Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Trusting Me, Trusting You 4:Highway (13/?)

Actually, something had changed. Wonderfully. "I have an idea," Clark said.

"What?" Lois said with immediate enthusiasm.

"I think I've done enough outside today. We've just eaten, so there's no hurry for supper."

"So ..."

"So would you like to have a bath? Together?"

Lois slowly slid the spoon from her mouth. "Together?" she echoed.

"Would you like to do that?"

She put her spoon in her empty bowl and sprang from the chair. "Last one upstairs has to sit at the drain end," she said.

Her flying footsteps floated down the stairs, combined with peals of laughter. Clark stood slowly and took the dishes to the sink.

"And no cheating, Kent," came Lois's giggle-filled command.

Clark flew - literally - up the stairs, his heart so buoyant he couldn't imagine ever being happier.


Part 13

After darkness fell, Clark flew Lois's Jeep to her father's garage. Once it was safely locked inside, he turned west towards Smallville.

Where Lois awaited him.

His wife.

It had been twenty-four hours since their wedding by the window, but he still found it hard to believe that Lois had married him. And so far, marriage had included apple pie, laughter, sweet kisses, and a lot of sizzling love.

It was hard not to wish that it could stay like this forever - just him and Lois. But Clark knew that soon his world was going to have to expand beyond Lois, beyond the farm, perhaps even beyond Smallville. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He'd felt connected to Lois from the first moment he had laid eyes on her - and other than the terrible time when he'd thought she was his sister, that connection had felt so perfectly right.

Would it be the same - to a lesser extent of course - with other people he had known? Neighbours? Friends? Did he have any extended family? What about Lois's father? They were having lunch together tomorrow, and Lois had said that her dad liked him.

But Clark couldn't help but feel a tinge of apprehension.

Was he going to appear a dolt when he didn't know who had won last year's Super Bowl? When all he could do was nod vaguely at the mention of well-known names? When current events were discussed, and he had nothing intelligent to contribute?

Lois would be there. Clark tried to calm his turmoil as the farmhouse came into sight - the bedroom light shining like a beacon to welcome him home.

Across from the light - in the moon-cast shadows - was the barn. All day, he'd felt drawn back there - almost like an addict to a drug supplier. But being there had become steadily more disconcerting, robbing him of his peace and even niggling at his joy in being with Lois.

When she'd come to get him to show him the pie, he'd gladly turned his back on the barn and concentrated on being with his beautiful wife.

Clark decided to do the same thing now, turning his attention to the light - and Lois.

His eagerness to get to her had him through the back door and up the stairs at a pace that wasn't normal. He stopped on the landing, not wanting to startle her with his sudden appearance.

He pushed open the door, took in her smile, and closed out the rest of the world. He loved being with her - in the car, in the kitchen, at the beach, in the restaurant - but there was something special about being alone with her in this bedroom with the door shut.

Here, he could get close to her. And it was more than physical. Here, he felt as if their souls intertwined.

"Everything OK?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said as he put the keys to the Jeep on the dressing table.

Lois pulled back the bedcovers. "You look cold," she said. "Perhaps you could add some heat *before* you get in - as well as after."

Grinning, Clark slipped off his glasses and focussed his eyes on the bed. When he finished, Lois glided her hand over the sheet and smiled up at him. "Come on in."

He undressed quickly and slipped in beside his wife.

"Are you doing OK?" she asked, as she snuggled next to him.

"I'm in bed with my wife," he said. "I'm doing great."

Her arm came across his body, and her fingers slid up to his shoulder. "Other than right now ... are you OK?"

"I have never been happier," Clark said. And that was true.

Lois lifted her head to stare at him for a stretched moment, perhaps debating whether to continue her interrogation. Clark met her gaze, hoping she wouldn't detect the small part of him that wanted to squirm. "Daniel called me today," she said.

"What did he say?"

"The media want a press conference with Superman."

Clark's reaction stalled somewhere between acceptance that this was going to happen and dismay that it was happening now. "What do you think?"

Lois swivelled, stretching out her upper arm across his stomach and bending her elbow so that her hand provided support for her head. "I think it would be good for the public to get to know Superman," she said. "But it's more important that you feel comfortable about it."

"I don't think I'll ever be comfortable in that suit," Clark said, wincing at the memory of the photograph on the jewellery store wall.

"It could work to our advantage that it's so distinctive," Lois said. "No one would ever think Clark Kent would wear something like that."

"Would I have to answer questions? At the press conference?"

"That's up to you," she said. She curled her knees against his side. "We could tell Eric what you were prepared to do, and he will inform the media about how it's going to be."

