I hope you enjoy.
Again many thanks to my beta reader, you are great!
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‘I kept waiting for some incredible feeling of connection … A feeling that I was exactly where I belonged. But that only happened to me once in my life … The day I met you.’ You said that after the New-Kryptonians left. I have never heard anything more romantic in my life. We were together – finally – after being separated for so long. Thinking about everything you said then still brings a smile to my face.
You made me feel so special that day.
I wake up and feel your arms wrapped around me. I love waking up in your arms; you are so gentle usually I don’t notice when you come back in the middle of the night …
It is always nice to be in your arms. But if you have been called away on Superman duties and I have to sleep alone, it is really pleasant to wake up in your arms. Your warmth surrounds me and makes every unpleasant feeling go away.
But this morning is different – the slight pressure of your hand causes nausea to rise in my throat. I remove your hand and sit up to take some deep breaths to calm my insides. Then I put my feet on the ground before I stand up to walk around our bedroom but that proves to be a bad idea because blackness begins to fade out the rest of the world. I sit down as fast as possible.
Slowly I begin to feel better but my movement has roused you from sleep.
“’S everything ok, honey?” you ask, concerned but still half asleep.
Not wanting to cause you any distress, I smile and answer. “Everything is fine Clark, I … uh one of my legs began to cramp I so had to move.” To avoid any questions about my behavior I ask, “Honey, let’s get up and have breakfast with our parents. We don’t have to go to work for the rest of the week. I would like to visit Jack and his brother – we haven’t seen them in ages.”
I can sense that you are about to suggest that I stay in bed today because of the dizziness I just experienced but instead you reply. “Ok, but when we get home you take a nap.”
When we walk down the stairs my gaze falls on the crib your parents sent … to help us get started.
Little did they know …
We haven’t told anyone yet, last week I spoke with Martha about babies and how I would know when I am ready … for children.
I can’t take my eyes of it, it taunts me, shows me what we have lost before we even had it.
The crib … it torments me … reminds me of what we will never have.
I can’t bear it anymore. I hope you’ll take it back to Smallville soon … I can’t stand to see it here.
You sense my darkening mood when you come out of the kitchen where you prepared breakfast for us and our folks.
“Honey.” You begin. “I’ll take it away now.” I nod. ‘Can you read my mind?’ I ask myself, not for the first time.
While you lift the crib and take it to our attic, Martha comes down and eyes you with the crib. Should I tell her now? No, we’ll tell our parents together … Talking about our inability to conceive … makes it more painful - more real.
Like you, Martha seems to have an emotional radar. It is as if she has a sixth sense which tells her at that I am in a bad mood.
She hasn’t asked you why you put the crib away.
Martha looks at me with a concerned gaze and asks me “Lois, are you all right? You don’t look good. You know what never fails to make me feel better? When I feel bad about something or when I am sad I take Clark’s old baby photos and look at them. He was such a lovely boy, and so cute. When he was three he helped Jonathan with a cow that was giving birth to a calf. He spoke about nothing else for several months. You should have seen him when came out of the barn. He was covered in straw and dirt but his eyes were glowing and he was smiling from ear to ear. I’ve never seen him happier – except when he talks about you.” Martha smiles warmly at me – I didn’t know she also had the ‘babbling’-talent, but I am sure she suspects something. Keeping something from my mother-in-law is even harder than fooling Perry. She puts an arm around me and leads me to the breakfast-table. “Come on sweetie we need our breakfast to stay healthy!”
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It is amazing how your parents can make me feel better just by being present. Even my parents behaved before they excused themselves. They give us a flimsy excuse – even yours are better – before leaving our house in a hurry. Daddy’s machine must have worked really well because I have never seen either of them this happy – and in such a hurry to find a secluded space.
During breakfast I developed an urge to get away from them, from Metropolis. Something tells me to go to Smallville. I turn to you. “ Clark, can we please go to Smallville? Can we get away? Just for a day or two? Perry has given us some free-time while both our parents are in the city. I’m sure they’ll understand when we tell them we need some time together.”
