I Saw Superman Kissing Cat Grant
By Lois_Lane_Fan
Rated: G
The tale of the day Cat Grant got a kiss from Superman, told through the perspectives of Lois, Cat, and Clark.
Disclaimer: Lois and Clark and related characters belong to DC Comics and Warner Brothers Studio.
Chapter 1: Lois’ Perspective
The morning started like any other morning for Lois. She walked to work with Clark and chatted with him until he had to leave for some inexplicable reason. Did he have to return a video rental? Had he forgotten to lock his door before he left his apartment? Did he have some strange urge to make a phone call to Smallville? Lois couldn’t really remember which excuse he had used this time. It didn’t really matter. The end result was the same. Clark would be gone for an unknown length of time and then he’d reappear later on in the day.
Once she got to work that morning, she grabbed a doughnut, poured herself some coffee, and grabbed this morning’s edition of the Daily Planet. She then sat at her desk relaxing as she read over her latest story – right on the front page, as usual.
Once she finished her doughnut, she checked her watch. Clark still wasn’t back yet, and it was starting to get late. She decided that she wasn’t going to wait around for him any longer. After all, she had more important things to do, like exposing a mobster and once again making the front page of the Daily Planet.
Lois grabbed a pen and scribbled out a quick note to Clark, telling him that she was going after a story and she’d see him later, if he ever bothered to show up. She then ripped the piece of paper from the notebook and sat it on Clark’s desk before leaving.
*****
Lois arrived in front of a big house a little later and hopped out of her cab. She walked up to the front door, held out her hand to knock on it, and then paused for a second. There weren’t a lot of things that made Lois nervous, but what she was about to face was one of them. She faced supervillains, bank robbers, and murderers on a regular basis, but truth be told, this was Lois’ real worst nightmare. Finally, Lois knocked at the door, and a second later, it burst open as two little girls jumped out at her.
One of them was a brunette who looked to be about ten-years-old. The other one had blonde hair and looked to be about eight-years-old. Both of them looked extremely hyper, chasing each other around the front yard and eventually running around Lois in circles as Lois just stood there looking uncomfortable.
“Dad, the babysitter’s here!” one of the girls said.
The man came to the door and looked surprised. He was a tall, well-dressed, Italian man with a clean-shaven face. While he was a little bit chubby, he was still a rather attractive man.
“Where’s Lucy?” the man finally asked.
“She’s sick, but I’m her sister, Lois.”
“Are you sure you can handle kids?” the man asked. “These two are a real handful. Your sister Lucy has been the only babysitter I’ve had that knew how to keep them under control.”
“I have plenty of experience with kids,” Lois replied. “I find that they’re usually angels.”
The man burst out laughing. “You haven’t met my kids.”
“Oh, how bad can they be?” Lois asked.
“If they ask to play cowboys and Indians, say no, or you’ll end up tied to a chair in the middle of the room until I get home. That’s what happened to the first babysitter. Also, for your own safety, don’t fall asleep. The babysitter that did that lost half her hair because they thought it would be funny to put bubble gum in her hair. Another thing, don’t eat anything they try to feed you. One babysitter wound up in the hospital because of that.”
Lois’ jaw dropped. When she’d found out who Lucy was babysitting for and had asked to take her place for a day, Lucy had tried to warn her not to do it, but she hadn’t explained just how bad these kids were. Lois was completely shocked.
“If you wanna back out now, I can call off work for a day,” the man suggested.
“Oh no. Don’t do that,” Lois replied, though she wondered if she was making the right decision.
She just couldn’t let this chance at getting the dirt on one of Metropolis’ most infamous mobsters slip through her fingers, though. She had to go through with it. That’s what good reporters do, after all. They tough out any situation to get the story.
“OK,” the man replied. “My name is Luigi Macchione.” He pointed at the blonde. “This is my daughter, Angelina.” He pointed at the brunette. “This is my daughter, Anna.”
Lois bent down close to the girls. “Nice to meet you.”
Anna slapped Lois across the face and Angelina kicked her in the knee, as if to let her know right away who was boss. Lois fell backwards onto the ground and let out a shriek, and the two girls looked at each other and began laughing hysterically.
“Hey!” Luigi yelled. “Is that any way to treat your babysitter! You wouldn’t do that to Lucy.”
“We like Lucy,” Angelina replied.
“And you don’t like Lois?” Luigi asked. “Why not? You’ve just met her.”
“We hate her,” they both said in unison.
“Lois is stupid,” said Angelina.
“Yeah, and she smells,” Anna added.
“This isn’t going to work out,” Luigi said, frowning.
“No!” Lois jumped up. “Give me another chance. I can make them like me!”
She felt her story slipping through her fingers and knew she had to act fast. She put her hands around the girls’ shoulders and walked them to the living room. On the way there, they kicked at her, stomped on her feet, punched her in the gut, and even bit her, but Lois let them do whatever they wanted, holding in the urge to react to the pain. Then, once in the living room, Lois bent down close to them and opened up her purse.
“If you tell your Daddy you like me now, I’ll let you have this.” She held out two fifty dollar bills.
