part 5-
Investigative reporter Jimmy Olsen pulled up to the curb in front of Clark’s place with a screech of tires and a wide smile.
“Who we got on tap for tonight, CK? I am wired on caffeine, have eight rolls of film, and it’s been a week since we bagged a headline.”
This was Jimmy’s standard greeting, only this time delivered from the driver side of a new…sort of new…
“What do you call this thing, Jim?”
“She’s a beauty, isn’t she? And perfect for stake-outs. Big dashboard for the lens. Turn out the interior lights, kill the engine, and she disappears. We can watch and record…er…who are we watching and recording tonight?”
“We drew the Latimer property.”
“Oh, man,” groaned Jimmy. “Nothing ever happens there.”
“So tonight we get lucky,” Clark vowed, swinging into the passenger seat. “Lead on, young partner.”
Clark’s prediction, hours later, had proven to be grossly optimistic. As with most of their stake-outs of the Latimer property, hopefulness slowly gave way to boredom, which ultimately gave way to a game a cards and a long summary of the status of Jimmy’s love life. So no one was more surprised than Clark , when, after the latest sad story of Jimmy’s had been heard, he opened his mouth and told his.
“I started dreaming about her a couple of months after she left, Jim.”
Jimmy nearly dropped the camera .
“What kind of dreams, CK?”
“Good ones,” Clark smiled. “Wouldn’t want to tell you much more than that.”
“I get the picture,” Jimmy laughed.
“Yeah. And they were every night. I mean, not that we were…every night. Just that she was with me every night, one pillow over, you know.” Clark blushed, glad for the darkness the night’s stake-out required.
Jimmy thoughtfully reloaded his camera. “Did you ever think those might be more than just dreams?”
“I have, but I don’t know in what sense they might be. I mean, she was so physically present, but only when I was sleeping. But it’s like she shared my bed, really. If I looked too hard she’s wasn’t really there, but if I closed my eyes, if I fell asleep, she just…was.”
“Maybe it’s Lois’ spirit?” Jimmy suggested hesitantly. “We’ve never really talked about what you think happened to her. If you think she’s…”
“…dead.” Clark finished for him, so Jimmy wouldn’t have to.
“Yeah, the Chief and I both came to that conclusion pretty quickly. He quicker than me, because he said nothing would have kept an alive and kicking Lois Lane away from the Daily Planet for long, or away from you, for that matter.
“I never told this to anyone…” Clark began.
“Go ahead,” Jimmy prompted. He peered back into his camera, knowing it might be easier if Clark didn’t have to tell it to his face.
“That last night before she vanished, she and I were on a date. We were at her door, talking and kidding around...”
“I never knew that.” Jimmy sat up straight now, turning towards Clark. “You were there?”
“Until right before, Jim. And I mean a few minutes before. I left and in the time it took her to go inside, that’s when it happened.”
“That’s the kind of thing that kills a guy, CK. If you beat yourself up with…”
“Why didn’t we stay at dinner five minutes later? Why was the waiter so prompt with the check? Why didn’t we dance to that last song? Why on our stroll home didn’t I suggest we go back to my place?”
“I see you’ve covered this.”
“Pretty much unceasingly for the first few months. But that isn’t all.”
All pretenses that he and Clark were watching the house had dropped now. Jimmy shut off the camera, turned on the overhead light, so he could see his friend.
“You can trust me.” Jimmy stated bluntly.
“If I didn’t I wouldn’t be…confessing, I guess.”
“Whatever it is, if you just say it, it’ll help.”
“She was mad at me.”
“Lois was mad at you that night?”
“Right when I left. I left kind of abruptly.”
“No kidding?” Jimmy teased him gently.
“Yeah...um...you’ve noticed.”
“Another story for another day, partner. So Lois was mad when you left.”
“She was calling me names. I could hear her from…far away.”
“CK, she would never want you to worry about that, to feel guilty about a petty argument all this time later. You were more important to her than that.”
“I had this crazy thought directly after. Like she had made herself disappear to show me how it felt. To scare the daylights out of me. To get my undivided attention.”
“That would have been some trick. And you know, if Lois could have managed it, she might have.”
Clark chuckled softly.