Clark put his hand on her thigh. "What do you think they will ask? What have they been told about me?"

"They know you came from a planet that was destroyed, but they don't know when. They know that after the collision with the asteroid, you were taken to the EPRAD base, and Eric said that you were going to stay there for a few days to recover."

"Recover from what?"

"He didn't say."

"So it isn't public knowledge that I can't remember anything?"

"No."

"What if they ask something that I should know about, but I can't remember?"

"Eric will be there with you," Lois said as her fingers skittered absently over Clark's bare chest. "He's a master at handling awkward questions."

"How was Superman accepted? I'm guessing - from the picture I saw - that the reaction to him was positive."

"I have stayed away from news reports," Lois said. "But I believe the reaction was overwhelmingly positive." She smiled at him. "You *did* save the world."

"Yeah," Clark said, wondering if the passing of time would diminish the power of that single act to obscure his differences. "But what will they expect? Will they expect me to continue helping them? Will they expect me to be worldly and knowledgeable about everything? Will I completely ruin the whole image of being a superhero the moment I open my mouth and it's obvious I'm ignorant of something the average five-year-old knows?"

Lois didn't answer for a moment. She looked at him, her soft brown eyes filled with understanding. Clark felt relief that she wasn't brushing aside his concerns. "I don't think Eric will let that happen," she said. "We'll give him clear instructions, and he knows about your amnesia."

"I don't want the amnesia known publicly," Clark said.

"There's no need for anyone else to know."

"I haven't met any of the Smallville locals yet, but I'm concerned that when I do, someone is going to suspect that something is wrong. We don't want anyone wondering why Clark Kent and Superman just happened to forget everything at exactly the same time."

"I talked to a couple of your friends when I was in Smallville today," Lois said. "Maggie Irig lives with her husband, Wayne, on the next farm. They were both very close to your parents."

"Maggie ... Wayne ..." Clark repeated, searching his mind for recognition of those names. He gave up. "Nothing. I don't remember them."

"That's OK," Lois said, soothing him with light caresses across his chest. "I also talked to the sheriff. Her name is Rachel Harris, and you took her to the Senior Prom."

"I did?"

"Yeah. As well as being the sheriff, she's a good friend of yours. And she helped both of us when Moyne came here."

Moyne? Now he had a name for the man who had dared to try to violate Lois. "He was killed when he tried to attack her?" Clark said, remembering what Lois had told him.

"Yeah."

Moyne targeted women - clearly, he had been a lowlife bully.

"Rachel said she is coming to see you soon."

Clark was again besieged with the mix of grudging acceptance and teetering panic. "I guess that's the neighbourly thing to do."

"She's concerned about you."

"Why? What does she know?"

"She doesn't know anything about your extra abilities. She - and everyone else in Smallville - thinks that you are the adopted son of Martha and Jonathan Kent - that they adopted you after your own parents died when you were a baby."

"So what is she worried about?"

"She is worried that I might have coerced you into marrying me."

Clark looked at Lois in surprise. "She couldn't see immediately that you are *exactly* the right person to be my wife?" he asked.

She smiled at his tone. "Apparently not."

"If that's her main concern, it shouldn't be too hard to allay her doubts," Clark said, feeling relieved.

"I have a suggestion," Lois said.

"Me, too," he said, sliding his hand up her thigh to her hip.

She grinned. "I have a *different* suggestion."

"Does it involve us being together?"

"Yes."

"Naked?"

She giggled. "No."

He sighed with feigned impatience. Well, it was mostly feigned. "What's your suggestion, honey?" he said, gliding his hand back and forth across her hip.

"We've agreed to have lunch tomorrow with Dad and Uncle Mike, right? I could call Daniel and ask him to arrange a press conference for the afternoon. That would give you the chance to be involved in general conversation with Uncle Mike over lunch. Sort of like a trial run in dealing with people other than me. He has probably kept up with the news and the fallout from the asteroid, so we should be able to gauge how people are thinking from him."

"And you'll be there with me?"

"Yeah," she said. "But I can't be at the press conference."

"I know," Clark said. "Superman and Lois Lane must never be seen together."

"You'll be fine," Lois said, her expression full of encouragement and support. "We can go over everything with Eric beforehand. If anyone asks a question that gets too close to a no-go zone, Eric will shut it down."

"Do they have another suit?"

"Daniel didn't say, but Eric seems to have thought of everything, so I expect they've asked Layla to make one."

"Hopefully this time, she'll forget about the little red briefs," Clark said grimly.

"You will be wearing those little red briefs," Lois said firmly. "On the outside of the suit."

