Hope you like it
___________________________________
The Kerth Award ceremony was three days later. Abbey was invited and ended up going with Jimmy, as his casual date. Abbey had asked Lois if she had a date, out of pure curiosity. Lois had shook her head, a determined glare in her eyes, and said no, but it didn’t matter.
The black-tie affair was held at the Weston Hotel on the Upper West Side, a posh area near the opera house. The nominees all arrived by limo. The Daily Planet employees, minus the star of the evening, all waited outside to take photos along with the other journalists who were assigned to cover the ceremony.
Lois arrived, wearing a floor-length black satin dress that fit her elegantly, with a swag that ran from shoulder to shoulder, giving her a look of modest elegance. Her hair was swept up and two large diamond studs shimmered on her ears. She was glowing. Only those who knew her watched her looking around, sometimes slightly up, as if she expected to see something---or some**one**---land nearby. One last look was sent skyward as she was led into the dining room by Perry.
“You look fantastic, Lois. I wish, well. If Cla---”
She stopped him. “Don’t say it Perry.”
She seemed slightly angry and frustrated by the almost mention of Clark’s name, and Perry couldn’t fathom why. Maybe it was a mistake on his part. Maybe it was still too soon for her...
The dinner was four courses, the Writer’s Guild having spared no expense. They had hired a French chef who worked in a three star restaurant in Nice, and his culinary palette was sheer perfection.
At last it came time for the award ceremony. Lois tried to be excited for the other writers around her, tried to be supportive of colleagues, but all she could think about was her award.
Finally, her moment came.
“…and the winner for Outstanding Editorial by a Staff Writer goes to… Lois Lane of the Daily Planet, for a ‘A World Without Superman'!”
Lois beamed as she made her way to the podium. She was thrilled to win, that was evident, but it was a bittersweet win. She had meant what she wrote and still believed the man had those qualities within him. But his betrayal cut her to the core. He had let her suffer so deeply, and hadn’t cared.
After hours of pouring over photos of Clark and Superman, she finally had given in to the truth. They were one and the same and he had lied to her, let her suffer inconsolable, when just the simple truth would have been all she needed to make her world right. <<Was his secret so much more important to him than my broken heart?>>
Lois stood at the podium, bright lights in her eyes, and prepared to speak as she accepted her award. <<I still believe he’s good, that he stands for good things. No matter what lies between us, the world **does** need Superman.>>
“My article was written in the hopes of bringing back a hero to us. A hero who has lost his way, maybe because of the War, maybe because of--circumstance, maybe because…” <<of me>> “…of things beyond his control. The words I wrote were the truth, and I only hope that someday, somehow, they might reach the man---”
She stopped. Through the haze of lights, she thought she saw a flutter of red on the balcony. <<It’s got to be the curtains. It can’t be… him.>>
She struggled to finish, her heart in her throat. She had to get off this stage and investigate. It was only curtains fluttering in the wind, she was sure, but still. If he was here!
“…that they might reach the Man of Steel and let him know what he means to us. Thank you.”
It took all she had to stay on that stage as photographers took her picture, asking her to stay a moment more for just a few more pictures…
It seemed an eternity, but at last she was free of the stage. She didn’t care what people thought---let them think she was overheated from the lights or something---she made her way to the balcony.
((The air was cool on her shoulders, her crystal award turning into ice in her fingers on the chilly balcony. She looked left, right… She sighed. It had only been the curtains after all. He wasn’t here.
Then, another flutter, behind her.
She turned and faced him. He who haunted her and left her bereft. He who had her heart irrevocably whether she wanted him to have it or not, free to break it or cherish it as he chose.
All she could do was stare, her eyes filling with tears and her heart pounding. She was torn between anger, relief, hurt…and love.
She couldn’t say his name, for she didn’t know which name would come to her lips. She started to speak, helpless where to begin, but desperate to say something.
“Lois, we need to talk,” he eventually spoke for her, seeing her war with herself. He could see conflict in her eyes, tell by her erratic heartbeat, that if she didn’t know the truth, she was very close to it, and it was about to tear her apart.
“But not here. May I?” he came down to her, opening his arms for her to come to him.
She couldn’t stop herself. To be held by him again, despite the pain of betrayal, was what she needed more than anything. She couldn’t refuse.
Silently, still not trusting herself to say anything yet, she nodded, letting him lift her and carry her off the terrace.))
***
The audience at the Kerth Awards watched the action on the balcony in hushed silence. Lois Lane had done it. She had brought Superman back.
Abbey smiled and took another glass of champagne…
***
((They were flying over the city, quietly, not saying a word.
