Clark didn’t find returning to his old life as a journalist as difficult as he had feared, but he steadfastly refused to engage in any Super activities. He only put the suit on once more during those first few weeks – when he had tried to turn himself in for murder. Nothing became of that; Nor was deemed a war casualty and so his death was not punishable. Clark had made sure that only the relevant authorities had seen him at that time. After a few weeks of Superman’s absence, public speculation was running high as to the cause, the most popular view being that he had simply left with the other Kryptonians. But one thing was certain, crime was on the rise. Lois convinced Clark that he should at the very least don the suit one final time for a press conference in order to put the rumors to rest and to give the public closure.
And so Clark found himself in the spandex once again. He approached the microphones to deliver his speech. “Good citizens of Metropolis, I have been proud to call this city my home for the past few years, and to serve in whatever way I could. It has always been my desire to use my abilities to help others and to preserve life. But as you know, the last time I was seen in public, I took a life. I have tried to turn myself in to the authorities for prosecution, but have been informed that because Nor had been attempting to conquer this planet, my actions were seen as appropriate acts of wartime defense and therefore, I would not be prosecuted. Nevertheless, my deeds from that infamous day have caused many honest citizens in the public to fear me. In order to ease those fears, I have decided to retire from public life. I leave the safety of this city in the competent hands of the Metropolis Police and Fire Departments.”
Clark stepped away from the microphones, but just as he was about to take flight, Inspector Henderson approached him and spoke quietly but intensely.
“I never thought I’d see the day that Superman showed himself to be a selfish coward.”
“Inspector???”
Henderson gestured for Superman to accompany him away from the microphones and the press to where they could have a more private conversation. Clark followed the inspector’s lead.
As they walked, Henderson replied. “You heard me, Superman. Your speech was a crock, and you know it. You want to ease their fears? You could do that by going back to doing what you used to do for them. This is about your having killed Nor, isn’t it? You’re feeling guilty about that. You’re afraid that something like that will happen again. And so you’re taking the selfish and cowardly way out and just giving up.”
Clark was amazed at how perceptive the inspector was. “How…?”
“How did I know? Do you think you’re the only one who’s been through this? Hell, every single officer I know has either killed someone already or has dreaded the day he would. And you know what? The good officers, the strong ones, keep at their jobs anyway. They remember why they began serving and they learn to work despite their fears. And it’s a good thing, too. Can you imagine what the city would be like if every officer who had killed someone, or who was afraid that they might have to kill someone at some point, quit their job?” His voice softened. “There are resources available to help police officers do this – counseling, support groups, and the like. Superman, you know you’re considered an honorary police officer. Say the word and I can get you into a group.”
Clark was touched by Henderson’s gesture. “Thank you, Inspector. Your offer means a great deal to me. But I can’t take you up on it. I know people behave differently when I am around. Just my presence would inhibit the other group members from saying what they have to say to get help for themselves.”
“There’s another option. There’s a high-tech type of online support group -- a ‘newsgroup.’ Only police officers are given the password needed to join, but no one needs to know who you are once you have the password. You could get the help you need and still stay completely anonymous. The newsgroup has helped some of my cops get back on their feet. Think about it, Superman. It’s not that we couldn’t survive without you – I’d pit the men and women of the MPD against those of any other city, any day. But you can get to the scene faster than we can, go places we can’t go, lift things we can’t lift, save lives we can’t save. Countless people here and around the world owe their lives to you, and you could save many more if you continue your work.”
“But what if I kill again?”
“Then you deal with it then. Are you gonna let yourself be hamstrung by ‘what ifs’? Then here’s a ‘what if’ for you – What if you just retire, and many people that you could have saved die as a result? Wouldn’t you be at least partially responsible for their deaths? Look, why don’t you join the forum and talk with others who have been there. Come out of retirement if and when you are ready. But at least give it a chance.”
“Thanks, Inspector. I’ll do that.”
***
Clark found the newsgroup to be quite helpful. Over the next several months, he ‘talked’ online with others about his fears and his guilt, always being careful to couch his wording as if he were a human police officer. Gradually, his nightmares subsided and his obsession changed to preoccupation and then to frequent spasms of remorse and fear. He found that talking with others who had been through something similar had helped him to learn coping skills, so he no longer needed the red kryptonite. He eventually even grew to miss donning the suit. He started to help out a little here and there as he had done in his pre-Superman days. But he was now more careful than ever to cover his tracks when he did. After all, the stakes were higher now than they had been in the old days. If he got careless now, not only would he have to move, but so would his new bride. (He still couldn’t believe that he was lucky enough to have Lois wed him!) And yet he kept Superman in retirement; after all, the only thing that had really changed in the public’s perception of Superman was that he was no longer mentioned much in the public media and people had started to think of him as but a memory. The thought of what the public’s reception of him might be should he appear once again made him extremely nervous. Each week, he decided to give himself another week to recover before making his re-entry onto the public scene. And so the weeks unfolded until nearly a year had passed.
