"I'm not a NASA experiment, Lois. I'm Kryptonian."
One sentence, two words, a million implications.
Kryptonian? How could he be Kryptonian? Superman was the only Kryptonian on earth. Unless… Perhaps what Clark was telling her was that Superman wasn't the only Kryptonian on Earth. That would explain how Clark always knew how to get a hold of Superman at a moment's notice. He knew more about Superman than anyone. It was possible, wasn't it, that they were even brothers?
Lois studied Clark's face as he began to speak again, forcing herself to accept the truth. Clark wasn't another Kryptonian. He wasn't Superman's brother. Clark was the only Kryptonian on Earth. Clark was Superman.
When she'd removed his glasses over the past few days, she'd noticed how different he'd looked, and she'd briefly wondered why she'd never seen him without them before. But she'd always been too caught up in the moment to give it more than a cursory thought. It seemed so obvious now. He didn't need glasses to see, he needed glasses to keep people from seeing the truth. They were nothing more than a disguise. How could she have been so blind? She'd told Clark earlier that she'd been blind not to see his love for her. There was so much more that she hadn't seen. She really was blind.
"…and I just wanted you to love me," Clark finished.
Love him? She had loved Superman once. And now she loved Clark. Or she'd thought that she did. Now she wasn't so sure. She wasn't so sure about anything. She didn't even really know who he was. Clark? Superman? Some strange combination of the two men? Who was he really?
She wanted to be angry. She deserved to be angry. But she was just so confused. She still loved him, and hearing his plea for her love tugged at her heart, regardless of the anger she felt welling inside.
"What did you think I would do?" she asked, jerking her hands from his as her anger began to catch up with her. "I was supposed to be your best friend. Did you really think you had to hide from me? Did you really think I would sell you out for a story? Do you think so little of me that you believe I would endanger you and your family, not to mention all the good you do as Superman by writing an expose that would sacrifice everything? Why did you have to hide the truth from me? What were you so afraid of?"
"I was afraid of losing you," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. "You deserve to be angry. You deserve to hate me. I lied to you. I promised I would always be honest with you, and I wasn't. But you have to believe me when I tell you that it wasn't because I didn't trust you. I know you, Lois. I know what a good person you are. If I was really afraid that you would go to print with this story, I wouldn't have told you now. This has nothing to do with my not trusting you. You are my best friend. I love you more than anything in this world. And I knew that when I told you this, there was a good chance that I would lose you forever. And that kills me. That's why I didn't tell you."
"Then why tell me now? If you are so scared to lose me, and you're sure this is going to drive me away, why tell me now? You could have had me. I was willing to go to bed with you." Her voice cracked and she cursed herself for letting her emotions show.
"But it would have been a lie," he said. "I don't want just your body, Lois. I want all of you. I never pursued you as Superman because I knew it was a false choice for you. I didn't want to be with you unless you really wanted to be with me. And I realized last night that when you did finally choose me it was still a false choice because you still didn't know all of me. I want you to know and accept and love all of me, not just one part of me – either part of me."
"What if I don't accept both parts? What if you're right and this causes me to walk away?"
She watched as his eyes closed and his jaw tensed. When his eyes opened again she could see the anguish in them as he said, "Then I let you walk away.”
Lois' heart clenched at his words. Would he really walk away that easily?
Clark took a deep breath and continued. “I'll fight for you. I'll tell you that you are the most important thing in my life and that I will do anything to make this up to you. I'll tell you that I've loved you from the moment I met you and that every day I love you more than the last. I'll tell you that my life is meaningless without you and that you are the only thing that keeps me going when things get rough. I'll beg you to stay with me and plead with you to love me. But if you still want to walk away, there's nothing I can do because it's your choice."
Lois' lip trembled as she listened to his impassioned speech. "Why me? You could have any woman in the world? How can I possibly mean so much to you?"
"Lois, you mean everything to me. I don't want anyone else. You are the only one I want. The only one I've ever wanted. The only one I will ever want. I love you."
Lois felt the last of her defenses begin to crumble. The tears pooled in her eyes, defying her attempts to blink them back. As they began to fall she heard Clark whisper her name, and saw him reach for her before stopping suddenly as if he expected her to rebuke him.
“Clark,” she whispered, sobbing softly as he reached for her again, pulling her to him and cradling her against his chest.
