Thanks to Carol for being the best beta ever!
From Chapter 46
I couldn’t sleep. I was too upset, too wound up. Pulling on my black outfit, I crept out of the dorm. Even campus was quiet at four in the morning, though, so I had no trouble getting down to the math building without anyone seeing me.
I floated among the clouds for awhile, but even that didn’t provide the peace it normally did. This was the defining moment of my life, I knew. How I handled this situation was going to change my life forever. But I had no idea what the right answer was.
I was trying harder than I’d ever tried anything before to figure it out, though. Even harder than I’d tried for the Planet internship. Or at least that’s what I told myself. It’s the only way I could forgive myself for what happened. For the voice that rang out when I gave up my quest for inner peace and landed.
“So that’s how you knew to tie those stories together!” she said, her voice a mixture of anger and wonder. “I knew you cheated!”
Chapter 47
“L… Lois,” I stammered. How much had she seen? Had she seen me flying? Stupid question. What else could her words mean?
“How did you do that?” she asked, the anger gone from her voice now. Well, probably only temporarily, knowing Lois.
“Do what?” I asked.
“Don’t play dumb, Clark,” she said, “I saw you. I saw you up in the sky. Defying gravity. How. Did. You. Do it.”
“I… um… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, although even someone who didn’t know me would be able to hear the lie in my voice, so there was no question Lois could.
Lois shook her head. “So, it was you, right?” she asked, and now her voice had transitioned totally to wonder and curiosity.
“What?” I asked, aware of the fact that I sounded like I had only a cursory grasp of the English language.
“The boy… the one in your article.”
“My article?”
“The one you submitted to Mr. White. For the internship,” she said, and now her tone was completely confusing. She actually sounded friendly. “I got a copy of it, and read it.”
“How did you do that?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I asked Mr. White for it. I said I wanted to learn how I could improve.”
“Really?” I asked, surprised.
“’Really’ I said that, or ‘really’ I meant it?” she asked matter-of-factly.
“Both, I guess.”
“I did say it, but I didn’t mean it,” she said with nary a sign of anger, remorse, or pretty much any emotion at all.
“So then why did you want a copy?”
Lois looked at me incredulously. “Um… it’s called investigating, Clark.”
“You were investigating me?”
Lois shook her head at me in wonder. “Don’t you listen? I told you I was going to figure out how you cheated.”
“Yeah,” I admitted. I hadn’t missed her saying that. Either time. “But I hadn’t realized that meant you were going to investigate me.”
“No,” she said, contemplative now. “I suppose if you had, you would have been more careful about making sure I wasn’t around before you landed.”
I didn’t reply to that since it was so clear she was right – my landing when she was nearby was careless.
“Anyway,” she said, still sounding like we were having a discussion. Well, I guess we were, but like it was happening a few weeks ago when we were still dating and friends. Not now when I was persona non grata in Lois Lane’s life. Or at least I had thought I was. “I read your article. About the boy. The one who did all those things. Always an American boy in black clothes.” She eyed me now in a way that made it clear she had not failed to notice my all black get up. “So it was you, right? And you got to all those places because somehow, and you’ll have to tell me how, you’ve learned how to fly.”
I nodded. It seemed pointless to argue.
“So, I was right,” Lois said. “You cheated.” Strangely, she continued not to sound angry.
“Yeah, I did,” I admitted. “Not that I intended to.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Lois said as if it were obvious. “That’s not who you are. Besides, you wouldn’t have been so panicky if you had had the idea of cheating all along. But you didn’t and the deadline drew closer, and you panicked, and so did something stupid. I mean really, Clark. What if Perry White had believed you? What if it was Perry White who had decided to investigate you and not me? You’d never have a moment’s peace. And I have to assume you don’t want to the world to know you can fly. According to your article you started this a couple of years ago, and yet you haven’t gone public yet. I assume that’s the reason.”
This whole conversation was surreal. Lois was acting so calm. So… well… not angry. And, therefore, not Lois. “So, you’re not mad?” I asked her. I heard my mom’s voice in my head telling me that ‘dog’s get mad, people get angry’, but ignored it.
Lois laughed. “Of course, I’m angry, Clark,” she said, still sounding eerily calm. “I’m furious. But I also understand. I mean, if I had something like this I could write about myself, I would have done it in an instant if I didn’t have a better idea.”