“So I guess instead of thinking she was dead, I thought of her as teaching me a lesson. Gone to a place only she knew about. And then creeping back in at night to sleep in my bed because deep down, she forgave me, and she missed me. That was easier than letting myself draw the obvious conclusion.”
“And there was no body.” Jimmy said, putting his hand on Clark’s shoulder.
“She hasn’t been found. And Jim, Superman has looked. There hasn’t been a day since that he hasn’t looked somewhere for some period of time.”
“I hate this for you, CK. I hate that I have no idea what to say to you, that I had no idea you were carrying all of this with you for so long, that you’ve been in hell, I guess, and I’ve been sitting right next to you, not throwing you a line.”
“You have been my friend.” Clark cleared his throat. The two men looked away from each other for a moment. “I can’t overstate what having you around has done for me.”
“You’re putting the pieces back together, then? The Chief says he thinks so.”
“Mostly. Just that one missing piece, the big one. But mostly, most days, I’m ok. Not great. But…living.”
“And you still have those dreams?”
“That’s the thing. Maybe why I started us on this in the first place. Just in the last few nights, she’s hasn’t been there. I guess I wonder if that means I’m getting past something, or if she is moving on, or if I’ll just never know. I miss her, Jim.”
“Me too, CK. She was one of a kind.”
***********
“You wouldn’t think it would be, but leaving is really a simple matter,” HG Wells told the assembled group proudly. Pulling the remote device from his coat pocket, he activated the buttons, and the portal opened.
Lois shivered.
“You don’t have to,” Clark blurted.
She smiled at him. “We’ve decided. And yes, I do.”
“Whenever you’re ready, Ms. Lane,” HG Wells said, moving a discreet distance back from the three solemn figures.
Lane moved in to hug Lois. “I know I’ve been a pain, but I can’t help but feel that I’m kicking you out.”
“You aren’t kicking me out. I got kicked in, and now I’m going…home. I owe so much to you. That I could be in your place for a while, do your work for a while, be Lois Lane here. It kept me sane. Kept me happy. Something I couldn’t imagine in those first horrible weeks.”
“Clark’s right, Lois. You don’t have to go. I mean, I know it would get awkward, but you could be...my twin! Long-lost, given up for adoption, we found each other online, never knew we had an other-half out there…”
“Speaking of other-halves,” Lois leaned in and whispered. “He is yours. And I know how that makes you feel. I know the risks involved in that. But the rewards are so great. So, please, don’t blow him off, and don’t waste years trying to decide should you or shouldn’t you. You should. And he needs you, as much as you need him.”
“If he’s as super-powered as he says, Lois, he doesn’t really need…anyone.”
“No, it’s because he’s super-powered that he needs you all the more.”
The two women embraced tightly. Lane moved off to join HG Wells at that discreet distance.
Clark stepped immediately towards Lois, and at his touch, she felt all of her resolve fall away.
“I don’t know that I ever thanked you enough for saving me,” she began.
Clark raised an eyebrow at her. “I saved you? I thought you saved me.”
“Really, Clark, when I was first here and was so lost and completely alone, feeling like…”
“…an alien?” he supplied softly. “I know a little something about that, Lois.”
“You were my family when I didn’t have one,” Lois persisted.
“Right back at you,” Clark breathed.
“You made me real here…”
“Ditto, Lois.”
“Are we actually competing over who needed who more?” Lois laughed.
“Which one of us was engaged to Lana?” he countered smoothly.
“You win,” she stated after a pause. “I can’t beat that.”
“Do you think you’ll let that other guy win, from time to time?” he asked gently.
“Never,” Lois vowed. “That’s completely different. We’re…different, you and I.”
“We had something really wonderful.” Clark threaded his fingers through Lois’, all the teasing in his voice dropping away.
“We borrowed something really wonderful for a while,” Lois agreed.
“I’ll always be glad of that. I’ll never forget you.” Clark lowered his head to drop a kiss into her hair.
“Clark, are you letting me go?” She wanted to be sure, absolutely certain, that no one was leaving anyone alone, that this was not a desertion.
“With my blessing, Lois, I’m letting you go.”
They clung to each other then, holding tightly, breathing deeply.
