PREVIOUSLY...
Something inside her knew that the battle going on in Clark at this moment was to decide whether to choose life or a slow and painful death. And as much as she wished she could make that decision for him, the choice was his alone.AND NOW...
“Where do we start?” he finally asked.
And with those simple words, Lois’ heart started beating again. “Well, I think we start by getting you a pair of sunglasses.”
“Huh?”
“Now that you’re blind... Well, the whole ‘using the glasses for a disguise’ thing has sort of gone out the window. Everyone would wonder why a blind man needed glasses.” She slipped over to sit on the couch next to him before reaching out to remove his glasses. “And yet without them, you look too much like Superman. So...”
“...sunglasses,” he finished for her.
“Sunglasses,” she confirmed.
* * * * * * * * *
The next day had its moments of excitement. As well as milking the cows, they’d been asked by Jonathan to go to the other side of the property to pick up the fire wood Jonathan had piled there from an old tree he’d had to cut down.
She never saw it coming. One moment she’d been completely in control of the truck. The next she was doing donuts, fighting the wheel to keep the truck on the road. She saw Clark open the door and realized he was about to put his foot out to stop the truck, but his foot struck the inside of the door, putting a dent in it as the truck went off the road and came to a jarring stop against a hard snow bank.
Silence enveloped the vehicle as Lois and Clark both collectively struggled to catch their breaths.
“You okay?” Clark asked anxiously.
“Everything except my pride. Must have hit some ice back there.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm her trembling hands. “Okay, well, at least there isn’t much of a ditch here. So...” She rested her hand on the key, taking a few more seconds, before turning.
Nothing happened.
“Did you put it in park?” Clark asked.
“Oh, right,” Lois said before trying again. The engine still stayed stubbornly silent. “Great! Just great!” She checked the fuel gage. There was plenty of fuel. She flicked the lights. She had lots of power. Without waiting to think about it, she reached down to pull the release for the hood when she hesitated.
Suddenly, she cocked her head to the side. After a moment, she pulled off her seatbelt and reached over Clark, practically laying across his lap as she began to search under the dashboard on the passenger’s side, feeling around at his feet.
“What are you doing?” Clark asked, sounding slightly breathless as she continued to squirm.
“Looking for the... Uhh... here it is.” She pulled up the edge of the carpet. “The fuel pressure inertia switch,” she said as she pushed the button she found under the carpet.
Once that was done, she squirmed back over to her side of the car, fastened the seatbelt and turned the key. The engine purred to life.
“How did you know how to do that?” Clark asked.
Lois shrugged. “Must have seen my mechanic do it or something. But it did make sense. There was plenty of gas. The battery was fine. So there had to be a problem with compression. And then I remembered... Well, I’m not exactly sure where I heard it, but I somehow knew that the fuel pressure inertia switch often gets tripped in the event of an accident. So...” She shrugged as she cautiously pulled the truck back onto the road.
Still, after that moment of excitement, they’d completed their chore. On the way back, she’d pulled the truck over to the side of the road at what Martha had told her was Schuster’s Field.
“Why have we stopped?”
Lois opened the door. “Your mom said this was Schuster’s Field. Where your space craft landed. Would you show it to me?”
“But, Lois...” His voice trailed off and she realized what he’d been about to say. That he was blind. Somehow, he must have known that she wouldn’t accept that excuse so after a moment, he nodded, opening the door to the truck.
She was pretty sure he even surprised himself with how the smells and sounds of the place allowed him to point things and places out with relative ease as they walked together through the field.
As they walked, Lois began probing him to tell her his story. At first, his answers had been short and terse. But it hadn’t taken long for him to relax and begin opening up to her. What he had felt when he had first learned how he’d come to be Martha and Jonathan’s son. Never knowing where he’d come from or why his birth parents had given him away. The fear shared by both Clark and his parents that someone would find out and take him away to dissect him like a frog. How he’d struggled as his powers had developed, always wondering how far they would go and how different he might become from his peers. As the story had unfolded, Lois had began to understand Clark better.