Sensing that it is important for me to get some space between us and our normal life, you nod. We tell your parents and leave for the Kent farm.
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Flying in your arms feels great; it helps alleviate the feeling of being sick which had reappeared some time after breakfast.
Feeling the wind as we soar through the sky while being held securely in your arms makes me wish we could do that forever. I know we are high enough that without you I would freeze to death … if I somehow managed to reach this altitude. My life completely depends on you and your aura. In the past this feeling of dependency would have frightened me – with you it makes me feel loved and sheltered against all evil- But all too soon we arrive at your parent’s farm house. You set me down beneath the tree with your ‘fortress’. Immediately I feel my legs becoming weak.
“Lois,” you gasp, shocked. Your arms close around me to prevent me from falling you go on, “are you all right? You have fainted twice today! Let me take you to a doctor!”
I regain my equilibrium and shrug you off. “I am ok! Leave me alone!” Where did that come from? You are only concerned about my well-being – and you are right. I don’t know why I am acting so strange today.
But instead of apologizing for my rude behavior I walk to the entrance, pick up the key from under the doormat and enter the house. Like father like son.
You follow right behind to stow away the bag we brought with us, then I hear the tea-kettle. I know why you prepare tea in the old-fashioned way … you want to give me some time to calm down.
I sit down on the couch and close my eyes. I am still trying to regain some control over my raging emotions when you hand me a cup of oolong tea.
“Clark, I am sorry! I don’t know what is going on with me. I didn’t want to snap at you and I know you only said that because you care. But with everything that has happened in the past few days … I think it was too much.”
“Honey, you don’t have to apologize.” Is your reply while reaching out to stroke my hair soothingly. “What we have gone through … thinking about it afterwards … sometimes I don’t know how we came through this … except that I always knew I could draw strength from you and you from me. Together we can face everything.”
“Thank you Clark. Your mother told me looking at your baby-photos always makes her feel better … and I could really use some mood-lifting.” I smile at you.
“Oh, that was why you wanted to go to Smallville,” you tease me. “You have talked with my mom about the most embarrassing moments in my life!”
“Yes, and I want to know everything about it.” I reply with a grin.
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We spend several hours looking at your baby photos, your mom was right just looking at them makes me feel better but hearing the stories attached to the photos helps me forget the sadness and the worries of the past days.
You were a happy child which is pretty amazing considering your unusual arrival here on earth.
Your birth parents sent you to the perfect location … if they had the chance to influence where you landed. As far as I know they set Kansas … but did they choose Smallville? Did they choose Jonathan and Martha?
It has to be horrible to send your only child to an unknown place somewhere in the galaxy …not knowing if he will be accepted … if he will have a family
… If he will be loved.
I can’t imagine doing this to my child … Could I send my child alone into the cold space even to save his life?
People say I am brave, but I take only risks for myself.
After hours of looking at your baby-photos we decide to take a walk through Smallville. We link arms and leave the farmhouse.
Being here feels wonderful - right somehow. But I feel a slight tug to some trees … strange. I have to imagine things …
When we reach the Main Street we enter the Malt Shop to share a banana split … I’d rather not remember the last time we were here … with the New Kryptonians on earth and your parents chained outside … I shudder and you put an arm around my shoulders … I can see, you were thinking the same … but we both know they are only memories …you are back with me; Lord Nor and his henchmen are dead and the New-Kryptonians are back where they belong.
We walked several hours before returning to the house. I didn’t realize before but I am really tired, even too tired to eat – well that is what I tell you. I think there was something in the ice which didn’t agree with my stomach.
We both go to bed early.
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I wake up in the middle of the night feeling a strong urge to leave the farmhouse. After briefly considering waking you I decide against it. You look so peaceful in your sleep after worrying constantly about my wellbeing in the previous days. I won’t wake you just because of some urge to go somewhere. Who could know that the strongest man on earth, who could lift bridges with one hand, looks innocent like a child in his sleep.
Part of my mind registers that the lingering feeling of weakness and the spells of dizziness have faded to the point of being barely recognizable.