“So, you’re angry, but you understand?” I clarified. She nodded. “And so you’ve decided to forgive me?” I asked. That didn’t seem right, but she was being so friendly. I wasn’t sure what else to think.
“Oh, no. At least not without an explanation. And maybe a lesson or two.”
“A lesson or two?” I asked.
Lois looked at me incredulously again. “Of course. Come on, Clark. You didn’t think I’d let you keep this to yourself, did you? I want to know how you do it. I want to learn how to fly, too.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling myself sink to the ground. I could feel the ground beneath my pants, already wet with the morning dew, but sat there anyway. So my pants would get wet. Who cared? I had thought, just for a moment, that Lois’ knowing my secret was a wonderful thing. She didn’t seem repulsed or disgusted at all. I had somehow missed the fact that Lois did not actually know my secret yet. As far as Lois was concerned, I was still in Spiderman territory – a human being with a special gift. I had yet to explain to Lois how it is I could fly. How I probably wasn’t human at all.
“Is that not okay?” Lois asked, and now her voice was hardened slightly.
“It would be, if I could teach you,” I said weakly. “But I can’t.”
“What do you mean you can’t?” she asked, her voice still hard.
“I can’t. I can take you with me, but I can’t teach you how. It’s not something I know how to do. It’s just something I do, if you get the difference.”
“So, what?” she asked, sitting on the ground across from me. “You just realized one day that you were flying?”
“Something like that,” I admitted. “I woke up one day hovering over my bed.” I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t come clean with Lois. I mean I wanted to, I had even planned to earlier, but I just wasn’t ready yet. And not here. Not where so many people could hear us. Well, I guess that was a stretch. Not too many people were up and running around the math building at four in the morning.
But Lois had shown up unexpectedly. Someone else could do so, too. This was hardly a secure location.
“Could we do this tomorrow?” I asked her. “Maybe I could take you flying. Take you to Smallville where we could discuss this without lots of other people around.”
Lois looked at me suspiciously. “You’re not trying to get out of talking, are you?”
“No!” I insisted. “I just… I’m just not ready for this,” I said in a whisper. “I’m just…” and then to my horror, I felt my eyes well up with tears. What the heck was I crying for?
“Clark?” Lois asked, sounding concerned now. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “It’s just… I think I liked it better when you were angry at me.”
“Than now?” she asked. “Clark. I meant it. I understand. I mean, I’m not sure I completely forgive you yet, but I do understand. Really. I would have done the same thing.”
“Not now. I liked it better than I will tomorrow. After I tell you.”
Her eyes narrowed again. “Why? What did you do? Why would I get angry at you again?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure you will. In fact, I can’t see a reason you will. But you may hate me.”
“Why?” she asked, still suspicious.
“I’m not… Lois, I don’t think I can tell you.”
She looked caught between concern for me and annoyance. “What do you mean?”
“Can’t we do this tomorrow?” I begged her, the tears audible in my voice. “Please?”
She nodded, looking a bit concerned. “I think you’re over tired or something, Clark. You’re acting delirious.”
“I’m not delirious,” I told her. “Just…” I had started to say tired, but that wasn’t it, really. It was more scared.
Lois nodded as if she understood. “Okay, let’s head back to the dorms. You’ll tell me tomorrow.” She took my arm, and I had the feeling that she still thought I was delirious, but I didn’t have the energy to try to correct her.
************************
“Hi,” I said quietly. I had considered not showing up. But I couldn’t run away forever. At some point I was going to need to face Lois. And I had thought about telling her my secret anyway, so what was the big deal?
I knew, though. I knew that while I had considered it – had even gotten out of my chair in class that day, I never would have done it. I couldn’t bear the thought of her being disgusted or afraid of me. So, I probably never would have told her. Not that it mattered now. Now she knew. Well, she knew part of it. She knew I could fly. That wasn’t the worst part, of course, but there was no way to explain it without explaining what I was. Or what I might be, I guess, since I didn’t know what I was.
Which was worse, I wondered, the possibilities for what I might be, or the fact that I wasn’t sure which of the possibilities described me?
“Hey,” Lois said, looking friendly and downright cheerful. Had she forgotten how last night went? She wasn’t still thinking I was going to give her flying lessons, was she? “Ready?” she asked, linking an arm through mine.