Yes, he’d lied to her. Hid from her who he really was. But it wasn’t just her. He’d lied to everyone for as long as he’d known he was different. It was as much a part of him as her need to be in the thick of the battle was a part of her. He’d adopted this persona which was Clark Kent - mild mannered, slightly awkward and utterly adorable Clark Kent - allowing no one other than his parents to see the real man hidden inside, the one who was so much deeper and more complex than she’d ever known, but at the core was still her Clark. She felt a small thrill travel through her as he began to really open up and she realized that she was the first person he had ever done that with. She was suddenly looking forward to getting to know the real man. The one who definitely wasn’t Superman - but also wasn’t just Clark Kent.
When they finally returned to the farm, Martha had a delicious breakfast of ham and cheese omelets with pan fries waiting for them.
Lois had been relieved to discover that there was no serious damage to the truck. A few more scratches perhaps, but given the condition the truck was in, they could hardly be noticed. Jonathan had still given the truck a thorough examination and had announced it fully operational.
* * * * * * * * *
The following days settled into something of a pattern. The mornings saw Lois getting up before the sun rose to cajole Clark into doing chores. They always milked the cows, of course. In fact, surprising even herself, Lois was getting pretty good at it. But other than the milking, days differed in what needed to be done. Some tasks more fun than others.
Some days were better than others in terms of Clark’s attitude as well. At times, she felt as if she had the old Clark back - the one she was coming to think of as her Clark. Positive. Glass half full. Some good could be found in everyone and some new thrill was just waiting to be discovered. The little things. That was one of the things Lois loved most about Clark - his ability to find the pleasure in the little things, things she had never noticed before Clark. The way a snowflake tasted when caught on the tongue. The soothing sound of a crackling fire. The soft fur of a baby chick when held in the hand.
Other days were harder as he fought off depression. Days when he seemed to slip into darkness and defeatism. The ones where Lois had to be the one to be positive - not a task she did well at the best of times. Often these days ended with her losing her patience and tearing a strip off him.
After morning chores, they would work on various ways to help him cope with his loss of sight. Heat vision. Cooling breath. Strength. Even learning how not to break things when he bumped into them.
Ballet had surprisingly turned out to be the answer to the last problem. One morning when he managed to completely demolish a chair when he accidentally bumped into it, Lois had suddenly had a flash of inspiration. The most graceful people on the planet were ballet dancers so what if he learned ballet?
Clark had, at first, been outraged. In spite of the tights, he had insisted that he was in no way a ballet dancer. Not yet, Lois had quickly informed him. Fortunately for him, she had taken ballet as a little girl and still remembered many of the exercises. And it had worked. As he’d learned to become more graceful, he’d found that he could be less clumsy, breaking fewer things in the process. Of course, Lois may have mixed in a few techniques from her martial arts classes with the ballet. Not that she’d told him that, of course, having too much fun calling him ‘twinkle toes.’
The hardest problems they’d faced were him learning to use sound instead of sight to control his heat vision and cooling breath. Still, hours of practice were beginning to pay off. The soft whisper of water in a glass, a sound too soft for Lois even to hear, could be used by Clark to figure out where to direct a blast of freezing breath to cool water or heat vision to bring it to a boil.
One day, he’d explained to her how he had been able to change so quickly into Superman - almost making it seem as if Clark and Superman were present at the same time. Of course, that had resulted in her demanding a demonstration. Spinning into the suit and out of it had been fascinating to watch - although he had ended up in some interesting combinations of clothing as Clark as a result. Lois’ favorite had been the one time when he’d forgotten to put on his trousers.
It helped that Clark had an eidetic memory. He could keep in his mind exactly how many steps to take across the barn, to the house, to the cabin. He could remember every time something was moved and exactly where it had been left. That allowed him to find his sunglasses at a moment’s notice or avoid a moved chair or not trip over his work boots. Such a trait might have driven Lois nuts in normal times, but now... Seeing Clark master the skill and self-esteem that came with using it had brought tears of pride to her own eyes on more than one occasion. He had never bothered to use his remarkable memory in this fashion before - when he’d had his sight. So learning to use it now was taking time.
What fascinated Lois most was when she would move something. If he wasn’t there at the time, he wouldn’t know. But when he was... He seemed to be able to tell from the noise she made while moving something what she had moved and where she had moved it - and then add that to his mental picture of the room. They could leave a room and come back hours later and he would still remember where every item in the room was located.
