Smile, Part 2 of 2
By: Ann Nonymous
The nighttime in Metropolis was far from peaceful, as Lois was becoming very familiar with. She sprawled out on her bed and stared at the ceiling wishing that her mind would just stop so that she could get some sleep. She’d been wishing that for three hours now without any luck, though, and she was beginning to wonder if maybe it wasn’t time to admit that the sandman just wasn’t going to come. With a moan, she turned over on her side, her eyes affixed on her curtains, once white, which now seemed to be emitting an orange, sodium vapor glow.
She had always had a mind for strategy. It was one of the reasons that she had risen in the ranks of journalism so quickly. But as good as she was at strategy, she was absolutely terrible at anything that could be considered emotional, and that was at the root of her problem at the moment. She wanted to find some way to confirm her suspicions about Clark, but she had to be delicate about it. Normally, her strategy had that steamroller element to it that tended to leave the person at the other end rather unhappy as a result, and the last thing she wanted to do was alienate Clark. No pun intended. She just wanted to know...well, several things.
As she thought about all the ways that she could have Clark reveal his secret to her, it occurred to her that she really didn’t know anything about how he felt for her. When she first discovered his secret, her planning had been predicated by love: he was Superman, therefore she loved him, and she had to show him as much. The more she thought about it, the more that she discovered that she cared for Clark a lot more than she had ever let herself realize. She loved the way he talked to her, worked with her, played around with her. It was kind of exciting to put her respect and, yes, love, for those parts of Clark together with all the qualities that she loved about Superman to make a complete person. But the real question was did he love her? She had taken it as a given, but certain things disturbed her. For example, Superman had made no secret about distancing himself from her. He rescued her, yes, and sometimes seemed almost tender toward her, but at the same time was almost cold. Also, Clark had never said anything to her about any feelings he had toward her. She supposed it was easy enough to read into his actions and expressions, but those would never tell the complete tale. He did allow himself to be seduced today. That was a start.
So maybe one other goal of her plan would have to be getting him to admit to having feelings for her. And maybe that required some real, personal, one-on-one contact. Again, not a personal strong point. Insecurity gave her the tendency to babble, or get hyper, or sound like a needy, neurotic, nervous wreck. Somehow she didn’t think that would endear herself to him. On the other hand, he always seemed to have that lopsided smile of his when she was at her most raw. She couldn’t be sure, but he almost seemed to have a certain appreciation of her weird rambling tangents. So maybe she shouldn’t worry about that. But a crooked smile was far from an admission of love, and if he hadn’t told her of any feelings he’s had for her by now, after nearly a year of close contact, of her weird rants and tangents, and various evenings in formal wear, then it would take something truly drastic to make him say the words that she longed to hear. Maybe what it would take is her telling him....
Lois let out a frustrated whine, flopped onto her other side and pulled the blanket over her head. The L word was something that was not to be tossed around cavalierly. Lois Lane would not even so much as THINK of telling a man that she loved him without some sort of guarantee, preferably in writing, that he would return that love, and would promise to honor and cherish her, as well, for as long as they both shall live. Clark might be great, and Superman might be, well, super, but neither had proven that they wouldn’t break her heart.
Her muscles relaxed for a moment as she let that thought manifest itself. That was really what this was all about, wasn’t it? The elaborate set-up, the desire to draw platitudes from him. She just couldn’t let herself become emotionally invested in someone who might not return her feelings. She’d been hurt too many times before, and she’d told herself a million times that the next time she’d be careful. The next time, she’d make sure he was the one. But being cautious, taking an all-or-nothing approach, sure didn’t lend itself to very many happy relationships. Maybe the problem was that she had chosen the wrong people to love in the past. Certainly being cautious would tend to discourage all but the truly tenacious from courting her. But what if, hypothetically, the person that she was interested was worth throwing a little caution to the wind?
She thought about that for a little while. If Clark was Superman, then he’s the most ethical and purely moral person she’d ever met. Yes, he may have kept his secret from her, but maybe he had a reason for it. If she put herself in his shoes, she’d have done the exact same thing, for a multitude of reasons. She really couldn’t be mad at him for trying to protect himself, even from her. She hadn’t exactly proven to him that she was the most trustworthy person around – he probably figured that his entire life story would become international news if her ever told it to her. That was her fault for not being more trusting. That was her fault for being so rabid about Superman.
A yawn escaped as she felt herself settling into darkness at last. She needed to get to know him better. And she needed him to get to know her better, too. Then, maybe, she could resolve her feelings for him. Until then, there really wasn’t any big hurry. Maybe the education process could begin tomorrow over a nice, private dinner. Just the two of them. Yes, that would be very nice.
Sleep finally came, and Lois dreamt of things that she’d never let herself so much as ponder in her waking hours. Dreams of flights and faraway cities. Dreams of domestic bliss, of strong arms embracing her and then doing more. And in all her dreams, her friend, her lover, and her confidant all bore the smiling face of her partner.
