As soon as Herb vanished, Lois began to pace in nervous agitation.
"Oh god," she muttered. "I can't believe this is happening.”
The others remained quiet in the face of her pacing, not knowing how to help.
"I have to face Zara. And what if Ching comes? To see people who knew me then in that horrible place that I thought I’d left far behind me..."
Silence met her pronouncements and after a moment she looked about the room at them all.
"Thanks for not telling me I can just go wait it out in the other room."
Kent spoke up first.
"Considering you wouldn’t do that, what’s the point in suggesting it?”
She smiled at him sadly.
"I'm that much of an open book?"
"No. But am I wrong?"
She shook her head. "No."
She heaved a sigh and avoided looking her own husband in the eyes. Seeing Kent’s sympathy was hard enough, but she knew that Clark was seriously hurting on her behalf.
"I have to face Zara. And maybe Ching. They saw me... they witnessed so much - they - saw me broken."
"You were never broken," insisted Lane fiercely. "You came out of it and survived - you did more than survive... you flourished."
"I was broken," she insisted back. "But I - healed the cracks," she said. "They've been witness to - moments I'd rather never see the light of day in anyone's mind."
"They're the ones - Ching at least, who should feel shame," said Clark, finally speaking up what he felt. "Zara could have helped you a lot sooner –“
He yearned to go over and hold her or tell her that her fears were groundless from his point of view – that no matter what had happened in that world, she was a fighter and a warrior for having withstood hell and come out reasonably unscathed. But he didn’t, because to do so in the company of others would add to her humiliation.
"Nobody likes to be victimized," said Lane. "We all feel lessened when it happens, even if it's illogical."
"Yeah," muttered Lois. "It’s just that I thought I’d put that all behind me. What if it’s true? If Kal-El is the clone and there’s a decently motivated original out there… won’t we have to go there and help liberate him? I thought I’d seen the last of that place, but now… now I might have to go there again – “
"Lois, under no circumstances should you ever go back into that world," Kent said urgently. "That wouldn't be healthy for you on any level!"
“Are you planning on going,” she challenged him. “If we find out that there’s a chance at overthrowing him? Are you going to go?”
“I think I have to,” he said to her. “How can I not when I know right this very second someone is suffering at his hands? It’s been tearing me apart ever since Herb told us what was going on and that’s someone we won’t be able to help. Yes. I want to go there, free the real guy and make things better. I have to go. If there’s a chance. I have to go!”
“Why do any of us have to go,” Lois backpedaled as she saw that the conversation was heading somewhere alarming. If the other Clark went, surely her own Clark would plead his case for helping. And since it was basically her fault that the other Clark and Lois would be putting themselves in danger, didn’t she owe them the protection of her own husband? And if he went, she would have to go as well. If the other Lois gave credibility to the Clarks, she would give that credibility thousand fold. Her own abuse at the hands of the clone would make her one of the resistance… comrades through shared suffering. She shook her head feeling complete and unreasonable rage at the other three occupants of the room.
“Because … we know,” Kent vocalized for his fellow doppelganger. “Now that we really know-“
"You knew about this suffering before," yelled Lois as she lost control of her composure. "You all did. And now suddenly you have to go help? Don’t you see if you go help I have to go with you? I can't let you all face that alone, not when I know the lay of the land... I know the players and the rules -"
"I disagree," said Lane. "You don't have to go. I don't know why you think you do."
"Do you?"
"What?"
"If he goes," she said, indicating Kent, "you would go too?"
"Of course," Lane said, refusing to look at her husband's horrified eyes. "Despite his not wanting me to, yes, I'd go, because as you said earlier about credibility - having a variation of us who loves him would help his case."
"So knowing she would insist on going, what would you do next," Lois challenged Kent. "Would you go without her anyway or would you go with her knowing full well she could run afoul of the same monster who enslaved me? Would you take that risk?"
Kent paled at her words.
"It's not just his risk to take," said Lane. "I want to go there and stop this too. I mean, I don't want to go. But I want to stop this. I want this stopped. And you asked what changed. Now we stand a chance! Before it was a lost cause, but what we know about Kryptonian rights to the throne - if the original Kal can prove at a genetic level that he's the one true Kal, then the people who betrayed him as well as the clone are no longer going to have the right of leadership. That world can be freed without having to kill off all the bad guys! That world can be free, and that world should be free!"
"You all seem to think I want otherwise," snapped Lois, tears beginning to course down her face. "You make me out to be so cold and selfish!"
"No," said both Clarks in unison. Kent looked sheepishly at Clark and stopped talking.
"Lois," said Clark. "We don't. We know you've been through hell and that you're less optimistic than we are because of the hard realities you had to face. We do get that."
"So you won't go if I say you can't,” she challenged him.
"No."
"You'd let Clark handle it all by himself?"
Clark looked at Kent, his expression troubled.
"Yes."
"And if Lois went- you'd stand back while the two of them went, knowing that your being there would make it less likely that she be harmed?"
"Yes," he said, his voice rising a little in frustration. "I've said it over and over, and you know it's true. The fact is, I would refrain from going - and it would be torture, because I know that my friends would be endangering themselves - without me there to help them. "
"Then this is why I'm upset! It all hangs on me! I have to agree to something that causes me a great deal of terror. I have no choice. All because we found out Kal-El is a clone. If he had been the original none of this would be necessary!"
"But now that world stands a chance," said Lane.
"Stop repeating that. I get that! I get it, okay? I'm not angry that the world stands a chance now. I'm angry that I have to go back there!"
"So you honestly wish that he'd been the real deal," asked Lane.
"No," she exclaimed angrily. "I don't - that sounds awful -"
"Lois," said Kent emotionally. "I can't regret his being the clone. It's - more than a relief to know that he's not me or Clark. I know that in alternate universes, it's logical that people be alternate - but the idea that - somehow someone who had our soul signature could end up so evil was really disturbing ... knowing it’s the clone makes me feel a whole lot better about who I am and who Clark is."
Clark nodded at that. "I'm sorry, Lois. I feel the same. You have no idea how much better I feel knowing that that monster isn't me with different upbringing."
"I never said that he was," said Lois. "Or... not ... since I got a clue. Clark, no matter who raised you -either one of you Clarks - you'd be good men. I trust that to the bottom of my soul - whether or not Kal was your doppelganger or not."
"I know. I trust that," said Clark. "But nonetheless - it never felt right knowing he was our doppelganger. It was always an ugly burden on my soul."
Lois looked at both men, grief in her eyes as she processed their words. She couldn't fault them at all for how they felt, and yet she still felt an unreasonable amount of rage and fear at the idea that they now were obligated to take action. She wanted to hate her own counterpart for being so open and ready to take on the challenge. Her doppelganger had never been broken. She couldn't ever possibly know what it was like to be a slave.
