Lois & Clark Fanfic Message Boards
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#80036 06/20/11 11:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,200
Top Banana
OP Offline
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,200
Quote
Maybe Superman had actually been in the courtroom, and maybe he had, in the quickest of motions, stopped the bullet with his hand, and perhaps it had just ricocheted and hit the gunman instead.
And left because of guilt? Clark wouldn't want anyone to be killed--and even if it were to save Lois, I imagine he'd be torn up over the fact that he hadn't gotten the save exactly right.

Quote
As she fastened the skirt around her middle, she was dismayed to find that it felt snug.
Aha! I thought things might lead in this direction...

I can't imagine this all getting tied up in one more part... there's a longer story here and I encourage you to write it. Not to make your life harder, but I'd like to see this story stretched out a bit--like show us exactly the circumstances that led up to L&C sleeping together, especially with Clark having amnesia...And I'd like to know why Lois is bothering with Lex at all since she slept with Clark--I don't know... I just think you got a good thing here and could go deeper! And if you need a beta-reader, I'm available! laugh


Errata (you asked for it smile ) If you ask, I can't help but notice... if you don't mention it, then I can usually skip over them. :rolleyes:

Quote
Superman, Earth’s one last hope, we [was]nowhere to be found.
Quote
And one thing [had] led to another and before long, the were lying next to each other in his bed.
(a little subjective, but...)

Quote
What are the odds than [that] another gunman will take up the job tomorrow?


Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way. wink
#80037 06/21/11 01:03 AM
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425
Likes: 1
L
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
L
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425
Likes: 1
What a fantastic first half of a story. I'm not sure how you'll be able to wrap everything up in just one more part, but I am eager to find out. smile

By the way, if you wish to add italics into a story, put an open bracket-i-close bracket before the part to be italicized, and an open bracket-forward slash-i-close bracket after it, like this:

[ i] this[ /i]

You will need to remove the extraneous spaces I placed after the open brackets. I needed to put them in there, or else the MB would have italicized the word this.

Joy,
Lynn

#80038 06/21/11 01:15 AM
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
M
Merriwether
Offline
Merriwether
M
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,883
This is a great start! I will say that it does seem like the beginning of more than a two-parter. In any event, I'm looking forward to more.


lisa in the sky with diamonds
#80039 06/21/11 06:50 AM
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
Offline
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
So, Lois sleeps with Clark. Two months later, her skirts are tight and bullets are ricocheting off her head. laugh

I agree with everyone else - one more part is not enough!

Looking forward to part 2. wave


"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
#80040 06/21/11 07:28 AM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142
Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142
Likes: 3
Great first part! I'd love to see this stretched out to more than a 2-parter though. I think you've got a great story brewing her. Although, I have to admit, I was suspicious of Lois straight from the start when her knees gave out when the gunman grabbed her.

Please post part 2 soon!!!


Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon

#80041 06/21/11 08:31 AM
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 291
Hack from Nowheresville
Offline
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 291
Thanks for the comments! I appreciate the typo-finds, mozartmind -- my brain just ends up not seeing them after a while. smile

I'll go ahead and post part 2, and you guys can tell me if you think it comes to a satisfactory completion. If not, well, I may have to feed my muse a bit of extra chocolate!


Molly
#80042 06/21/11 09:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724
Likes: 1
S
Merriwether
Offline
Merriwether
S
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724
Likes: 1
What a neat premise! Can't wait to see how you tie it all together.

Joan

#80043 06/21/11 04:21 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
Offline
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
So Clark sleeps with Lois, and then runs out on her the next morning. No wonder she doesn't want to talk about it. She's good at denying and repressing.

What scares me is that she's hanging out with Lex Luthor way too much.

#80044 06/23/11 09:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Offline
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Interesting premise. Hmmm. Nightfall, Clark + Lois... = superpowered Lois. Hmmmm. What else might be going on here? love

Maybe there's another reason that Lois is looking so beautiful... could it be that extra heartbeat?

How will you wrap this up? Off to find out. smile


VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.

Moderated by  Kaylle, SuperBek 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5