^----^----^
The restaurant that Lois had chosen for the encounter was one that she couldn’t help but feel comfortable in. Each table was private, surrounded by a tall divide, with a stained glass lamp hanging down from the large timbers of the ceiling. All the wood, from the floor boards to the tables to the ceiling beams, was stained a dark brown. The textured walls were painted a rich cream, accented by splashes of red and bathed in the multicolored glow from above each table. Through the dinner chatter could be heard the familiar tones of popular music, giving the whole scene a comforting soundtrack. The aromas of the dinner palate filled the whole restaurant, blending into one mouth watering smell until the waiters rush by with trays full of food. It was a very American establishment, a very down-to-earth atmosphere, and Lois knew Clark would enjoy it as much as she did.
She had arrived early, hoping that maybe she would find some degree of composure before Clark arrived. A glass of wine helped, of course, and as Clark sauntered toward the table, she was pleasantly relaxed. Even before he sat down, he was smiling at her. She had expected him to be guarded, curious – she had been the one to ask him here tonight, after all, and she had made it clear that the meeting wasn’t going to be about work. Clark knew better than anyone that this was not something that she did. The unspoken rule between them was that personal contact just didn’t happen outside of work, unless of course there was some sort of drug induced insanity happening at the time. Maybe he figured that she was atoning for being so mean to him in the past. And maybe she was, at least in part. But that wasn’t why she was here, and maybe that wasn’t why he was here, either.
The slight buzz of the wine put her in a good mood, and she found herself laughing at his stories and enjoying herself far more than she had expected. They ordered, ate, and talked, sharing their histories and baring parts of their souls to each other. She found herself flirting with him, and she found him flirting with her, too. That twinkle was back in his eyes, too, the one that seemed so mischievous but so knowing at the same time. And tender, always tender. His quick wit was there, of course, but there was adoration in those eyes, and she could feel it washing over her with just a glance. As the empty plates were taken away and another round of wine was brought to the table, she found herself staring at him, really seeing him for the first time. It was amazing, she thought, how she had missed it for so long. He radiated love for her, and she had been completely oblivious. He had also been her hero, and she had failed to see it.
“What?” Clark asked with a grin as he leaned forward and rested his chin on his hand. It was then that Lois heard it, as if it were coming from every corner of the restaurant. It was the bluesy strains of a guitar and a steady afterbeat, followed by a smooth voice. This was the song that had started it all, the one that had been playing over and over in her mind ever since she had softly sung it to her partner. Someone was trying to give her a sign. Clark seemed to recognize it, too, and he gave a knowing smile as his eyes found the speaker in the ceiling.
“I like it when you smile,” Lois said. Clark’s eyes went almost imperceptibly wider, then snapped to her face. His cool, smiling outside gave away the shock that he felt at those words, and at the tenderness with which they had been said.
“Do you?” he asked, heavily.
The corners of Lois’s mouth pulled up, and she leaned forward, matching Clark’s position. “Yeah, I do. It makes you look handsome.”
All of a sudden, a mask seemed to go over Clark’s face. He bore an expression that she knew well from both of his guises, one of polite distancing. He picked up her wine glass and twirled it around, bringing it up to his nose and taking a deep breath. “Are you sure you should be having any more of this?” he asked. “What kind of perfume are you wearing? You might be...”
Lois laughed, cutting him off. Apparently she wasn’t the only one who kept her emotions bottled up. It was like looking in a mirror, in some respects, she thought, as scary as that was. Gently, she took the glass out of his hand and placed it on the table. “I can hold my wine just fine, Clark. And I’m not under the influence of any chemicals. I just have a new appreciation for you, that’s all, and I thought I’d let you know.” She leaned back and smiled at him, watching as a blank expression made its way onto his face. He was stunned, obviously, and she had to fight hard not to laugh again. He was so cute when he was confused.
“Oh,” he said softly, thinking. Every now and then he squinted at her, as if trying to get to the bottom of some deep, dark mystery. Lois sat patiently silent, waiting for him to do or say something, and after a while she saw a smile start to spread across his face.
“Can I let you in on something?” he asked.
“I wish you would,” she answered, perhaps too quickly. Subtle, Lois, real subtle. Clark’s eyebrows arched for a second and he hesitated, but soon enough the smile was back.
“I once told myself that hearing those words from you, directed at myself, would be the sure sign of the apocalypse. Surely the icecaps would melt first. Surely pigs would start shooting across the sky first. Surely...”
“I get it,” Lois said, looking away, her cheeks burning. She felt her fingers start tugging at her hair, a sure sign of shyness, and made herself stop. After a deep breath, she looked at Clark again. “Well, I don’t see any of the seven horsemen riding across the sky, and I think civilization is still intact. And I just called you handsome, Clark.”
