Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Trusting Me, Trusting You 4:Highway (19/21)

After Rachel left, Clark returned to the crate in the loft. He picked up the blue blanket. Hidden in its folds was a large woven motif - a red 'S' on a yellow background inside an irregular pentagon.

The blanket was small and soft. Did it have something to do with him? When he was a baby? If so, what was this motif? Could it have possibly come with him from Krypton?

On the bottom of the crate was a sphere. It was a bit bigger than a baseball and resembled a globe - although the markings of land and sea weren't familiar at all.

Clark picked it up.

It warmed in his hands.

It glowed.

And suddenly, it was as if the curtain of his mind was ripped apart.

And he remembered everything.


Part 19

Evan caught up to Esther as she fumbled to open the door.

"Let me go," she said, turning on him with flailing fists.

"I won't hurt you," he promised, loosely gripping her upper arms and evading her blows.

After a few moments, the surge of panic subsided, and her thrashing arms dropped to her sides. Her head rose, and her eyes cannoned into his, full of anger and defiance and scorn. "Let me go," she said in a low voice that felt like a sharp blade scoring his conscience.

"You're Martha," Evan said. "I know you're Martha."

For a civilian, her recovery was quick. But not quick enough. "Martha?" she said with derision.

"I *know*," Evan whispered. "I know."

Her contempt intensified. "Let me go," she hissed.

Evan loosened his grip, but didn't drop his hands from her arms. "I know you have no reason to trust me, but there are people looking for you. People who want to reunite you with your son."

"I don't have a son."

"I want to protect him, too," Evan said, meeting her eyes without flinching. "That's why I couldn't tell you anything. Not until I knew for sure who you are."

"You have some of the rock," she said coldly. "You brought it here."

"I'm sorry," he said. "But there was no other way to ascertain your identity." He tried a hesitant smile. "I knew you were never going to admit to what you know."

The coldness in her eyes thawed a little. "People have been looking for me?" she said in a small voice.

"Yes. Looking for you so you can go home."

A look of pure longing flooded her face. "I can go home?"

"Yes," Evan said.

She wriggled from his grasp and picked up her small suitcase. "Thank you for everything," she said as her hand reached for the door.

"Please," Evan said, desperate not to lose her now. "Please let me help you."

"Now that I know I can go home, I can catch a bus."

"It will take a couple of days," he said. "And you'll probably have to wait around for connecting services. If you will let us help you, we can have you home by this afternoon."

She looked as if he had just suggested the impossible dream. "How?"

"Direct to Wichita on a specially commissioned flight."

"I don't have the money for that," she said steadily.

"You don't need to pay," Evan assured her. "After everything that has happened, the least we can do is to see you safely home."

She studied him. "You can do that?"

"Yes," he said, wanting her to trust him again. "You can be home this afternoon."

"Is he all right? Did he get hurt when he went -" She stopped, as if fearing she had spoken too much.

"He wasn't hurt," Evan said. "But ..."

"But?" she asked, her throat jumping.

"But he has amnesia."

"He has a brain injury?" she gasped.

"No - nothing like that. Except for the amnesia, he is fine."

Shadows of pain darkened her blue-grey eyes. "He doesn't remember me?"

"We are hoping he will recover his memories."

"If he doesn't remember, how did he know he had gone into space? You said he made a public appearance."

"He has someone who loves him very much."

The mother's face softened. "A woman?" she asked in a hushed tone.

Evan nodded. "She has been helping him. They are married."

"Married?" she said softly. "He's married?" A tiny smile budded. "He's really married?"

"Yes," Evan said. "I've seen them together. It's ... it's beautiful. Even a cynical old grouch like me can see how perfect they are together."

"Is she ... is she human?"

"Yes."

"And she knows *everything* about him?"

"At this stage, she knows more about him than he knows about himself."

"But she loves him anyway?"

"She adores him."

"Was she at Centennial Park?"

"No. She's not married to ... to Superman."

"She's married to ..."

The unspoken name hung in the air. "Clark," Evan said for her. "Lois is married to Clark. And they are very happy together."

She smiled. "Can I still go home? Or will that upset him too much? Do you think I could see him? Even if he doesn't know who I am? Perhaps he could have another public appearance, and I could be there. I would j...just like to see him again."

Evan swallowed down the lump that had ballooned into his throat. Here was a mother who understood how a mother should love. "Of course you can see him again. And we'll tell him who you are."

"Is that what will be best for him?" she said.

"Yes," Evan said. "Clark needs his family."

"There's only me," she said sadly. "My husband passed away."

