From Chapter 1
Finally, a nurse came in with Larissa in her arms. “Did you want to try breastfeedng?” she asked me.
I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t tell her that no, I did not. What I wanted was to hold my daughter for a good long while. Then I’d deal with nursing. “Yes,” I said instead.
“Come get us when you’re ready for visitors again,” Martha said as our parents left the room.
The nurse handed me the bundle in her arms and I just held her before making any steps to feed her. She was perfect. Her eyes were still scrunched up in sleep and she breathed deeply in and out. I watched her little chest go up and down for a few moments. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
Chapter 2
“Okay, I’m ready,” I finally told the nurse.
“Well, the first step is to wake her,” the nurse instructed.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to wake a sleeping baby,” Clark said.
The nurse laughed. “That’s just an old wive’s tale. Particularly when they are this young, you do sometimes need to wake them to eat. They need to eat every three hours – you can go a little longer if you use formula, but with breast milk it’s every three hours. They are sleepy for the first few days and sometimes will sleep right through that.
“One way to wake a baby gently is by making her hungry though. Try placing her near your breast and see what happens.”
I undid the hospital gown and brought Larissa up to my breast. Nothing. But was this right? Was Larissa just supposed to wake up and take hold or something? Didn’t we need to help her more than that?
The nurse came over to stand beside me. “May I?” she asked. Having no idea what she meant, I agreed. Suddenly, my left breast was in this strange woman’s hand. For a moment I was shocked, but then I realized I just didn’t care. If this was what was needed to get Larissa fed, then it was fine.
The nurse positioned Larissa’s mouth right next to the nipple and gave her a little shake. Larissa opened her little eyes – already a light brown color – gave me a sleepy glance, and went right back to sleep.
“You do need to get her latched on,” the nurse said. “She hasn’t eaten yet.”
“So what do we do?” Clark asked before I could.
The nurse shook her head in wonder. What? Was Larissa slow? Did other babies just know how to do this? Was something wrong with our baby? I could feel my heart beat speed up and almost instantly, Clark placed a hand on my shoulder. I glanced at him and smiled. I’m not sure when I had become so fond of histrionics, but I was glad to have a husband who could spot them coming on before they got out of hand.
“Just keep trying,” the nurse said and left the room.
That was it? That was all the help she could provide? I looked at Clark, lost. “Let’s try together,” he suggested, moving to sit beside me on the bed. I could see from his face that he was as worried as I was, as disappointed in the lack of help, but was determined to stay clear headed for me.
He took Larissa from my arms, and brought her up to his face. “Good morning, little girl,” he said softly. “Come wake up. You must be hungry and Mommy has lots of yummy milk to feed you.” I giggled at him while he nuzzled our daughter close.
Finally, her little eyes opened again. Clark nearly threw her at me. “Put her on,” he commanded, and then we both broke down laughing. Clark moved to sit like the nurse and help me hold my breast while I held the baby and we brought her up to the nipple again.
This time her little mouth opened slightly, and I slipped the nipple inside.
“Ow!”
“Does it hurt?” Clark asked.
“I don’t know,” I told him. “I think I’m still hopped up on pain killers. But it feels… weird.”
“Good weird?” he asked hopefully.
“Weird weird,” I told him. Then we lapsed into silence and just watched our little girl while she sucked and slept.
*******
“Well,” the nurse said a little while later. She had come in and checked my temperature, my pulse, and my catheter, so I looked up at her in some alarm. Was something wrong? “I think someone needs to be changed.”
“Or right,” I mumbled. I had somehow forgotten about the fact that we were now responsible for changing diapers.
“That’s my end,” Clark said smiling. At least for the next day or so, I was stuck in bed, so he was on diaper duty. I wasn’t all that disappointed with that aspect of my bed rest. “So what do I do?” he asked.
I bit my tongue not to laugh. He looked so cute, so eager. As if he’d been waiting all day to change a diaper.
The nurse joined him next to the bassinet and showed him what to do. I listened to her instructions, but without seeing what she was doing, I wasn’t really following. But I remembered the basics. I had babysat in high school. Diapers couldn’t be that different than they had been back then.
“Oh my…” Clark’s voice trailed off. “Lois, you have to see this.”
“What?” I asked. What could be so interesting in a diaper?