"But they look ridiculous," he protested.

"Yes, but without them, you're going to look like ... well, let's just say that with them, you're going to have every female in the room hyper-ventilating. Without them, things could slide into anarchy fuelled by unbridled oestrogen."

Clark chortled, although the image brought by her words was more horrifying than humorous.

"And I won't be there to protect you," Lois warned.

"OK," he conceded. "I'll wear the red briefs."

"And you'll do the press conference?"

"Yeah. But can we ask Eric to keep it short? Ten minutes or so?"

"That's a good idea. Give the reporters something to fill their columns, and hopefully they will back off a bit then."

Clark wasn't sure that was realistic, but he had more important things on his mind right now than how a bunch of journalists were going to terrorise an alien visitor in a cape and a skin-hugging jumpsuit. "Kiss me?" he said.

Lois flopped forward on his chest and shuffled a little higher up his body. "I love you," she said, hovering above him. "There is nothing out there that we can't overcome."

And then she kissed him.

||_||

~~ Saturday ~~

The second morning of their marriage was no less idyllic than the first. Waking up next to Lois, allowing the natural consequences of that to come to an exhilarating conclusion, showering together, getting dressed, and finally - full and replete with love - kissing as they stumbled a little awkwardly down the stairs to arrive in the kitchen and begin the business of breakfast.

But leaving the sanctuary of the bedroom felt like a crumbling dam as the full force of his nervousness assailed him. He was going to have to be Clark - husband of Lois - as he met her family. He reminded himself that the *meeting* with her father was only going to be on his side. As far as Sam Lane knew, he had already met the man who had fallen in love with his daughter.

But how was he going to feel about that man having already married his daughter?

"Have you thought any more about the interview?" Lois asked as she poured coffee beans into the machine.

Clark's trepidation lifted another notch. After facing Lois's father and uncle, he was going to have to be this newly created being, Superman, heroic stranger dressed in a ridiculous get-up and swishing around in a cape and red briefs. He had to appear before a bunch of - hopefully friendly - humans and admit that he was alien of origin and bizarre of abilities.

But perhaps - as he'd saved them - they would be curious without being unduly suspicious of him or his intentions.

Lois turned from her task. "I haven't called Daniel yet. We haven't committed to anything."

"But you think I should do it?"

Lois paused. Clark studied her face. "Yes," she said. "I think you should do it."

"OK," he said.

"We'll make it late afternoon so there will be time to talk to Eric beforehand."

Clark nodded and took out a pan to begin frying the eggs. His mind returned to the day ahead. He couldn't help wishing he could spend the entire day right here with Lois - alternating between the bedroom and the jobs that needed doing outside.

And in the barn.

Would he still feel strange in there?

What was his mind trying to remember?

Or was his mind trying *not* to remember?

||_||

Fifteen minutes of stilted breakfast conversation later, Lois drained her cup of coffee and slid from her chair to straddle her husband's lap. "What are you stressing about?" she demanded.

"Do I look stressed?"

"Yes."

Clark smiled, trying to hide his embarrassment at Lois having caught him mired in his misgivings. "I ..."

"It's going to be a big day," Lois said as her hands on his face transmitted her love. "But for most of it, we'll be together."

"Lois ..." Clark sighed, feeling torn between trying to convince her that he was all right and opening up a subject that, once started, could finish anywhere.

"Talk," Lois said.

He moved his hands from her thighs to encircle her waist and laid his head on her shoulder. For a few breaths, he simply soaked up her presence. He needed her. He needed her so much.

And that was a part of the problem.

She stroked the back of his head, through his hair and down to his neck. He loved her touch. It had the power to reach beyond his skin and seep into his very being.

"What do you get from this?" he asked, surprising them both with his sudden outburst.

Lois lifted his head from her shoulder and stared at him, nose to nose. "Excuse me?"

"What do you get from this?" he repeated.

"From sitting on your lap like this? From being married to you? From knowing you? From loving you?"

"From being married to me," he said.

"Where did this come from?" Lois said. "Have you remembered something?"

"No."

"Then what is going on in that head of yours?"

She expected an answer. Clark could see the apprehension in her eyes and chided himself for having caused it. "I ... " The words just wouldn't come. He had everything, but ...

"You know that our marriage is forever, don't you?" Lois said. "You know that I love you and I won't ever leave you?"

Clark nodded, wondering if there were any possible way to turn this into a very unfunny joke.

"Then what is wrong?"

"It just seems so lopsided," Clark said. "I'm the intruder, the outsider. I have nothing - no place here. You are a beautiful woman - you could have any man you wanted."