***
As Lois and Clark entered the Daily Planet’s bullpen, Clark noticed a distinguished looking gentleman standing nervously beside his desk.
“Can I help you?”
“Might I have a moment?”
“Certainly, Mr…?
“Daitch. Professor Stephen Daitch, astronomer. I understand the Daily Planet had a ‘special’ relationship with Superman. I know he hasn’t been seen for a very long time, and for all I know, the Kryptonian ship may have come back for him. But if he is still somewhere on Earth, it is imperative that I see him tonight, around 8:00pm, at EPRAD…”
“What’s this about?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you, other than to say that he is our last hope for avoiding catastrophe on an unprecedented scale.”
“Well, I can try to get a message to him, but I can’t promise that he’ll be there.”
“That’s all I can ask. But please let him know how important this is! And…thank you.”
When Professor Daitch left, Lois asked, “Well? What did he want?”
“Perhaps we should discuss this in the conference room.”
She reiterated the question as soon as Clark had closed the conference room door behind them.
Clark answered. “I’ll know more tonight. He said Superman was needed to avoid a huge catastrophe. Superman is to meet him at EPRAD.”
Lois looked hopeful, “And…?”
“And I’ve decided that Superman should pay him a visit. If what he said is true, I’ll have to act. And if it isn’t, he’ll have been the only one to see me, and Superman can disappear again, with the public none the wiser.”
***
Clark struggled to keep the dignity and composure characteristic of his Superman persona; but inside, he was staggered by what he had been hearing. Unfortunately, Professor Daitch hadn’t been exaggerating; if anything, he had understated the severity of the situation. He was calmly talking about the end of the world as we know it. Clark knew that if Superman didn’t step in, the fallout from nuclear explosions – the only alternative available - could also irreparably harm the Earth. He had made his decision before Daitch even asked.
“Of course I will do what I can. I guess we’re about to find out what my limits really are.”
***
Lois reached up to caress Clark’s cheek. “Oh, Clark…What are you going to do?”
Clark, in turn, cupped Lois’ cheek with his hand. “The only thing I *can* do. Lois, if I don’t go up there, it’s the end of civilization. Billions of people will die. You know I have to do this.”
“But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. It’s not fair –Don’t we deserve even a little time just to be happy together? You’ve gone through so much… *We’ve* gone through so much to get here. And now, we’re barely home from our honeymoon when *this* happens.” Lois could restrain herself no longer. She embraced Clark as tightly as she could, and she burrowed her head into his chest, her tears dampening his shirt. “Clark, what if… what if you don’t come back?”
Clark sighed. “I know, honey. I’m scared, too. I don’t want to do this, but I have to. There’s no other viable choice.”
They hugged each other in silence for a while, each thinking of the days to come. Finally, Lois pulled back to look Clark in the eye. She swallowed, grimaced, and nodded. “You’re right. You have to go. Just…Try to come back safely?”
“Of course, honey, of course.” Clark leaned forward to seal his promise with a kiss, which Lois’ lips parted to deepen. They spent the rest of their evening telling each other without words just how much in love they were.
***
Clark decided to don the suit in the human manner. His mind was so awhirl that he didn’t feel like spinning physically. He laughed at himself when he realized that he wasn’t sure which frightened him more – that he would fail to stop Nightfall or that the gathered crowds would recoil in fear at the sight of him. He was being ridiculous, he knew, but the knowledge didn’t change the fear. His boots on and his cape adjusted, he took off for the launch site.
***
Lois knew that she couldn’t show up as Superman’s wife; but it was well-known already that she was Superman’s friend. She could not resist giving him one last, friend-to-Superhero kiss for good luck. When she broke off the kiss, she whispered in her husband’s ear, “I am so proud of you. Good luck!”
Clark nodded his response, then turned to Professor Daitch. As he listened to the professor describe how to use the oxygen tank with which he had been fitted, he looked around at the crowd. The faces he saw were anxious, but hopeful. He listened in on some of their conversations and was relieved to realize that the anxiety was all directed toward Nightfall, and not toward himself. Whether it was because of the passage of time since the Nor debacle or the enormity of Nightfall’s potential for disaster, Superman was
no longer perceived as a threat to the honest citizenry. That realization struck him with almost as much force as did the news of Nightfall the previous evening, and it spurred him on to even greater determination to succeed with the task at hand.
***
Clark flew faster and longer than he ever had in his life. As Nightfall loomed larger and larger, he fought the urge to slow down to protect himself. The colossal rock obliterated his view of more and more stars, until at last it was all that he could see. He double-checked his trajectory, closed his eyes, and put forth one last burst of speed. The jolt of the subsequent explosion caused him to lose consciousness.
