|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
I finally finished chapter 21 (which was giving me fits) and am now about halfway done with chapter 22! I'm also thinking there might be a small epilogue, if no one will get mad that there's an extra part I didn't warn you about!  Many thanks go to Anonpip, DW, and Morgana for beta-reading these last chapters in a hurry for me! The story's much better for their input and encouragement! I'd love to hear what you all think of this chapter--thanks!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
You had me sitting on the edge of my seat wondering what Cloneman would do with Lois.  Would he whisk her away against her will with poor Clark asleep and oblivious in the next room? Would she now faced with her hero feel something again? (thank God, not!) Would Clark catch her talking with Cloneman and think that she still has feelings for him? I do think that Cloneman is developing a conscience, but to think of Luthor as family! Ugh, that makes me sick to my stomach.  It almost makes me pity him. Except I know all those positive feelings of being with Clark forevermore, daydreaming of being married to Clark... only means something BAD is about to happen. And Cloneman will be in the thick of it. Will he still save Lois when Luthor captures her? Or will he save Clark when Luthor tries to kill him? Will Clark have to battle his Clone? Will he be able to? Will Cloneman redeem himself? Will the real Superman be allowed to return once the Cloneman is gone? Or has he done irreparable damage to Superman's image? It was very telling to have Lois lock the windows, barring "Superman" from their life. I still think she should have whispered sweet everythings in Clark's ear while he slept. How much stronger would Clakr be in the morning if he slept knowing that Lois loved him heart-and-soul and wanted to be with him forevermore?
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,060 Likes: 20
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,060 Likes: 20 |
Oh dear... I get the sinking feeling that Lois just unwittingly took away any incentive Cloneman had to turn good. "Yes, family is important. Do what he wants. By the way, I'll never love you." Or maybe that's not the case; maybe he's seen enough to be willing to turn against Luthor. Either way, this is definitely getting to the very good part! 
~•~
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1 |
Get *mad* about having more of this story? Absolutely not! I, for one, am enjoying this story too much to want to see it end. Another fantastic part. Joy, Lynn
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1 |
This is clever: "You don't understand!" Superman blurted out, his expression desperate, almost panicked, his features a collection of harsh lines and jagged shadows. "He's family, Lois! That's all I was ever taught--loyalty to family. It's all I've ever known!" Due to Lois' misconception, she's interpreting his words differently than he means. I'm glad Lois knows she loves Clark but I have a bad feeling that Superman will be turning against her. Joan
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
his quietly hopeful eyes unhindered by the glasses he had taken off and never put back on, as if he flaunted his familial resemblance to Superman now that he no longer had to hide it. Also, they just get in his way when he kisses Lois? The Lois Lane I used to be *had* disappeared. But she hadn't been buried; she had been transformed, like a changeling that took on a new, better, more durable shape. Love can do that to a person.  I gave him a small grin, emboldened by his hesitant silence. "Well, you're not so bad yourself." The one secret I still possessed hovered just behind my lips, eager to leap out into the open, but I knew I had to give Superman the courtesy of telling him first. "Clark...you're a good man," I told him quietly. "That's why I'm here, now, with you."
A line appeared to mar his brow. "What if...what if I'm not? Lois, you said I didn't give up in that cell, but...I thought some very bad things while trapped there. And I think...I think I *hate* Luthor." He spoke the word "hate" with such hesitance that it almost seemed a foreign word to him. As it was, I realized anew. "And though I might not actually act on any of those dark thoughts, I do know that I would do *anything* to stop him--to stop *anyone*--from hurting you." Oooh, I like this. No matter what my initial thoughts had been, I could never have known then that he was actually an alien with a heart of gold, that he would make himself my friend...that I would fall in love with him. I knew Clark--not the make-up of his DNA...but the makings of his heart.
Not the planet of his origin...but the qualities that grounded and shaped his personality.
Not his family tree...but the beauty within him that made so many strangers into friends.