“It’s disgusting,” he said with a laugh. “Like… tar.”
“Tar?” Martha asked. “Is that all right?” she asked the nurse. “I don’t remember your poop ever being tar like.”
“I do,” Mom said. “But just early on. Both Lois and Lucy. I remember now. It was black and sticky and… well, not pleasant.”
The nurse smiled. “Right. The first few days the baby’s poop is called meconium. It’s the stuff that’s still in her digestive tract from when she was in the womb. Once she gets rid of it, it won’t be so bad.”
“So I guess you never had to deal with this, Mom,” Clark asked, and I could see the sparkle in his eye. “Want to have a turn now?”
“I thought this was a training changing lesson,” Martha replied. “I already know how to change a diaper.”
“So how many diapers will she go through in a day?” I asked the nurse.
“She should have about eight to ten wet diapers in a day and two or three poopy ones. At least for now. When she gets a little older that will go down.”
“So, we’ll be changing like 15 diapers a day?” I asked her.
She laughed lightly. “Well, there’s some overlap between them, but yes, I’d expect to be changing between ten and twelve diapers a day for the next couple of weeks.”
“We don’t have enough,” I said to Clark.
“Not by a long shot,” he said as he lifted Larissa out of the bassinet freshly changed. “Ready to feed her again?” he asked.
I nodded my head and the nurse and our parents trooped out.
“After we finish nursing her, I thought I’d zip down to Metropolis and get Perry, Alica, and Jimmy,” he told me. “It’s getting close to the end of visiting hours, and I know they’ll want to see Larissa today.”
I nodded my agreement. “Mom said Lucy and Ben want to come tomorrow morning, if that’s okay. Lucy was disappointed she couldn’t make it today, so said they’d get up early their time to get here when visiting hours start tomorrow. Is that okay?”
“Of course,” Clark said. “I’ll go get them just before nine if they’ll be up that early. Did she say?”
I nodded. “She said they’d be getting up at 5:00 their time so they’d be ready in time. She was happy to learn that it won’t take you more than a few minutes to get here from California.”
“Yes, I’m guessing that will be very useful in the coming months.”
“What? Do you think she’ll be making use of Superman Express?” I teased. Given that Lucy had decided to get married in Metropolis – partly as this was where her family and friends were, but largely it seemed for my benefit – I was sure he was right.
“Okay,” I said, finished staring at my daughter while we spoke. “Let’s try this again.”
Larissa slept peacefully in my arms. I nudged her mouth with my nipple, but she kept sleeping.
“What do we do?” I asked Clark. “Shake her to wake her up?”
Clark shrugged, and so I gave her a little shake. She didn’t even flutter her eyes. Clark leaned down and blew on her face. She scrunched her little nose up, but didn’t wake.
“Larissa,” I called to her. “It’s time to eat.” Nothing.
“Maybe we wait a little longer?” Clark suggested. “I mean, she’ll wake when she gets hungry, right?”
“Maybe,” I sighed. “But the nurse said she’s supposed to eat every three hours and it’s been four hours now.”
“But if we can’t wake her…” Clark said.
I shrugged in agreement. We didn’t know what to do and the nurse didn’t seem able to provide any additional help, so what other option did we have?
*******
“Do you feel like a mother yet?” Lucy asked me. I had fallen asleep during Perry, Alice, and Jimmy’s visit last night, but the nurse had come in this morning just before Lucy arrived, so I was wide awake.
I shrugged while I watched her holding little Larissa in her arms. She already seemed to be a natural whereas I was still nervous every time I held her.
“What does it feel like to be a mother?” I asked her.
Now it was her turn to shrug. “No idea. I just thought maybe now you’d feel like one.”
“I don’t really feel any differently,” I told her. “Just sore.”
Lucy giggled, her eyes never leaving Larissa’s face. “She’s so beautiful.”
“She is, isn’t she?” I asked, leaning over to take a peek.
“Good morning,” Evelyn called from the doorway.
“Hi, Evelyn,” I smiled as Clark gave me a wave before leaving again to get Bernie. “This is my sister, Lucy. Lucy, this is Evelyn.”
Lucy and Evelyn exchanged pleasantries and shook hands before Evelyn looked back at me. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m not sure. No pain, I guess,” I told her. “Just sore.”