"I'm so sorry," she heard him say as he began to stroke her hair. "I'm *so* sorry. I never wanted to make you cry. I hate myself for putting you through this. If only there was something I could do to make this easier for you, I'd do it – whatever it was."
She snuggled closer to him, sliding her arms around his neck. "I just want you to hold me. I'm so confused. I want to hate you. I want to be angry. But I still love you."
She felt as much as heard him let out a gasp. His arms tightened around her waist. "I'll hold you as long as you want me to," he whispered, his voice cracking.
“I'm sorry,” she whispered finally, as her tears slowed.
“You're sorry?” Clark pulled away slightly, clearly baffled.
“I've been a horrible friend to you. I made you miserable. You loved me and I chased Superman. I couldn't see what you were trying to tell me. And all those times that you were upset because of things you handled as Superman. I was totally unsympathetic. I never cut you any slack. You know, I always wondered if he – you,” Lois fumbled, trying to keep the pronouns straight. “I always wondered if Superman had somewhere to go. I worried that he would burn out. That he needed someone to take care of him. I should have known. I should have seen. I should have been there for you.”
“Lois, no. You have no idea. You are the only thing that has kept me going. So many times I would have given up if it wasn't for you. You recharge me. Every time I felt like I couldn't do it anymore, you would encourage me.”
Lois looked at him skeptically.
“I mean it. You'd say things about Superman to Clark. Or I'd be out on a rescue and you'd be there. Or someone in the newsroom would attack Superman and you'd turn into a pit bull. I never could have made it without you.”
Lois smiled at the image of her as Superman's pit bull.
“That's why I was so scared.”
Lois looked up at him, confusion etched across her face.
“You have no idea how much I need you, how much I depend on you. The thought of losing you is terrifying.”
“You're not going to lose me, Clark.”
His eyes closed briefly and Lois watched and he struggled to stay composed. “I want to believe that so bad that it hurts. But I also know that this is complicated and that there is a lot that you have to think about and take in. I'm scared that once you think this through, you aren't going to want to be with me.”
"Can we just take this slow?" she asked softly.
"We can take it as slow as you want. If you're not ready for a relationship with me, I'll wait for you. I'll wait as long as you need."
"I love you, Clark. I'm just not sure I know what that means yet. I just need some time to get used to this. To get used to us."
"I'll give you all the time you need," he replied. "I love you."
*******
Lois wadded up the remains of her sandwich in its wrapper and tossed it into the garbage can by her desk. Her gaze traveled automatically to her partner's empty work station. It had been a busy morning in Metropolis, and since she and Clark had been out of town all week and had no joint stories in the works, Perry had split them up to cover more ground. So Clark was off interviewing witnesses to a double homicide downtown, while she was stuck in the office making phone calls about a special recall election that was being proposed.
After last night's stunning revelation, she wished things at work were slower so that she could spend some more time with Clark. Clearly they couldn't talk about their relationship or his secret at work. Their secret, she thought with a smile. Although originally she'd definitely been upset with him for keeping her in the dark for so long, now that she knew, she really liked being on the inside. It made her feel closer to him, like she really knew him now. Ever since she found out, scenes from the past year of their life together had come back to her, suddenly taking on a whole new meaning. She wished she and Clark were somewhere eating lunch together and talking about all of her knew realizations.
Or, even if they had work to do, working lunches were much more fun when her partner was involved, Lois thought. She loved the way they would banter as they ate. She just loved being with him period. She hadn't felt this giddy in years. In fact, she wasn't sure she'd ever felt quite this giddy.
Lois rolled her eyes at her line of thought and reached for her can of Diet Coke. Empty again. She really needed to cut back on those, she thought, already rising from her chair to make a vending machine run. As she approached the machine, the two other reporters, who had been talking, fell silent.
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously, but she forced the wary look from her face and said hello to the women. Their replies sounded uncomfortable, but Lois tried to ignore it. The women headed in the direction of their desks, around the corner from Lois', and Lois inserted her coins and pressed the button for Diet Coke.
As she retrieved the can from the slot and opened it, taking a quick gulp, her curiosity began to eat at her. What could they have been talking about that would have forced them to quit talking when she approached? It must have something to do with her, otherwise they would have just moved aside and continued their conversation. Clearly she wouldn't care about their inane gossip.
On the way back to her desk, her curiosity got the best of her and she placed the can on her desk and decided she needed to replenish her supply of reporter's notebooks. The fact that the supply closet lay close to the women's desks was purely a coincidence.
