Lois looked over at the man sitting in the room with her. The others had left them alone at their mutual request.
“How are you feeling,” he asked her. He could see the blatant nervousness in her eyes and was loathe to propose beginning until she had relaxed a bit.
“I’m doing well,” she lied, trying to affect a calm and relaxed manner.
“Lois, if we are going to do this correctly, there has to be mutual trust.”
She flushed at the implication that she was lying. Kal had always made her pay for dissimilitude.
“I need you to trust me enough to tell me how you really feel,” he continued on gently. “I trust you whole heartedly,” he added that last.
“I’m scared out of my mind,” she said, letting out a nervous laugh.
He smiled at that. Not a happy smile, not a superior or domineering smile, but a smile of solidarity. Of empathy. One that told her he was scared too.
“So do you want to talk that out first? What are you scared of?”
“Lord Kal.”
“Good answer,” he said.
“I don’t want this to go there,” she said, her eyes now fixed on a place on the table. “It could. It could get ugly. You’ve never seen one of my – flashbacks. Clark is used to them,” she said, almost sadly. “Thus his whole eggshell walking abused-spouse routine.”
“What?”
“He’s so scared to upset me that he’s afraid sometimes to make a sound. Like an abused spouse or child…”
“I hardly think he feels that way about your relationship,” Clark responded aghast. “Really, Lois. He loves you. I can see that clearly. “
“But he carries fear with him daily. That’s something you two don’t have. Neither of you fears the other.”
“Do you fear him,” he asked, picking up on the unsaid.
“Only … and I do mean only… when Lord Kal intrudes.”
He nodded. “Well, that makes total sense. “
“He used to force thoughts into my head. A different kind of rape,” she said. She saw her companion’s face get pale and hard at the word ‘rape’.
“So this is … like rape to you,” he asked her carefully. “Are you afraid it will be like that with me? You do know that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Right?”
“I… I do have to do this. You know as well as I do. To stop the – unintended messages from coming through. I have to do this.”
He sighed. “Yes. I see that you do. But what I want you to know is that you’re in control of it. I won’t push you into anything you don’t give express consent to.”
“I know that,” she said firmly. “My fears are all my own and not at all induced by you. I trust you. I really do.”
He nodded, realizing how astounding it was that she did. Like his own wife, this woman was remarkable.
“Do you guys ever share your thoughts with each other,” he asked. “I’m not trying to be rude here, but it would help to know before we proceed.”
He’s like a sex therapist for the mind.
“Yes,” she said, flushing a little. “We do.”
He saw the blush and decided not to go any further down the line of questioning.
“So not all these experiences feel like a violation? When you two share thoughts, it’s something you – don’t hate?”
She nodded. “We don’t do it a lot. I mean… he’s afraid too,” she said. “He doesn’t want to trigger my bad memories either. Usually when we do it, it’s accidental.”
“Okay,” he nodded. This is going to be hard.
“How do we start?”
“When I want to push a telepath out of my mind, I imagine building a wall to keep them out. I imagine a mental tractor pushing them out.”
She began to giggle. “A tractor?”
“I grew up on a farm… so – “
She nodded. “I can do that. Maybe a bulldozer?”
“Whatever works.”
“So how should we –“
“You can try to push thoughts into my head and I’ll fend them off. That way you can feel how it’s supposed to be.”
She nodded. It seemed harmless enough.
She started off by pushing in a nursery rhyme. Suddenly she felt pressure and it reminded her of the precursor to pain she always had with Lord Kal and she broke it off hastily.
Clark must have felt her fear because he looked at her with eyes that were extremely worried.
“Did that hurt you?”
She was gasping a little from the shock.
“I felt like it was going to hurt, even though it didn’t. There was a pressure,” she said rapidly. “Like the point before pain!”
“The pressure is normal,” he said, his voice very calm and soothing. “But pain doesn’t follow it. Not normally.”
“I’m mixing it up. It reminds me of something that did hurt me, so I’m getting it confused. It’s not so different from… “ and she trailed off.. There was a definite symmetry between her sexual phobia in the past and what they were doing now.