"I'm sorry," Evan said, wishing he dared place his hand on her arm again. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

"It was a long time ago now," she said. "Five years. He had a heart attack and didn't make it through the night."

"Was he in a hospital?"

"Yes."

That was a relief. That suggested that whatever had happened to Clark's parents, they had been shown a greater level of humanity than the treatment inflicted on their son.

Her sadness lingered. "Clark?" she said. "Was it really bad for him? After they took him away?"

Evan hated to hurt her. He nodded, trying to keep his face from giving away the extent of Clark's suffering.

"But they realised that he wasn't a threat ... and then the scientists began working with him? That was how he was able to divert the asteroid?"

Evan glanced up the empty staircase. "Perhaps this isn't the place for this discussion," he said. "Would you like to come and sit down? Have another cup of coffee?"

"Will your daughters be coming down soon?"

"Yes," he said. "I can hear Layla in the shower, and I need to go up and check on Abi's choice of outfit for today."

"Do they know? About ... Superman?"

"They know about Superman. But nothing about Clark."

She nodded. "You go and look after your girls."

"You won't ... you won't leave?"

She shook her head. "No. Once your girls are at school, perhaps we could talk?"

"I'd like that," he said.

Abi appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing her glittering pink fairy costume, complete with wand and wings. Evan looked at his guest, and they both laughed.

"I'll go and put some more bagels in the oven," she said. "You deal with the fairy princess."

Evan smiled. "Thanks," he said.

||_||

Lois pulled up in front of the farmhouse and got out of the Buick. She looked to her right, expecting Clark to come from the barn to greet her.

He didn't.

She hurried into the barn. "Clark?"

There was no answer.

"Clark?" Lois turned from the barn and ran the short distance to the house, her feet driven by a gut that was suddenly nine-tenths of the way to panic mode.

He'd probably gone inside to get a drink, she told herself. He would be all right. She'd been gone less than half an hour.

She pushed open the kitchen door and saw Clark.

He was sitting at the table, his fists clenched, his head low, his eyes fixed in the nothingness.

"Clark?" Lois said softly as she edged towards him. "Is everything all right?"

He didn't respond. As she looked closer, she saw the underlying muscle twitching in his cheek. She looked into his eyes. They were hard. And ... cold.

"Clark?" Lois gingerly reached forward and laid her fingertips on his arm.

He jerked his arm away.

"What is wrong, Clark?" she asked. "What happened?"

He lurched from the table, the chair grating loudly on the floor. "I know everything, Lois," he said in a dull, defeated voice.

"Everything?" she gulped.

"Everything. I know about the prison. I don't just *know*, I can feel it. I can feel their hatred. I can feel their contempt."

Lois swallowed down her hot and burning tears. "Clark," she said. "Clark ..."

He swiftly turned on her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because the amnesia gave you a chance to find out who you are without all the damage."

"You lied to me," he said darkly. "You lied to me about my mother."

Lois reached into her bag for the photograph. "I have some good -"

"How long, Lois?" Clark said, his anger obliterating the chill that had been in his voice. "How long were you going to lie to me? How long were you going to let us play at being the happy normal couple in my parents' house while my mom could be anywhere and no one is even looking for her?"

"People *are* looking for her," Lois said. "Evan and Eric and Daniel. In fact, Evan called -"

"You let me believe they are my friends," Clark said bitterly. "Evan was my guard for seven years. He beat me with the poisoned rods. Eric and Daniel could have helped me, but it wasn't until they needed me that they were willing to overlook that I'm not human - that I'm not one of you. Before that, they let me rot - year after year after year."

"Evan and Daniel hid the fact that we had escaped from the cell," Lois said. "They put a skeleton in the casket and had it cremated so that Clark Kent could have a new life."

"If they really thought it was that simple, they are stupid," Clark said darkly.

"No one has ever thought it would be simple."

"You did," he accused. "You thought you could manufacture your dream of a normal life for us. You were determined to make it happen. Then, when I couldn't remember anything, you took advantage of me to write the script exactly how *you* wanted it."

His words slashed through her heart. "That's not true, Clark," Lois said, fighting to keep her emotional turmoil from polluting her tone. "I just wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to see that we could be together."

"I'm not human, Lois," Clark said. "You think you can change anything that doesn't suit your view of the world, but you can't change that. You can't make me something that I'm not."

"I have never tried to make you something that you're not," Lois said, her voice thick with tears and fear and indignation. "I just wanted you to see that you are not who Moyne and Trask said you were."

"Yes, I am. They were right. I'm not human. I'm not like everyone else. I don't belong here."

"Everyone loves you."

