Clark was on a natural high after helping at the fire. The firemen he had helped were initially skeptical of him. But their concerns had quickly turned to gratitude when he had cooled off the fire and flown the hose up to the twelfth story window. He had even rescued a child’s puppy that had been left behind.
The exhilarating feeling of having helped made him wonder why he hadn’t gone public before. People were looking at him now like he was a hero, and not a freak that they couldn’t understand. He knew, though, that once the novelty of him wore off, there would eventually be questions. These were skeptical times, and the last thing he wanted were the news hounds suspecting there was some sort of alien invasion coming or that he was here for a nefarious purpose.
Whatever Lois had written in her article, he knew she had to have written it mostly on speculation. Ever a professional, she would have merely written down what had happened – and he could only hope that what she had seen and what others around her had told him had been presented in a positive light.
That still left unanswered questions that he knew he couldn’t hide from forever. He wasn’t sure how he would answer all of them, but he knew he could trust Lois to put together a credible exposé about him. Which would mean facing her in the Suit. She might see through him right away – and she might not.
Honestly, he wasn’t sure which he preferred. Part of him wanted to get it over with and just tell her. But the vulnerable part of him, the part that was uncertain as to whether she really loved him, was content to just let her continue to think Clark was an ordinary guy.
Regardless, the professional in him knew that it was best to put his story out there. And he felt too close to it to trust himself to write it as Clark Kent. What if someone read between the lines and somehow figured out that Clark Kent was Metropolis’ new hero? His life would be ruined. No, it was better to get it in a different writer’s voice, and so, he had to face Lois as… Superman.
Clark flew back to the Planet, surprised to find she was still there. Perry had left, and Clark wondered what Lois had said to convince the editor to leave her alone in the newsroom so late at night. She looked despondent, and before he flew in, he saw she was typing from a stack of notes on Luthor. Was she already working on a story to expose the criminal billionaire?
Clark gently blew open the large picture windows that led into the newsroom. A soft breeze rustled Lois’ papers and she looked up with a small gasp. He could see both admiration and curiosity in her eyes. But he didn’t see fear, of which he was glad, and he didn’t see recognition, which tore at his heart.
“S-superman?” she asked breathlessly, standing to come towards him.
He nodded. “If that’s what you want to call me,” Clark said, finding he was speaking to her in a lowered pitch, different from his own normally soft toned voice.
“Do you have a name? I didn’t know what else to call you,” she said with awe.
He floated down to stand by her. His arms were crossed over his chest, slightly defensive, thinking that at any second she’d call him out and see he was Clark – the man who had lied to her.
“I –I am not sure,” he answered hesitantly. He couldn’t give her Clark’s name, and he had not thought of another for his super persona. “Superman is fine.”
They were almost toe to toe now. He looked into her eyes, hoping to see the recognition click, but it never did. Did she know him so little, then?
“Why are you here?” she asked simply.
“To help. I have abilities –“ He tore eye contact away from her and began pacing as he prepared to share what he wanted her to print about him.
“No,” she interrupted. “Why are you here, at the Daily Planet?” She smiled at him shyly, a smile that Clark didn’t get to see often, and it mesmerized him.
“I –I came for an interview – you are a reporter, aren’t you?” he asked innocently.
“Yes, I am,” she said, and her assertion warmed him.
“And, are you a good reporter?” he couldn’t help goading.
“As a matter of fact, I’m the best,” she said with a charming smile. Lois was coming back to herself, embracing what she had always done best.
Clark grinned ear to ear.
She peered curiously at him then, and he stopped cold, certain she had figured it out, had seen something in his smile that she recognized. But then she laughed to herself, in a semi-scoffing manner. Lois picked up her pen and pad, and turned to him, all business.
“So, Superman, what would you like to tell the people of Metropolis?”
*~*~*~*
In the end, the interview only lasted about ten minutes. Clark didn’t have that much to tell except to explain how he wanted to help and about his abilities. It almost felt good to just tell her that he could see through walls, had super breath, about his heat vision, and even his invulnerability, even though she didn’t recognize him as Clark. She had seemed admiring and interested – just how he had always hoped she would look at what he could do. He hedged about where he had come from though, saying that he was from another planet, but that he didn’t know anything about it, which was true. It was only his suspicion after all. She asked him if he suffered from memory loss from the journey, and he had nodded in agreement, just because it was plausible.