She made the trip in a matter of seconds, slipping into the closet while the women were engrossed in conversation. She quickly positioned herself so that she could listen in on their conversation without being detected.
“Well, that's what I told Kim,” one was saying. “You'd have to be blind not to see that Clark's had a thing for her since he started – not that I can say I really understand that. I mean, she's pretty, I suppose, but he's so laid back, and she's so....”
“Intense?” the other finished.
Lois rolled her eyes at their description of her. Was being intense supposed to be a bad thing?
“Yeah, intense. Anyway, regardless of that, I've never heard any indication that they were together. So I told her that she was probably just reading them wrong. I'm mean, they're kinda weird – touchy feely and whatnot.”
Touchy feely? She and Clark were not touchy feely, Lois thought. Sure they touched sometimes while they were working, but it's not like they were teenagers making out in front of their lockers at school.
“Right.”
“But Kim was like, "Touchy feely? Yeah, that's one way of putting it.' Apparently they were ALL over each other on the dance floor one night. She was even sitting in his lap. And then he got into a fight in a bar over her.”
“You're kidding me!”
“Nope.”
Lois felt herself blush. Fantastic. She remembered Kim now. She was the copy editor from the San Diego Union Tribune. That made sense since the woman relating this story had moved to the Planet from San Diego recently. Stifling a groan, she wondered how many of her other colleagues had friends at other papers who would be sending them emails shortly.
“Well, you know, maybe it was just one of those vacation things. You know how it is at those conferences. Everyone spends half the time drunk and trying to find someone to hook up with.”
“True. Man, if that's the case I bet it's going to be a bit awkward working together now.”
“Yeah, no kidding. Oh! Or, maybe they've been doing this for awhile. You know, friends with benefits. Maybe no one's ever caught on because they don't flaunt it at work, but there's no reason really to hide it away from the office.”
“Ooh, that makes sense. Mmm,” the woman purred. “Can't say I blame her. I sure wouldn't turn down any benefits he wanted to offer to me.”
Lois gritted her teeth and reminded herself that Clark would not be offering any “benefits” to either of these women. As the woman began laughing and detailing some of the benefits they'd like to receive, Lois dropped her head against the wall and tried not to listen. She shouldn't care, she told herself, trying to ignore the knot in her stomach. It was just gossip. Everyone gossips. And everyone is the subject of gossip at some point.
Somehow that did not make her feel any better.
Lois took a deep breath and grabbed a handful of notebooks. She strode purposefully out of the supply closet, smiling slightly at the horrified looks on the faces of her colleagues when they recognized her.
“Notebooks,” she said, holding up the stack. “Don't want to run out of those.”
The stuttering, stammering replies, as the pair of women avoided her eye contact made Lois feel slightly better. But just slightly.
*****
Lois shifted uncomfortably on the sofa, wishing they'd decided to work at Clark's instead of her place. It wasn't just that his furniture was more comfortable than hers, although that was definitely a perk, but somehow his apartment just felt homier. It was cozy.
After a somewhat strained day at work, they'd spent the first half of the evening rehashing much of the stuff they'd talked about last night. Although Lois was still a little bit upset about the fact that he'd lied to her about being Superman, mostly she understood now why he had done it, and she was just glad he had told her when he did rather than waiting any longer.
She'd told him last night that she needed to take things slowly, but she'd realized today that all she needed was a little time to come to grips with her new knowledge. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted to be with Clark.
Clark had started out the evening giving her plenty of space, but once she'd made it clear that he wasn't forbidden to touch her, they'd fallen back into their more normal habits. Now they were seated on her couch trying to catch up on some research, but Lois' mind refused to stay on work.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, Lois dropped the papers onto the floor, turned sideways and leaned against the arm of the sofa, bringing her legs up to settle in Clark's lap. She smiled as he automatically began rubbing them gently as he continued to read.
“You okay?” he asked, looking up from his papers.
“Yeah, I'm fine, just sick of reading. I need a little break.” Lois settled deeper into her seat resting her head against the arm of the sofa in position that was semi-comfortable, and closing her eyes. The soft jazz Clark had selected earlier filled the silence, lulling her.
“Do you want me to stop too? Do you want to talk or something?”
The corners of Lois' mouth crept up into an impish grin as she thought about what the “or something” could be.