"No!" he blazed. "They love Superman, the not-quite-real fantasy that appeared at exactly the right time to save a world that had rejected and feared him."

"You did an amazing thing," Lois said. "Your capacity for forgiveness ..."

"Forgiveness doesn't change the facts."

"Forgiveness helps you to heal."

"I don't need to heal," Clark said. "All this time, you've talked about me healing - but you don't mean healing, you mean changing. Changing from the unpalatable reality that I'm a freak and trying to turn me into some sort of acceptable sideshow."

Lois could feel her control teetering. "Everything I did, I did to try to help you," she said. "I tried to give back what my world had taken away."

Clark stared at the floor, his breathing heavy. Lois stepped forward and raised her hand towards his arm.

"Don't touch me," he said, stepping away. "Don't touch me."

The instinct to run away surged through her with breath-taking power. Lois planted her feet and fastened her eyes on him. "Clark," she said softly. "There is something I need to tell you."

His face contorted. "It's too late, Lois," he said. "I know the whole sordid truth. I'm back where I belong - under the mountain of hatred, hidden from the sight of decent people. The only difference now is that I'm allowed to come out like a trained dog whenever I'm needed - so long as I wear the pretty costume so no one will actually be able to see who I am."

"It's about your mother. Evan thinks we might have found her."

Clark's face twisted further.

"That's good news," Lois said. "She -"

"It's *not* good news," Clark said sharply. "I can't be with her. I've already ruined her life once. I won't let her take that chance again."

"She loves you. She -"

"How do you know? Have you spoken to her? You said Shadbolt thinks he *might* have found her. How do you know she doesn't hate me because of what I caused in her life?"

"Because, unlike you, she probably doesn't blame you for everything," Lois said, her voice rising.

"If she's free now, she needs to find somewhere where she'll be safe," he said. "And that means staying away from me."

"She is going to want to be with you."

"Then she's a fool."

"Clark, you're her son. She's -"

"What happens when the human lords change their minds again?" Clark said. "What happens when there is no asteroid? No need for the strong weirdo from outer space? What happens when they decide I'm a threat again? They'll come here - just like Trask and Moyne did. They'll bring the poison. They'll take her away again. They'll take you away. And they'll put me back in a filthy cage like an animal. You ... her ... you both need to get away from me."

"I promised you I wouldn't leave you," Lois said as her eyes overflowed.

"Fine," Clark shouted. "I'll leave you." He stormed to the door and was gone.

Lois stood without moving as the echo of anger and fear and hurt slowly faded away.

Her cell phone rang, shattering the stillness. Her body convulsed, freeing the legion of tears that had been building inside her. She crumpled to the floor, and her screams of pain drowned out the phone.

||_||

Eric parked in front of Mrs Deller's house. It was almost eight o'clock; he hoped that would be late enough to call on a woman he barely knew. He broke the seal on the letter Evan Shadbolt had given him and took out the single piece of paper. He read it a couple of times.

Then he stared ahead, his mind devising a cover story.

When Mrs Deller had called to tell him about remembering the envelope from the unknown female, he had managed to elicit information from her without sounding overly interested. He'd thanked her profusely, intending to sound like someone trying to be polite.

Now, he had to show interest in the unknown woman who had been corresponding with Phil Deller. And this letter would link her with Superman.

He could tear the paper and only show Mrs Deller the lower part of the note. However, if he took away everything that could pertain to Superman, he would be left with a piece of homespun advice about buttermilk and a signature.

Eric tapped on his steering wheel as he churned over the possibilities.

A few minutes later, he had a story that would probably be enough to satisfy a busy single mother. He stepped from his car and approached the door.

Mrs Deller appeared in answer to his knock. To Eric's relief, she was dressed. "Mr Menzies," she said.

"I'm sorry to trouble you so early," he said, "but I was in the neighbourhood, and following our conversation, I wanted to ask your opinion about this." He took unfolded the note and held it towards her. "Is this the same handwriting as that on the envelope you found in your husband's jacket?"

Mrs Deller took the sheet of paper and studied it carefully.

Eric waited, curbing his impatience.

"Yes," she said. "This is the same."

"You're sure?"

"Yes," she said. Her eyes lifted from the note. "Who is she? Who is this 'Esther Wallace'?"

"We believe that is a false name."

"What does she have to do with Superman?"

"There are those for whom the presence of Superman is not good news," Eric said.

"You mean ... like criminals?"

He nodded. "We think this note could be an attempt to establish contact with him and gain his trust."

"But what could they do to him?" Mrs Deller asked. "He flew into an asteroid and survived."

"They could threaten people he is close to."

