“So how's it going,” LL asked the two men brusquely during a planning meeting. Their presence at this meeting was creating havoc and terror in her heart and she had to work very hard at not letting any of it show. She knew they could use their enhanced hearing, sight, smell – all of the ungodly enhancements to a normal person's sensory arsenal to discover the truth – yet she soldiered on. No point in letting her fellow humans know that she wanted nothing more than to turn tail and hide from them, begging for mercy every time she saw the tightness of anger around their eyes. She shuddered as she wondered how the other Loises could bear to be physically intimate with them.
There was an awkward silence following her question during which time one of them looked at the other as if to figure out who should answer her question. Their obvious awkwardness in dealing with the people of this world was the only thing that gave her strength. Had they been bold, brash and confident, she would have been lost.
“It isn't going well,” Kent answered.
There was another long pause.
“I didn't expect you to say that.”
“What did you expect?”
The narrowing of his curious gaze created a tremor of fear in her heart that almost struck her dumb. He wasn't angry at her – he was simply curious – but the way he narrowed in his gaze – it terrified her- made her feel like she was once more in the cross-hairs of a far more deadly identical gaze.
Clark saw her fear and muttered sub-vocally to Kent.
“Ease off, buddy. She's getting upset.”
Kent looked at him briefly – obviously Clark knew of what he spoke having dealt with Lois's reactions.
“Care to share with the class,” LL's voice rang disdainfully across the table. She saw the exchange and it angered her. This gave her strength to fight back her panic.
“Not really,” Kent responded, knowing full well he couldn't tell her what Clark had said.
“Not a big fan of secret exchanges between aliens,” she retorted sharply.
“Can we get back on topic,” asked Lois. “you asked a question, got an answer that surprised you...”
“I'm not accustomed to hearing anything but – self-aggrandizement from anyone who looks like you,” she said succinctly. Kal-El would never have admitted failure to anything. He'd sooner kill any witnesses to any failures than ever admit a weakness."
“Well – I don't know how to respond to that,” Kent said quietly. “I just answered honestly. It's not going well at all.”
“So you say,” she egged him on, not sure why she kept insisting on literally playing with fire. It seemed that every time she poked at the two men and didn't evoke rage or punishment she somehow regained a small amount of faith in something – a something she didn't care to define just now.
“Are you implying that they're deliberately failing?” It was Lane who took offense at LL's comment. The two men remained carefully controlled.
“Are you really giving it your best effort? I'm not sure you are- maybe you're delaying -“
“Because we want to stay here longer” asked Kent incredulously. “That's incredibly far-fetched.”
“Maybe this all amuses you. Not far-fetched at all if you've ever dealt with your counterpart.”
He shook his head, backing down.
“Nothing I can say will convince you otherwise. I can only say that I'm extremely eager to see an end to all this – for your sakes as well as mine. It just isn't going well. Clark and I are too – ah – human – in how we act. We aren't convincing despite what we believe to be our best efforts.”
“It's worse than that,” said Zara, finally breaking in with her opinion. “They are afraid to fully commit to his behavior -I suspect it has to do with her,” she said, nodding towards Lois. “They feel that acting like him even for this purpose is harming her.”
“That's stupid,” LL snapped, all the while feeling a rush of wistful yearning and hurt at the obvious love that the two men held for her counterpart. One loved her like a brother and the other... she couldn't even contemplate that. She had never known that kind of connection with someone and she was so far broken now, she knew she never would.
“Maybe,” said Clark, quietly. “I don't deny that. We know how important it is – but knowing something and really believing it are two separate things. Yes, the mission is critical – and yes – our best chance at success is being able to fully mimic him. Still, it's hard to convince my subconscious mind to stop interfering with my conscious effort. The fact is, I don't see us improving much.”
She kept her gaze on his for a long and very painful moment.
She exhaled hard.
“I know,” she said, allowing a brief glimpse of her true self to emerge. “I know you want this to succeed so you can go home. That, I get. The world you live in is wonderful and nobody treats you like a monster.”
His face darkened with a flash of misery and she had to stop herself from feeling sorry for him.
“Then we change the plan. You are still the best choice for infiltration, but you can't remain there too long. Go in, gain information and then leave. Do you understand that you can't do anything to draw attention to yourselves?”
“Yes,” said Kent. “We get that.”
“Seriously, Clark,” she said, surprising him with his real name. “You can't try to rescue individuals. Okay? You have to keep a very low profile. Both of you.”
“I can accompany whichever of you goes in,” said Zara. “We might not be approached by people if they think we are having a private conversation.”