Oh, he still had to consciously work at it, of course. But Lois suspected with time he would be able to master the skill subconsciously. He still made mistakes. Apparently moving a pen was difficult to distinguish from moving a knife, but clearly different from moving a t-shirt. But every day he seemed to get a little better, a little more accurate.
He had perfected his use of Martha’s invention for shaving. Martha had needed to make a number of revisions to the design since the original ‘shaving kit’ as they’d taken to calling it. But now it seemed to be working fine and Clark seemed to have figured out the exact strength of heat vision he needed to use to end up with a clean shave.
He still insisted on spending part of everyday lying in the sun. She supposed she understood. He wanted his sight back. But staring blindly at the sun hardly seemed to be helping. Still, she could hardly object. After all, surely he understood how his body worked better than she did.
Most evenings ended with the two of them back at his cabin, chatting pleasantly in front of a crackling fire. It was... nice.
The memory of their evenings together brought a smile to Lois’ face. She and Clark had always been very physical with each other. But this was new. She’d given up sitting in the big chair because when she was sitting next to him on the couch he often would reach out to touch her face, seeing her by touch.
She had to admit, she was loving it.
Their physical relationship wasn’t the only way they’d gotten closer in the past couple of weeks. To Lois, it felt as if they were connecting more emotionally, too. At least, she certainly felt closer to Clark then she ever had, closer than she had ever believed she could get to another person, in fact.
They had even managed to talk more about his reasons for not telling her about Superman when he’d had to leave Metropolis to avoid people finding out he was blind. As they’d talked, she’d started to understand some of his convoluted thinking. In fact, all she’d had to do was realize that in many ways Clark was a typical male. He had stupidly thought that he wasn’t a man she could look up to or admire if he was handicapped. And with that understanding, the final hurt she’d felt as a result of his lies and his comments when he’d left had finally been healed. What he didn’t understand was that watching him overcome the issues he faced was making her admire him more not less.
Last night had been their most intimate night yet. Contact between them had been almost constant and when he’d seen her back to the house, she’d thought he was going to kiss her.
That was why Clark’s surliness today was so much harder to understand or tolerate. But that would surely change because today, for the first time, they were going flying. Lois could hardly believe how excited she was. And if she was this excited, what must it be like for Clark to think about flying for the first time since he had lost his sight?
* * * * * * * * *
Thump.
Lois tightened her grip around Clark’s neck at the unexpected jolt of their landing.
“Guess I misjudged that, huh,” Clark said, his tone flat.
“Oh, come on. It wasn’t that bad. There are no huge craters in the ground.” She glanced down at the small indentation in the land. “Or at least Betsy isn’t going to do more than sprain her ankle if she steps into it.”
Clark quickly set her down on the ground. “This is pointless.”
“It’s not pointless, Clark. It just takes practice.” She put her arms around her neck, jumping into his arms, expecting him to catch her. When his arms remained stubbornly at his side, she grasped his neck tighter to ensure that her feet landed solidly back on the ground.
Okay, obviously this wasn’t working. She released him and rubbed her gloved hands together to cut through the cold air of the Kansas winter. “Come on, Clark. I know this is possible. Think of Betsy.”
“Betsy?”
Lois nodded before again remembering that he couldn’t see her. “I’ve been thinking about the way you were able to get to me when I was scared of Betsy. I think you’re subconsciously using your hearing and the length of time sound takes to get from one thing to another to judge distances.”
“You mean using the speed of sound.”
“Right. The speed at which sound travels is directly influenced by both the medium through which it travels and the factors affecting the medium, such as altitude, humidity and temperature. In dry air at sea level V ≈̃ 331.4 + 0.6Tc where V equals velocity (m/s) and Tc equals temperature in Celsius.”
“Lois...” Clark said cautiously.
“Sorry. Faraday leak,” Lois said, hardly bothering to pause in her explanation. “Anyway, I think you do the calculations in your head. I think that’s how you got to Betsy so quickly when I was in trouble. I think that’s how you manage to hit a target with your heat vision and freezing breath. You can hear the way the wind echoes back when it bounces off objects - letting you know how far it is to the object - and if you can do that with smaller objects, you can certainly hear echoes letting you know how far away the ground is. Isn’t there an animal that’s blind - that navigates using its hearing?”