“I guess, yeah,” he said, softly, understanding what she said, even though she didn’t finish her sentence.
“It took me a long time to get past that other hurdle,” she said, emboldened by the fact that he wasn’t laughing at her. “I don’t have time for this. Let’s try again,” she said, a new resoluteness to her tone.
“Ok. Whenever you’re ready.”
She pushed her thoughts forward again, and this time he pushed back. She felt the pressure, but knowing it was normal gave her strength to keep trying, despite her growing fear. She waited long tense moments for the pain to start, but it didn’t. And when she eased off on her attempt to send through his walls, she noticed that he was watching her very carefully.
“I’m okay,” she said, anticipating his question.
“No pain?”
“No. Just – that pressure. That’s not so comfortable,” she said, “but it didn’t hurt.”
“It’s not intended to be comfortable. The goal is to stop an invasion…”
“Right.”
“Did you want to try again, or did you want to try fending off telepathy?”
“Maybe we could try this again a few times so I could feel it again.”
“Whatever you think is best,” he said calmly.
They went on like this for a while, and then finally she said she was ready to receive.
“I just need a moment or two to collect myself,” she said.
“Take all the time you want,” he urged her, not wanting to push her into anything.
“Sorry to be so –“
“Please, don’t. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“Okay. I’m ready,” she said, after a few minutes. Hit me with your best shot.
Clark inadvertently heard what she thought as an addendum to her words and fought against the wincing. Pat Benetar not withstanding, such thoughts were not pleasant given her past.
He asked her mentally if she was okay.
She looked at him in frustration. “I heard that.”
“It’s hard to get this on the first try. Really. It was for me.”
They practiced for a while, but she could never keep him out. She looked up at him, her eyes frustrated and worried.
“I can’t do it.”
“I think the problem is you’re afraid that it will be – like with him – that you can’t give your total concentration to the effort. Maybe you can do this with your husband…?”
“Please don’t give up on me –“
“No. I meant – the part where he sends to you. You can –“
“Just give me another chance!”
“I’ll give you all the chances you want,” he said. “I’m not losing interest or patience with this. I just thought it would be better.”
“But this is more effective. The people sending to me aren’t my husband. I need to learn to do this against someone I don’t … “
“Okay. Let’s try –“ he sent her some thoughts and immediately he felt her pushing him back. There was a ferocity and desperation in the pressure he felt.
“Wow,” he said. “I felt that. That was incredible. Did you hear my thoughts?”
“Only the very beginning and then – you were gone.”
“Fantastic. That’s your first success. You’ve proven you can do it.”
They continued on a bit. Each time, she had to take moments to get her bearings and set herself up to not be afraid. Each time, he waited patiently. This man was so much like the one she loved.
“It occurs to me,” she said, “that you and Clark are more alike than not. So – the – energy – that flows between us is very familiar,” she said, trying not to blush at the hidden intimacy of what she was saying.
“Okay…”
“Can you try sending me aggressive and alpha male type thoughts,” she asked nervously. “To be more like what I got in that other world?”
“Lois… I don’t know,” he said.
“It’s what I get from that world. Everything is highly aggressive and angry. What we’ve done so far is good for learning the ropes. But if I want to play in the big league, I need to take it up a notch.”
He looked at her warily for a long while. “I don’t want to upset or hurt you,” he said.
“If you can’t, I understand,” she responded, no trace of anger in her words. “But then I’ll have to ask Clark to do it,” she said, indicating she meant her own husband. “And…”
“And that would be pretty awful for both of you, right?”
“Well…”
“So you do need me to do this,” he said, his voice tense.
“Let me know if you feel that I’m forcing you to do it,” she begged him. “I truly don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
“Can you… can you send me some of what you’ve been sent? So I know how to do it?”
Her heart skipped a bit in sudden fear as she realized he had agreed to do this with her. Whether or not she wanted it to happen, it was about to happen. She had set it into motion.