“That's a good idea. Her presence would lend credibility. Do I have your word - both of you – no heroics?”
They both looked uncomfortable by her insistence.
“It – I don't know,” said Clark. “How can we walk away if someone truly needs help?”
“Clark. If you see someone – a human – being victimized – you have to remember that Kal-El wouldn't care. He'd cheer it on – and yes, I know that sickens you both – but if you blow your cover, this entire operation will fail and the invasion will never end.”
“I know – I'm just telling you that It's not a promise I can make. I'll do my best -”
"That's obviously not good enough -”
“That's not fair,” said Lane.
“What isn't fair is that my world is under siege, Lois,” snapped LL. “It's not fair that I no longer start my morning off with a black coffee and occasional donut -my life is about death, and pain – and plotting against vicious alien dictators.”
“Clark and I aren't stupid,” said Kent without rancor. “We understand the point you're making and will endeavor to achieve whatever goals we have without drawing attention to ourselves or interacting with others. We do understand that being caught out will be disastrous to everyone who's trying to bring an end to the invasion.”
She hesitated and then nodded.
“I suppose I should thank you for your sacrifice and your honesty.”
“No. I'd rather you just told us the plan.”
She activated a button on a device in front of her and a three dimensional image of a map appeared spinning in the air above the device.
“That's cool,” said Clark. “What is it?”
“Very star wars,” said Lane, leaning forward.
They both caught LL's icy gaze.
“Okay. We're done,” said Lane. “Sorry.”
“Well, it's clearly a map,” she said in a voice that questioned their general intelligence. “Kryptonian technology, obviously. You'll have to work on not acting like the Beverly hillbillies when in character. Being awed by everyday technology will point you out as an intruder -”
“Okay,” said Lois angrily, “Moving on.”
“We believe the stasis chamber to be here,” LL began as she gestured towards the map and began to explain the details of the plan.
______________________________________________
Zara and Kent waited alone for LL to arrive and give final sanction to the first step in the plan. They would go and infiltrate the Kryptonian stronghold and develop a plan for accessing the stasis lab.
Kent was dressed as Kal-El, but he looked every inch the human that he really was. It was his awkward guilt at presenting himself in this way to Zara that gave her the impetus she needed to treat him like the friend he had become. Mostly she could interact with the two doppelgangers without fear – but sometimes her mind would play tricks and she could barely stand to be around them.
“Where's Lois,” she asked him politely, trying to make conversation.
“I asked her to give me some space with all this,” he said. “I know she doesn't have any emotional baggage, but still – I just hate for her to see me like this.”
“Kryptonian?”
“I can deal with that. It's looking like him -”
“But she never met him -”
“The other Lois did... and I could never face her like this... not again. And if my – Lois,” he used the possessive pronoun carefully and only did so around Zara, “If she saw me like this – it might make the other Lois feel like a coward or something for not facing her fears -”
“I understand,Clark,” she said gently putting a hand on his forearm.
“Thanks. I'm having trouble expressing myself.”
“You're scared.”
“Yes.”
“So am I. But we will prevail.”
“You've prevailed pretty far thus far.”
“Right. So have faith in my ability to prevail again.”
“I do,” he said.”I admire you all so much.”
She flushed under his praise, certain that even her true husband would never be proud of her – not after she had foolishly allowed all this to happen.
“Well, you've borne up well. I know this is very hard.”
“I suppose knowing that I'll get to go home one day helps me deal. This is your home universe, however. And you'll still be here when the invasion is overthrown.”
“Yes,” her eyes reflected sadness. “There's no sudden escape back to a world that never heard of Lord-Kal.”
“Nor invaded my home world. I told you that. And it was terrible. He was cruel... and vicious – and – a killer. A rapist too... many people suffered horribly.”
“But they don't look at you as they did him?”
“I openly opposed the invasion. Nonetheless – how can Nor's victims not think of me as a potential threat? I know that the invasion gave rise to suspicion and fear – only time can make it less stark.”
“Have you encountered that at all?”
“Most people are on guard around me... even before. I guess what I am and what I can do are scary. Lois – she never felt that way. Not even when she didn't know me.”
“She trusted you completely?”
“Yes. And that level of acceptance was something I never thought I'd find beyond my own parents.”
“But the other Clark didn't have that.”
“And yet they still found each other. And that's – almost a miracle.”
“One that won't happen here,” she breathed. “The real Kal-El and Lois... “ she shook her head.
Kent grew uncomfortable.