“You mean a bat?”
“That’s it! They’re blind; yet they can fly around and avoid hitting things. If they can do it, surely you can.”
“Okay, let’s assume you’re right,” he said stubbornly. “So what?”
“Excuse me?”
“So what? I can go up in the air, and I can go back down. Great!” His tone was both belligerent and sarcastic now. “What then? It’s not as if I can fly anywhere if I can’t see. How do I navigate?”
“Well, that’s why I’m here. Until we figure out all the... little details...”
“Little details... some little details.”
Lois ignored him and continued. “Until we figure out all the little details, I’ll tell you where to go.”
“Oh, and so you’re a navigational expert now, are you? You got your navigational charts with you? Because things look very different up there...” He pointed to the sky. “...than they do down here.”
Lois rolled her eyes. “Then we won’t go far. I’m sure I can find my way around the farm.”
“And what good does that do?”
Lois stepped up closer, placing the palm of her hand against his chest. She heard him take a quick, indrawn breath. “Come on, Clark. You know how much I love flying. Let’s just try it again.”
He stepped back. Lois let her hand fall from his chest. He really was in a mood today. He wasn’t even responding to her flirting. Maybe they could use a break. After all, it was freezing out here - especially when he didn’t have his arms around her. She shivered.
“You’re shivering,” Clark said immediately, stepping forward and placing his hands on her arms, rubbing up and down her arms to create some friction to warm her.
It felt good and she closed her eyes, sighing slightly as she relaxed into his touch. Suddenly, she stood up straight. “How did you know I was shivering?”
“I could hear the change in your breathing and I deduced from that that you were shivering.”
“See! That’s what I’m talking about. Using your other senses to figure out what’s going on around you and responding to it. Let’s try it again. Just one more time.”
When he let out a breath that Lois interpreted to be acceptance, she jumped up into his arms again. This time he caught her. “Okay, so I know you know how this works. Up.”
Although she couldn’t see them well behind his dark shades, Lois was fairly certain that he had rolled his eyes. She was slightly surprised he’d chosen to wear his sunglasses today. He didn’t usually since only she and his family knew he was there and he wanted to give his eyes as much exposure to the sun as possible. As for why he had worn them today... She almost felt as if he was using them to hide from her - although she wasn’t sure why. What was going on in that head of his? Still, now wasn’t the time to worry about it because he was currently floating up into the air.
“Now stop,” Lois said. “Can you tell how high up you are?”
“Exactly how am I supposed to do that?”
“Well, try using those cute little ears of yours for something other than holding up your glasses. Does my voice echo back to you from the ground or something?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, so how long does the sound take to get back to you?” She waited in silence then. He was the science geek. Surely if there was some way to work out, he’d be able to do it.
“Well, say something so that I can try to calculate it,” Clark said when she remained silent.
“Like what?”
“That will do,” Clark said something in his voice changing as he seemed to catch on. “We’re about a hundred yards in the air?”
She looked down. Now that she had his estimate, how the hell was she supposed to know if he was right? It wasn’t as if she’d brought a tape measure with her.
“Well? Am I right?” Clark asked.
“How am I supposed to know?” Lois exclaimed. “You’re up a long way. That’s all I know.”
She felt the faintest chuckle rumble through Clark’s chest and began to feel a bit more hopeful. It was the first indication that Clark’s mood might be improving. Maybe the defeatist had retreated for the time being - or at least was being held at bay.
“It’s about a hundred yards between the house and the barn,” Clark informed her. “Is that about how far we are above the ground?”
Lois calculated the distance. It was hard. Looking at the distance up and down was hard to compare with distances across. Still... “I’d say that’s pretty close.”
The first real smile suddenly lit up Clark’s face.
“Okay,” Lois said, determined to seize onto this new attitude for as long as it lasted. “Take us down again. But this time I’ll keep talking so that you can continue to make the necessary calculations to determine how fast you’re descending and how close you are to the ground. Of course, it might be a bit difficult for you to do with me talking the whole time, giving you instructions and everything, but...”
This time they landed as gently as a feather on the grass.
“You did it, Clark!” Lois exclaimed, her arms tightening around his neck in a celebratory hug.