Silently I pull on a bathrobe and a pair of shoes before sneaking down the stairs and out of the house. Luckily it isn’t cold outside. The strange feeling pulls me towards a certain tree, the tree where the ‘Fortress of solitude’ is built.
After several hurried steps I reach the tree and climb up the few stairs to the little wooden building still not knowing what had drawn me here.
When I sit down I notice a slight glowing from the middle of the ‘room’. It originates from under an old cloth. I pull it off and reveal a small globe, the one you found in the ware house at Bessolo- Boulevard, the one which held the messages from Jor-El and Lara. You told me about it but didn’t show it to me.
I reach out and touch the smooth surface of the globe and a warm feeling rushes into me … it feels … almost like when Martha and Jonathan welcomed me into the Kent family … but how can this tiny piece of substance cause those feelings?
A light begins to shine from the globe, the sudden illumination startles me and I pull my hand away. The globe begins to float and moves in my direction. Curiosity wins over the initial shock, I reach out and it floats down into my outstretched hands. The light reappears and in it I can see two shapes form.
They are your biological parents I realize.
“Earth-woman,” the woman, Lara, begins. “That you are seeing this message now means you are the mate our son has chosen. I – we wish we could see you. When we prepared the ship for him we hoped that he could find someone to share himself with. That he doesn’t have to face his fate alone. Before we chose your planet we noticed the differences between your and our planet and yours and our physiology. We discovered that human and kryptonian physiologies differ slightly due to the higher gravitation and radiation on Krypton. This difference will give him certain powers but will separate him from the rest of your planet. We fear that most humans will fear him for those differences – according to our investigations that is part of human nature. Unfortunately this genetic variation extends also to reproduction. Only a few humans have the right genetic composition to create children with him.” Lara ends with a sad expression on her face.
After a short pause Jor-El continues for his wife. “We made sure to choose a pair of humans who are similar to us in their thinking and we discovered the Kents, they seemed to be lovely people and we discovered they had wanted a child for years but couldn’t so we decided to direct the ship to them. Unfortunately we can’t make sure that they will find it – we can only hope. We can’t know how life has been for our son after he landed in - what you Earthlings call - Kansas.
Lara starts to talk again. “All we can do for our son is to send our love with him and hope he will find someone to share himself with. Earth-woman, know that you have our full approval in your relationship with our son. Please take good care of him and our grandchild. We are happy that our family won’t die.”
‘Grandchild?’ I think. ‘ But that is impossible. Daddy and Bernhard Klein both confirmed it.’ But … I have to tell Clark, have to know what he’ll think about this.
In my haste to get out of the tree-house I lose my balance and fall down the ladder. I open my mouth to call my husband but before my voice reacts to what my brain told it I can feel two strong arms closing around me.
“Clark!” I gasp breathless from the shock. “The globe … it called me … told me … I … we …” Taking a deep breath I begin anew. “I saw your parents – your birth parents. They told me that some Earth women are genetically similar enough to you. They … said to take care of their grandchild –their grandchild Clark. Could it be possible? Could we be … compatible? Perhaps the globe reacted to the mixture of human and kryptonian genes!”
You let me down on the ground and look me deep in the eye. ”Lois, honey I know you want it to be possible. I want it too but what if you are not? What if you were dreaming? I couldn’t stand to see your heart breaking again. I don’t want to see you suffer needlessly.”
I feel tears well up in my eyes and the emotion makes my voice sound hoarse. “Please, honey can you look? … I haven’t wanted to admit it to myself … but I developed several pregnancy signs – like the spells of dizziness and nausea. I wrote them off to be stress induced but perhaps … the message made me hope again.”
Knowing that you can’t deny me anything you sigh and look intently at my abdomen …
My question is answered when you lift your gaze to eye-level with me. There is no need to say anything - the moisture which is building in your eyes tells me what my heart already knew.
I close my eyes reveling in the feeling of happiness. After a few seconds I can feel your lips on mine and your hand on my cheek and telling me without words what you feel.
We are going to be parents.