Lois was afraid to breathe. Afraid it was all a dream that would vanish if she moved. She felt so many emotions at once, and the flight over the city, in his arms and away from the world, only made the war within herself more confusing. To be held by him again, knowing his secret, was painful and amazing at once. Clark wasn't dead. He was here... he was **Superman**---the implications of that betrayal had barely sunk in yet. Why was he here now? Maybe he had come to say good-bye, finally and properly. She suddenly clung tighter. <<Don’t abandon me again>> she silently pleaded. <<I won’t survive it.>>
Clark looked down at Lois in his arms. She wasn't looking at him; she held herself tensely in his arms. He couldn't fathom what was going through her mind, but to hold her again, no matter what lay before them, was what his soul needed. She was the balm his heart had craved in his lonely fortress. He knew what he had done to her, done to them, and he hoped that it wasn’t too late. That maybe, she would understand if he told her everything and together they could find a way to right his mistakes, the results of his cowardice.
They at last touched down at her apartment.
“Can I come in?” he asked, too politely.
She nodded. Once she touched solid earth again, could step away from him, all her emotions came to the surface. She felt like she was going to explode any second, but at least she’d be home where she could dive into her chocolate ice cream and cozy robes after.
At last they were inside. Lois braced herself while Clark just watched her. Drinking in everything about her, yet wary of her as if she were a wild animal.
She turned away from him, the lines of her back eloquent in restrained emotion. He saw her take a deep breath, and then turn to him. “How…?” she began, a sob in her throat, the only word she had gotten out since she saw him. “How… could you abandon me like that?”
He sighed, his arms crossed on his chest, his head hanging down.
“Tell me, Clark---” she said his name, his **real name,** and his head shot back up.
He suddenly longed to be out of the Suit, in his Clark clothes, comfortable and able to comfort. But he hadn’t worn those clothes in months, thought he might never again.
He took a step towards her. “Say it again,” he said hoarsely.
“Clark?” she said helplessly, searching his face for answers with tears running down her face.
She was suddenly in his arms. They found each other’s lips, neither questioning why, each claiming the other for their own, possessing and giving at once. He tasted the salt of her tears, and realized his own mingled with hers. She shook in his arms, her emotions too strong to name or pin down. She was still angry and hurt, but her soul overrode her mind as she gave into the solace they had denied each other for so long.
After a moment, when the passion subsided a little, she stepped away, shaken to the core. She dared a glance at him. He ran his hand through his hair, a typical Clark gesture which made her unhinge a bit and start laughing a bit hysterically.
“It is true, then?" she said, though she knew the answer already. "You’ve tortured me, believing you were dead, while you… You were…*are* Superman?!” Her eyes shown with wild emotion, she was past the breaking point.
Clark tried to get a hold of himself, overwhelmed after the months of solitude and the hell of war by what it had felt to hold and kiss Lois Lane, however briefly. He had to breathe, he had to tell her everything.
He walked towards her, trying to lead her to the sofa.
“Don’t---touch me!” she suddenly cried. She thought another touch from him would send her into shock, if she wasn’t there already. She needed to gather her thoughts, protect her heart, what was left of it.
“At least, sit down,” he said.
She nodded, knowing he was right. He’s always right. Well, usually. This last escapade was yet to be seen.
He paced in front of her. Superman was gone. It was Clark in the Suit, she saw that clearly now. It was Clark. Alive. Superman. Unbelievable.
“I didn’t know what to do,” he began. “The world saw Clark Kent get shot. I couldn’t let them know I was Superman.”
“But what about me, Clark? Did you not consider what you did to me, and all of your friends by… disappearing?”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“At least you could have told me,” Lois whispered. Too hurt to look him in the eyes. “You don’t know what hell you put me through.”
He sighed. He did know. Or at least he thought he did. He had been through a bit of hell himself. “I wanted to tell you, Lois. So many times. I wanted to swoop in here and shout, ‘I’m alive!’, but I was afraid,” he finished a bit lamely, realizing that his fear was a moot point now that she knew his secret.
“How did you figure it out, anyway?” he asked, unable to resist his curiosity.
She got up, and brought him the photos she had been pouring over at the Planet.
“These. And… well, Superman hadn’t been around much after you… were shot.”
He looked at the photos ruefully, noting one in particular. He knew the candid photo Jimmy had taken hadn’t been a good idea. And what price was he to pay for it now?
“Lois, I---” he reached his hand out to her, but she refused to let him touch her, for the moment.
“Why… why did you come tonight?” she asked, barely above a whisper. She hoped she knew the answer, but she wanted to hear him say it.
“I think you know, Lois. I read your article. Did you---did you really mean what you wrote?” now it was his turn to be quiet, choking on his own emotions.