Not the details of his childhood...but the depth and devotion of his love for me.
Not all the facts...but everything that mattered. Wonderful! Beautifully stated. And Superman...he had sold his soul to buy Clark's freedom. A truth I hadn't yet come to terms with. A truth I wished I could deny. A truth that made me feel alone and horrified and grateful all at once. Argh! Really? You still believe that Lois? So I caressed his face one last time, then slipped into my own bed, curled up on my side where I could watch him. A formless time later, I fell into sleep and dreamed that Clark wrapped me in a scarlet-and-gold cape to keep me warm, smiled tenderly, sweetly down at me, handed me his glasses, and said, "You know all our secrets now, Lois...but do you know *his*?" And I turned my face away, and wrapped myself tighter in Superman's cape, and could not answer him. Ooooh! Maybe Lois is putting together a few extra pieces to the puzzle? More please! As always, amazing update and I love the way you work the words to make such awesome imagery.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020 |
Delightful part. I do hope Clark heard at least enough to know Lois does NOT know his secret.
Framework4
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
"The night molded itself to his face and form so that it seemed his colors were black and gray rather than crimson and royal blue, the moonlight too preoccupied with Clark’s form to attend to the superhero."
Here is what I think about the line above: Clark is still joyful brightness even in the night, whereas this 'person' is nothing but sad darkness.
I have had so much fun reading this story!!!!
Deadly Chakram's comment was perfect: Cloneboy's warranty is almost up!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
I liked the line about the moon also. In fact, throughout this story I have been impressed by your use of personification - another great example being the waves that lifted Clark up from the bottom of the river once they realized it was him.  I'm looking forward to reading climatic Chapter 21! 
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,200
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,200 |
Wonderful imagery and excellent metaphors: I liked the play of shadow on clone-Superman--he's a fake, so he's less vibrant, less vivid (hmmm... seen the pics of the new Superman? I think I feel the same way about the new suit... ) And you did a clever thing, having Lois think he was concerned about his connection to Clark, when in actuality, he's worried about how to handle Luthor. "I don't want a shooting star," I said gently, seizing the opportunity before the moment passed. I wished, longingly, selfishly, impossibly, that Clark was standing beside me, lending me a measure of his strength and courage. "They look and sound magical, but they're only there for an instant, appearing and disappearing far too quickly."
Besides, I thought with yet another glance in Clark's general direction, who would want the stars--cold, impersonal, and distant--when a blazing sun waited with open arms outstretched?
Superman flinched, as if I had struck him. His hooded eyes sought the stars. "Barely alive before fading away," he murmured despondently. "Dying alone in the dark." I like the contrast of Clark as the sun, and the impostor as a distant and lonely star--the light that is not really real, as it is seen from earth often after its light has gone out... You could pull it apart technically since our sun is a star--but the metaphor holds up, because the sun is a living star, while the distant ones are in effect, impostors, since most of them no longer exist. For once, *I* wanted to be the one that brought light into *his* life. And I wanted him to bask in the warmth of the sun as I told him, wanted to enjoy the look of his skin in the golden beams, wanted to delight in the laughter I was sure he would grace me with. Besides, we had a lifetime--a lifetime for me to show him just how much I loved him. Awww.... Well done! And, no, of course I don't mind if there's an epilogue!! I also hope that Clark gets his powers back, and returns to being the real Superman... just sayin'.  Love your story! 
Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,208
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,208 |
Maybe I'm reading too much into this but I got a foreboding feeling, like Cloneboy did something to Lois. I don't know, like maybe he was sent there on a mission by Luthor but was having doubts about it until she totally shunned him for Clark and so Cloneboy decided to go through with his orders after all. Maybe when he kissed her, he put some sort of Kryptonite on her or it soaked into her blood stream or something. Again, maybe I'm just reading into things but this scene seemed like more than just closure for Lois. Great part AntiK and I'm VERY excited about the next climactic part!