"I have the man I want."

"But what do you get from it? I'm so different that if you're with me, your life is never going to be normal. If I do the press conference today, that comes close to accepting that I will be Superman into the future. That is going to affect you. Whenever anything happens, it will be *your* husband who has to go and try to help."

"No one is forcing you to do this," Lois said, her brow wrinkling in her effort to understand something that he didn't fully understand himself. "If it seemed like I was forcing you into the doing the press conference, I'm sorry."

"Do you feel forced into it?"

"When I married you, I promised that I would support you in however you wanted to use your powers. Nothing is going to change that."

"But ... but wouldn't your life be simpler if you were married to a regular - human - guy?"

Lois's smile came softly. "Simpler, maybe," she said. "But not as perfect."

Clark stared at her, trying to allow her assuredness to pervade his simmering doubts.

"I chose to be a government agent," Lois reminded him. "'Simple' has never been one of my life ambitions."

"You give me acceptance. You give me normality. You give me your love. You give me your body. I'm just having some trouble seeing what I give you."

"Your love. Your strength. Your loyalty. Your understanding. Your smile."

"My strength," Clark said, feeling bitterness twist through him. "But I didn't stop Moyne from getting close enough to fire a gun at you." He dropped his gaze to her chest. "I didn't stop him from scratching you."

"You were *exactly* what I needed," Lois said with such vehemence that her voice shook.

"Then how did he get close enough to get his filthy hand down the front of your clothing?"

"You were out flying," Lois said. "I had gone to bed. I heard a noise, and a few seconds later, Moyne came into the bedroom."

"And I didn't come back?" Clark said with disgust.

"Yes, you did."

"Not soon enough."

"You did." Clark opened his mouth to argue, but Lois put her finger over it. "Sshh," she said. "And let me tell you what happened. Moyne and I scuffled. He made some threats - actually, he threatened to rape me."

Clark's eyes folded shut as icy horror scorched through him.

"A month earlier, my friend, Linda, had been raped," Lois continued.

His eyes shot open as the horror hurtled on. "Aww, Lois," he said. "Aww, honey."

"He killed her after he'd raped her."

"Not Moyne?"

"No. Someone else. But the incident with Moyne brought back all of my repressed anger and hatred. I overpowered him. I got him onto the floor and put my hands around his throat, and I had every intention of choking him until he took his last breath."

"But you didn't," Clark said. "He died when he threatened the sheriff - Rachel."

"Do you know why I didn't kill him?" Lois said. "Do you know why I'm not either facing murder charges or so weighed down with guilt that my life is a wreck?"

"Because you couldn't do it. You couldn't kill him. Even after everything he had done."

"No," she said, shaking her head. "No. I wanted to kill him. I would have killed him. But you were there, and you begged for his life."

"I -" Clark's throat constricted, making the completion of his sentence impossible.

"Yes," Lois exclaimed. "You saved me. You saved him, too, but that was never the point. I was hurt and damaged and out of control and blind with fury, and the only thing that saved me from making a terrible mistake was the strength of your love."

"I can't believe that you would have killed him," Clark said quietly.

"I would have," Lois said with unwavering certainty. "It wasn't the first time it had happened."

Clark waited for her to continue, not wanting to hazard a guess as to her meaning.

"After they had killed Linda, they were going to come back for me," Lois said. "But she had managed to loosen some of the ropes around my ankles, and I escaped."

Clark could feel the nausea worming through his stomach.

"On the way out, I saw a young guard. He was just a kid, probably as young as sixteen. I sprang him from behind, knocked him out, took his jacket and his weapon ... and then ... when I should have just left, I was so overwhelmed with hunger for revenge that I closed my hands around his neck and began to choke him to death."

"He wasn't the one who had killed Linda?"

"No. He was nothing more than a kid who had probably been conscripted into their group and was too young to know if he believed in what they were trying to achieve." She looked directly into Clark's eyes. "But something wild and uncontrollable rose within me, and I wanted to kill him. Just like I wanted to kill Moyne."

"Did you kill the kid?"

"No. I heard a crash coming from inside, and my survival instinct kicked in, and I ran away."

"I'm not convinced you would have killed either of them," Clark said gravely.

Lois gave him a stifled smile. "You have never been convinced," she said. "But that doesn't matter. What matters is that you are convinced that I need you."

"Thank you for telling me," Clark said. "I needed ... I needed a glimpse of us from your side."

Lois removed his glasses and put them on the table behind her. She spread her fingers over his ears and ran them through his hair. "Why are you so worried this morning?" she said. "Is it the lunch with my dad and Uncle Mike? Is it the press conference?"

