|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
|
OP
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Comments here, please! Sorry for the WHAM and loose structure. The reason I couldn't use this in my real story line was because I didn't want Jonathan's death to be the reason why Lois and Clark get back together, and because I thought it would take the story in a different direction than I wanted it to go...  SJT
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Lois tried to hold herself together as she had barreled down the road. What's going on? When she saw him standing there, so stern faced, speaking with some supposedly important people, she couldn’t keep some tears from escaping. Clark? “What is it?” Concern filled his features and for a brief moment Lois felt hope spring within her. Hope that he might hear her out, that things might be like they used to be again.  “I’m sorry, Ms. Lane. I have to go on in a moment,” he gestured, stepping away from her. Not Mrs. Kent? Sheesh, things really *are* bad between them, huh? Two men appeared practically out of nowhere, ushering Lois to return to the crowds. “No! Wait! Superman! It’s an emergency...” What *is* going on? Lois wiped her face and cupped her hand over her mouth, trying to contain her sobs. “This isn’t about us, right now,” she continued whispering. Uh oh. I have a very bad feeling about this... She sniffed before plowing forward. “It’s about Clark’s... your father.”  “He... he had a heart attack this morning,” Lois watched, heart breaking, as Superman gripped the sides of the podium, knuckles going white. He...died? <reads title again> He died. “He didn’t... didn’t make it.”  Clark closed his eyes and ran a shaky hand down his face. He didn’t move for several long moments. Finally, he looked up and opened his deep brown eyes- his gaze meeting Lois’ own. He was pleading with her, begging her to be lying, asking with his eyes if it was really true. Lois couldn’t hold back any more tears and they gushed forth freely. And with that, he knew. The presence of tears stung at his eyes, and he pinched them shut fiercely. He wished he could hear his father’s reassuring heartbeat once more- even though from this distance, it wouldn’t really be possible- and the lack of it’s sound was only twisting his gut more. This just broke my heart. That was one of the saddest things ever! Well done, my friend! Excuse me while I go dry my eyes... 
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
What a way to compound the heartache! L&C not talking and Jonathan! Well written. Yes. I want to read more! I can understand why you wouldn't why THIS to be the reason they get back together, but it would work as a way to get them to start talking again. I'm glad Lois had it in her to tell him despite him blowing her off. Teaches him for refusing to talk to her. I also thought the Mr. Kent was Clark and that Lois was going to announce or worse that Superman was going to announce the death of Clark Kent. Very well done. 
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1 |
What a powerful, haunting scene. It's one of those short pieces that you can read in a couple of minutes but that will stick with you far longer.
Well done!
Joy,
Lynn
p.s., My thoughts were the same as Virginia's. I thought you were going to have the way Lois told Clark of his father's death be the wedge that drove them apart finally and Clark/Superman announce that Clark Kent was dead as a means of unofficially divorcing Lois. Or, alternately (and more in character) being so in shock that he said something that the press would misinterpret as Clark being dead. I thought, for example, that Clark would have kept his identities separate enough to refer to his father as "Mr. Kent," instead of "Dad" and had him utter the title of the piece while in shock. Or maybe simply say, "He's dead?!" and have at least some in the press make the (incorrect) connection that that was a continuation of his conversation with Lois, so the antecedent of "he" would be her husband.
I'm glad you didn't take the story in that direction.
And since your indicated that this was part 1/1(?), I assume you are open to requests for a part 2. Consider this such a request. :-)
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 404
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 404 |
I'd definintely like another part to this with a little more back-story to it.
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
I'm also in the "more please!" camp!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
|
|
OP
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Wow! Thanks for all the comments! Deadly Chakram: Not Mrs. Kent? Sheesh, things really *are* bad between them, huh? Yeah. Glad you caught that.  He said it mostly to prove a point, not that they're getting divorced or anything, but they are still going through some stuff... though I agree it was mean to say. That's why I had him say it. Can't quite tell you. Let's just say that Superman has been getting increasingly involved in politics, and speaking at a press conference. There are some concerned parties present. Virginia: I can understand why you wouldn't why THIS to be the reason they get back together, but it would work as a way to get them to start talking again. True. And like I said, I've gone down that path in my mind, and it worked. But. Uhm...  I didn't say I'd keep it simple if I did continue. And since your indicated that this was part 1/1(?), I assume you are open to requests for a part 2. Consider this such a request. :-) I'd definintely like another part to this with a little more back-story to it. I'm also in the "more please!" camp! Thanks! I'll probably add more when I get the chance. But I can't promise I'll keep it nice and clean cut... 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 635
Columnist
|
|
Columnist
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 635 |
Have you already posted the story you were going to include this in or is a WIP? Cause I'm like  & I wanna know what happened before and after, like... now. lol
.talk nerdy to me.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702
Merriwether
|
|
Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,702 |
Oh my. So very sad. Very well written.
Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
|
|
OP
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
MrsLuthor: No, it's still a WIP. It's actually a fairly new concept, I've just been mulling over it a couple of weeks. Working out the kinks. Don't know when the official version will be done, but hopefully soon. Jackie: Thank you. 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
Aargh! Talk about your old-fashioned cliff hangers! Mr. Kent is dead indeed. This is an excellent story which begs for an ending. Jonathan is the one who holds Martha together with his quiet strength, Martha holds everyone else together. The question is...what happens now? 
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
|
|
OP
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Originally posted by Morgana: Aargh! Talk about your old-fashioned cliff hangers! Mr. Kent is dead indeed. This is an excellent story which begs for an ending.
Jonathan is the one who holds Martha together with his quiet strength, Martha holds everyone else together. The question is...what happens now? Won't say just yet. I'll hopefully be able to post another update within the week, but again, I'm not sure how far I'll take this, considering I'm not done with the original.
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
No worries! Good work takes time!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
|
|
|
|