She thought about that for a long moment. "When Phil told me that he had been assigned to a local operation, I thought it would be wonderful to have him at home more as Billy grew up. But something changed him. Even when he was home, he brooded. He was angry all the time."

"A lot of bad things were happening."

"Do you think Phil was trying to stop them?"

"It's possible."

"And then he was killed," she said sadly. "And the person who did it blamed Superman."

"Yes."

"And you believed him?" she said with a hard edge to her voice.

"Yes," Eric admitted. "I made a terrible error of judgement."

Mrs Deller opened her mouth to reply, but closed it as her son sidled up to her. "Mom?" he said.

"Everything's fine, Billy," she said as her hand rested on his shoulder. She gave the note back to Eric.

"What I told you ... if that were to become public knowledge ..."

"I won't say a word to anyone," she said. "I won't ever forget who risked his life so my son could have a future."

Billy's eyes gleamed. "Superman?" he said excitedly. "Are you talking about Superman?"

"We were just saying how lucky we are that Superman was here to help us," Mrs Deller said. She turned to Eric. "I need to get Billy to school."

"Thank you for your help," Eric said.

She stepped away and closed the door. Eric returned to his car, wondering what had passed between Deller and Mrs Kent all those years ago.

||_||

Evan was unreasonably nervous as he drove back to his home after dropping Abi at school. What if Mrs Kent had left? What if her apparent trust in him had been an act?

His cell phone rang as he turned into his street. He saw it was from Menzies and pulled over. "Shadbolt."

"How did she react to the rock?"

"It's her."

"Are you sure? Was she able to give backup details?"

"Yes. It's her."

"The handwriting comparison agrees."

Evan's agency-trained mind wanted to ask questions about how they'd obtained a sample of Martha Kent's handwriting, but remembering she was waiting for him, he stifled his curiosity. "She wants to go home."

"I'll have it arranged within the hour. I want you to go with her."

"Me?"

"I assume she trusts you. She stayed at your home overnight. It will be easier for her to be with someone she knows. And I don't need someone else wondering about the relevance of Smallville, Kansas."

Evan's mind hurtled in three disparate directions simultaneously. Mrs Kingsley would be there to meet the girls when they finished school. Menzies didn't only care about Martha being safely delivered home, he cared about her emotional well-being, too. And he, Evan, would get to spend a few more hours with her before the inevitable final parting. "OK."

"I'll clear it with the EPRAD base."

"My shift starts at midday."

"Leave it to me," Menzies said. "I'll clear tomorrow as well in case you need to stay overnight."

"That won't happen. And anyway, I need to be home for my daughters."

"OK. I'll order a private flight - there and back. And a car to transport you from the Wichita Airport."

"Thank you."

"You can answer anything she asks about the operation," Eric said. "The agency made a disgraceful mistake, and we are not going to shy away from that."

Evan had already decided that he owed Martha Kent his honesty.

"But keep in mind that her son may not want his mother knowing the explicit details," Eric said. "And if he does, he might want to be the one to tell her."

*That* was obvious, too.

"Good work, Shadbolt," Menzies said gruffly before hanging up.

A minute later, Evan unlocked his front door and forced himself not to rush into the kitchen. She was there - at his table, drinking a cup of tea.

"You came back," she said, looking almost as relieved as he felt.

"You're still here," he countered.

They laughed together.

She had cleared away of the remains of breakfast, leaving only a fresh cup for him, a pot of tea, and the pitcher of milk. The green rock was gone. "Would you like a cup?" she asked.

He nodded and reached for the pot, but she got there first. She poured his tea - her naturalness not quite able to overcome his awkwardness at having her do something for him.

"Thanks," he said, embarrassed that his voice cracked.

"Have you told anyone I'm here?"

"Early this morning, I reported that I had someone with me who could be Clark's mother," Evan said. "As soon as I had dropped Abi at school, I tried to call Lois. I thought she ... they ... Clark should be the first to know."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't answer."

"Do you need to contact anyone now?"

Evan shook his head. "No," he said. "I received a call a few minutes ago. I said that you want to go home today."

"And it's going to be possible?"

"Yes."

"Should you try Lois again?"

"It might be better to leave them," Evan said. "They need some time. You will be with them before the end of the day, but -"

"What did Lois tell Clark about me?"

He had to tell her the truth. It felt like disloyalty to Lois, but it was going to be best for everyone if Martha already had some answers before arriving home. "That you had passed away."

She nodded, not looking unduly aggrieved. "Before his amnesia, did Clark know anything about what happened to Jonathan and me after we were taken from the farm?"

"I think Lois and Clark suspected that your husband had passed away."