She was professional and wonderful. Kind, insightful – but not insightful enough to see he was Clark. By the end of the interview, he almost wanted to just spin out of the Suit and show her, feeling so frustrated by her intelligent questions and her blindness as to who he really was.
In some small way, he had felt she had failed him, just a little. But like a teacher who wants his student to find the right answer, he decided to try one more thing, give her one more chance to see the truth.
“Would you like a ride home?” he asked, as she began to gather her things.
“I can get a cab—“ she said, but stopped, when she realized what he was asking. “Wait, do you mean a *ride*?” she asked, moving her hand in a sort of swooping motion to indicate flying.
He nodded with a small smile.
“Um… well, Clark is probably worried…” she said, hesitantly. But then her face seemed to harden slightly, possibly remembering how he had left her behind earlier, and Clark felt immensely guilty. She suddenly nodded, “Sure. Why not? It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity!”
Clark smiled wanly, wishing he had the courage to just tell her everything. But it was so easy to hide behind this new persona he had created, no matter how much he wanted her to see him for who he really was.
“I’m just going to lift you in my arms,” he explained as he slipped his arms under her knees and around her shoulders. “Hold on, I’ve got you.”
*~*~*~*
Superman.
Whether or not that was his real name, he was most certainly super.
Lois had been surprised to see him come to her at the Planet. She had convinced Perry that she needed to work on a story—the one that she hoped would put Luthor away for good. Part of her had wanted Clark to worry about her. She had wanted him to come looking for her, had wanted him to realize that he should stop running from her.
And then, Superman had shown up and she had forgotten to worry about Clark or Lex.
Superman was fascinating. He seemed shy, yet confident at the same time. He shared with her his abilities, yet he seemed uncertain of his past. He was even unsure of his future, uncertain how the people of Metropolis would ultimately receive him.
And now, she was flying in his arms. He took her out the window and straight up by the spinning globe on top of the Planet building. From there, he slowly swept her around the city. She felt safe in his arms and beyond excited by flying through the air on this cool beautiful night. The lights of the city shimmered like jewels below them. She wanted to reach out and touch them, unattainable stars that twinkled across the city.
They didn’t talk on the flight, except when he pointed out places of interest, or views that were new. She got the sense that he had wanted to share this with someone for a long time – only secretly did she wish that that someone could be her.
When she directed him at last to Clinton Street, she remembered the one question that she had been dying to ask him since she had seen him lift that space shuttle into the sky. She hadn’t asked him in the interview, because she was afraid she’d scare him off. But now, after that thrilling flight, surely he would trust her to tell her the truth.
“One more question, off the record,” she said as they descended slowly onto Clark’s balcony.
“Sure. If I know the answer, I’ll tell you.”
She took a breath, looking deep into his eyes, haunted vaguely by their familiarity. “Were you the one who saved my sister? And then me a few days ago?” she asked quietly.
He seemed to hesitate a moment and then answered clearly, “Yes.”
She looked up at him in gratified surprise. “I knew it was you… why—were you—hidden before?” she asked carefully.
He sighed, seeming to weigh his words. “I wasn’t sure if I could help – openly until now.”
She thought there was more he wanted to say, but he didn’t go on. He simply looked at her with a slightly helpless expression that almost reminded her of Clark. She suddenly wanted to show him some sign of her gratitude for what he had done, and for taking her flying tonight.
Lois stepped up next to him and reached to kiss him chastely on his cheek. “Thank you,” she said simply.
His eyes seemed to melt into hers and she saw a tic in his jaw as if he was holding back some strong emotion.
It unsettled her a bit, so she stepped back, cleared her throat and gestured to the door behind her. “My—husband should be home. I must go in,” she said, feeling her cheeks flame. She was confused by her emotions Superman had stirred in her – they were so close to the emotions she felt for Clark. And besides, she didn’t want to appear wanton to Superman, who seemed so pure and good, and she had already crossed that line somewhat by enjoying flying with him so much.
