"I'm crazy to be even considering this," Lois burst out as the four of them readied the things they would need to be brought to the other world.
Zara stood silently watching her, guilt eating away at her soul for the harm she brought to this woman. She had remained in this world in order to transport their belongings as well as to begin to develop relationships with the four who were giving up so much to come help her world.
Lane, Kent and Clark ceased their packing activities, activities which the two men could have had done in seconds but had chosen to do at normal speed in order to prepare emotionally for the coming ordeal.
"I'm out of my mind," Lois asserted, stopping and staring at the group. "What the hell am I even thinking? How can I even think for a moment that I can go back there?"
"You don't have to go," said Kent, accompanied by an encouraging nod from Lane. Clark winced at their mishandling of the situation and awaited the fury.
"Of *course* I have to go," she yelled at him. Then she stopped and inhaled deeply. "Look, I'm sorry... I'm not the best company right now."
"Oh, he's used to this from me," said Lane only to get a glare from Lois.
"We are not the same person. Stop acting like we are. "
Lane paled at being at the receiving end of a Mad-Dog Lane salvo and she looked down at the ground feeling ashamed of her trivialization of the other woman's feelings.
"Stop making me feel like it's that easy," she snapped at them. "How could I let you all face this hell without me, when you wouldn't even know about this world if not for me."
"Because we are Kryptonian," said Kent bravely, "And you aren't. Both of you are in grave danger in that other world and should strongly consider staying behind."
"We are hardly useless," snapped Lois angrily.
Zara watched the interplay in fascination. Lois was completely unafraid at yelling at the two Kal-Els. Zara was astounded by this because even she was afraid to make them angry despite the fact that their body language was entirely open and benign. She expected the undamaged Lois to be unafraid, but to see the one who had suffered so much degradation and abuse from their doppelganger's clone be so fearless in her interactions was a testament to the decency of these two Kryptonians.
"Nobody said that," said Clark quietly. "He's worried about the danger and so are you. It's hard for Clark and I to be who we are and not think that you should stay out of harms way. That doesn't mean we are right... it just means we are afraid."
Clark's gentle words diffused some of Lois's anger and she began to feel ashamed at her outburst.
"Yeah. I know. I'm a little out of control right now, guys, and I'm sorry," she said, approaching them to give both Lane and Kent hugs. Another action which caused Zara inward surprise. She wondered how long it had taken before Lois would come within ten feet of Kal-El.
"This could get bad," said Lois softly. "There are no guarantees. If we get captured -" she trailed off as she looked at Lane. "You know what will happen."
"I know," said Lane, nodding her understanding. "I do understand that."
"Oh, but you don't," she groaned out her frustration and fear. "You can't. No offense, Lois, but how could you possibly know or understand without living it? What if the resistance sell us out? What if Ching sells one of us out again to keep you safe," Lois rounded on Zara angrily. "He did it to me... what's to stop him from doing it again? What if he does it to her?"
Both Clarks had the same expression of determination fear and anger and if it wasn't so serious, Lois might find it funny.
"I'll die before I let any harm come to you," Clark said to Lois, "Or her," he looked at Lane. "I suspect you feel the same," he said to Kent.
Kent looked at him with his own steely determination and gave a short nod. He had come up against Kryptonians before and his fear of the situation was rising exponentially. If only the women would stay behind.
"What if the resistance neutralizes you first? This whole thing could be a trap."
"I swear to you," said Zara, breaking her long silence. "I will die before I let any of you fall into that kind of danger."
"And we have your word on it," Lois said sarcastically.
Zara looked away from the woman who's suffering she felt directly responsible for. How many times had she seen Lois suffering and done nothing?
"I realize that counts for nothing," she admitted softly. "I hate Kal-El's clone as much as anyone," she added. "I will see him dead."
The words left a chill in both men's hearts.
"You do know we won't kill anyone... right?"
Kent shot a sharp look at his doppelganger as he remembered how close he had come to killing Lord Nor.
"Clark, that kind of line in the sand is going to be hard to draw. If it comes down to killing him or letting him kill..."
"I am not a killer. Last I checked, neither were you. Or did that change?"
Kent paled at Clark's words.
"I know you're angry, but stop taking it out on me," he snapped back.
Zara began to feel queasy with fear at their obvious anger, and she shot a quick look at both Loises. Neither woman seemed even remotely upset about the altercation at hand. Not even the damaged one.
"Clark didn't kill anyone," Lane told Clark, a sharp tone to her voice letting him know she didn't appreciate him hurting her husband. "In fact he almost died as the result of his convictions."
"I came close," admitted Kent. "In that last battle. If the kryptonite hadn't been deployed, I probably would have."
"You would not -"
"Lois, I would have. I'd talked myself into it. He was Kryptonian like me, so I told myself it wasn't anything like hurting someone from this world. I felt that I had no choice. The elders were in his corner, and even though Zara and Ching knew him to be a dangerous freak, they had little support. We were being enslaved and they would have killed all of us who opposed that. In the end, our earth would have been overtaken. I finally realized that my only choice was to end his life."
Clark listened to his 'brother' talk understanding how deeply his pain ran. He knew his own convictions and recognized how hard it had been for Kent to have reached that conclusion and to be speaking of it so honeslty now - especially in front of both Loises.
"Hey look," he said to Kent. "I'm sorry. That had to have been a really hard situation to be in. I"m sorry I threw it at you like that. I obviously didn't understand."
"But you will," said Zara, recovering her voice after having been waiting so fearfully for something ugly to erupt.
Clark looked in her direction. He was avoiding keeping her in his sights because he could feel her fear of being in his presence - his and Kent's. It emanated her in waves at times and it made him think of the early days with Lois.
"I know," he said quietly. "It's easy to take a high ground when you never actually have to face the decision. "
"Well - you did with Luthor. Kind of. He was a pretty dangerous and unstoppable threat."
"But there was never a choice. It was never a question of killing him. Ever. I'm guessing that was true for you."
He voiced this as a strong assertion and not a question. He knew Kent would never hurt a human being.
"I mgiht have killed him," said Lane angrily.
"Hey, I already had to deal with Jail-Bird Lane once before, don't make me do it again."
"Very funny."
"Let's finish packing," Lois interrupted wearily. "The sooner we do this, the sooner it's over."
There was a long pause.
"No. I'm not sure," she answered the unspoken question. "But I suppose I just have to deal. Obviously we have to do this, and obviously you aren't going without me. But let me tell you this," she said to Zara, fixing her with a steely resolute glare. "Ching better stay the hell away from me. I don't want to hear any half-baked excuses. If he comes within ten feet of me, I won't be held responsible for my actions."
Zara let the shame she felt fill her returned gaze.
"I promise you, Lois. I will vouch for him. We will outfit you with red-radiation weapons so you can defend yourself against Kryptonians. Obviously we Kryptonians move very very fast and can disarm you pretty easily, but there are a lot of fail-safes built into the resistance complex which make it really hard for any of us to go rogue. Lois can explain this to you when you come to our world."