“Well, I’m going to go see if I can things started for your care. I’ll see if Dr. Mandrake is available to check on your incision. If he is and everything is okay with that, we’ll remove your catheter and get you out of bed.
“I need to move?” I asked, feeling alarmed by this news.
“Just to the chair,” Evelyn smiled. “I did some reading, and it sounds like the faster you are out of bed, the faster you are likely to recover from the c-section. We’ll still leave the heavy duty lifting of the baby care for Clark, though, until you are able to get up without too much pain.”
“I’m happy to do it,” Clark said as he came into the room. “Bernie went to go look at Larissa’s chart in the nursery,” Clark told me.
“I’ll be right back,” Evelyn stated as she left the room.
“So from the chart, she looks completely healthy,” Bernie said as he entered. “And normal,” he added, more quietly. “But let’s see her.”
Lucy handed Larissa over to Bernie who peered into her little face. “She is a beauty,” he whispered as he ran a finger lightly over her cheek. It was funny to see this softer side of Bernie.
“So, she looks okay?” I asked him.
He nodded before lifting his head to look at me. “Her weight loss is a little more rapid than is normal, so we’ll want to keep an eye on that, but other than that, she’s fine.”
“What do you mean?” Clark asked.
“Well,” Bernie said, walking over and closing my door, “human babies often lose weight in their first week of life. Up to 10% is considered okay although most babies don’t really lose more than 5%. They’ll quickly gain it back and most babies are back up to their birth weight in two weeks. Larissa has already lost 5%. I don’t know if that’s normal for… her,” he said, dropping his voice to nearly a whisper, “or if it’s because of the lack of sunlight…”
“Or because she’s barely eating,” I added. “We can’t seem to get her to wake up often enough to eat.”
“Well, that would certainly do it,” Bernard said.
“Do you think something is wrong with her?” asked Clark.
Bernie nodded his head. “I’m sorry to be so vague, but this is all such unchartered territory, we have no idea. It could be that she’s just sleepy. Or maybe Kryptonian’s don’t need that much food early on. Or maybe they are supposed to lose weight. I can’t tell you.”
“What should we do?” I asked him.
“Let’s move her bassinet near the window,” Bernie said, “so at least if it’s sunlight she needs, she’ll get it. As for feeding her, I can’t give you any pointers on that.”
There was a knock at the door right then and when Clark went to get it, it was Evelyn. “Dr. Mandrake said he’d be by in about half an hour. But I took a look at Larissa’s chart while I was waiting, and she seems to have lost a bit of weight. Have you talked about that?” she asked Bernie.
He nodded. “Lois says they are having trouble waking her to eat, but I’m not sure if she’s just a standard sleepy baby or that is normal…”
“Have they sent in the lactation consultant?” Evelyn asked us.
I shook my head. “She only works on weekdays. So, she won’t be in until Monday.”
Evelyn grimaced. “So if you give birth over the weekend, your baby just needs to be a good eater?”
“I guess so,” Clark said. “We’ve been asking the nurses for help, but they haven’t been able to do much.”
“And I’m supposed to go home on Monday,” I reminded her. “Our insurance only covers three days in the hospital, including the delivery date.”
Evelyn shook her head. “You might ask someone to check that for you. You should get an extra night because you had a c-section.”
“I’ll ask Jimmy,” Clark said.
“Still, we don’t want to wait until Monday to fix this,” Bernie said. “For now, lots of sunlight and feeding her as much as you can.”
I glanced at Clark and could see he was feeling as anxious as I was. Was there something wrong with her already?
*******
Clark was asleep on the pull out chair in the corner. Larissa was asleep in the bassinet which had been moved over near the window.
I was exhausted and should have been asleep, too. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about Larissa’s weight problem. I mean, I knew it wasn’t a problem yet, Bernie was just being cautious, but that didn’t stop me from worrying about it.
Was something wrong with Larissa? Or was it me? Was I doing something wrong as a mother? Right now, the only thing I could take care of was feeding her, and apparently I couldn’t do that correctly. What sort of mother would I be to her going forward if I couldn’t do something as simple as get a nipple into her mouth?
How was I ever going to contribute anything to her upbringing at this rate?
I felt the tears slide down my cheeks, but I was too tired to brush them away.
My daughter was only a day old and already I was a failure as a mother.