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always
depend on the support of Paul.
-George Bernard Shaw
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
Finally, we both decided--without words--that it was late enough to stop for the night, and we set aside the computer and our notes, and we headed into the bedroom. Oooo yet another facette of sharing a bedroom. We've had comfort, friendship, and now, budding love It was strange, I thought, that the only night I was really uneasy about sleeping in the same room as Clark was the night I finally knew the real him. Wel, now the question is, do we cuddle? I readied quickly--dressing in a nightgown rather than the casual pajamas I had been favoring lately--but then paused and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Oooooo hint-hint! /imagines the nightgown from the illfated late-night visit after the proposal/ The Lois Lane I used to be *had* disappeared. But she hadn't been buried; she had been transformed, like a changeling that took on a new, better, more durable shape. When I stepped fully into the room, Clark turned from making up his cot to face me...and then froze. His hands were poised in mid-air, the blanket held slackly between his fingers, his dumbstruck expression lit by the lamp beside my bed. "Uh, Lois... I... I hadn't figured... You... And me... Umm..." so slowly, seeking once more to calm that untamed, beautiful creature before him Yes, don't frighten her. She might kick. And I'm not strong enough to stop him anymore--" That's not the issue. I'm more worried about fake Loises popping up. "If Luthor sends *him*, I...I won't be able to--" They should have kept the Kryptonite? "Is it...it's not because of my secret...is it?" /slaps head/ Hmm... /slaps head of doofus/ Even if he thinks she knows *the* secret. Finally, I opted for simplicity and shrugged. "I didn't know your secret when I dived into the ocean after you." "What if...what if I'm not? Lois, you said I didn't give up in that cell, but...I thought some very bad things while trapped there. And I think...I think I ...would not feel happy when after I successfully saved Luthor from suicide." And then there's this one: ...would make sure no one else is in grave danger before resucing Luthor when I see him prancing on top of his balcony railing." "And though I might not actually act on any of those dark thoughts, I do know that I would do *anything* to stop him--to stop *anyone*--from hurting you." So, turn him itno a marshmallow? Alone because the man I had thought was a paragon of virtue was, in the end, not as untouchable and unimpeachable as I had imagined him to be. And yet, just why is he still helping Luthor, then? Because of the Kryptonite? Or because he gave his word? It doesn't really add up, does it, Lois? Quietly, I shut the bedroom door behind myself and padded across the living room. Are you actually recreating the scene from Barbarians? Will Superman utter the infamous phrase? Did Lois really go out and meet Superman without a robe? "There were some...bad things...happening, Lois. I wanted them to stop." The whole Nigel thing. And Superman trying to get Lex to give up? Things like you getting hurt, Lois--that was never supposed to happen. He said it wouldn't." "Don't worry, kiddo, I'm not going to hurt the pretty lady or the guy who looks like you." "But he's all I have, Lois!" Lex. Father. And yet, to Lois... "He's family, Lois! That's all I was ever taught--loyalty to family. It's all I've ever known!" Again. Father. And to Lois... Clark, his brother. "Stop living in fear! You can end this all! Family *is* important, so--" Wonders if Superman hears 'kidnap me now, as Father commands.' "Do what *he* wants you to do!"  And then I would be able to tell Clark what I had so recently discovered myself. Oh dear. "I can make you a hundred shooting stars, Lois--a thousand--whatever you want." That can't be good. "They look and sound magical, but they're only there for an instant, appearing and disappearing far too quickly." What a great analogy between shooting stars and supermen. "Barely alive before fading away," he murmured despondently. "Dying alone in the dark." DC so has a point re the warrenty. And  But who had ever voluntarily, willingly, freely *wanted* me? Who...besides Clark? Awwwwwwwww "Lois..." Superman gave one slow shake of his head. "Don't do this." And he will hear Father talking about how his attraction to Lois is just an infatuation with a nice face. Not real. No reason to disobey. No reason to not act against her. "Lois, I...I *need* you. I need you to save me." This is *really* bad. but he's still remarkably stable. "I wanted you to tell me--" That I'm real. That I don't belong to Lex. That I'm *good*. "You know all our secrets now, Lois...but do you know *his*?" Clark talking about Cloneman/Lex or Cloneman talking about Clark/Superman? Great part. And lot's more anxiety left for part 21. There's got to be an awful cliffhanger Michael