“Isn't... he your -ah -”
“We are joined. Yes. The clone was a usurper. When we prove him to be a clone – my marriage won't be dissolved – I simply will be joined to Kal-El. We were bonded as infants.”
“I don't understand much of that,” he shook his head. “I just wondered. I know you and Ching -”
She paled. He stopped.
“Sorry -” his voice and manner were anxious and apologetic.
“It's just – if Kal-El – if the clone – I know he knows. And to have you say that. It almost sounded like an accusation.”
“Oh god. It wasn't. It was – it was - a hope – a hope that you could find happiness at the end of all this. With the man you really love -despite all the garbage the clone's forced you to endure,” he said, his voice low and regretful as he referenced things he'd seen in their shared memory sessions.
She shuddered.
“I beg your pardon, Zara,” he spoke formally. “I overstepped.”
“No, Clark, you didn't. You're starting to try to take care of me – it's your nature. I am bonded to Kal-El. I will honor that bond . Only he can dissolve it. Should he do so – I won't seek out Ching. I can't dishonor Kal-El that way.”
“I don't understand.”
“I failed my mate,” she said. “You've heard me say this before. I failed him – I allowed all this to happen by not investigating when the kind child turned into a cruel adult. I should have seen the truth and I didn't. Because of that, Kal-El has suffered greatly. He will be hated and feared by the actions of those who victimized him... if I go on and seek happiness after causing him so much pain – it would feel wrong.”
“Zara, if he's anything like me - he will want you to be happy and he won't blame you.”
“You are very human, Clark. He was kind and fair – like you – but – he is Kryptonian. He will see where the fault lies. He won't order my death, nor will he banish me to the phantom zone – but he will be deeply disappointed in me. I won't defy that by living happily when I know he never can.”
“Never say never, Zara. There's always hope.”
“And don't you sound like a big scary looking fortune cookie,” said LL interrupting as she walked in. “You certainly do look the part of terrifyingly dangerous alien invader.”
“Well... I’m not hoping to freak anyone out,” he said deliberately using American slang.
“Give me a little demo, okay?”
“I - “
“Just walk for me, you don't have to interact with me – walk over to Zara and speak with her as he would – as you've learned he would.”
“So I should walk over to the other side of the room first?”
“You want me to block for you,” she mocked him? “I'm not a director.”
He sighed, forcing himself to show any agitation. Ignoring her comment, he walked away from Zara. He paused a moment to collect himself and then he concentrated on mimicking the clone's body language and stance. He turned to face the women and kept his eyes fixed on Zara. She returned his gaze coolly not betraying any turmoil at all, but he could hear the LL's heart rate and respiration had increased dramatically.
She was terrified.
He ignored that and approached Zara as LL had insisted he do. He saw Kal-El in his minds eye and focused on imitating his prowling sense of mastery over every one around him. He uttered a silent apology to Lois and gave himself completely up to the deception. Millions – billions even – would die if he failed.
Once he approached Zara, he began to talk to her as he 'remembered' Kal-El doing. He spoke flawless Kryptonian, his voice hard and arrogant and his manner completely that of someone who knew he was in charge and didn't care at all about the comforts of those around him.
Zara played her part as well, answering his questions as she would if he were the real Lord Kal.
Kent made the mistake of flickering his gaze over to LL and she stepped back sharply on an indrawn breath. Her terror was not well disguised and it broke through his pretense.
He stepped away from both women, his body language his own, and began to apologize – feeling as horribly as he did the day he had forced himself past Lois's mental barriers. The day he had first felt like a rapist.
“You had it,” snapped LL, angry at both of them for her moment of weakness. “You can't just fall apart because you feel bad.”
“I can't help who I am,” he fought back, unable anymore to let her berate him for having a heart. “I'm sorry if it makes it hard for you to hate me – but I'm not that monster and I don't aspire to be.”
“I don't hate you, Kal-El. You hardly exist to me at all. You're just a means to an end. And you better bring about the end of the invasion – and not the human race!”
“Lois,” said Zara, “He did this very well this time. Please back off.”
LL regarded Zara with a mix of anger and exasperation. Zara returned her gaze stoically until LL finally looked down.
“Fine,” she said, turning on her heel. “Go – proceed as planned. Stay in telepathic contact, Zara – and don't go off the plan. If things begin to fall apart, get out without looking suspicious.”
Kent waited for her to leave and then finally spoke.
“She makes it sound so easy -”
“Believe me – she's well aware how hard this is. Let's go, Clark. The sooner we do this, the sooner it's over.”
