The two men returned back to their quarters clearly depressed over the day’s events. They tried to act normal but kept lapsing into heavy silence. Soon the tension amongst the four was so thick that the room felt oppressive and airless.
“Oh, just tell us what happened,” Lane finally demanded. “It’s obvious you’ve been through hell and it would be helpful to know what happened."
Before the men could answer, Lois sprang to her feet and walked away, clearly agitated. She was burning with curiosity – but she was terrified to know all that had gone on behind those closed doors. Had they actually tried to emulate him in the space of the last few hours just a few 100 feet from where they were now ? Had they been successful? The idea of either of them behaving like her tormentor sickened and terrified her. Her flight response was kicking in and both men reminded her of Kal-El now more than ever. Every fiber of her being was poised to flee. Her breathing had become labored as she fought to restrain the impending encroachment of panic.
The entire room fell silent while Lane and the two Clarks gave Lois the time she needed to regain control of her senses.
Lois took several deep breaths and practiced relaxation techniques she had learned from Lana. After what felt like an eon, she finally turned back to face the other three.
“I'm all right,” she stated, her body language and voice not inviting further questioning.
Silence fell again and then Kent finally spoke, knowing what Lois wanted to know – and also knowing that he was better suited to say what needed to be said due to not being the man she loved.
“Lois - we never saw anything involving you.”
Lois paled prompting Clark to look at Kent accusingly. Kent doggedly refused to look at his doppelganger. He could feel the other man’s anger radiating and finally he returned his gaze, lifting an eye brow in silent challenge.
Clark's anger faded – he knew that Kent had done the right thing when he answered Lois's unspoken and desperate question. It hurt Clark to see Lois upset, but Kent had done what he had to do.
“Well... so what did happen,” Lois finally asked in a voice that was calm and flat.
Clark stood and began to pace distractedly as he spoke.
“We were subjected to an influx of memories and recordings. Telepathy is a horrible thing.”
“Who was present,” Lois asked, her voice still deadly calm. “Any earthlings?”
“No,” Clark said as he halted his pacing and gave his wife his direct attention. “I can’t imagine - “ he trailed off.
“You’ll have to test your efforts, you know,” she retorted. “You can’t just rely on those who know him - you’ll have to- some of his former victims will have to assess how believable you are.” She shuddered. She knew she could never do it. Memories of her attempt at self therapy loomed large in her mind.
“I don’t see why,” Clark argued, hating the truth in what she said. “There were two Kryptonians present who had been victimized by him. They should be able to give us all the feedback we need.”
“This mission is truly life or death - you know this world's Lois will insist on seeing you – perform.”
“Oh god. I forgot about that,” groaned Kent. “Yeah, she’ll want to - evaluate our credibility... just thinking about it makes me sick.”
“You have to keep reminding yourself that all of what you are doing will free this world if done properly,” said Lane. “Yes, you'll upset people, but they want you to be successful so you can help end his rule.”
“It still feels like a horrific betrayal,” said Kent. “Especially to you,” he said to Lois, waiting to feel Clark's anger in his mind.
“I know,” she responded softly, giving Kent the courtesy of her gaze. “And I’ll be honest with you - knowing you were there, learning to imitate him - it made me angry... at you two. It made me feel helpless, violated and angry. And I'm angry at myself for feeling that way when I know this hurts you too. I feel like my emotions are betraying you and this mission.”
Kent nodded, his expression downcast. Lois couldn’t even bring herself to face Clark after what she had said. If she saw that awful look of bleak desolation in his eyes, she would begin to cry.
“Maybe you three should just be honest with each other about what you feel,” said Lane. “Lois - if you’re hiding your feelings and they’re hiding their guilt - then you all feel badly about what you’re doing without any hope of feeling better. I don't see how all of you wallowing in despair will help.”
Lois fought the urge to snap at her undamaged mirror image. Counting to ten in her mind she realized that Lane was right. Honest discourse was the only way to survive this.
“I won't hide my feelings,” said Lois. “I promise.”
“I promise as well,” Clark said, giving her a look that spoke volumes of how much he loved and respected her.
“So do I,” Kent said. “ No matter how awful any of this is.”
Another long and awkward silence filled the room.
“I feel betrayed and angry,” Lois repeated, her voice small and full of her emotional turmoil. “The idea that you both are witnessing his abuse of other women makes me feel violated as though you're seeing what he did to me. Logically I know I've got no reason to be ashamed, but I am ashamed... and I'm so scared that someone will slip in a memory of my abuse. I'm sure Zara is one of the people sharing her memories – and she saw a lot of what I went through.”
After a short pause, Clark broke the silence.
“I can understand that,” he said, thinking of the time that Luthor had him prisoner. “Nobody wants their trauma up on display. You are correct. Zara was there. And she did share her memories... they were really disturbing, but they solely focused on her interactions with that – low-life. We could feel her barriers around things she didn't want to share.”
Lois nodded, tears pricking her eyes. Clark desperately wanted to hold her but held back the impulse.
“There was a woman named Vina,” Kent said hesitantly, eying Lois carefully. “She... said she knew you.”
Lois gasped, clearly shocked, and Kent regretted his words.
“She’s alive? Thank god for that,” Lois breathed, surprising both men.
“Um... she said - she - “ Kent stopped, not knowing how to ask. Vina had been forced to aid Lord Kal in his degradations - in doing so, she had inflicted physical pain on his victims - forced to do so to keep those same victims alive... had she ever done anything like this to Lois?
“Vina and I had a few unpleasant run-ins,” she confirmed his fear. “If that’s what you’re asking.” Her voice was sharp with pain and anger.
“Oh god,” groaned Clark. “I’m not sure I can interact with her … now that I know that.”
“She did what she did to prevent worse from happening to me,”Lois retorted. “I don’t bear her any ill will. She was as much a victim as us humans.... I'm just not sure if *I* can face her. The idea that she’s here, amongst us - it’s - hard to take...”
“Lois, I'm sorry,” said Clark. “This must be hell.”
“It is. But it’s not your fault - nor is it yours,” she said to Kent. “So no matter what - hold on to that thought... maybe the next time you see Vina you could ask her to come by to see me? I don’t have the fortitude to seek her out... the less I interact with them - the better, but – I wouldn't mind – seeing her again. Maybe I could get some kind of closure."
Both men flinched at her use of the word ‘them’ - they were ‘them’ when it came right down to it. Aliens. Off-worlders. Interlopers. Invaders.
She saw their twin reactions and shook her head at them helplessly.
“I don’t mean to hurt you -”
“Yeah. We get that,” said Kent. “It’s fine.”
“So what now," she asked. "I'm kind of burned out on talking about this for now."
It was late, and it was a time when many of the others were asleep. Lois had far too much nervous energy and residual panic to sleep next to her husband and he knew it. Fortunately the other two were aware of the dilemma.
“Well - anyone for a lethal weapon marathon,” asked Lane. “They have a central server here with movies that you can watch at will. And we have a TV...”
“I’m not sure even Mel Gibson can cheer me up,” said Lois.
“I know... but it’ll at least pass the time -”
"Aren't you tired," she asked her doppelganger wistfully.
"I couldn't sleep right now," lied Lane. "I'd rather hang out and watch some TV with my favorite people in the entire universe.
Lois scoffed laughingly at that.
"Well, I can't argue with that," she laughed. "Thanks - to all of you. I'm well aware you expend a great deal of energy seeing to my emotional well being."
"You're worth it," said Kent. "Besides, I'm feeling pretty fried myself. This will be a good way to decompress."