“Yes, I did,” Clark said, sounding almost as pleased as Lois was. “So now I can take off and land, just as long as I have some loud, babbling woman in my arms.”
“In view of the celebration of the moment, I’m going to let that comment pass,” Lois teased, lowering herself from his arms and sliding down his body to stand on the grass. For a moment, their bodies were connected down their entire length. Lois looked up into his eyes and she felt the atmosphere around them change as if it had suddenly come to life. She felt herself begin to stretch up towards his lips when...
As instantly as it had happened, Lois felt Clark take a startled step back, leaving her momentarily fighting for her balance.
“Right. Well,” Clark said, obviously trying to pretend nothing had just happened. “What’s next?”
“Umm... Well...” Lois said, trying to figure out why he’d suddenly withdrawn from her. He’d been with her a moment ago. She’d swear she’d seen him dip his head towards her as if seeking out her lips. So what had just happened?
“Come in and get some lunch, you two,” Martha called from the back door, immediately breaking the awkward silence between them.
“Oh, good,” Clark said immediately, his voice just a little too chipper to be sincere. “I’m starved. So... if you’ll just let me have your arm...”
She did as asked, guiding him towards the house even as her mind churned.
* * * * * * * * *
Lois picked up a plate and began drying it. She sighed. After lunch, she and Clark had gone back out and done more flying, even going so far as to take little flights around the farm, but something had changed. Clark held her a little more stiffly. His speech was a little more formal. And then, for the first time, he had excused himself and gone back to his cabin without her the moment supper was finished.
“Are you okay?” Martha asked as she washed a coffee cup, quickly rinsing it and putting it in the drainer.
“Fine,” Lois replied absently as she picked up the mug. Suddenly she set the mug down with a thud. “No. I’m not fine. I just... I think maybe it’s time for me to go back to Metropolis.”
“Did you two have a fight?”
Lois shook her head. “I just think... He seems to be adjusting well and... I guess I’m sort of wondering if it’s time to get on with my life. He can work things out for himself from here.” She tried to smile at Martha but the act was painful and she was certain by the look on Martha’s face that the older woman wasn’t fooled. “Anyway,” Lois continued, picking up another plate from the tray, “there’s nothing more for me to do here. And I need to get back to work.” Vigorously drying the plate, she set it on the counter and reached for another one. Martha’s hand on her arm stopped her.
“Lois, what happened?”
“Nothing... or not really.” She managed to shrug off Martha’s hand and reach for the plate. “What would make you think something happened anyway? I’ve been here almost two weeks. Really. It’s just time for me to be going home. Clark can take care of himself. He doesn’t need me holding his hand. Or... at least he doesn’t seem to want me holding his hand.” All the fight suddenly went out of her. “I think it’s time for me to go home, Martha. I was hoping to ask him to come back with me. But under the circumstances... I’m going to leave in the morning. But would you tell him that I think Perry would consider rehiring him if he wanted to come back to the Planet?”
“Lois...” Martha said softly. “What’s wrong?”
Lois’ hands stilled. The dishes were done. She almost wished there were more - just to give her something else to focus on. Still, she didn’t turn, unable to look at Martha as she continued. “You’re wrong about his feelings for me, Martha,” she finally said. “I’m his friend... his best friend. But he doesn’t think of me as anything more than that.”
“What makes you think that?” Martha asked, her voice incredulous.
Lois shrugged. “Let’s just say that he’s made it pretty clear by his actions that he doesn’t see us as anything more than friends.” Lois finally turned to face Martha. “I just think it’s time for me to go home.”
Martha took the towel Lois was still clinging to and pulled it gently out of her hands before leading her to the table. Once she had cajoled Lois into a seat, she took one herself.
“Give me an example,” Martha asked.
“Martha, look...”
“Come on. Just one example.”
Lois took a moment before finally nodding. “Okay, well, today after Clark’s first successful landing... For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. Then he suddenly seemed to realize what he was doing and... I guess he just got caught up in the excitement of learning to land. But he suddenly...” Lois seemed to flounder for a moment, looking for words.
“Pulled away?”