The girls’ eyes grew wide. They were noticeably interested, but it occurred to them that if Lois was willing to give up one-hundred dollars, they could probably get more out of her.
“If you bake us cookies, too, it’s a deal,” Anna replied.
“Fine,” Lois relented. The girls didn’t have to know that her cookies would likely break their teeth if they bit into them.
Luigi came into the room and smiled. “It’s been pretty quiet. Have you girls decided to be nice for Lois?”
“Yes,” they said in unison as they began to hug Lois. “We love Lois.”
“Good,” Luigi replied. “I have to be going now.”
He exited the house and closed the door behind him. As soon as it was completely closed, the girls began pulling Lois’ hair and kicking her.
“Hey, what is this?!” Lois shouted as she stood up.
“We’re just playing,” Anna said so sweetly you’d almost believe it was true.
“That’s not how good girls play,” Lois reasoned with them. “That’s how bad girls play.”
“Where’s our money?” Angelina asked angrily.
Lois reached into her purse, pulled out the two fifty dollar bills, and handed one of them to each girl.
“Now, take these and go play outside while I bake your cookies for you.”
“We’re not supposed to play outside,” replied Anna.
“Well, I’m the babysitter, and I say it’s fine.”
The two girls cheered and ran outside. Lois gave a sigh of relief. This would give her a chance to snoop around. Suddenly, though, it struck her that she needed to do something about those cookies she’d promised, or the girls would be even worse. She walked over to the phone and dialed the Daily Planet. Jimmy answered the phone.
“Cat, is that you?” he asked.
“No, it’s not Cat. Why would she be calling you?” Lois asked.
“No reason,” Jimmy replied uncomfortably.
“It’s me, Lois. I need you to bake me some cookies and bring them to 1024 Reeves Street.”
“I don’t know how to bake cookies,” Jimmy replied.
“Well, you’d be better at it than me,” Lois answered. “Just hurry up and get me some cookies!”
“OK,” Jimmy replied, before hanging up.
Now that that was taken care of, Lois began to look around. She looked in the cushions of the couch. Nothing. She looked through all the cabinets. Nothing. She looked in the bookshelf. Nothing. She moved around some furniture. Still nothing.
She decided to check upstairs. She looked under the bed. She looked in the closet. Nothing in either of those places, either. Finally, she looked in the pocket of one of the coats hanging in the closet. There it was. Exactly what she was looking for.
It was a gun. If she was lucky, it would be a match to the bullets found in Michael Riddle, an associate of Luigi’s who was found murdered last week. Michael had been passing along information to the police. Lois suspected that Luigi had discovered Michael’s betrayal and punished him for it. That act might have been his undoing if this was in fact the gun he had used.
She held the gun in the air and examined it, but a sudden noise behind her made her turn around. It was Luigi, and he was pointing another gun directly at her.
“Drop it,” he ordered.
Lois slowly put the gun down to the ground.
“You know, you suck as a babysitter even more than you suck as a reporter,” Luigi said confidently.
“I was a good enough reporter to find your murder weapon,” Lois replied.
“Yeah, but I figured out who you were before you had a chance to do anything about it.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you figure it out?” Lois asked.
“You write about me a lot in your newspaper. The Daily Planet, right? Well, I like to read about myself. That means I follow your work quite frequently. I know the name Lois Lane very well,” he explained. “Now, I know for a fact that your sister’s name is Lucy Lane. After all, what good father doesn't find out every detail he can about who he leaves his children with every day? You, Lois, were stupid enough to tell me your real name when we met. Lois plus Lane equals Lois Lane. It's not exactly rocket science.”
“I guess using an alias would have been a better idea then, huh?” Lois asked.
“Yes, it would have been,” Luigi replied. “Turn around. I don’t want to see your face when I shoot you.”
Lois complied, but as she turned around, she yelled, “Superman, help!” in desperation. Almost immediately afterwards, she heard a loud thud behind her.
“Superman,” she said as she turned around, but she soon realized she was mistaken.
Luigi was laying on the ground unconscious. His body was surrounded by a bunch of cookies. Standing behind him was Jimmy, who was holding a cookie sheet in his hands.
“Jimmy!” Lois squealed in excitement as she hugged him.
“I guess I got here right in time,” Jimmy replied.
“And so did we,” a voice came from the hallway.
Lois and Jimmy stepped out into the hallway and saw two more men with guns.
“Oh no!” Lois shouted.
“When will you stupid reporters learn,” the man said. “Sticking your noses into our business never ends well for you.”
“And now we have to kill two of you,” the other man said.
At that moment, Superman came crashing through the ceiling. He stood protectively in front of Lois and Jimmy, smiling. Then, he crossed his arms as if to dare the two criminals to try something. The two of them took the dare, firing off several bullets at Superman, but as usual, the bullets just bounced off of his chest.
“Are you finished?” Superman asked the two stunned men.
Using his heat vision, he caused the guns to heat up, and the two men dropped them simultaneously. Now their only way of escaping was to run, and that’s just what they did. Unfortunately for them they weren’t fast enough for Superman. He used his super speed to beat them to the door and then picked both of them up by the shoulders.