“And if I stayed? If maybe… she went… to balance the cosmic scales… or whatever?” Even Lois had to roll her eyes at this, as Clark smiled sadly at her. “I know, never mind, forget that last part.”
“It would be safer and easier for both of us, that’s for sure.” He pulled her close one last time before taking a step back. “I wouldn’t have to find a way to her, and you wouldn’t have to explain me to him.”
“But that’s not the way this story is supposed to end and not the way it’s meant to be,” she replied. “Is it? I need to go home, find a way to pick up my own life, and see if I still fit into his.”
“I’ll never be sorry, Lois. Meant to be or not, I’ll love you forever.”
Hands and eyes still locked together, they communicated their final goodbyes in silence. Then Lois turned and stepped through the portal, not daring to look back.
**********
“I traded her for a family. For a husband, a wife, and two kids.” Clark stated this quietly,
as he helped his dad milk the cows. He never looked up from his task, but Jonathan went absolutely still. In the all the time since Lois had disappeared, his son had never voluntarily talked to his parents about it. He and Martha, in the beginning, had only gotten the news that Lois was gone from the television. Repeated calls to Clark had not been returned. Neither Perry nor Jimmy had seen him.
Fearing the worst, that Clark would lay his life down before letting anything happen to the woman he loved, they had taken the earliest flight to Metropolis they could manage. Only to find him, to their initial relief, sitting in his apartment and surprised to see them barreling in. That relief had ebbed quickly, when they took in the state he was in. Or rather wasn’t in. Clark wasn’t angry, wasn’t sad, and wasn’t frightened. In fact, he didn’t seem to be anything. He was just there.
The months following had been some of the most difficult of Jonathan Kent’s life. He had badgered and bullied and prodded his silent son for information, for insight into what he was thinking, for some clue as to Clark’s feelings. All he got was. “She’s gone, Dad. I can’t find her.” Nothing else.
Superman had disappeared, also. Clark flatly refused to talk about him, either. So, Jonathan and Martha and Perry had agreed that a leave of absence, some time on the farm, might be of help. Clark had sat lifeless, his large frame squeezed between them, on the flight home. That’s when Jonathan could honestly say he’d gotten scared. There was something so strange about buying Clark a plane ticket. Having him accept it. Seeing him inside the airplane cabin. It was like his son had disappeared, also. That Clark Kent was as gone as Lois Lane.
Martha hadn’t made more headway than he had. During those weeks Clark had come to stay, she had gently and then not so gently tried to pry open Clark’s firmly closed heart. She had baked and stayed up late into the night with him, sharing her own stories of loss, of coping, of grief. And yet, he hadn’t responded. Had only politely tolerated them both, and little else. If he couldn’t find comfort with them, surrounded by all his old friends and family, they feared he was adrift. That had been further proved to them when, after a couple of weeks, Clark had announced he needed to go back to work. He had asked to be driven into Wichita, and had taken a flight to Metropolis. Then a cab from the airport to his apartment. He had mentioned, in one of their strained weekly phone conversations, that he was thinking about buying a car. Lucy had offered him Lois’ Jeep, but, well, he didn’t want that.
He and Martha had talked long into the night after that call. Martha, it was decided, would fly back to Metropolis, and shake some sense into him. Or get him to a grief counselor. Or just make herself such a nuisance Clark would have to say something to her, even if it was just to beg her to leave. Jonathan would stay home and milk the cows. And worry himself into an ulcer.
“If I had known when I left her, would I have still done it? Could I have done it? Would I have let strangers die so that Lois would be with me?” Clark continued, as his hands moved rhythmically, squirting the milk into the pail. “That’s why Superman was gone for so long. He made me decide. And I hated him. And I wasn’t good enough to be him, because I knew if I’d have known I was making that choice, if I had known that leaving her side meant forever… I might have let everyone else in the city die in that fire.”
Jonathan wasn’t sure Clark even realized he was speaking out loud. That he was even there. Deciding that keeping quiet was his best course of action, he once more bent to his own milking. For a time nothing was heard besides the lowing of the cows, the steady buzz of the Irig’s tractor in the neighboring field, the spzzt-spzzt of the milk hitting the tin pails.