“Good night, then,” he said.
He looked like he was about to take off, and Lois realized she had no way of contacting him, no way of knowing if she would ever see him again.
“Wait! Will I ever see you again? How will I find you?”
He lifted slightly off the ground, and turned to her with a smile, “I’ll be around.”
*~*~*~*
Lois was a little dazed when she entered the apartment. She was almost glad that Clark wasn’t home yet, as she didn’t want to have to explain the dreaminess she had felt with Superman. She cared deeply for Clark, but Superman was just another level of *wow*. He was an unattainable dream that the girl inside her couldn’t help but fantasize about. Besides, she still didn’t understand why Clark was lying to her, and now, he had disappeared on her when she needed him. At least Superman seemed ready to be there for her.
Lois changed into a pair of Clark’s sleep shorts and a Kansas University t-shirt. The whole place reminded her of Clark, and she couldn’t tell if it comforted her or made her sadder. She couldn’t help but feel she was losing him, and it made it that much easier to reach out for this sudden new hero in her life, Superman.
She crawled into bed, emotions creating constriction in her throat. She fell into a restless sleep almost immediately as tears slipped quietly down her cheeks.
…The sound of wind, like a helicopter…
A shadow pursued her under harsh halogen lights…
She was hurt and afraid.
Suddenly, the hurt was gone, chased away, though she didn’t know how.
Arms comforted her, lifted her from the ground.
His voice was warm on her ear.
She felt weightless, a gentle breeze in her hair, yet held in strong, comforting arms. The distant sounds of birds and surf… below her? Her feet dangling over an endless expanse of sky… the sun warm on her cheek…
Lois woke abruptly, her dream so real that her mind had almost kicked her awake to look at it. She shivered in the cool night, but got out of bed anyway. What was that dream? It had felt like she was… flying? And so real—Was she just putting together her flight with Superman and Clark rescuing her from the Congo—
Suddenly, the truth hit Lois like a ton of bricks. She had to be sure, had to write it all down, see it in print, like she always did when pursuing a story.
Her briefcase was by the sofa, where she noticed Clark was now sleeping. He looked so sweet asleep, a thick lock of hair flopped carelessly over his eyes…
But she had to know, had to be sure… She grabbed her briefcase and walked back to the bedroom. Flipping on the light, she drew out her yellow pad and pen and began writing.
How did he get me back from the Congo? No idea how long it took… but it seemed shorter than a *normal* (!!) flight would have been…
The smooshed bullet I found… What if it *had* been someone invulnerable and super fast who stopped it *and* grabbed it??
Her pen suddenly slipped from her fingers, and she got up to walk back over to Clark. She kneeled down next to him, looking at him carefully, wondering if it were true—wondering if she only *wanted* it to be true.
“You’re insane, Lane,” she whispered to herself. <<He would have told me tonight who he really was if it were so…>>
Clark’s eyes suddenly opened and she realized he hadn’t really been asleep.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“Clark… tell me something…” she began, wary. If he was who she thought he was, then she was about to open a can of worms. If he was Superman, than he *knew* she had shot him in the Congo. He *knew*-- and yet he had said he loved her.
That took her aback a moment. She realized that with that declaration of love, Clark had forgiven her even before she had begun to forgive herself.
Tears constricted her throat, as she was torn up over the grace he had given her, and the grace she had refused him, confused by his actions.
Clark sat up and turned on the side lamp. “Lois, what is it?” he asked gently.
She trembled and he reached to take her in his arms. “You *knew*,” she whispered quietly against his chest. “How could you forgive me… when you knew…” she said and began to weep.
“Talk to me, Lois. Please. Why are you so upset?”
She pulled away from him suddenly, and got up and walked over to his leather jacket. She dug in the pocket and wasn’t surprised to find the bullet still there. She held it in her hand a moment, weighing it and contemplating what this would mean. It would mean admitting everything to him and forcing him to admit the truth to her. It would mean admitting that she wasn’t worthy of his love or his trust, as she had so quickly doubted the truest man she had ever known. It would mean the end of secrets, and the beginning of life without him.