I didn’t say anything, but followed her lead and walked outside.
“So, is the math building your spot all the time or only in the middle of the night?” she asked as we went outside.
“Just the middle of the night. There are sometimes people there during the day,” I told her, surprised by how calm my voice was.
“So where do you go during the day?” she asked.
“Um… I don’t usually go anywhere, but if I need to, I look for an abandoned alley off campus.”
“Well, let’s go then.”
We were exiting the gates before I had the thought. “Is this okay with you?” I asked her.
“What?”
“Going to Smallville? I mean, it means you’ll need me to get you back, and…”
“And what, Clark?” she asked, looking sincerely confused.
“What if you don’t want to fly with me? After I tell you?” I asked, afraid she wouldn’t be able to hear me as I was speaking so quietly. I was finding it hard to speak up, though. I wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground.
“Why wouldn’t I want to go with you?” she asked. “You’re going to take me flying. It’s going to be amazing! And maybe once we talk a little, you’ll realize you can show me how to fly, and then I can fly home myself.”
I sighed.
“I’m not counting on it,” she said although I felt certain she was lying. “Just saying it’s possible.”
“Neither of my parents can fly, and I’ve been doing it since I was sixteen,” I told her.
“You’ve been flying since you were sixteen?” Lois asked, sounding excited. I flushed, looking around to see if anyone had heard her. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I forgot. I’ll stop asking questions until we get to Smallville.”
“Thanks,” I said, looking to my left. The alley was empty, so I motioned to it. Lois followed my lead.
“So, how do we do this?” she asked me.
I shrugged. “I haven’t carried that many people.” I told her. “I’ve carried my mom a few times. I always carried her sort of like a baby.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“One arm under her knees and the other around the back,” I explained, but when Lois continued to look confused, I added, “Let me just show you.” I took her into my arms. “Is this okay?” I asked.
She nodded. “Okay, Flyboy. Destination Smallville it is.”
************************
“It’s amazing,” she said, her voice full of awe. “This is… how do you not spend all your time up here?”
I smiled. “It’s hard sometimes.”
“Do you come up here sometimes just to relax?” she asked me.
I shrugged. “I used to. But less often now. I’m not sure why.”
“Were you coming back from a rescue last night?” Lois asked.
“Um… well, no. I guess I was trying to relax. Something like that anyway.”
“What was it?”
I sighed. “I went to talk to Mr. White yesterday. I tried to quit the internship.”
“You what?!”
“I… you were right. I cheated. And I felt badly about it. I feel like this could have a huge impact your life. Although, maybe not. Mr. White knows how great you are. He told me he considered giving both of us an internship, but didn’t want to break with tradition.”
“He said that?”
I nodded. “He said you, well we, have more talent than half the newsroom.”
“He said that?”
I nodded again. “He did. Anyway, I tried to quit, and convince him to give you the spot, but he said no.”
“Well, it’s not like you told him you cheated. You didn’t, do you?”
“I can’t. I mean, it’s not just my secret.”
“It’s your family’s secret,” Lois said, sounding like she had found a puzzle piece she’d been looking for for a long time. “This is the family secret you said broke up you and Maddie. You were running off to be the Boy in Black.”
I nodded.
“Like that day in Suicide Slum! You were off saving people.”
I nodded again.
“So you came up here last night as you were trying to escape your guilt.”
“Yeah. Not that it worked. But I was looking for… I guess the peace of being up here.”
“Do you ever fly off somewhere to visit?” Lois asked as I started to descend. “You know, spend an afternoon as a tourist in China or something?”
“Not really,” I said. “I’m not sure why. I’ve really only used my flying to get places for two things – for being the Boy in Black and for coming home to see Mom and Dad. I come home a lot.”
“I didn’t realize you were a Mama’s boy,” Lois said with a grin.
I shrugged. “I don’t know that I am. Although I don’t know that I’m not. My parents are… well, you just need to meet them.”
“Aren’t I about to?” Lois asked as she looked around the cornfield.
“Yeah, I guess you are.”
“Clark?” Mom called from the porch. “Is that…” Mom’s voice trailed off as Lois caught up to me and Mom could see that I hadn’t come alone.