The first sensation Clark experienced when he came to was that of motion. He opened his eyes, and the sight of the rapidly approaching Earth brought to mind the recent events. He regained control of his body shortly before re-entry, and returned to the remains of the asteroid to survey his work. He noticed that one very large piece, about three miles wide, remained intact and was on an intercept course with the Earth. He had to change its trajectory, or there could still be massive devastation. He pushed against it. It wouldn’t budge. He paused a second to regroup and catch his breath, and then tried again, straining with all his might. Nothing happened for a few seconds, but then he felt the chunk give way - ever so slightly at first, and then with increasing momentum. With one final heave, he sent it hurtling away from the Earth’s path.
A rapid but thorough examination satisfied him that the remaining debris was all small enough to be harmless were it to enter the Earth’s atmosphere. He wasted no time before returning to Earth. As he descended, he thought again of the crowd’s earlier reception of him. True, it had been favorable then, but was that just because their fear of Nightfall had temporarily displaced their fear of him? Now that he had taken care of the asteroid, how would they greet him? Would the apprehension they had shown him a year ago resurface? Sure, they would be grateful to be alive, but would they nevertheless step back from him and wish him to go away, lest he kill again?
It felt good to be back in the suit again, and to be able to help people openly once more, but if his presence frightened the crowd, Superman would have to go into retirement once again.
Clark came to a controlled landing in front of the waiting crowds. He was met with a hearty welcome; he had heard the cheers start as soon as he came close enough to be seen by humans, and the roar continued long after he had touched down.
Clark was amazed. He had not dreamt that, once the danger to Earth was past, he would be met with such universal welcome. If anything, the people were even warmer toward him now than they had been before he had killed Nor. He was overwhelmed by the effusive reception.
He scanned the grounds to find Lois, and saw her meet his gaze with eyes wet from tears, a smile of love and gladness on her face. He permitted himself the barest of smiles and the briefest of nods to acknowledge and share in her joy at his return. A proper reunion would have to wait until they were in the privacy of their own home. That morning, they had decided that if he did return from his mission, Lois would call in the story to the Daily Planet while he was debriefed, and they would meet at their Hyperion Avenue home as soon as possible thereafter.
Clark took a moment to compose himself, and then turned to the crowd and motioned for quiet. “As EPRAD may have informed you already, the mission was successful. The impact destroyed Nightfall, and the danger has passed. Are there any questions?” After addressing several questions regarding the mission’s success and what it was like to fly in space, he chose a young man in a New Troy State University t-shirt to ask the final question. “Yeah, Superman. Now that you’re back, will you stay here in Metropolis and help out like you used to?” Before Clark could answer, someone else in the crowd started a chant of, “Stay! Stay! Stay! Stay!” It was picked up - at first by one person here and two people there, but within seconds, the chant swelled until it was a deafening roar taken up by everyone in the crowd.
Clark once again raised his arms for quiet and addressed the crowd. “You may recall that when I left last year, it was because I had no desire to frighten honest citizens. It was for that reason that I have stayed away. But you have shown me today that that time of fear has passed. Your enthusiasm has warmed my heart and shown me that it is time to make Metropolis my home once more. It is with great pride and delight that I will once again do what I can to provide help in this city and around the world. Thank you.”
He smiled and waved to the crowd one last time before turning to Professor Daitch to report on his mission. Shortly thereafter, as he flew home anticipating a proper reunion with Lois, he thought about his life. He believed the days ahead would be better than any he had yet had; not only was he married to his beloved Lois, but he was now finally ready and able to be Superman again. Life was good.
---
Credits and References
I have borrowed some events and several lines from the Lois & Clark episode “All Shook Up,” written by Bryce Zabel. I have, however, played fast and loose with the plot.
I decided to use newsgroups rather than forums or message boards for the support group. I based my decision on the Internet timelines found
here and
here . I might have gotten away with using a forum, since they had existed during the time of this story, but I figured that they would not yet have established themselves to the point where the police would be using them to form an online support group.
My information about post traumatic stress disorder came from these pages:
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/reintegration/guide-pdf/SMGuide.pdf http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/what-is-ptsd.asp My thanks to Aria for telling me about them.
I learned about the treatment of depression (in humans, of course!) from the following sites:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2008/depression-treatment-psychotherapy-medication-or-both/ http://www.healthyplace.com/depress...essant-medications-work-best/menu-id-68/ http://www.healthyplace.com/depress...drugs-for-severely-depressed/menu-id-68/ Admittedly, some of the information presented in the sites may not have been known in 1996; any anachronisms were motivated by plot necessities.
Please note that I am not a medical doctor. (I only have a Ph.D. not an M.D.) Nothing in this story should be construed as medical advice. Clark’s recovery from depression should not be taken as typical of humans; after all, as he pointed out to Lois in the pilot episode, “I am not your typical male.” ;-)
The Spiderman quote is taken from the debut issue of Spiderman, as seen
here .