Lois nodded. “Then for the rest of the day, he was... distant. And... well, you saw how he took off out of here as fast as he could after dinner this evening. I think I’ve been... sort of letting down my walls and he’s realized that I’m in love with him. He’s pulling away because he doesn’t feel the same and he’s afraid of hurting me.” She gave a humorless laugh. “You know what the crazy thing is? I’ve seen him do the same thing before... with other women. Cat. Mayson. He runs rather than telling them he’s not interested. And now he’s doing the same thing to me. It’s probably more difficult this time since we’re best friends. But still...”
She gave her head a shake. “Anyway, that’s why I think it’s time for me to go home. To put these feelings back in the bottle. So that, hopefully, someday we’ll be able to be friends again.” She swiped hastily at a tear that had the audacity to escape.
Martha rose from the table and after a quick walk to the counter, handed Lois a tissue. Then she reached for the coffee pot, pouring two cups of coffee while she waited for Lois to regain her composure.
“Did Clark ever tell you about Jonathan’s back surgery?” Martha finally asked.
Lois didn’t understand the non-sequitur, but she responded to the question by shaking her head.
“Clark was just little at the time. Jonathan had an accident on the tractor and had to have back surgery. It was early spring - about the time we should have been planting crops. Well, we were afraid we were going to lose the farm. Fortunately, I was able to get a job in town and we were able to hire a man to help us get the crops in and again at harvest since Jonathan was still unable to... well, do much of anything for quite a while.”
She stopped to take a sip of her coffee with Lois still wondering where Martha was going with this.
“So you were able to keep the farm... obviously,” Lois finally said just to get Martha talking again.
Martha nodded. “But for a time, I thought I’d lost Jonathan.”
“I... don’t understand. Did he almost die or something?”
“No. No. Nothing like that. I was working twelve hour days, seven days a week. And then I’d come home and still have to do work around the farm and take care of Jonathan. So I didn’t notice at first. But soon it became obvious that Jonathan was... well... withdrawing from me, I guess.”
Suddenly, Lois was interested, leaning forward in her chair.
“I thought he’d quit loving me,” Martha said.
“Had he?”
Martha shook her head. “It took me a long time, but I finally figured out what the problem was. He felt like he was failing me. He had always been so strong. He was raised to think of the man as the provider...”
“Your protector,” Lois added, her mind flashing back to her conversation with Clark where he had lamented not being able to protect her.
Martha nodded. “I was doing so well by myself; he wondered what I needed him for.”
“But that’s so stupid. Obviously some job isn’t going to replace Jonathan in your life.”
“I know that. And you know that. But Jonathan is a proud man. He felt worthless. And having to sit back and watch me save the day, he no longer understood how I could want him. I think he even thought I’d be better off without him.”
“So what did you do?” Lois asked.
A sly grin quirked at the corners of Martha’s mouth. “I made him feel like a man again.”
“And how did you...” Lois’ voice trailed off as the grin on Martha’s lips and color in Martha’s cheeks increased. “Oh!” Lois said. “You mean you... Wait! You’re not suggesting that I...” Neither thought was ever finished and Martha didn’t respond as Lois floundered for words.
Finally, Martha swallowed the last of her coffee before setting her empty mug on the table and rising to her feet. “I’ve always thought Clark was a lot like his father,” Martha concluded as she began puttering around the kitchen, doing her final touches on tidying up. When she finished she turned, walking towards the door.
“Martha,” Lois finally said, causing Martha to look back. “Are you sure he loves me?”
Martha smiled. “Do you think I would have told you that story if I wasn’t?” With those final words, Martha left the room.
Lois sat at the kitchen table for a long time after Martha left. She sat there as Martha and Jonathan talked quietly in the living room before finally going to bed. She sat there in the kitchen with the rest of the house dark, staring absently at her empty coffee mug as her mind moved at a million miles an hour.
She’d never been exactly courageous when it came to matters of the heart. And what if Martha was wrong about Clark’s feelings for her? The safe thing to do was to go back to Metropolis tomorrow. But if she did that, she would probably lose any chance of getting Clark back into her life. Still, was this a risk she was willing to take? In her job, she often leapt off the diving board, head first, without checking the water level in the pool. But could she do that for love?
Finally, her heart pounding harder, she came to a decision. Leaving the kitchen, she began to ascend the stairs of the old farmhouse, heading to her bedroom.
* * * * * * * * *
TO BE CONTINUED...
ML