“Lois! Jimmy!” he called. “I think it’s time you call the police.”
“Sure thing, Superman!” Jimmy replied happily as he picked up the phone.
*****
Lois whistled as she entered the Daily Planet, walking side-by-side with Jimmy. She was very pleased with how this story had turned out. It had everything - murder, mobsters, and even Superman. It was sure to make the front page, and even better, it was a good candidate for a Kerth Award.
“You’re sure happy,” Jimmy observed.
“Of course I am, Jimmy. I’m always happy to pull in a big story.”
“Do you think you’ll make the front page again?” he asked.
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Lois said with a smile.
“Wow, that’ll make five in a row,” Jimmy said excitedly.
“Five what in a row?” Lois asked.
“Five front page stories in a row. Cat Grant said you couldn’t do it, but I told her I knew you could,” he explained.
“That should be a lesson to you. Don’t ever underestimate me,” Lois said jokingly.
*****
In Perry’s office, Lois sat patiently as Perry read over her story. She could tell by the smile on his face that he was very happy with what he was reading. Not to say that he wasn’t usually happy with her work, but this time he seemed to be particularly happy.
“Great shades of Elvis, this has been a great day for news!” Perry shouted in excitement.
“A great day for news?” Lois asked. “As in somebody else pulled in a huge story?”
“You haven’t heard yet?” Perry asked.
“No,” Lois replied curiously. “Who else brought in a great scoop? Clark?”
“No,” Perry replied. “Of all the people to bring in a hot story, it was the last person I expected. Cat Grant!”
“What?” Lois asked in surprise. “My story’s better, though, isn’t it?”
Perry chuckled. “I’m afraid not this time, honey. Nine times out of ten, it would have been, but Cat brought in a real gem this time.”
“You have to be joking,” Lois replied in disgust.
Lois was feeling dizzy. She felt like she didn’t know which way was up. If it had been Clark or practically anyone else, she could have understood. She’d still have been surprised, but she would have understood. Cat was different, though. Cat getting a story that Perry liked more than he liked hers was truly unexpected. How Cat could get a story better than hers was a total mystery. This just didn’t make sense to her. After all, this was the Daily Planet, not some gossip rag. What possible story could Cat have been working on that was juicier than what she had brought in?
“I still made the front page, though, right?” Lois asked.
“Oh, I’m sure we can fit your story in there somewhere,” Perry replied. “Probably somewhere beneath Cat's story. They’re both very newsworthy stories, you understand, but Cat brought in a real whopper.”
“Uh huh,” Lois replied. “Just what did Cat write about?”
“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Perry asked.
“Sure.”
Lois got up from her seat. She still felt a little disoriented from the shock, but she managed to stumble to the door and exit Perry's office. Once she got outside, she leaned against the wall for a minute to catch her breath from the shock she still felt.
As Jimmy passed by her, she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him closer.
“Where’s Cat?”
“I think I saw her somewhere over there,” Jimmy said, as he pointed.
“Thanks,” she said, pushing him out of her way.
She slowly started to walk in the direction Jimmy had pointed out. She didn’t know how to feel about Cat’s success. Happy for her? Sad that her success had made her own story less impressive? Just plain shocked that Cat had delivered something above the usual gossip she wrote?
As Lois made her way to the center of the room, she ran into a huge crowd. They were staring at something, but Lois couldn't tell what that something was. She tried standing on her tiptoes to see over the crowd, but that didn’t help. Wondering what all the commotion was about, she finally pushed her way through the crowd and forced her way to the front.
“It’s so romantic,” she heard one coworker say.
“And to think, I always kind of thought he had a thing for Lois,” she heard another coworker say.
“No, Lois always had a thing for him,” another coworker corrected. “She was always just a nuisance to him.”
“What are you talking about?” Lois asked, now more curious than ever.
The coworker pointed, a big smile on her face like she was enjoying Lois' confusion in some sick, twisted way. She and the man she’d been talking to looked at each other in delight as Lois finally she saw it. Right in the center of the room, Superman was floating in the air. He held Cat Grant in his arms, and he was giving her a passionate kiss. Lois couldn’t believe her eyes.
Lois’ face went pale. She felt like she was going to faint. After the initial shock of the sight had worn off, she felt anger, anger that Cat was taking what she felt belonged to her. After all, it had been no secret that Lois had had a huge crush on Superman ever since he had arrived on earth. In addition to the feeling of anger, Lois also felt confused, not quite able to understand how Cat had managed to bag Superman after she’d tried so long to do so herself and had been so unsuccessful.
“Jealous?” the woman asked her.
“Of course not,” Lois replied, but the trembling of her voice gave away her true feelings.
Her coworker snickered, enjoying every moment of Lois’ distress.
“Superman!” Lois called out, causing him to notice her for the first time.
“Lois?” he said as he sat Cat back on the ground. He looked a little rattled that Lois had seen him, but not as rattled as Lois looked. “I can explain this, really!”
To be continued...