She dared a look at him. Ok, she wasn’t falling to pieces now, she could look at him, breathe again. As if to prove this true, she took a steadying breath and said, “Every word. About both of you, though I didn’t realize it at time…”
“God, Lois, you don’t know what that means to me. It has been hell in Europe. What’s going on in Germany, Austria, Poland, is---horrific. I’d almost forgotten---”
“Me?” she asked quietly.
He leaned towards her, to reassure her. “Never. Not ever could I forget you, Lois. No, I’d almost forgotten who *I* was. Who Clark Kent was. I---became a machine, barely stopping between rescues because there was so much---” he swallowed, steadying himself. He shook his head, he couldn’t get out the words, they were so painful.
“Lois, I am beyond sorry for not telling you the truth. I see now, that I should have told you. I berate myself constantly for letting you grieve needlessly, yet, you have to see, I was grieving for myself as well. For what I lost no longer able to be Clark. Can’t you see that?”
Her eyes flashed angry, her arms crossed, partly concealing the hurt that was there as well. “No, Clark, I don’t see. You knew you were alive, that I was alive. It’s nothing compared to me thinking you were dead!”
“Lois, I know we were close before, but--- honestly, I thought you wouldn’t care so much. That eventually you’d go back to being and doing what you do best. That Clark would be no more than a memory.”
She nodded, the anger still there, but the pain went so much deeper. “Yes, maybe so, Clark,” she said sarcastically. “Is that the kind of heartless person you think I am? Really? That I would forget the best---friend I ever had?”
She let herself fall into the sofa, her satin dress shimmering in the moonlight as she once more fell to pieces. “I’m so tired of crying over you!” she said angrily, balling her fist and hitting it futilely against the sofa. “I feel like I haven’t stopped since that horrible night. I cry until there’s no more tears and then there they are again, whether I want them to be or not. Are those the actions of a person who doesn’t care?!”
He was by her side in an instant, next to her on the sofa. She at last turned to him, and let him comfort her.
“No, I was wrong, foolish. I only wanted to protect myself. It’s so ingrained in me to protect my secret, that I became blind to anything else.”
She was sobbing against his chest now. Her head hurt from the tears, but they wouldn’t stop. “And… and as Superman? Why did he---you abandon me as him too?”
He held her tighter, searching for words to make her understand. He knew they didn’t make sense now, when before they were everything. He knew he had been wrong, selfish even, and he had no idea how to fix it.
“I was… scared. Of myself. Of telling you everything, and yet not being able to be there for you, as Clark.”
He sat back a bit on the sofa, lifting her chin so he could look in her eyes. “Don’t you see, Lois? What am I to do now? Clark can’t just show up magically at the Daily Planet, like nothing happened. And certainly not now, so much time has passed… I’m stuck, Lois. I’m cursed by who I am.”
Her fingers rose to his lips, silencing him and surprising him. “Don’t say that. You’re the best thing that could have happened to this world, at this time. The best thing that could’ve happened to me.”
She looked up at him. Her eyes bright, but dry from tears for a change.
He looked at her ruefully, “And whom do you mean? Clark or Superman?”
She looked shocked at this. “Whom do you think?” she said, her voice rising in incredulty. “Who do you think sends me into crying jags by the mere mention or even thought of his name? Who is it that I've missed on stake outs and late nights at the office? You, Clark!”
“So, you aren’t in love with Superman anymore?”
She looked at him, exasperated. “*You* are Superman, in case you forgot!”
He shook his head. He had to make her understand. “No, Lois, listen. Superman is what I do, not who I am. I realized that when I read your article. And reread it fifty times just to get it in my head. The attributes of Superman are really Clark’s, though it's an awful lot to live up to, what you wrote," he tried for levity, but failed. He shook his head. "Anyway, my point is, Superman is a comic book figure, a two dimensional ruse to protect who I am and keep my identity safe. I couldn’t bare it if you loved Superman, Lois, don’t you see? I need---had hoped that you'd come to love Clark, the man under the Suit.”
They looked at each other a long moment. She thought about what he said.
“Well, you made it very complicated for me, Clark, by making me believe you were two people… but I do see your point. I think.”
She stood up with a sigh, and wandered to the window, as if the answer was somehow out in the stars.
“I don’t know, Clark. I only know I’ve been grieving for months now for someone that I never needed to grieve for. I should feel happy, but I feel drained. I’ve lost a friend, and gained one back all at the same time. I need time to think about all of this... You must understand that.”
He nodded. “I do. I just ask---don’t shut me out, Lois. I’ll never do anything so foolish again. Your article reminded me not only who I am, but it reminded me of what I was missing. You’ve encouraged me so many times, Lois, whether you realize it or not.”
She put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he squeezed her fingers gently with his other hand, gazing warmly at her.
“That’s what partners are for,” she said quietly, with a small smile.