Martha, Jonathan remembered, had stayed in Metropolis as long as she could. Clark had claimed to enjoy her company, and had taken her out to dinners and to a few shows. He was always apologetic when his working hours kept him from spending time with her. Finally, she had returned home. Defeated and sad and worn out with worry.
But then, not that much later, they had heard that Superman had returned to Metropolis. That he had reappeared as mysteriously as he had disappeared. That he was granting no interviews on the subject, and especially would not talk about Lois Lane. Clark’s byline starting appearing in the Daily Planet again. Run-of-the-mill stuff, initially. Not that they didn’t cut those out and save them, they still did. And there was an announcement of the Kent-Olsen writing team. Eventually, articles that were more along the lines of what he had done before, with his previous partner, showed up. Not quite as riveting or fantastic or earth-shattering, but a victory in their household, that was for sure. Then one night they had heard the sonic boom overhead, and Clark had walked through the door asking what was cooking. That was the night they felt they got him back. Maybe not all the way back, but maybe that would come. He was here, and now it seemed, he was talking.
“If I had just kissed her, Dad.”
Jonathan stopped again.
“If you had just kissed her, what, son?”
"I dissolved into those kisses. In a way I never have into anything else. When I kissed Lois I couldn’t hear someone right next to me, much less calling from six blocks away. Do you know how many times Jimmy walked in on us, and Lois would jump away embarrassed, and I would be completely floored to have been snuck up on? But I couldn’t hear anything, didn’t know anything, the world faded away. I would be lost in her lips…But instead we were just talking…on the verge of something…and I heard the cry. And I left.”
“Then I wish you were kissing her, too, son.”
They worked in companionable silence for some time.
“Clark?”
“Yeah, Dad?”
“You wouldn’t have chosen Lois if you’d known. You would have taken her with you. And there is nobody on earth good enough to be Superman than my son.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“Sure.”
***********
It had been one endless day, one plane ride, and an exorbitant cab fare, by her calculations; but she was home. Or so she hoped. Lois hadn’t bothered with Metropolis, the Daily Planet, her family, her apartment, or any remnants of her life. She wasn’t sure yet what the time difference between here and there was, how long she had been missing, whether she was presumed dead, or even if another Lois Lane had showed up in her place, creating a potentially awkward situation in her small group of friends. The after effects of dimension hopping had left her depleted but focused. She didn’t have the energy to spend on the many, many details reentering her life would require. She needed one thing- to get to Clark. And there was one way she was certain she could do that.
With that in mind, and little else, Lois opened the screen door, rapping solidly on the weathered one behind it. Now was no time to be timid. She barely managed a smile for the astonished woman who answered.
“Martha, can you call Clark?”
***********
Superman was a few dozen feet above the ground. His mother’s startled, wordless yell had rocketed him away from his dad, and a very surprised herd of cows, in a literal second. He had spun into the Suit on pure instinct. There had been enough alarm in his mom’s voice to warrant that. He saw a small figure on the front porch locked in Martha’s arms. He knew her instantly. Before he drew another breath, he was beside her, tearing her out of Martha’s embrace, enfolding her into his own.
“ThankyouGodThankyouGodThankyouGod…”
***********
“This is Smallville, Kansas, right?”
Lois knew how ridiculous that sounded, but she couldn’t think of any other way to start.
“And this is your home. And these are your parents.” She inclined her head towards Martha, and to a huffing and puffing Jonathan down the drive, who was following the commotion just a tad slower than his son.
“And…you know me?”
“Yes, Lois. Yes. Yes.” He took her face between his hands, seeming to take no notice of his tears, as he drank her in.
“Superman, you’ll confuse her…” a note of caution crept into Martha’s tone.
“Maybe you could find Clark for us?” interrupted his father gruffly.
Clark dismissed them with an impatient wave of his hand. “I’m Clark, Lois.”
“I know,” she said. “I’ve known for ages. It really doesn’t matter.” She laughed a shaky, sad laugh.
“That’s good. Oh, Lois…”
Lois looked at him full in the face. Knowing that for the first time, in what felt like a lifetime, she was looking at the man who was not her husband. She braced herself for the pain that would bring. The pain didn’t come.
“Are you…my Clark?” she asked at last. Because in two entire universes that was the one thing that really mattered.
