From Part 6:
"Clark, I ..." I began, ready to tell the big, important three words that had been on my lips for weeks. But I hesitated. It seemed to me as if Clark shook his head almost imperceptibly, as if he implored me not do that to him. Then he turned away, and the wall he had drawn between us, the wall that was so high I could barely see him anymore, was back in place - as impenetrable as ever.
"Yes, I like working at the Daily Planet," Clark finally said. "But I think it's better to leave. And now let us explore the hotel, Lois. We are here to work," he said mechanically, almost coldly, and went out of the room. Sadly, I followed him.
* * *
Only in my dreams
Part 7
The world beyond the door was a different one, entirely. The hotel room had been bright and nicely furnished, but in comparison to the corridor it seemed like a gray, cold cell. Maybe Clark’s broad smile made the difference, warming me from within as I left the bleak room. A passing couple smiled back at us, beaming with joy. They were all the advertising this institute needed. Clark obviously felt compelled to pretend that we were just as happy as they were. Anyway, he pulled me towards him, causing my heart to race. I couldn’t help but smile, as I leaned into his embrace, though only a minute before I had felt like my world was going to fall apart.
Clark's hand was on my back and his breath brushed my hair, as he pretended to place a kiss on my forehead. His lips did not touch me, but they were close enough for me to imagine the rest. A slight tingling sensation spread across my skin and I wrapped my arm around Clark's waist. For once, he did not protest. Instead, he let me feel the play of his muscles under the soft fabric of his shirt. Slowly, we assumed the roles we were supposed to play and became the couple that had every intention of solving their problems.
Walking arm in arm, we followed the hallway meeting several couples. One was dressed in robes and returned - laughing and kissing - from a swim in the pool. Another one was just holding hands, exchanging glances that left no doubt about how these two were going to spend their next couple of hours. Involuntarily, my thoughts were running in the same direction. But I knew that Clark and I would never share our bed like that, if at all.
All of the sudden, Clark pulled me towards him and gently pressed me against the wall. He leaned in, his lips touching mine in a light kiss. Or was he just pretending? His mouth was closed, unmoving. His hands stroked my arms, exploring and caressing me tenderly. But his lips were not playing along, as if it was not the kiss of a man, but rather a children’s game of imitating adults.
The feeling was electrifying nonetheless. Clark's breath caressed my upper lip and cheeks. Wave after wave of pleasure washed down my back. And then, I tasted his soft lips. My tongue slid over the silky skin, sneaking its way into his mouth. I could not tell if it was me urging him to respond, or if he did it on his own volition. Anyway, he began to return the kiss.
I clung to him, dying to get what I had been dreaming about for weeks. I lost myself in this ancient dance until the world around me faded into oblivion. All I felt was this familiar taste of the old Clark. We had kissed no more than a couple of times. Twice, if I remember correctly. In this very moment I had my Clark back, the one I had so deeply fallen in love with. The distance between us faded like the memory of a bad dream. Clark’s kiss grew passionate and he drew me closer until I could tell that this kiss affected him just as much as me. His breathing became erratic as his tongue explored my mouth, caressing me tenderly.
Then, I heard the faint mumbling of distant voices. Clark's kiss became more reserved, his tongue stilled until it finally slipped back behind his lips. He did not pull back, but the kiss was forgotten. Only his lips were lingering on mine, reminding me of what had just happened. The distant voices became clearer as the talking men approached. Had he kissed me because of them? But how could he have known they would come?
"What do you think of the Whites?" a deep male voice asked, his words instantly attracting my attention. It was the name Clark and I were using as a couple. Not very imaginative, but ...
"I don’t know," the bellboy shrugged. "Could be anything. They’re certainly the weirdest couple I've ever seen” he added carefully. “At first he seemed as cold as ice, and then, all of the sudden the sparks flew. I think he still loves her."
"And how about the money?" the first inquired.
"Dunno. He was pretty generous, is all I can say," the bellboy replied.
"Let’s go," Clark whispered and hastily withdrew.
He took my hand and pulled me with him, rushing down the hall so fast that I had trouble keeping up. Clark’s kiss had me still confused, and try as I might, I had no idea, what the guys had been talking about. Sadly, the truth was that as long as I had no idea what would become of Clark and me, there was little hope I could concentrate on being the investigative reporter I used to be.
"What had that been about?" I asked Clark quietly, not sure if I was talking about the conversation or the kiss. I was obviously quite upset.
"I have no idea," Clark said, his tone of voice indicated that he was referring to the conversation. However, he could barely look at me when we finally slowed down to a normal pace – walking down the hall, arm in arm, as demanded by the camouflage. My stomach was tied in knots while a huge lump built up in my throat. I knew that I could not go on like this.
‘I should have stuck to the third rule of never getting involved with a colleague,’ I thought miserably. But unfortunately, the rule had only been about sleeping with colleagues. It should have included falling in love with them. With one in particular.
The hallway was empty, which filled me with a mixture of relief and sadness. Actually I had no intention whatsoever of receiving more of Clark’s mixed signals. On the other hand, I longed for an opportunity to once again feel his lips on mine. I was a nutcase, no doubt about that.
"We seem to have sparked their interest. Whatever that means." I did my best to pretend that I was still lucid. "To find out what's going on here, we should preserve this interest," I said firmly, almost sounding as if there was something left of Mad Dog Lane.
Clark stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me aghast. "How ... what ..." he muttered and turned pale, his eyes widened. "Lois,... that's... you can... we can’t... "
His breathing became labored and he seemed to be suffering a panic attack. The cold Clark was suddenly gone, as if he had removed a mask he had been wearing so long that no one any longer knew his true face. I could see fear in his eyes, but I had no idea what he was afraid of. What was it that scared him so much? Did he believe that something terrible would happen if we got too close?
I was taken aback by a sudden realization. It had always been me shying away from any sort of relationship. And thinking of the men I had spent time with, that was not exactly surprising. But was it actually the thought of building up a relationship that made Clark so nervous? As far as I knew, men usually started backing off as soon as a relationship threatened to turn into something more serious than just sex. Clark, however, was spooked by even the slightest hint of a touch. Even so, he had kissed me.
In the meantime, Clark stepped back, withdrawing into himself even further than he already had. He held his arms tightly clutched to his body. He trembled slightly, even though he made every effort to hide it from me. I stared blankly at him, trying to understand what had gotten into him. And then, Clark lifted his head and visibly relaxed.
"Lois, why don’t you go downstairs," he muttered hoarsely. "I... I've forgotten something in the room ... I'll be right back." His eyes spoke volumes, begging me to go without any further questions. As if there was anything left to ask! I knew without a doubt that he would turn and run off. Just as he always did when we were going to discuss something personal. Though he rarely had seemed this happy about getting away from me as he did now.
And then I watched him running down the hall back to our room. I did not think that it was the place where he actually went. But I could not bring myself to following him in order to find out. Instead, I turned with a sigh and for once did as I was told. I went downstairs.
to be continued...