She nodded at him, nervously, trying to hide her fear.
“Brace yourself,” she whispered, and sent him the images. She braced herself back for the pressure of his walls, but he didn’t put any up. He withstood the imagery coming into his mind, but she could see by his body language and facial expression that he was not happy.
She broke off, tears forming in her eyes.
“I’m sorry to do that to you.”
He reached over and gripped her hand in a comforting grip.
“I am not sorry you did it. Come on, Lois. This is ‘Operation-Get-Kal-Out-Of-Your-Head’. Okay? And we will succeed at it.”
She smiled at his attempts at soothing her. But then, as she realized what was going to happen next, she lost her smile. Fear began to take root in her eyes.
“You have to – send what he would send.”
Clark hesitated. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re doing this for me. I know it hurts you too.”
“This… this will hurt you,” he said. “But in order to learn to block it, you have to – work past the fear and the pain. Right?”
She nodded, unable to speak, her heart was beating so fast.
“Lois. Seriously. This could be physically painful. Okay?”
“I know,” she said softly. “Clark. I’m not afraid of you. Please. I’m ready.”
Feeling sickened, he closed his eyes because he didn’t want to see her fear. Summoning up what he had seen, and what he had experienced with Lord Nor, Clark tried to channel the lord Kal that had imprisoned her.
He started out with simple menacing statements about her past slavery.
<You are mine>
He felt her fear, and he felt sickened by what he was doing.
“Do that again,” she said, her eyes also closed.
<You are mine>
This time, he felt it. Pressure.
She grinned at him, and he felt a surge of relief. She didn’t hate him yet. “It worked,” she said.
<You can’t get away from me. You’re weak. You always were weak. I’ll win in the end>
She gasped, not thinking he would send again so soon.
“You have to keep your guard up always,” he said, gently. “Don’t let me in at all.”
<Like you could ever stop me>
“Did you say something,” she asked him, smugly. He was amazed at her spirit.
<I said you’re mine>
He kept throwing rapid angry and alpha messages her way, trying never to go too far over the line with his thoughts. He never mentioned rape or violence, simply messages of ownership and dominance. Each of these she parried, her ability to defend against his thoughts becoming greater with each try.
He paused, and watched her carefully. “You still like me,” he asked her, not really in jest.
“More now than ever before,” she said, her voice heartfelt. “You’ve sacrificed a lot of your own emotional well being to help me today.”
“Well… that… that may change…”
She narrowed her eyes in curiosity and then suddenly she felt it. Horrible angry rage. Dominance. Intent to rape, to hurt, to even kill. It came upon her so fast, she didn’t know what to do. Clark wasn’t smiling at her. His eyes were hard and cold. They radiated cruelty and malicious intent. His hands were now curled into fists, and on some level she knew he was trying to prevent his normally benign body-language from cancelling out the menace of his telepathic sendings.
Knowing he actually meant her no harm was not enough to keep her calm.
She began to feel terror claw at her very essence and she stood up frantically, looking to escape. As soon as she did that, the sendings stopped. She turned to face him after a very long moment, and she saw her emotions mirrored in his eyes.
“You sent that to me, when you wanted me to know what he was sending you,” he said quietly. “And that’s what you need to be able to block.”
She came back defiantly and sat down.
“Do it – “
Before she could finish her thoughts, he did it again. She felt the horrific and now painful assault, and she grabbed her head in her hands to stop the pain. Tears were running down her face.
“Stop,” she cried out. “This is hurting me!”
“Stop me,” he retorted back, his voice held an implacable challenge. All gentleness was gone from his tone. “You have to stop me yourself.”
“No,” She cried out as she built the walls, only to have them collapse. Time and again she tried, and time and again, she failed. Her intense emotional response began to feedback on itself and she began to lose awareness of her surroundings.
“No, No,” she held up her hands defensively against the man in front of her. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” and she began to beg with him in his native alien language for forgiveness.
Suddenly there was silence in her mind. She waited long and terrified moments for further reprisal.
