“My. Husband. Is. Missing. And. Probably. Dead!” Lois growled. “You and the Daily Planet can just wait until I process that.”
Lois slammed the phone back in its base and slunk down to the floor in a pool of tears.
Oh boy.
The headline above both photos read: The Two Lives of Lois Lane.
Lois Dumped Superman for Him?
Yes. Well... Superman may know a few tricks, but in the end, all those alien abduction stories turned out to be true when it came to the way they interact with humans. So, Lois had to look for a more compatible mate.
He looked at her picture and at once he felt like flying to the heavens while also hurtling himself off the nearest building. Like that would do any good, he scoffed. Sometimes it sucked being unbreakable.
/imagines Lois needing to identify Superman's body and reading his suicide note: "She left me for Clark. Hope they'll be happy now."
A tall, thin man with salt and pepper hair, wearing an ill-fitting blue business suit, approached the newsstand. “Hi, Mike.”
Nah, it can't be.
“Hi, Bill,” replied the man who worked the booth.
It is.
Then he nodded towards Superman, who had opened another magazine. And Bill lowered his voice – as if that would stop Superman from overhearing them. “He giving you any trouble?”
Now there's a thought. And it looks like Charlie got himself a change of clothes. Question is where from, given the state of his monetary situation. Or did he pay in kind for the clothes of some lonely housewife?
“Hi, Superman,” Bill said casually, suddenly by his side.
He recognized him!
Great. Another one. Why wouldn’t they just leave him alone? Superman acknowledged him with a nod and returned to the magazine in his hand, ignoring the man.
Another one? /gets sneaky suspicion... But why aren't the others more... excited. Phoning it in or something?
“She didn’t dump you, Superman,” Bill said quietly.
“I’m sorry, Lois Lane is comatose right now, please leave a message and I’ll try to pound it through her thick skull until she hears it. Beep.”