He took a deep breath. Could he really get it all back? After all the lonliness, the doubt? He berated himself again for what he had done to her. But she seemed willing to try to forgive, to understand him, if he would give her the time. And he would. He would wait forever for Lois, as long as it took. And maybe with time... the kiss they'd shared when they'd arrived at her apartment gave him hope for the future; it had to have meant something. <<Partners... and maybe someday more...>>
He gave her a smile, a genuine Clark smile that she couldn't help but warm to. “Speaking of partners… what are we going to tell them at the Planet?” he asked, hope shining in his eyes for the first time in months.))
***
“…yeah, an undercover investigation. They needed a reporter on the team. The federal agency gave me this new-fangled bullet proof vest the day before, knowing that Dillinger and his thugs might show up. They said it would be the perfect cover. I---I feel horrible about the deception, though, Chief. But, they said it was the only way.”
“Son, we’re just so glad to have you back. I hope you have some great stories to write up about your time undercover!”
“Yes sir, I managed to cover Superman over there a bit as well. I was surprised to see him there…”
***
Clark looked over the choices of flowers at the stand outside the Planet building, indulging in an impulse to bring Lois something. Things were better between them, and they had even managed to go out on a few dates over the last few weeks. He was slowly rebuilding her trust, and he hoped, something more.
He sighed. <<Roses, definitely. But what color?>>
Suddenly, he caught sight of the new intern, Abbey heading into the Planet.
"Good morning, Mr. Kent," she waved.
"Hey, Abbey?" he waved her over. She had been awfully encouraging of his and Lois' relationship, and he was happy to have at least one female around the office who didn't oggle over him or talk about them behind their backs.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"Which roses do you think I should bring Lois?"
Abbey smiled, pointing to two different
colors.
"You know what they mean, right?" she asked.
He nodded, grinning, "Yeah, I do. Thanks."
Lois entered the newsroom, her eyes automatically seeking out Clark. It was a comfortable habit that was one of the many things she was thankful for being able to do again. He was sitting at his desk, and looked up as she walked by him, a smug smile on his face.
"What is it?" she laughed good-naturedly.
"Nothing. There's a present for you on your desk," he said with a charming smile.
She walked over, spotting a lovely bouquet of red and yellow roses.
Her heart flipped. She saw a note was attached.
"Red for love, and yellow for friendship. Friendship surrounded by love, and love built on friendship. Yours forever, Clark."
She turned and looked back at Clark, her heart in her eyes.
"Thanks," she said softly, about to sit down and begin her day.
But suddenly another impulse grabbed her. Her heart thrummed with excitement and she knew the newsroom would be talking about it for days, but she didn't care.
She threw herself onto Clark's lap, her arms going around his neck. "Let me try this again," she said. "Thank you." She kissed him sweetly, then said so only he could hear, "I hope the red ones last forever."
((A whisper of wind came through the window.
“Clark?”
He stepped into her apartment, his face glowing with love.
“Lois, will you fly with me?” he asked, holding out his hand.
“Always,” she said, answering his smile with one of her own, wondering if there was a girl in the world who could refuse an offer like his. So she stepped into his arms.
They flew out towards the harbor, the city lights reflecting in the river like so many jewels. The moon was full, and large on the horizon, a mysterious silver globe. He flew her close to the light, so he could see her soft features in its glow.
“Lois… thank you.”
“Thank you? What do you mean?” she asked, surprised.
He held her closer. “Thank you for the courage it took to write that story that got my attention. I was dying out there. Clark Kent was dead and I was biding my time till the rest of me could follow. I needed the courage to come back to you and to Metropolis, and you gave it to me.”
“Oh, Clark,” she said, touched.
He sighed. Something else was bothering him.
“I’m so happy to be back in my old life. And it's all thanks to you. The last six months have been---wonderful.”
He brushed her hair back gently behind her ear, cupping her cheek with his hand.
“Lois, you mean the world to me. Everything. I need to know---do you forgive me? **Can** you forgive me?”
She nodded, silenced by tears. Tears of joy this time, for time had healed the wounds of her heart.
“I forgive you. I love you, Clark Kent.”
And the courage it took to say those words was rewarded by the truth of it in each other's eyes.
“And I love you, Lois Lane.”
They kissed under the stars, above the twinkling lights of Metropolis, with the glow of a new moon, and a new life in front of them.))
Life in Metropolis was back to normal. Superman was on regular patrols around Metropolis, saving Lois at least once a week, and Lois and Clark were dating. All was right in the world. Abbey sighed, pleased with her meddling. Lois and Clark were amazing people, fire and ice, energy, grace, and brilliance. Things weren’t perfect between them, but time was healing wounds, binding them to each other closer and closer every day.
Abbey closed the last page of the comic book.
It seemed that Lois and Clark’s story would be the stuff of legend after all.
~END~