“That's not what I meant,” Clark said, mock exasperated. “Though...now that you mention it....”
Lois opened her eyes to see Clark bending toward her. “I didn't mention anything. All I did was smile,” she said impishly.
“That was plenty. I knew exactly what you were thinking,” Clark whispered just before his lips met hers.
Lois stroked Clark's hair as she savored their kiss. Sometimes just a single kiss was enough to ignite their passion, but this kiss was softer and sweeter. Clark started to pull back, but acquiesced when Lois tugged him back for another moment.
“I love you,” she whispered when she released finally.
“I love you too,” he said, stroking her cheek.
She turned her head slightly and pressed a kiss into his palm, then let her head fall back and her eyes close again. His hand moved back to her leg and she felt him settle in to read some more.
After a minute or so of relaxing under Clark's soft touch, she opened her eyes to watch him. He had taken off his glasses at some point, she realized suddenly. He was still wearing his work clothes, but he'd shed his jacket and loosened his tie, unbuttoning the top button of his shirt. He looked like a mix of Clark and Superman, and she realized that this was her Clark that she was seeing. The real Clark. Not the Clark Kent who most of his friends and colleagues knew – the Clark who had to hide his abilities, his heritage and his second job. And not Superman – the unselfish, perfect superhero who flew in when he was needed and then quietly disappeared until he was called for again. The real Clark; the Clark known only to his parents. And now to her.
His brow was furrowed with concentration as he focused all his energy on reading the document in his hand. As he turned the page and continued reading, a question began to form in her mind.
“Clark?”
“Hmm?” he replied, not looking up.
“Clark?”
“What, honey?” He looked up this time and Lois felt her stomach flutter. She still hadn't quite gotten used to his casual use of endearments. She smiled at him momentarily, then remembered why she had distracted him to begin with.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Read like that.”
“Read like what? What are you talking about?”
Lois fumbled for the words to explain her question. “Why do you read at a normal speed like that even when we're alone? You can read a lot faster. I know you can. I've seen you read stacks of papers in under a second. But right now you're not reading any faster than I do.”
Clark pondered the question. “I don't know, really. I'm just not in a hurry. If it was an emergency and I had to have all of this read immediately, I could. But it's not, and I don't. So I might as well take my time. Sometimes the real pleasure in something isn't in the completion, but in the process. That's how I feel about reading. Sure there are times I speed things along a little, but I'm just as likely to slow down and really savor a good book.”
Lois smiled, satisfied yet intrigued by his answer. “What qualifies as an emergency?”
“What?”
“You said you would hurry if it was an emergency. Obviously it's an emergency when a bomb is ticking and you are looking for the answer to disarm it. But what else qualifies? How about a final exam? Did you put of studying until the last minute and then speed read the whole book?”
Clark smiled at her teasing tone. “Is that wishful thinking, Ms. Lane?”
Lois laughed. “Well, I have to admit I would have liked to have that option for some of my science text books.”
“Yeah, I did use it on text books a couple of times. I rarely used it in my other classes though – like history or English Lit. classes.”
“Rarely?”
Clark blushed.
“Okay, spill. What great work of literature did you speed read?” When he didn't respond immediately, she laughed and pressed him again. “Come on, Clark. You can't deny it now.”
Clark rolled his eyes and conceded. “Moby Dick.”
“Why Moby Dick? It's not even that long.”
“Have you read it? It's awful! I really don't see the appeal.”
“It's symbolic. It's-”
“Boring? Tedious?” Clark finished for her. “The story itself wasn't so bad, but ugh, thirteen pages on fishing spears? Five pages on sail dimensions? Ten pages on navigational techniques? Good grief.”
Lois laughed at Clark's impassioned rant. “And here I would have thought that was right up your alley, King of Useless Trivia.”
“That's King of Useless but Interesting Trivia,” he corrected with a smile. “And it looks like you don't know me as well as you thought you did,” he teased.
“Yes, I'm beginning to see that.”
Clark leaned toward her and Lois tensed in anticipation of his kiss, reaching for him automatically. Suddenly Clark went still, pausing halfway.
“What is it, Clark?”
“Oh, not now. Darn it,” Clark muttered.
“Someone needs you,” Lois said quietly. Even though she knew now that he was Superman, seeing him listen to the call for help made that more real somehow.
