispered breathlessly. "Let's make our own future. Today. Right now. Marry me."
Clark laughed in delight. "What about your mom?"
Lois gave him a quizzical look. "What about her?"
"Won't she be upset if we elope?"
"I've seen the future." Lois kissed him again. "She'll get over it."
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End 10/10
I first read RodStewFan and Kipp's stories (
Switch and
Not Again ) back in 2006 and the inspiration for this story came out of theirs. I thank them again for their generosity in letting me play with their idea. My gratitude to betas loved and lost - DJ, Lara, alcyone and Jenn - who offered comments and support on the first few parts. My thanks to all the readers who debated the story with me and gave me lots of lovely food for thought. Special thanks to Brenda who was beyond helpful in getting this last part fit for human consumption.