“Yes,” he breathed, absolute in his answer, showing no sign of the hesitancy and confusion that were honestly due him. “I’m your Clark. I always have been.”
“So, I’m home,” Lois sighed.
“Come inside, Lois.” Clark answered. “We’ve missed you.”
***********
“I married him. We spent a year together. I knew he wasn’t you and he knew I wasn’t her, but we were able to make something, to grow something that helped us both. I won’t ever apologize for that,” she added defiantly, though it was unnecessary. Clark hadn’t let go of her since he had flown down. He was still in the Suit, his parents had long since excused themselves and turned in. They were seated on the sofa. Clark slightly behind, with Lois propped up against his chest, his arms and cape wrapped tightly around her, while she confessed into the dying embers in the fireplace.
“I’m glad, Lois.” He told her quietly. The first words he’d been able to get into the conversation in the last hour. “So glad that you had him. That he made you safe, made you a home.”
“It was a real marriage, you know.” She said in a small voice, still studying the flames.
“It’s ok, Lois. You and I weren’t married. You and I weren’t even…committed to anything. We were just…well, I can only speak for me. I was…am completely in love with you. And that you are here and well and whole is all that matters.”
“I found what I had with him only because of what I had with you, Clark. I went to him first, because in a world where I didn’t understand anything at all…Clark Kent made sense. You did that for me. You made that so. If I hadn’t known I could go to him, that I could count on him, even after learning that he was a whole lot more than I’d imagined, I would have never survived.”
“So you see how I can say it’s ok, Lois. You see how I can honestly say I’m glad. I love you. And he…loved you when I couldn’t. And there is nothing wrong with that.”
“And nothing has changed about how you feel about me?”
“Do you know how many deals I made with God, Lois? How I have begged and bargained over the months? Just bring her back. If she’s sick or injured or amnesia- stricken and will never remember me, I’ll take her. If she’s been held captive and…forced,” he faltered, cleared his throat. “Comes home with a child, two children, twenty, I’ll take her.” He turned her face towards his slowly, wanting her to see him. “Anyway, anyhow, any time, any place. I just…want…her…back.”
“My biggest regret,” Lois replied. “Was that I was taken before I could tell you I loved you. That night, the night Tempus came…I would have. I didn’t think I would ever be able to say it to your face… just to your memory.”
“Lois, I am all ears,” he prompted her softly.
“I love you,” she breathed. “But I’m not ready to get married,” she added quickly, sounding a bit more like the Lois Lane he knew so well.
He seized on the unintentional promise in her words. “But one day?”
“Yes, one day.”
He kissed her then. For the first time. Bowing his head towards hers, drinking her brown eyes in with his own, not shutting them, not wanting to miss anything, until hers drifted closed as their lips met.
“We’ll do this however you want to, Lois,” he whispered against her ear after the kiss ended. “If you want to go back to Metropolis. The Daily Planet. Call your parents. Call Perry. Whatever and whenever you want, you lead, I’ll follow.”
“I want to stay here, awhile, if that’s ok.”
At his emphatic nod, she smiled her first genuine smile.
“My mom made the bed up for you. It’s upstairs, my old room, you remember.”
He slowly pulled out of her arms. Spun quietly. Stood in front of her in faded jeans and an ancient t-shirt. The glasses, that would have been on his face, he set down on the mantle. “Tea? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Or just a bed?”
“Just a bed, I think.”
“Then I’ll walk you up, Lois. And I won’t leave tonight. Metropolis and the world can live without Superman for one night. I’ll be close by.” He gestured to the couch.
“Could you…maybe…stay with me? I mean, just to sleep with me, that’s all it would be. You don’t know how nauseating portal-hopping is, but believe me… It’s just if I woke up in the middle of the night, didn’t know where or when I was, it would help me…”
“Yes, Lois.” He cut her off. “And by the way, that’s a question that never needs further explanation, and in fact, never has any other answer than yes. I will stay with you.”
And that is how Clark Kent, a visitor to his own universe, found himself living the dream that had sustained him. He was lying beside Lois Lane, a visitor to another universe and back again, and listening to her gentle breathing and feeling her soft warmth against him. Knowing in his heart, that finally, all was right…in both worlds.
The end