“I'm sorry, sweetheart. I have to go. It's a break in at a lab downtown. It could be important.”
Lois lifted her legs from his lap and sat up again.
Clark stood, then bent down swiftly and kissed her hard and fast. When he pulled away, his gaze was intense. “You have no idea how good this feels – to tell you the truth - not to have to make up some stupid excuse about videos or meetings.”
Lois smiled, touched by his words. “Go, Clark. They need you.”
Clark took a step in the direction of the door, then stopped and glanced at the window. Lois' lips formed a question that remained unasked as Clark began to spin suddenly, becoming a blur of red and blue. When he stopped, he was Superman. Lois' jaw dropped and she wasn't sure which was more stunning – seeing Clark in the suit and knowing that it was him under the spandex, or witnessing the incredible way he'd changed into the suit.
“Wow.” It was the only word she could formulate, yet somehow that seemed sufficient.
Clark smiled and leaned down for one more quick kiss. “I'll be back as soon as I can.”
And then he was gone, out the window in a streak of red and blue, a familiar boom echoing a moment later.
Lois settled back onto the couch to read. After awhile she began to get antsy and decided to watch television, but she couldn't find anything interesting. She unearthed the romance novel she'd been reading before they'd left for Washington, but after a few pages she realized that wasn't going to hold her attention either.
Three hours later, Clark still wasn't back, and Lois had all but given up hope that he'd return that night. When she'd seen the local news at eleven o'clock report that a suspect had been apprehended breaking into Star Labs and was being questioned by police, Lois had worried that he'd just used the break in as a convenient reason to leave. But she'd quickly dismissed that thought. When Clark could come back, he would. Lois could only assume that he was either working with the police still or he had been called from there to another emergency.
In either case, she needed to go to bed, she conceded grudgingly. She got ready for bed quickly and slid under the covers, wishing Clark was with her. She closed her eyes and imagined Clark's arms encircling her, his voice soft as he murmured good night.
She whispered his name, then jolted when she heard a soft tapping at her bedroom window. A slow smile crept across her face as she climbed out of bed and pulled back the curtains to reveal her boyfriend, clad in spandex and floating three stories in the air. Wow, she thought again.
She started to open the window, then realized he couldn't get in through the small window and nodded to the living room. He nodded, and by the time she reached the living room, he was already standing inside the window.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up.”
“It's okay. I wasn't asleep yet.”
“I just wanted to apologize. I caught the guy pretty quickly, but then I had to talk to a bunch of different officers and help them make sure nothing was missing at the lab. Then, just as I finally thought I was free to go, the police chief decided that since we were both there already, now would be a good time to talk to me about the new Neighborhood Watch awareness campaign that I'm helping him with. I thought I was never going to get out of there.”
“It's okay, really. I knew you'd come when you could.”
Clark sighed. “Yeah, I just wish that could have been sooner.”
“I know. Me too.”
“All right, I should let you get back to sleep. I just wanted to say good night.” He tugged her into his embrace and hugged her for a minute before pulling back enough to give her a kiss.
When the kiss ended, Lois rested her head on his chest, savoring the feeling of being in his arms again, his hand stroking her hair. She wrapped one arm around his waist and ran her other hand over his spandex-clad chest, stopping to trace the S.
“You have no idea how many times I wanted to fly in your window at night and hold you like this.” Clark's soft voice cut through her musings. She smiled as she assimilated his voice with the feel of spandex beneath her cheek.
“Why didn't you?” she asked softly, hands still exploring slowly.
“It wouldn't have been right. I didn't want....”
“You didn't want to come to me as Superman.”
“Yes.”
She pulled away and stretched up to kiss his cheek before settling her head back on his chest.
“Clark...” she started. She couldn't bear the thought of him leaving tonight. She wanted desperately for him to follow her into the bedroom and climb in bed with her, holding her until she fell asleep.
“Hmm?”
“Nothing,” she said with a sigh. Back to their separate beds once again.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it's nothing. I'm glad you came to say goodnight.”
He pulled back and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I should have let you sleep, but I couldn't stay away.”
“Good,” she said softly.
He pulled away finally and moved to the ledge. “Good night, Lois.”
“Good night, Clark,” she replied, and in the blink of an eye, he was gone.
Lois padded back to bed, her emotions warring. She was glad he had come, happy that she could see him one last time before bed. But it killed her to climb into her empty bed only moments after having been in his arms.
*****