"All of that," Clark said.

"You didn't seem this perturbed last night."

"There is something else," he said, closing his eyes and letting her touch permeate his being.

"Tell me," Lois commanded gently.

Keeping his eyes closed, Clark said, "Yesterday, when I was in the barn, it felt like I was right on the verge of remembering something. Something crucial. I couldn't remember, but it left me feeling a bit ... disoriented."

"Did you remember anything specific?"

"No. Just feelings. Like something was luring me forward and something else was warning me not to respond."

"And you feel it most strongly in the barn?"

Clark opened his eyes and nodded.

"I don't understand why," Lois said. "You never told me about anything significant happening in the barn."

"When we were here - before the asteroid - did I go into the barn?"

"Yes."

"And everything was normal?" Clark smiled wryly. "As normal as it gets for me?"

"Yes," Lois said. "But we shouldn't underestimate how distressing it must be to have your lifetime of memories wiped from your mind."

He half shrugged, half winced. "Yes ... and no. I mean, the important things - the *only* important thing is being with you and loving you - and I'm just so happy about it that nothing else should matter. But as much as I love you, it's not fair to either of us if our love is the only thing in my life. It will *always* be the best thing in my life, but it can't be all I have."

Her hand was so reassuring as she played with his hair. "That's why we're having lunch today with my family," Lois said. "And your friend, Rachel Harris, is going to call in. And we'll go and have coffee with the Irigs, who are our neighbours. And tomorrow is Sunday. Last Sunday, we went to church together."

"That covers Clark," he said. "What about the Superman thing?"

"That is up to you."

"But what about when something happens? Something where I could be the difference between life and death? What choice do I have then?"

"Very little," Lois said.

That was *not* the reply he had been expecting.

She undid a few of his shirt buttons and put her hand on his chest, right over his heart. "But it's not because of the expectations of the people," she said. "It's because of this heart. It will compel you to go - as it compelled you to fly into space and ram into an asteroid. There's nothing anyone can do about that - not even you. I told Eric the first morning - before I came into the room where you were waiting - that amnesia wouldn't change your heart. And it hasn't."

"My heart still knew that I loved you," Clark mused.

"And when you know that people need your help, you won't be able to stay away," Lois said. "So if Clark Kent and his wife are going to have a life, we need the suit - red briefs and all."

Clark returned his head to her shoulder. "I love you," he said. He wished he could find the eloquence needed to express the cavalcade of feelings in his heart. "I love you. You are the air that I breathe. You are the other half of me. I can't be me without you."

Her head came down next to his, cheek on cheek. "Then how can you doubt that you are anything less to me?" she whispered.

It had been foolish. And illogical. "I'm sorry," Clark said. "None of this was because I have any doubts about my love for you."

"Did we make a mistake by rushing into marriage?" Lois asked in a quiet voice.

Clark's head shot from her shoulder. "No," he said. "No."

She smiled. "You sound very sure."

"I am. I am. Sometimes it seems as if our marriage is the *only* thing I'm sure about."

"Clark," Lois said. "I think that on some level you are remembering odd fragments of your life. I'm not sure how the barn is the catalyst, but this is one of the things that kept stalling us before the asteroid."

"Me pondering how your life would be better without me?"

Unshed tears glistened in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said, brushing his thumb along her lower eyelid. "This was mostly about the barn - I felt so confused out there. And then I got to thinking about how much I need you - how, every time I flounder, you're right there, knowing how to be exactly what I need. And I couldn't remember too many times when I'd done the same for you."

She took his hand in hers. She unrolled his fingers and stared at his palm.

The bullet.

Lois kissed his hand and placed it on her thigh. Then she held up her hands. "I could have killed with these," she whispered. "Except you saved me. For a second time."

Every single time, she knew how to be what he needed.

"You're allowed doubts," Lois said quietly. "You're allowed doubts about everything ... except us, except how much I need you."

"OK," he said submissively.

"Take me upstairs?"

"You don't ..." He appreciated her offer, but he didn't want her to feel he had pressured her with his brittleness.

"I want to," she said. "Right now, I need my husband. I need you."

Before he could question further, she had dropped her mouth onto his. Her kiss started like a slow dance, a journey of discovery. Her tongue edged forward and touched his mouth, answering the cry of his heart for oneness, for confirmation of their bond.

He stood, slipping his hand under her bottom and lifting her without ever breaking their kiss. When they reached the bedroom, they made slow and steamy love.

And when it was done, Clark's doubts had dissolved in the vitality of his wife's love.