"Poor Clark," Martha said. "At least he had Lois with him."

"You're not upset about her explaining your absence by saying you had died?" Evan asked.

"That had to be simpler than trying to fabricate a story about how and why I disappeared."

"Yeah," Evan said. "I think Lois is going to be relieved by your understanding."

"She loves my boy," Martha said quietly. "For that, I can be as understanding as she needs me to be."

Evan sipped at his tea, stalling now that he was on precipice of knowing what had happened to this brave and gracious lady while her son was being cruelly detained and ruthlessly abused. Should he start with his part in this? Should he admit that although he would never again do anything to hurt her or her family, his past actions made him unworthy of her trust?

If he did, would she leave?

He had to get her to Clark first. Then, he would walk out of their lives forever.

"How many people know?" she asked.

"About Clark? Four - and Lois, of course. Three have been actively helping him. The fourth would have signed a confidentiality statement."

"Only four?" She seemed surprised.

"Yes. Clark wants the number of people kept to a minimum."

"Yes. I would expect that." She smiled. "But what a miracle that I just happened to find you. From all the millions of people in Metropolis, I found one of the four people who could help me."

"Perhaps you are due a little luck," he said, wondering if she would still think it was such a miracle when she knew the truth about him. "What was your plan? Where were you going on the bus?"

"I didn't plan to catch a bus. It was a lie to ensure that no one followed me."

"Were you worried about ... about someone capturing you again?"

"Yes," she said softly. "But not as much as I was worried about being unable to find Clark. Did you mean it when you said we could get a direct flight?"

"Yes."

"When can we leave?"

"As soon as you're ready."

"Will you drive me to the airport? Or should I get a cab?"

"I'll drive you." Evan paused, wondering how she would feel about his next disclosure. "And I've been directed to accompany you to Smallville."

She seemed surprised, but not displeased. "What about the girls?"

"Mrs Kingsley will be here for them. I was supposed to work at the base this afternoon."

"Do you mind coming with me?"

Mind? "No," Evan said. "I want to know that you are safely home."

"I still have some questions - and I'm sure you do, too - but perhaps we could talk during the flight. Could we go now? Or is it too early?"

"Eric Menzies is organising this, and he has a talent for making things happen quickly, so ..."

Her smile turned wistful. "I ... It just feels as if this is a dream - a day I thought might never come. To think that ... I might see Clark ..."

"You *will* see him," Evan said. "I'll make the call and tell them we are on our way."

"Thank you," she said, standing from the table. "And Evan?"

"Yeah?"

"Please call me 'Martha'. No one has called me that for such a long time."

He smiled. "Martha."

"Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for us."

He turned away quickly, before she could see his eyes and guess at the terrible secret he wished she would never have to know.

||_||

Lois gingerly lifted her head from the floor. Her tears had drenched the sleeves of her sweater. Her eyes felt as if they had been scraped with glass. Her head felt as if it had been the stage for a vicious battle between crazed warriors.

Over an hour had passed since Clark had stormed from the house, leaving her.

Leaving her.

*Leaving* her.

Would he ever come back?

Or would he stay away - thinking that would protect her?

She would never have imagined he could be so angry.

Even in the cell. Even when Moyne had beaten him with the rod. Even during the days after his escape when it had become clear to both of them how difficult it was going to be for him to learn to live again.

She had seen his pain. His grief. His devastation. Even his hopelessness.

But she'd never seen such raw anger.

How had he remembered?

He'd said he'd remembered *everything*.

The cell. The abuse. Being locked away. The beatings. The dearth of food and water. Being forced to live in terrible conditions. Not seeing the sky for seven years. Being accused of two heinous murders.

Being taunted.

Hated.

Treated as if he were a disgusting animal.

Believing them.

Believing them when they said he was less than human. Unworthy of basic rights.

No wonder he was angry.

Lois dragged herself from the floor and stumbled outside. The dull sun hurt her eyes. She went into the barn. It was empty.

"Clark?" she said.

Her voice echoed, but there was no answering call.

She climbed the ladder to the loft and saw an open crate. She walked over to it and picked up the thick baby blanket. Had this been Clark's?

Taking the blanket with her, she left the barn.

"Clark?" she called, fear raising her voice. "Clark?"

There was no response. The Buick was still parked where she had left it after coming from the Irigs'.

"Clark?" she said, hating how fearful and alone she sounded. "Please come back to me."

He was gone.

Clark had left her.

Lois turned and ran to the house. Through the kitchen. Up the stairs. Into the bedroom.

The bedroom they had shared.

She collapsed on the bed, clinging to the baby blanket.

And the avalanche of tears came again.