Author’s Note: From now on, LST Lois and Clark will be referred to as Lois and Clark, and Canon Lois and Canon Clark will be Lane and Kent. I had hoped to avoid this by clever writing, but the comments from the previous chapter indicate that I wasn’t all together successful. I’d also like to shout out to IolantheAlias for her amazing influence on the story. Her Smallville story over at fanfiction dot net, Armageddon Aftermath, is what recharged my writing batteries. This is a fantastic story and I urge you all to read it.
The next day they all gathered together drinking coffee and laughing about things that had been said the night before. Both couples enjoyed the rare equanimity with people who truly understood the strangeness of each other’s lives.
“I need more coffee,” said Lane, apropos of nothing. “That last glass of wine was one too many.”
“Want some Motrin,” Lois asked her? “I’ll get you some and some water too.”
“I can go get it,” said her doppelganger. “No need to put you out.”
“If you want to come with me, you can. I need more coffee too, and I can only carry so much. No. Sit,” Lois said, ordering the two men as she saw them both rise to go get what was needed. The two women went towards the kitchen, laughing and talking as they did. Their absence left an awkward silence.
Clark looked over at his doppelganger and braced himself for the conversation he knew he had to have. The way he had reacted in such an unfettered anger towards the other Kryptonian weighed heavily on his conscience and last night they had all, by unspoken agreement, tabled any conversation about anything that would be painful.
“Clark. I owe you an apology,” Clark said. “I was really out of control and I said some terrible things to you.”
“You don’t owe me any apology. You were upset that I’d hurt her,” Kent responded, unable to even look Clark in the eyes. “How in the world could I fault you that without being the world’s greatest hypocrite? Believe me, I feel really badly about what I did.”
Clark shook his head in denial of the other man’s guilt.
“You acted in her best interests. I lost sight of that, but I know it now and she always did.”
“Thank you for telling me that, but I can never apologize enough.”
“Well then… apology accepted, buddy, “ Clark said to Kent as he held out a hand for a friendly shake. The other man smiled at him and clasped his hand. As weird as it was touching someone who was basically himself, it was even weirder to shake hands with s someone who had all his abilities. Someone who wasn’t thinking ‘I’m touching an alien’ or ‘I’m shaking hands with Superman. I hope he doesn’t break my hand.’
“I know I was really riled up,” said Clark, after a moment. “Lois yelled some sense into me yesterday before we came back to talk to you. She said that I was naïve if I thought that this could happen without dredging up some painful things. “
“Lois said the same thing to me – that is… my – wife, Lois. She told me about self-defense training she had done that involved learning while in a state of fear. She said that if you learn to protect yourself under adrenalized conditions, you learn the lessons in your muscle memory and they become automatic. “
“Is that how you knew not to pull back,” he asked, wondering still what was going through Kent’s mind when he decided not to stop sending Lois the negative image despite her obvious misery.
“No,” Kent replied, his face showing his shame and remorse again. “I did it because I just felt it was the right thing to do. I was naïve… and even arrogant for thinking I knew better than she did as far as what was right for her. I should have paid attention to your obvious fear when we set out to do this. I could see you were upset and I didn’t give it the level of credence I should have.”
“Maybe it’s that Superman complex,” said Clark. “We think we know better because we’re so used to playing that ‘hero in charge’ role. Imagine if the world at large knew how confused we both really were on a regular basis. “
Kent laughed at that, but the sound wasn’t pure mirth.
“Right. Like when you’re in a situation that involves evaluating where to grab a plane so it doesn’t come apart – and you don’t want people to know that you’re feeling that way… so you have to fake it with this façade of confidence, when in reality confidence is the last thing that you feel.”
Clark looked at his double with growing amazement.
“I always thought you were that confident,” he said. “You fake it really well. I don’t think I do. And I can’t be that way all the time anyway, so people do get to see me lacking confidence and ease on a regular basis. Mostly when I’m just myself and I’m being attacked by the press.”
“But you still act differently in and out of the suit,” Kent stated as if he already knew the answer.
“I do. I learned the ‘Superman’ act from you and Lois,” Clark said with a rueful smile. “I do think people prefer to see the Superman persona in the suit rather than Clark Kent doing oddly alien things. “
“So when you’re ‘Clark’, and something comes up that would be helped by a negligible and urgent exertion of abilities, what do you do? I usually do what I need to do quickly so nobody notices, but nobody notices because Clark Kent doesn’t have super powers, so super powers obviously weren’t used to solve the problem.”