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks for the feedback, everyone! It's very encouraging to know, this close to the end, that I haven't scared everyone away! So glad this chapter kept you on the edge of your seat, VirginiaR. I know everyone's waiting for the climax, so I was worried this chapter would be a bit frustrating for the readers. And something bad about to happen? Surely not! :p Loved your comment, Queen of the Capes--I had to laugh at how you rephrased Lois's dialogue. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Lynn--and for taking time out of your busy schedule to read and comment! I love the ambiguous phrases and double-meanings laced throughout this chapter, scifiJoan--very fun to do. Glad you're enjoying the story! Thanks, Deadly Chakram. I wasn't even thinking about bringing in Clark's insecurity, but it went down on page, so I guess HE needed to address it. Glad the metaphors are working--another thing I like to do. How's the popcorn? Thanks, Framework4! I'm glad you're still following the story. Morgana, thanks for putting that line up--I liked it so much when you beta-read, I knew it deserved to be seen. Beautiful all on its own. Thanks, Vicki--personalization (and thanks for coming up with a name for it, by the way ) is something I, perhaps, do a little too often, so I was overjoyed to see so many people comment favorably on it. And I had a lot of fun weaving in pieces of the show in slightly different forms. Hopefully, most of your questions will soon be answered! I love all your comments regarding the stars and sun, mozartmaid--so insightful. I like how you compared distant stars to imposters. I admit that I didn't go into that much detail on the metaphor, but I'm glad it caught your attention. :rolleyes: As to Clark being Superman again...  Thanks, stephnachia! For Lois's sake, I hope you're wrong about 'Superman's' kiss! Very astute comments, Darth Michael, so much so that I can't respond to very many of them. I did like all the phrases you finished or redid in your own words. And thanks for pointing out that Lois went out to meet Superman without a robe--I certainly didn't intend to give that image, so I'll have to go back and mention her throwing on a covering before going outside. Sorry about that!  And a cliff-hanger? Here I thought I'd been very generous about finishing a scene before chapter breaks. Thanks, everyone!
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
AntiK - The popcorn is hot and very buttery. Want some?
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
That is so weird. and embarrassing. I typed that and then read it and thought "what the heck is that?" I distinctly remember correcting that word and writing personification. why the correction didnt take and my malapropism remained is beyond me! ETA: oh, I see. The post *was* corrected. You must get email notifications.
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
Here I thought I'd been very generous about finishing a scene before chapter breaks. [Wink] Yes, but that's not helping when you consider that there *has* to be some climax. And the less parts there are left, the fewer chances for it. And I am too much from Metropolis to not believe authors are evil and enjoy tortu-erm entertaining their readers Michael
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Popcorn's not my thing, Deadly Chakram, but thanks. It's got to be better than the fingernails you were chewing on during the next chapter! Well, personalization or personification, Vicki--I like them both. I've never taken the time to put a name to the habit, so I was glad to have one. I'll try to remember the one you liked! Entertaining was the right word, I'm sure, Darth Michael. After all, I'm pretty sure torture is illegal pretty much everywhere.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,384 |
as it turns out, they are both correct, so now you have two words to choose from. i thought personalization was a mistake but i just looked it up and its second meaning is personification. whichever name you give it, i love the way you do it!
"Hold on, my friends, to the Constitution and to the Republic for which it stands. Miracles do not cluster and what has happened once in 6,000 years, may not happen again. Hold on to the Constitution" - Daniel Webster
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks!
|
|
|
|