“Yes, you did,” he said, talking through his smile, his eyes positively dancing. Far be it for Clark to rub it in a little in his own way. But she knew it was all in fun. And the payoff would come soon enough. Really, just looking at him and the way he emanated playfulness and warmth, was payoff enough. They could smile at each other all night and she thought that she just might be content. “Am I allowed to offer a compliment in return?” he asked.
“Please do,” Lois answered.
Clark leaned in toward her, as if trying to whisper something that only she was allowed to hear. “I think you’re pretty terrific.” Lois smiled her most stunning smile, but as she mentally prepared her rebuttal, something unexpected happened. She felt his hand reach for her arm and his fingers start gently, tenderly rubbing her. “I also think you’re beautiful.”
“You do?” she managed to croak past the lump that had developed in her throat.
“I have for a long time. I just didn’t think...” He hesitated and searched her eyes. “I didn’t think you felt the same way. I was wondering if you ever would.”
Lois stared at him, her heart pumping slowly, deliberately. She had never realized... The tone of his voice was so deep and sincere. And so full of pain from a long year of suffering. She had no idea how he felt, and faced with it, she didn’t know what to say. “Oh, Clark,” she said. At her words, he took her hand in his and brought it up to his mouth, kissing it gently.
Warmth engrossed her as she realized that she was falling for him. It was inevitable, she supposed, but she couldn’t help herself. The icy wall that had built up around her heart, one that held in all the reason and kept out all the unwanted emotion was thawing, falling away. Love was washing over her whole body, but there was still one thing she had to do before she let herself get swept away in it all. As his fingers gently held her hand in his and warm lips gently caressed the back of her hand, she leaned in toward him. Gently, she cupped his cheek with her free hand, slowly working it upwards. As it gripped one of the bows of his glasses, her other hand shook free, grasping the other side of his frames. As she slid his glasses off, there was no resistance. He didn’t even try to stop her, even though, as the strongest man in the world, he easily could’ve.
She held the glasses in front of his face for a moment, almost afraid of what she knew she would see. Clark stared at her, his face strangely misshapen through the plain glass in the frames. With a deep breath, she lowered the frames, locking her eyes into his. He didn’t seem surprised, he didn’t seem angry. Just expectant. As she watched, he clenched his jaw, and she realized that underneath it all, he was nervous. He seemed so naked somehow without the glasses, but as she searched his face, she realized that he didn’t look like she expected, either. There was no doubt that he was who she had known he was. The clear, brown eyes, the face shape, the strong jaw - he was Superman, all right. But, with the ruddy polo shirt below and the styled brown hair above, she had to search hard to really see the resemblance.
“Lois, please,” Clark whispered, and she had to blink as she exited her thoughts. His voice seemed so small, almost vulnerable. It was then she realized what it was that he had been going through. He didn’t even need to say anything to her, the story came from deep in his eyes. Superman had kept his distance from her because Clark had loved her so deeply and so completely, he couldn’t stand to see her fall for the part of himself that was a mere caricature.
“I didn’t come here tonight to try and corner you, Clark,” she said, folding the glasses and placing them in front of him on the table. “I don’t want anything from you, no explanations, no stories, no regrets.”
“No expectations, either?” he asked quietly, his eyebrows arched, before dropping his eyes and running his hand through his hair. “I always told myself that the moment you told me you loved me, Clark, the real me, would be the moment I told you everything, but then what? I may be, you know,” he said, looking up at her and making a little wiggling motion with his hand. “But that’s not who I am at all. And you’ve been in love with him for so long, I was afraid that you wouldn’t understand.”
Lois leaned back in her seat and regarded her wine glass for a moment before turning toward Clark. She could only imagine what he was feeling right now. Was it disappointment? Was it nervousness? Sadness? “All I expect of you is to not break my heart,” she said finally, coaxing a smile from him. “I know that I have a lot to learn about you, and you have a lot to learn about me. But tell me you love me –“
“I love you,” he said eagerly, almost giddily.
Lois beamed. “And I’ll tell you that I may just love you,” she responded, bringing a twinkle to his eyes. “And maybe things will just work themselves out.”
“Lois Lane, an optimist? When did this happen?” he asked teasingly as he picked the glasses up and slipped them onto his face.
“You save a girl enough times and she begins to think that maybe there is a sunny side to life after all,” she said, and he laughed that easy laugh of his. All the pieces fit, she thought, savoring the moment, burning it into her mental photo album with the other memories that were precious to her. Sometime, later in life, she knew she would look back at this night and see it as a real turning point in her life. And it wouldn’t be brought on by her tenacious spirit or keen reporters instincts. No, it would be predicated by a man who was really two men, both of whom had the same easy smile and warm laugh.
THE END