“I’ve had to help out a few times just as myself because I’m right there, people have already seen me, and it seems the height of arrogance to go off and change just for my own personal sense of ease. I’ve stopped few assaults because I was right around the corner, and put out a few small fires. It’s strange as hell, and it’s hard to even make eye contact after the fact. The assaults, oddly enough, were easier – because stopping someone from hurting someone is something a human could do. Putting out the fire the way I do is not human at all – why reach for an extinguisher and make a big mess if I don’t have to.”
“I admire you, Clark,” said Kent, shaking his head. “I am not sure I could do that.”
“You do what you have to do. I know you helped in secret for years.”
“I had my parents to help. And when I created Superman, they were there and so was Lois.”
Clark nodded. “Before Lois, it was really bad. I really felt – a lot of negativity and depression about my life’s circumstances.”
“I’m sure you did. I’m willing to bet you were mad at Lois and me for the fact that she was the one who convinced you it could work. When you were outed as an alien and then this woman who actually treated you normally left your universe for another man – I’m sure that made you feel a bit angry at me.”
Clark smiled grimly at his doppelganger.
“I can tell you without any fears of upsetting or scaring you that yes, there were times when I felt a lot of anger your way. I felt that way before. Now – I can’t regret my life because Lois is in it. The one thing I would change, if I could, is her being taken into that other awful place. I’d gladly never have ended up with her if it meant she never had to go there.”
“I know. I believe you in that. That place … god – just those few images she shared…” Kent shuddered at the memory.
“Clark,” said Clark, “I can’t thank you enough for coming and helping out. Receiving those sendings is tearing her apart –“
He broke off at the sound of glass breaking.
At the same exact time, Kent gasped and put a hand to his head, indicating pain and distress. His eyes burning with stress and fear, he looked at Clark.
“It’s Kal-El.”
Both men simultaneously super-sped into the kitchen. Lois was gripping her head, and crouching down at the onslaught of horrible telepathic brutality. Lane was crouched down, trying to get the glass pieces off the floor, to prevent Lois from inadvertently cutting herself.
Clark looked helplessly between the two women. He knew he should help with the glass to prevent any accidents from happening, but he desperately wanted to help his wife. Experience had taught him to try to let her work this out herself, but he felt churlish doing that with the other two here. He couldn’t well say ‘Let’s just go back in the other room and wait until it blows over’.
But Kent forged forward and gripped Lois’s arms heedlessly and urgently. Clark began to feel a strong wave of rage and terror at the idea that his twin, while well-intentioned, was being heedlessly stupid. Holding her like that would bring Kal-El even further into her awareness and that way led disaster.
“Ouch,” said the Lane, suddenly hissing as her finger got cut on glass.
Unable to ignore her, he came over and pulled her gently up. He took the dustpan and brush from her.
“Let me do this,” he said urgently to her, and in a blur, he had cleaned up all the glass. He looked at her hand to make sure there were no slivers.
While that was going on, he turned to see what was happening with his wife and doppelganger. He saw her cringing back from the man holding her arms and Clark was about to step in protectively when he heard the words his doppelganger was gently saying to Lois.
“Lois, I’m here too. I feel it too,” Kent said urgently. “Put up that wall, okay? Come on. Just one brick at a time. I can help,” and he pushed his own mental presence into her mind to give her the awareness that she had help building the wall.
“I can’t do it. I can’t.” Her voice was panic-stricken.
“You aren’t alone. We can do this. Come on.” Kent’s voice was very calm and very gentle in stark contrast to Lois’s terror.
Clark stood there along with Lane staring at the tableau in front of them. Why had it never occurred to him to try to help her like that? He had done that a long time ago when Kal-El had invaded her dreams, why didn’t he do it now?
“One brick at a time, Lois,” his twin gently soothed Lois. “Come on. I’ll even do the lifting. Okay?”
“Okay,” she answered back, her voice strained with fear and emotion. Her hands now gripped his arms in return and Clark watched that in amazement. She was actually touching his doppelganger in the midst of a Kal-El mental assault and she wasn’t reacting as if he was the threat. Unreasonable jealousy flooded through him as it occurred to him that his doppelganger was able to bring her comfort and peace in a way he never had been able to.
“Clark,” said Lane uncertainly. “Should I go out there…?”
He looked over at Kent. The other man shook his head helplessly as if to indicate that he had no idea what they should do.
“Yes,” Clark finally said, turning to Lane. “I think we both should.”
He hated to leave, but he didn’t want his wife to feel ashamed of having had an episode in front of her doppelganger and he didn’t think he could do much more for her right now by gawking at the tableau. The main thing is, Kent was proving himself to be able to help, and Clark had to put his money where his mouth was and trust the other Kryptonian.
