Epilogue Bernie Klein lifted the clipboard and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Lois, but I just can’t find any problems. You’re as healthy as you’ve ever been.”
“But I don’t feel right, Bernie! I’m eating more and I can’t control my appetite, I’ve gained almost fifteen pounds, I get angry or weepy for no real reason, and I feel like I’m off-balance when I’m doing martial arts. On top of that, a lot of my best clothes don’t quite fit me any more!”
Bernie shook his head again. “Well, I’m still waiting for that other blood test to come back, but I can’t think of anything that might show up.” He frowned. “Are you still taking that herbal extract you got from that Amazon healer?”
“I ran out a month ago. She sent me back with a six-week supply and I can’t get any more. She told Superman that I don’t need it now, and that she doesn’t want me to get dependent on it.”
“I see. Well, there’s nothing else for me to do here. You can take off that exam gown and get dressed now.”
Lois waited for a few seconds, then slid off the exam table and looked at him pointedly. “Bernie? Aren’t you going to give me some privacy?”
Horrified, the researcher backed up and babbled his apologies, then fumbled to the door and stepped outside. He closed the door and breathed a huge sigh of relief and exasperation, then rubbed his face with one hand. Once again he was reminded why he wasn’t in private practice.
When he opened his eyes, Dr. Sarah Potter, research bio-physicist at Star Labs, smiled softly as she gave him a thin brown folder. “Here you go, Bernie. And congratulations.”
He frowned. “Congratulations? What for?”
She tilted her head to the side, just like she had the last time he’d suspected she’d been teasing him. “I’m sorry. I thought you were doing a test for your lady friend.”
“What? Lady friend? Oh, no, no, she’s not my – I mean she is my friend, but she’s not – I mean she is a lady but – oh, drat! She’s someone else’s wife, Sarah! I’m just doing this as a favor to both of them!”
“Uh-huh.” Sarah leaned closer and tugged on his lapel. “In that case, you should step back when you give her the news.”
Before he could figure out how to ask her what she was talking about, Dr. Sarah Potter had turned to walk slowly down the corridor. Her movements made Bernie think of Lauren Bacall walking away from Humphrey Bogart in the movie “To Have And To Hold.”
Was Sarah flirting with him?
Even if she wasn’t, he decided, he’d flirt with her. “Hey!” he called. “You know how to whistle?”
She flowed to a stop and turned halfway around. Her eyes were half-closed and that soft smile still framed her mouth. “Sure I do. You just put your lips together and blow.”
Yep, he thought, that was flirting. Had to be. He hoped it was, anyway.
He decided to go for broke. “Uh – how about I whistle up a cup of coffee for each of us when we get off this afternoon?”
She turned all the way around and put her hand on her hip under her lab coat. “Only if it comes with dinner. We’ll go Dutch treat and I pick the place.”
He knew he was grinning like a fool but he couldn’t help it. “Okay. Meet you at the front gate at six tonight?”
She nodded and eased in her original direction. “It’s a date, Bernie. We’ll take my car, not your bike. And leave the lab coat behind.”
He watched her until she slipped around the corner and vanished from his sight. Wow, he thought, a real date! And with such an attractive and intelligent woman!
He hoped she tolerated motorcycles. And he wondered if she had any pets which weren’t lab subjects.
A tap on his shoulder brought him out of his fog. He turned and saw Lois smirking at him. “Did your lady friend bring that final report you were waiting for?”
“What? Oh, she’s not my – I mean – now don’t start that again!”
Lois’ smirk almost grew to be a smile, but she controlled herself. Instead, she pointed at the folder in Bernie’s hand and asked, “Is that my report?”
“What?” He’d completely forgotten the folder. “Oh, yes, here, let me have a look.”
He flipped open the folder and read the test results. “Oh, my,” he said. “Well, that’s certainly an unexpected development.”
Engrossed as he was in the details of the report, he sort of forgot that Lois was there until she slapped him on the side of the shoulder and knocked him a step to his right. “Lois! Please!”
“Those are my results, Bernie,” she growled. “Either tell me what they say or let me read them myself.”
“Oh, this is the raw data, Lois. I’m not sure you could – ”
“Bernie!” she barked. Then she reached behind her, pushed the door open, and grabbed his tie to pull him back into the examining room. “Tell me what it says!”
“Uh. Okay.” He adjusted his glasses and took a deep breath. “It seems that my conclusion concerning Superman’s compatibility with a human female was incorrect. I suspect that this has something to do with the herbal medicines from – ”
Lois grabbed his lapels and yanked his face down to hers. “Bernie!” she snarled. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“You didn’t – oh, right, you see, that’s why I’m not in private practice. Terrible patient relationships. I only meant to tell you that you’re pregnant.”
Her face paled and her grip on his lab coat loosened. For a moment he thought she’d faint, but then she leaped up and threw her arms around his neck and nearly strangled him.
So that’s why Sarah told me to step back, he thought as his eyes lost focus and his lungs labored in vain.
“Oh!” she cried. “Bernie! Are you sure? I mean, sometimes the test is positive but it’s a false positive and that would just be so cruel and I want to make sure I really am before I tell anyone so maybe you could run the test again just to be sure – ”
“Gaahhkkk!”
“What? Oh, Bernie, I’m so sorry!” She eased up on the pressure but didn’t let go. “Can you run the test again just to be sure? Please?”
“Sarah – ran it three times – already,” he croaked. “We’re as sure – as we can be – without an – an ultrasound!”
Her grip closed in on his windpipe again. “Oh, Bernie, I’m so happy! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!”
He tugged ineffectually on her elbow until she got the message. When she finally released him, he stumbled back a step and took a deep breath. “Lois!” he panted. “Please don’t do that again, now that I have so much to live for!”
Her eyes glowed and her smile threatened to split her face. “Oh, Bernie, this is so wonderful!” She grabbed his lapels and yanked him down into a quick but fierce kiss. “Oh! I have to go tell Clark!”
With that, she snatched her purse and coat and vanished out the door, leaving a barometric low-pressure area in her wake.
Bernie straightened his lab coat, smiled, and shook his head. Clark Kent and Lois Lane were two of the finest people he’d ever known. And this was the news they’d wanted to hear for five years. He was glad he’d been the one to tell them.
Even if he’d kind of fumbled it and almost gotten himself asphyxiated.
Hopefully, future historians documenting Superman’s life would take pity on him and cut him some slack. After all, he wasn’t a married man himself. The emotional inner workings of the female of the species were a greater mystery than the unbalanced ratio of background radiation in the universe versus the amount of dark matter.
Although, if this date with Sarah worked out like he hoped it did, maybe there was a real chance for him to alter that status. His marital status, that is. Grasping the secrets of the universe was, he felt certain, far simpler than understanding women. The universe, while full of surprises, was consistent once one grasped all the variables.
Human females? Not so much. It was scary.
On the other hand, Sarah was a highly skilled scientist, brilliant in her multiple fields, and both of them were unattached. If he could figure out which cards to play, and when to play them, they might just have a mutual romantic relationship in their futures.
After all, no one knew what the future might bring. It might bring something wonderful.
# # #