She sighed heavily, and then walked over to him, each step feeling like lead.
“How – did you get this bullet?” she asked quietly, dropping the condemning object into his palm. “Just tell me the truth this time Clark. Because I think I already know.”
*~*~*~*
Clark looked at her face in the dim lamp light. She was in agony, he could see. There was so much self-condemnation in her eyes. The very same that he had wanted to avoid putting there since the moment he had taken her with him on that helicopter. But it had come to pass anyway, inevitably.
He realized it was much more than the Boss they had to face. It was this. This was what was separating them, even more so than Superman was. Because this represented an ultimate betrayal, even before anything real had begun between them.
He knew that the truth would have to come out. But his love would have to be stronger. *Their* love would have to be stronger.
Gently, he took her hand and opened her palm face up. He lovingly placed a kiss on it and then looked in her eyes as he placed the bullet back in her palm and slowly closed her fingers around it. He held her fist loosely in both of his hands, and met her eyes, which were wet with tears.
“You are right. I know what really happened that night. I know that you shot me,” he said, feeling her fist jerk from his. But he held on, gently, reassuringly. “But I know it wasn’t *you*. The night we made love, I learned so much about you. That you were scared and hurt and were running from something you couldn’t control. This is your past,” he said solemnly, indicating the fist-covered bullet. “I want to be your future.” Clark brought her fist to his chest, placing his palm over her hand. “This bullet couldn’t wound me, but you can, Lois, if you reject me. I love you and I accept you – all of you. And now,” he sighed bracingly, “I need you to accept all of me.”
“I don’t understand,” she said weakly, through her tears. “How can you forgive me – forgive my c-cowardice? I never wanted to hurt you, but I was too damned scared to try and fight—“ Sobs wracked her body again and Clark gathered her in his arms.
“Lois, listen to me. Since you’ve been back, you’ve shown more courage than you know. Going to the Planet, talking to Perry. Talking to your sister… Even going to dinner with Lex took courage, Lois.”
“But you see… it’s *you*, Clark. You gave me the courage to do all of those things. Even before I knew it was you, when you were just that force of goodness out there. Without you I was – lost. Terrified…”
He froze a moment, just catching what she had said. “Wait… then you already know?” he asked in surprise.
She nodded. “I only just figured it out—“
“That I’m –“
“The blur… or Superman. Yeah,” she smiled. “I was so stupid not to realize it the moment you came into the newsroom tonight. It took me a few hours… but I got there.”
“I’ve wanted to tell you, Lois. But—“
“Hush,” she said, touching his lips with her fingers. “You don’t need to apologize to me, Clark. I have been the fool. And I do love you, Clark. More than I’ve let myself admit because I’ve been so scared – of my past, and of myself. I still think you are way more than I deserve… but I do accept you—all of you.”
“See. You do have courage,” he said with a smile. “If you can accept me—“
“Who? A superhero that flies and rescued a space shuttle?” she finished for him, finally smiling through her tears.
He nodded, “Yeah… I’m sorry for lying, Lois.”
She lifted his face to meet hers. “Oh, Clark! You don’t need to apologize. I’m sorry, Clark. So sorry, for everything… I wanted to see a hero, and I forgot to look at the one I already had.”
He smiled, “Tonight I had hoped that you would just recognize me – but at least we know the disguise works,” he said wryly.
“I was just blind, Clark. Unable to see what was in front of me because I was too tied up in my own fears and drama. I’m sorry...”
Clark cupped her cheek and gently lifted her face to look at him. “We’ve both made mistakes.” He hushed her when she tried to protest. “It doesn’t matter what they were, just that we forgive each other. And move on...”
“Then, I guess this means you still want me around?” she said lightly, though her voice shook a little.
“Absolutely.”
She leaned in and Clark closed the distance to meet her lips. She fell into his lap, and they couldn’t seem to get close enough. Clark suddenly tasted the saltiness of her tears and stopped, but she shook her head, cupping his face. “They’re tears of happiness, Clark. For once, they’re tears of joy.”
